Courthouse Folk, Lawyers, Postal Employees, University Students

Restaurant Servers all Join My Assessment Team...All Just As "Certain That They Know" As Any Well Trained "Graduate"

In 96, I told Rhea, in my "confidential" therapy, details of my life which were repeated back to me by bus drivers and Library staff. I told her at the time that "Homewood was trying to lock the barn door, long after the horses have run off." Have you been able to "decipher" the "hidden meaning" in that yet?

When the blond middle aged woman with glasses who works in the court offices building told her friend who works there also, "I've found out her name. It's Pat," and they both laughed together, which version of me was she sharing THAT time? Does she still express her disdain of my taking notes at Homewood to collect evidence? Doe it occur to her that I have already heard her comments about me ,(some of them quite judgemental for someone who doesn't actually know me,)many times?

Why were she and her friend seen sitting at lunch with the guy I call "Intrepid"?(like the car I saw him in) Seen at Caps' and Bagel Shmagel.

It was acted out for me in 99 that Rena S., Comcare, had asked someone, "How can he say he loves her and allow this to continue?" Did she say that? If so, which one of my alleged "boyfriends" was she referring to that time? What was "this" to her? The actual citywide psychological verbal assault on me? Or my "delusional" beliefs that there is one?

Does Rose B. RPN Homewood know now that I was the one who wrote the "Cow Pie" self help system as passed around by Dale and that I intended it as a sort of satire of HIS system?

Does she know that he told me that in the same note in which he would not clarify what he was doing in relation to me but, in which he also quoted the "punch line" from his training, upon which I was later to look back with hindsight to see just how he had "experienced me out of his circle"? (jargon)

Does Jacquie D. RPN retired, understand that getting her opinion on what I thought was going on, is part of the manipulations? It is designed to get her and everyone else he involves express their opinions of me which wii become see as fact, unaware that Dale is in the position of "director" of the whole play right from the start.

Do you understand what the abstract concept from his training, "It's about communication," means specifically to this "Recreation" (jargon) now?

Do you know that no one has communicated with me at all about this in a direct or genuine way about the understanding of my own experience? That instead, everyone was only interested in third party "interpretations?" Is this group behaviour what Homewood defines as "good communication skills"? Is that a joke? Do you think a child could see what is wrong here?

In March of 2006, I was standing at the computers in the Library when I heard a discussion in the back room, behind the newspaper section, between male voices in which my fill name was used. A couple of minutes later, two young men in their late teens or early twenties emerged along with my current landlord. Was HE the one sharing the latest gossip and his opinion of me with those other patrons?

Have you deciphered what defining Dale's training in the analysis by the Prof as 'regressive" means yet? I will ask you all again, would you like some help with this? Or are you going to stick to your position no matter what happens to me as a result?

Do you think Dale will need to star the intimidation process (jargon) again? Will that shut me up or do you think Perez will do that for him with his much better power?

How about "gaining access" (jargon) to me physically? Will you who are manipulated by him and his Homewood friends do It again? If I tell you again to stop giving this guy information about me, will you stop?

Did you know that getting you to spread your negative opinions of me is part of his game plan?

Did my landlord's "friend" Vasha(?) wait with him in apartment 2 above me, in the summer, when it was empty, and then, at his suggestion, covertly enter my apartment with him and look around without my knowledge or consent? Did she ask him, "But don't we need permission?" Did he answer "No" and then say, "we will just wait until she leaves and go in then?" If this occurred, as she walked past the little note on my door stating, "Do not enter this apartment without my knowledge or consent or let anyone else do it .....etc" did she have a sense of irony at all? Isn't she from a lawyer's office? Is that what you experts would call hypocrisy? Or is that a "character disorder" like the one I have heard some of Homewood staff tells people I suffer from?

Did the three Sears employees on break who identified me and that stared at me with such amusement, know they were visible to me? (gay guy, blond Caucasian woman, black woman from the make-up department) Don't tell me. Let me guess. Mary G.'s Auntie Myrna gave them the latest news from Homewood while getting her free make-up session there. She is a busy busy socializing nurse isn't she?

Ain't I just awful for being "too aware"? That is why I needed to have it "reduced" for me you see. so that the "normal" people don't have to know themselves too well or give up their "superiority" game. So resistant I am, so non compliant, and according to the psychiatrist who officially labelled me in ten cost effective minutes, "without prospect of recovery." My employer needed to be told that you see; just so they would know how dangerous I am and that they should not trust me.

Did Mike the postal worker manage to determine my sexual preference during his undercover mission in the square at lunch a couple of years ago? Or did my looking at my fingernails BOTH ways throw him of? What do you think Mike?

Do you remember me telling you on the answering machine you listened in on every day that "I always know"? (after you wondered, amongst yourselves, right in front of me, how I knew all that?)

Do you think she shows I am much more aware of what goes on around me then you ever guessed? Why did you not believe me? Did you want to be "always right and never wrong" (jargon) as Dale expects from you?

When the former tenants next door pointed me out to Upsdell's employee Ann, as I walked in the door there a couple of years ago, were they all aware I could hear them from four feet away when they "she'd" me?("there she is")Which version of "me" was I that time?

Does Dr. Brian F. at Homewood really believe the people Dale manipulated to participate in the assault on me are the best judges of the situation, when they, themselves, even now, do not know that they are PART of his "game" and not "observers" of it?

Does the dark curly haired senior partner at McE and M Law office KNOW that I know he was "observing" me, or does he, like Tom and patrick, still think he's "hiding" in plain sight?

Do Pat and Tom understand that I saw them and heard them identify me at Homewood in early 95 from six feet away? ("that's her." I feel like that is my new name. Way back then, I thought they were either "game players" or two friends of Dale's pretending to be cops: right generic profession; wrong branch. Ain't I psychic?)

Did you know that back in 95, Rena S. Comcare Guelph, was supposedly to have said to someone, "Not only does she know what he's doing, but who else is involved in it and what THEY are doing!" (I had been telling her, you see, everything that was being acted out for me by the public, bus drivers, and employees inside all over Homewood, which was soon, and permanently apparently, to be defined as my "paranoid delusions and hallucinated conversations." That way, all the contemptuous people and the abusive a**holes who crawled out from under their rocks, could sidestep "responsibility." That's what Dale's "game" is about you know. He knows it. I know It. He knows I know it. The rest of you have remained willfully ignorant about It. As "game boy" himself might put it, "It's about your righteousness." (jargon) That applies especially to those of you who have taken the trouble to inform me personally that I am going to burn in hell, or some version thereof. You must feel so proud. Are you?

When you ask Dale to explain his training to you, does he tell you he doesn't really remember It now--just as he is instructed to do inside the training itself? Does that seem somehow suspicious to you? Or is it just me an my ol' paranoia flaring up again? Do you see the "Pi" in that? Is Dale just a hypnotized stimulus response machine (jargon) or, is he fully aware of what he is directing (jargon) everyone to believe?

This ''Pi'' is very similar to psychiatry's ''Pi'' wouldn't you say? When the ''product'' you're selling is insanity,whoever is unhappy with the product can have his/her unhappiness with It declared to be another ''sign'' of insanity: psychiatric Pi. It also has a ''Zen-like cuteness'' to it, doesn't It? If thei confuses you, don't say so. That is also a ''symptom'' which ''proves'' how right the system is. After all, psychiatry can't be confused now can It?

I want definitive answers to these questions of Dale's intent. Direct, concrete answers with evidence either supporting or denying this ''game'' as his plan, to whatever degree is determined by investigation. My impressions, no matter how stong, are not evidence. The SAME truth appplies to the Psychiatric Faith. Life is not an abstraction. It is substantial and as Dale's ''hero'' says, It will knock you on your ass.''

Still Admiring The Emperor's New Clothes...

The "Normals" Remain In Complete Denial of Both Reality and Themselves

More questions based Upon the Public's A.c.ting Out

Did Jonathan M. son of Marlene M. on Liverpool St. listen in to me talking on the phone to a friend about new Homewood nurse Joe W. appearing to show an interest in me?

Did he then tell his mother who told Suzanne, or perhaps Dale himself, who then told Shashi or G. Daniel? Is it a coincidence that they decided inside a week or so that they were not going to keep Joe?

Were they afraid Joe W. might tell me what they were doing supposedly "covertly?"

Did "Vasha" (sp?) tell my landlord that he shouldn't trust me?

Did she suggest the smell of tile glue used to replace the bathroom tile was really something more sinister and suspicious?

Is the middle aged man whom I have seen at Old Quebec St., standing in behind the partition of my bank talking to someone and watching me, and talking to the university student who lives in the basement of the house next door, a cop?

When the kid saw me talking to him and then said to him, "There she is..'' while laughing with amusement...what version of me was being identified at the time?

Who is "the doctor" the bus passengers having been discussing for years who discusses me with others? Is there more than one of them being referred to in this?

Who is the elderly woman with very short hair at the back and red rimmed sunglasses who knows Scottish Rosemary and who has said, "that's her" at me as I got on the bus? What version of "That's her" was that?

Who was being discussed August 15, 2005 as being fired from Homewood ?

Who is it that is said to be "smitten"?

Who did the H.L.O. say had been fired?

Did the two older women who repeated back to me on the street what I told Homewood staff on my own answering machine in 95 KNOW that I heard them say,
"A game! Well I hope she's happy with all the trouble she has caused! " (I had told them on the tapes what Dale was doing and also what it was called. That also was repeated back to me.)

FYI: The "game," you harpies, and I know you know who you are, is DALE'S so called "game", not mine--as I had already told Homewood people and CMHC people across the street as well, not to mention a number of others ALL of whom "corrected" me for it, when they weren't "humouring" me.

When you discuss me on the bus, often calling me by name, even though you don't actually know me, does that ever seem illogical to you?

When Beth R. Points me out to people, what is she pointing me out AS and does she know that I can see her when she does that? Or not?

How about Paul and Sue B. RPN and RN at Homewood? When they stood below the H3 window and Paul was pointing me out to Sue who had just got back, looking up at me and smirking while I looked back at them, did they think I could see them then or is that one of the times when they thought they were "hiding" in plain sight?

When I was trying to tell Sue B. as one of the people I tried to get to listen, that Dale was doing his routine and I could not stop him, no matter what I said to him, as she stood there smirking, her eyes glowing with amusement, did she not know she was perfectly obvious to me? (This also was long before I broke down)

When now retired bus driver "Vi" allegedly told people that "those Homewood people ought to be ashamed of themselves keeping those two apart like that" WHICH "two" did she mean?

When former bus driver Donna allegedly said, "They aren't going to say anything because they don't want to open a can of worms," who did she mean by "they"?

When Scottish Rose told someone on the bus that "It was almost all nurses who did it", what was "It" to her? Who was in the picture that Rose was showing to people and telling them he was a cop? Does she have a son who is a cop? Is that where she gets her news, besides from a daughter at U.of G.?

Has Homewood Peggy who has called me stupid twice that I am aware of filled her mother in on what Dale did by turning "reality" around 180 degrees? Is her mother going to call me stupid again too from a few feet away where I cannot see her or hear her? Who is it that's stupid again?

Back in 94/95 when Pat C. former Comcare employee was on the bus being asked by others if she was the "Pat from Comcare that everyone was talking about"? did she recognize that if she said "yes" to that, her "belief" that "everyone was talking abut her would have been a "symptom"?

Who was the man Cathy from the Volunteer centre met for lunch recently (March, 06) at the Bookshelf who told her, "She never says a word to anyone"? How many times do you think as the "she" in question that I have already heard that?

Where did the woman at the Library get the misinformation that I have been writing a book for twelve years? Was that a good way to ridicule me? Do you think they feel all puffed up ego wise when they do that? I think they do. (This is a good example of how gossips knit things together to create a whole new version of reality. let's take a closer look at this one shall we? I have been fighting Homewood for twelve years. Much of that was through using what shrinks like to call my "writing behaviours" because they have to pathologize everything. I have been writing essays etc. for about four years. I also have pieces of book material in relation to my "fascinating case." And I was seriously considering co-authoring a book with a British psychologist and reform activist but he still wants to avoid "blaming others" so we did not click and it would not have worked at this time anyway.)

Now does that satisfy the need for the parrots at the Library to repeat everything or do you feel entitled to more information which is really none of your business in the first place? Be sure to pass this back now to the city employees who run in every day to tell YOU the latest about all they have heard. We don't want to deprive anyone of their gossip fix. Perhaps Homewood could start a program's for gossip addicton? I think it would be a big money maker here.

Does anyone know the name of a second man alleged to be from either Homewood or the university who was rumored to have been sent to see if I got the cable T.V. I was sent anonymously? (I do have a witness who can confirm that it was there for about two years or so)Though I have heard there were two, I have never had a second name acted out for me. I believe though that Marie, one of the bus drivers knows who it might be....

Are you aware that in 94/95, and several times since that, I have told the mental illness profession that Library staff were talking about me and joining in the spreading of rumours? That was redefined as my "symptoms" because it would not make any sense for Library staff to be behaving that way.

Did Dr. Brian F. covertly coach the Comcare office staff here to treat me a certain way including to refuse to help me when I asked them to so that I would accept myself as a mental case as I had once heard in public?

Which lawyers office entered my residential building at the back, crept down the stairs, listened at my door then reported to someone on a cell phone that she couldn't hear anything? To whom was she reporting when she saw me come out a few minutes later when she said, "Oh. there she is now."? Was it Cheryl S. office that was then two doors down? Or was it someone from Flasher and Mann? Did Tom S. and Patrick M. ask them to do that?

Do you understand that Dale's training has been analyzed as taking abuse but, if heard as in instruction by a sociopath, It can be used as a means of dominating the target of the abuser's choice by means of the group manipulated to co-operate with the aggressor by means of "recreation out here in the world of reality"? (jargon)

Do you understand that the power offered in It is by using a hidden agenda of domination put together with a double bait and switch routine?

Do you want to understand that as a group, and by means of the predictable "effects" (what you are "at"--jargon)you have all co-operated with the aggressor's hidden agenda and have continued to mock, ridicule and blame your victim for It?

When the people were standing behind me at the cash register at Upsdell's as I used their photo copier to make copies of the evidence I had collected and was was sending to others, mocked me openly for it, did they think I could hear them behaving in such a disgusting manner or that I couldn't? Is this high class behaviour in your opinion?

When they repeated all the same things which groups of bus passengers have repeated, all turning together and smirking at me saying, "she is just going to show HIM!", did they think they were "hiding" from me then? Or are they just knowingly rude and contemptuous towards people they really don't even know? Are these "normal" people the examples of which I should model my own thinking and behaviour so I don't get handed a psychiatric label?

Why do box boys at Zehr's and shelf stackers at the other grocery stores believe they understand my life experience better than I do? Are they all delusional?

Why do Profs. P. and J.N. feel qualified to assess me and my life and reactions? Do they know that my "claim", that university staff and students were talking about me, all the way back to 95 at least, was assessed by Homewood and the mental illness profession as proof of my "paranoid delusions"?

The following people represent a partial list of the people I have told directly over the last twelve years or so, exactly what Dale was doing and what it was called. I even spelled it for several of them upon request. In one of his answers to me, he is quoting from it directly and the system knows that.They include the following:

Wanda McK. Homewood
Sue, the cafeteria cashier, Homewood
R.N. Leslie M.
R.N. Sue B. Homewood
R.N. Bev L. Homewood
Dr. Geoff D. Homewood
Dr. Deb E. CMHC
Dr. Squ**** General Emerg. who got an appointment for me to see Dr. Alan E. CMHC for which I broke before ever I made it there the first time. Did Dr. Squ**** tell Dr. E. what I had said or did it get "interpreted" for me by him and Rena S. who had gone with me to emerg that day?

Rena S. Comcare Guelph
Blanche D. Comcare Guelph and former Homewood employee.
Janet L. friend
Dr. Brian F. Homewood, 95, after two years of this nonsense, (for whom I spelled it, told him it was Dale who had done it. Do any of these people actually talk to each other and share information or are they all too busy trying to make sure they don't get caught or "blamed" for anything, just like all other dysfunctional groups? and )

When Rena S. then Comcare Guelph, saw my written examples of what the local bus drivers were doing and saying right in my presence, she said, "This is just terrifying. I think if I was in the position you are right now that I would not be able to sit there calmly in that chair and tell me about it. When she said "this," did she mean the experience itself as I stated it, or Or my "belief" that I was having the experience?

Lots more alleged rumours to come so stay tuned........

Please Note:

I have recently added the comments feature to this blog. Please feel free to leave any brief comments on my particular situation that you think are relevant, or which confirm anything that any of you have heard yourselves.

Are you starting to get a sense of the infinite loop that is created here in which the victim is trapped in a paradox by the aggressor's ''hidden'' agenda supported by the group dynamic? In the jargon of Dales' special training it is called ''creating his own Pi.''

Since I have been unable, despite all efforts, to stop the public circus, I have decided the only thing to do is to become It's Ringmaster. Send in the public clowns, laughing at nonsense, the psychological acrobats, and the con men with the rigged games. The Circus IS the town.

Feel free to continue to mock me openly so that the world can watch you perform and learn by doing so to face the reality that we who are labelled, and controlled by you, have to live with every day of our invalidated lives.

Still No Direct Communication...

But, Lots More Rumours and Covert Interpretations From the Public Assessment Team

More Questions From Me

1. Did Dale (or someone acting on his behalf) call Liz at the Volunteer Centre recently to ask her what I was doing there?

(gathering information on his ''subject'' is a training concept)

2. Did she tell him what I was doing there?

3. Was that right after Kevin McK. identified some version of me for her?

4. Did Wanda McK., Kevin's ex, fill him in on what I told her Dale and his co-workers were doing to me and exactly what it was called, LONG before I broke down from their city wide attack.?

5. Does my landlord give other people, including those gathered at parties, his assessments of my character and mental health? Has he also done it with tenants and trades people?

6. As heard again recently from others acting out, is he planning my eviction based upon making "improvements" and his alleged "difficulty" in dealing with me? Does it have anything to do with my complaints of his illegal entries to look for "signs" and the fact that I called the police in case he is letting my protagonist into my apartment without my knowledge, as I heard that Bill K. also did?

7. Has he discussed my calling the police with other tenants in the building as I have heard?

8. How many covert creative versions of my "interpreted reality" do you suppose are still being promoted by the same people, who are still denying they are doing it, and claiming my perception of them and my reactions to their duplicity, are MY "mental illness"?

9. When Sherry H. walks by and while beside me, says to her husband Dennis, "Isn't that her?" is that one of the times when she, like thousands of others here, believes I can see her and hear her? Or is it one of the times when she believes I can't?

If you take each individual incident like this and multiply it by thousands of them, over a period of twelve years, you will only BEGIN to perceive what it is like to be on the receiving end of a public "mental health assessment" and "interpretation" of all you are, all you say, and all you feel, as defined FOR you by a mob mentality. Most of them doing it think this is "entertainment." I once heard that as the excuse that Homewood staff and the bus drivers used too. You could check with Peggy, who used to work at Woolworth's as I heard she did not find it "amusing" like one of her co-worker's at the time reportedly did.

This is the assigned role of the psychiatrized, forbidden by those involved to talk about it to anyone outside the doctor's office, to confront any of the arrogant abusers or even to try to defend oneself. Psychiatry very effectively renders the person they label, invisible and inaudible as a human being. Fortunately, we now have each other to validate our all too real, and surreal, experiences with them.

Most of the people involved in my own case continue their existential blaming the victim game; they are experts at denying victims even exist and it is not too hard to see why they do that is it? It allows them to excuse their own behaviour and blame their victim's perceptions of, and reactions to, them.

Just so you know:

The same people who forced me out of my job and into the mental illness system for complaining about the behavior of their employees, (Dale in particular since it was his plan) have twice offered me since, a "disability pension" to live on for my "mental illness" (my "delusional" beliefs that I was harmed by an attack by Homewood staff as they were "set up" to do in Dales' little "game." From which he quoted, in writing. Which they have all seen.

I have turned down my "pension" and have drained all of my cash and most of my small RRSP as well, waiting for them to show me their ethics and integrity. The reason I turned it down is because to get financial assistance, I would have to deny the truth about what really happened and accept instead the ten minute diagnosis (not the real one, the other one) "Delusional Disorder, (Paranoid)."

The minute I do, I would immediately be subject to further "treatment", meaning body, mind , destroying drugs delivered legally by force, or ECT to make me forget, as administered by the SAME people who caused my breakdown in the first place. It would be perfectly legal and no one could object to it or stop it. Even without accepting the label, I could be hunted down by them legally again, no doubt with neighbours, employer and city employees helping again, for my own good, of course. And if I don't think so, that is just a "sign" of my mental illness anyway.

I could then leave Help" and "hope" behind me for good. (Dale's training jargon from his "answer to Life") These "effects" are why "game boy" smirks. As Fenwick comments in her analysis of the training, "you can fool all of the people, most of the time.....A supremely elegant con..."

Lots more questions, rumours, and suggestions to come....

Enlightening The Mob Of Participants

"Some Suggestions For Keeping All Those "Hiding" in Plain Sight, Up To Date

Could someone tell the white haired woman who used to work at Zack's in the Eaton centre, and then at the Zack's at Willow West, about my blog here. Bus driver Wayne P. used to keep all of his passengers informed of the latest on me out of Homewood on the way to work in the mornings but he has been retired a long time now so he may not have the latest spin in Elora. I'm sure she is not getting all the "news" like she used to.

Tell woman bus driver Chris to get hold of the woman she used to warn to be careful and not "let" me see her as she stood at the fare box every day getting all the latest, turning around and showing me her teeth, and just generally gawking at me with all the rest of the idiots back in 95. while I was under the attack by Homewood staff. You know the one I mean. Overweight, with the permanent which she stopped getting after that? About my age. She stopped riding the bus when I was railroaded into the wacko word for "thinking" people like her were watching me and talking about me. I think she may work at the C.I.A.G. building. Maybe she even knows the guy "Chris" who may work there somewhere also; dark hair, glasses, sat with Pat M. and Tom S. , legal beagles ,at the Food Court every day?? With Andy S. accountant. Know who I mean now?

Tell Wayne P. I don't think he is needed to warn little children about my being on the bus, stting quietly and minding my own business, but should the Homewood staff feel the necessity of creating another round of community hysteria, perhaps someone could give him a call to "help" again.

Tell Doug K. he actually doesn't know Eddie as well as I did and debating it with Greg H. isn't going to change that fact. If he spent as much time watching for real signs,(concrete) like the rectangular blue ones with the picture of the bus on it, as he does watching me for "signs" (abstract) he would know enough to stop the bus when I ring the bell at Marlborough. Imagine how you look to me when you just keep driving and staring like an idiot. I was thinking of calling Homewood to check you for catatonia.

In general, when you are all discussing and evaluating the situation with others, it might be a good idea to clarify the often repeated statement: "Everybody knows it's the exact opposite," since you and the other person may have opposite versions of the same reality handed to you as your basis of judgement. That's how "game boy" set it up from the start you see. That is what creates the situation. So, it would be best to state WHICH "opposite" you are sure that "everybody" knows.

Dale designed it to be a matter of your "perspective" on this you see. He understands from his "training" that who you think is "at cause"(jargon) of the event and the mess, depends upon from which point "you see the START of the action." (jargon) In other words, if you think it is me, you will believe one thing, but if you see it is actually HIM, then you believe the "opposite." Isn't that clever?

I should mention to you; all the smirking with certainty about what you know that you like to do, the eyes glowing with amusement, the steady barrage of "There she is" or That's her there," is all visible to me just as it always was. Now, as then, of course, I can never know, on an individual basis if you are so highly amused by my supposed "madness" or by the "joke/game" version of which I am the object of observation and assessment. I could only know that if the amused smirker in question were to communicate that directly and of course, no one ever does as we "don't want to open a can of worms."
The difference between my understanding of all of you then, and my understanding of all of you now, is information. I have seen the abstract plan spelled out for me by the Prof. who wrote the book revealing it and it confirmed my experience with Dale, his co-workers and all of you. I also got a great deal more concrete information from the population of Guelph which has acted it all out for me and provided me with the identities of many who were once just strangers following me around and reporting to other strangers.
I also now know that whichever version of reality any one of you bought from "game boy" or his friends at Homewood, none of you have developed enough self awareness to see yourselves as I see you. But then, this is part of the "effects" (jargon) of the "group contagion" (analysis) which Dales' little power game predicts.
I stay sane because whether the rest of you ever really finally "get it" (jargon) or not, I understand "It" (jargon) and I understand his game plan.

Like Dale, you all seemed to believe I would see, hear, and understand only what you wanted me to, and not what you don't, What you don't understand is that what you do as individuals, is being repeated by half the population of Guelph every day and it always has been. Who do you imagine the "people who are talking about me" to be anyway? That's my "perspective in It, as the targeted individual, forced to remain silent by order of those who did it in the first place and who have too much power and the will to abuse it.

What the group at Homewood does not want to accept, is that they also were manipulated to accept a false version of reality in relation to me and my experience (jargon) with Dale the Mechanical Anus. Dales' "fun" is had by "watching the action between the two sides," (jargon) watching his target (me) believe the version of reality he handed me and watching his co-workers attack me based upon the opposite version of reality he fed them. They are just too arrogant as a group to believe there is anything they don't know. Or worse, that an "inferior" like myself, knows something they don't.

This, you see, is what puts dale "on top of the experience" (jargon) and in "total control" (jargon) of EVERYONE.
"It's about domination." (jargon)

Please pass this along too will you?
To June M., now retired from the Hamiltons in Homewood and Trisha S. Nursing) The chances of resolution are always slim to none when you ask one person on one side of a dispute or misunderstanding to explain what happened for both parties while ordering the other party to remain silent.

Asking the perpetrator who planned the attack in advance, (because that's the way they do it in his training; they "win first THEN they play the game " : jargon) to explain his victim's perceptions and reactions to you, isn't likely to get you any closer to the truth.

Why is it that all these mental health professionals don't know that?

A Few More Questions For Homewood

And For All My Observers and Assessors

But first, a definition for you:

"Existentialism: A 20th century philosophy which views the individual as being unique and alone in an indifferent and even hostile universe."

My personal belief is that the isolation and hostility part of this is something created by human beings, consciously, sub consciously or unconsciously, and not something created by "the universe" as an abstraction.

This particular "existential" routine was well planned in advance by one self defined mechanical anus, not "the universe." So despite the fact that the charmer at the Library claims "we" like to "blame the whole world for our problems" I do not consider an idiot psychiatric nurse nor an anal judgemental library worker to represent either "the whole world" or "the universe." If either of them do, perhaps they could look up the definition of grandiosity for themselves.

It is the isolation of the victim, as well as the hostility or indifference of the whole group which joins in for no better "reason" than the opportunity to do so has been presented to them, which breaks the victim. It creates enormous, unrelenting pressure to be constantly invalidated and never heard as a real person when forced into such a position.
The "shift" defined in the training is the existential shifting of reality. As it was happening, I told the Comcare office here that I was having trouble staying connected to concrete reality because it was kept shifting on me. Once I was reduced to an object of observation and assessment, I was told not to speak of it. Now, that I no longer own my own thoughts, perception, feelings or even my own voice, I Have been made a permanent object of assessment, and all I say and do, or don't say and do, is "interpreted" for me, by any and all others, including bus drivers, grocery store clerks, landlords, library staffers, bank employees, retired men, teens on the street, and of course, the most "entitled" assessors of them all, the nursing community. BY the way, when I say I don't own my own thoughts or voice etc. that is not an admission of a terrible pathology bubbling up from withing my defective brain. it is sarcasm about being told by others who I am going to be "allowed" to be, what to think, how to talk etc. Hope that is clear enough for you.
For to the assessors, I am no longer a person. I am "the subject," or "the case," or "one of them" and the mental illness profession has delivered this pronouncement, officially, from Psychiatric Mount Olympus. It will be considered inappropriate behaviour on my part to confront anyone involved in this, to attempt to defend myself, to protest the treatment, to define myself, to debate the mental illness machine's grandiosity, to reject the diagnostics, to feel negative emotions, to talk openly, to expect resolution or investigation, or even to expect an admission of guilt or a lousy apology. For this is a covert operation, just as it is in dysfunctional families and all other dysfunctional groups, and as the object of assessment, we are required to agree to pretend that we do not know what we obviously DO know.
If I don't understand how "normal" they are for behaving this way, then that just proves that I am out of touch with "reality." For it is this stupid and profoundly arrogant groupthink which defines for all those who choose to think outside this mind numbing "box" what is to be considered mental "health."

So, I have more questions for you to ignore, so that you can keep all your "secrets" from this object of "interpretation" formerly known as me.

Were the layers of the firm McE and M. aware that I was aware of them sitting and observing me in the Eaton centre food court in 99, after I was forced out of my job again and back into the mental illness system? Or were they "hiding" then?

Which version of me, (using my full name) , did Dr. Blair F. share with charge nurse Sherry B. at the Elliott in 2000?

Did Paula F. and Nancy F. (sorry, don't now her married initial) who work for the Ellington, share their "interpretation" of me and events at Homewood with the staff there? How about the heavily involved Suzanne K.? ( I heard much of the staff got the story of my "madness" on the night shift there)
Did Maureen there share those "interpretations" with Comcare in Kitchener for whom she also works?

Which version of me did Sarah at Riverside Glen share with Sushil from both Riverside and the Elliott? Was it the one she got from Sarah when she got it as a former server at Homewood dining room?

Did you know the patients from the Manor used to discuss all the versions of Dale's tales in the dining room at lunch? Some of them also threatened me with "drive by" shootings and wished that I would Burn in hell as they came up from the lecture theatre also.

Did Pat B. also share those interpretations" of me with her partner, the city cop?
Has anyone noticed that Dales' training points out that the opinions expressed in the group, inside the training, are, in fact, "interpretations" born out of the subjective projections of the individuals in the group's own beliefs into the vague abstract concepts being "debated" apart from concrete evidence or facts? ("You think you now things because you believe them." Jargon) Do you understand that is part of the demonstration of the groupthink and the group contagion?

Did you notice that the group attacks the one who debates the system, or questions it's value or the presumed "superiority" and "brilliance" of the leader who has instructed them that they may not question him or his system?

See any of the mob mentality in this at all?

How about the need to belong and the bonding of the group through exclusion of the "outsider" who threatens the group?

Did you notice the closing of ranks to protect the system and the group, and that it supports the system/status quo?

When bus driver Artie picked up his radio to tell the other drivers that I was the one reading the sign at G.C.V.I. did he think I could see him?

Did bus driver Randy V. fill in co-worker Louis E. on my mental illness? Did Louis E. then pass that along to Comcare Kitchener Supervisor David E. who lives in Guelph and is of the same surname?

Did Dale feel his greatest power rush when he watched me realize my experience with him was NOT a "joke" which included me and that he was doing this for real, "out here, in the world of reality"? (jargon) Was he saying to himself, "Let me see your fear"? (jargon) as I "realized" (jargon) no one would believe me or help me since there were no witnesses to the little chats he had with me? Was he watching me realize he had me "totally controlled"? (jargon)

Is Dale still watching me leave "decisions" "hope" and "help" behind me (concepts and jargon) as I "climb" the ladder of the training he has fashioned for me? Does he smile as I hit the top rung of the "Scale of Experience" known as "sourcing" (jargon) the point at which I am expected to "accept responsibility" (jargon) for "being the source of my own pain" (jargon) for looking for "reasonableness" (jargon) from him?

When I asked him in Homewood 95 if he understood that I could turn his game back around on him, did he really know what I meant then when he responded: "I don't think I understand" to which I answered back on the tapes, "Yes. I don't think I understand also."

Does he understand It now?
Do you all understand that it is the pseudo superiority, the groupthink, the covert operations and the silencing and objectifying of the victim in isolation that allows the power of those with hidden agendas of domination to exist in the first place?
Do you understand that exposing the metaphysics of It and the group dynamic that supports it, dis-empowers It?

Do you think I have legitimate reason to dislike the mocking ridiculing public that has done this to me and who continue to behave the same way, even while they continue to try to hide it?

Will you wake up to reality soon, or will I need to be kept as the target of community contempt and abuse all the way to homelessness which is not all that far off now? ( Don't forget to mock now to minimize all of this. That is part of the effects after all.)

Will you have have supported this so long accept responsibility now for your own lousy behaviour and stop blaming "others" as you so much like to tell "us" is "our" character flaw?

Do you think maybe it's time you put the labelling system and the stimulus response machine that supports that system where the sun don't shine?

Do you think maybe there is a reason why in the analysis of Dale's training the Prof. posed the question, "and what does the sociopath get out of It?

To the several sets of strangers to me who have walked up to within a few feet and then third person-ed me in public by asking each other:
"Why doesn't she just go and tell him?"

1. Go where?
2. Tell whom?
3. Tell him what exactly?
4. What makes you think that I have NOT told a large number of "hims" and quite a few "hers" as well, exactly what this is all about?

Basically, I am waiting for Homewood Corporation to acknowledge me, admit to what they did, apologize to me publicly for it, (since the public circus they have made of my life won't stop or reverse in damage until they do) and make amends including all the financial losses they have caused for me with their so-called "help."

I am also awaiting Emperor Ed's permission to raise my girlish eyes up from the ground, think my own thoughts, and have conversations about my own life, experience, and feelings as I see fit to do or not do, without feeling a team of A.C.T.ors breathing down my neck or asking for "interpretations" of me from my neighbours, so the Corporation can justify further 'treatment." I want the psychiatric gag order officially and publicly removed. You can do it at the police services building any time you want. That way, should I get too rude, or display one of those inappropriate affects of mine, formerly know as emotions, the handcuffs will be right handy to cuff me to the table leg.

Special note to game boy Dale:

You know what power junkie? I don't think you should have to put up with all these fake accusations from a mental case like me. In fact, I wold like to strongly recommend that you call the police and get an official investigation done that will put a stop to me and all my whining bitching and complaining once and for all. Let them see your fear.

Why did my patient assignment in 97 say, " They say you know everything. They even say you now what's GOING to happen, do you?

Was I being "scored" on something as some pople acted out for me?

DID the nineteen year olds in the psych. department at the University vote for psychosurgery for me? (they treated me like I neded it)

Did Heidi M.who lived I the apartment overhead in 95 actually believe that singing is a sing that an anit-psychotic is working? If so, was I given something by someone ? Do you rmember when I said I felt like I was being drugged with something while I was on Liverpool St.? Did they let Dale into my apartment there or not? I want to know. Wouldn't YOU want to know if it were you in my position? Should I be worried that he is still running his game and my current clever landlord is helping him now too?

WAS anyone leaving messages for me using the G.C.V.I. sign to do it? Was that another test? If so, of what exactly? What does Artie the bus driver, involved in this in one form or another since the start, think of that G.C.V.I. sign thing? (I mean other than what he said about it over the bus radio when he saw mne reading it)

In July 23 of 1997 (out of my notes on the public acting out) why did the announcer on CJOY radio say, "Pat wants to hear this; "Everybody's somebody's fool." Was that intended for me? Another Pat? Who' s is "somebody"/? Is there a message in this? or does it just mean, someone named Pat requested the D.J. to play that song? Period.

You see, when there is NEVER any direct genuine communication, and I am bombarded with contradiction and multiple versions of "reality", tests, threats, abuse and assessments by everyone and their uncle, how do I stay connected to a concrete reality I am not allowed to know or ask any questions about in order to clarify it?

Conspiracy Theories

Scottish Rose dear...I must leave a few words for you and the woman bus driver with whom you were conferring on the "conspiracy" theory. Most of the people involving themselves in this community wide assessment don't have the awareness necessary to even begin to plan a ''conspiracy.'' They don't even have enough self awareness to connect being a bus passenger talking about me to bus drivers, to my report of same. They are all quite ''normal'' much like you dear, spending their days in a fog, judging and evaluating the lives of people they don't even know, sharing their unsolicited opinions on everything with one and all, unable to add their own actions together with the perception of them by the other, and have one and one add up to tow. As in ''two to tango.'' That is the platitudinous slap often used to excuse the supposedly ''falsely'' accused, yet never used to defend the falsely convicted or labelled. Instead, ''we'' are seen as self contained problems in ourselves, without relationship to events or other people . (such as yourself for example) The labelling system provides those ''others'' with a built in excuse and a free pass to verbally, psychologically (and sometimes more) abuse us without accepting responsibility for it.

Thinking that bus drivers, were, and still are, talking about me, is not a ''sign'' of anything in me dear; other than a sign of my ability to be aware of them and state the fact that I am. It's really not complicated. The whole groups inability to be self aware, as individuals or as a group as a whole, may be a sign of something in the group though. Why don't you talk it over with the bus drivers and see if anything dawns on any of you? you see, this is what makes Dale's ''game'' the " Theatre of The Absurd'' as he puts it. Dale smirks his way through this(when no one other than me sees it, or so he thinks) because BOTH he and I know that all of you are so ''certain that you know'' everything (jargon) that you can't hear the absurdity coming out of your own mouths. You just ''think you know things because you believe them.'' (jargon)

Like library staff warning each other as I enter the place not to say anything in front of me, unaware that they just did.They have been doing this for twelve years. now, they are going to keep me from "finding out" about them. I must not laugh in front of them though because they won't know why and it will be seen as a"symptom'' of MY madness, since they assume themselves to be the "sane" ones.
This is why we labelled people must try to get through your resistance and denial using analogous tales like the "Emperor's New Clothes," "1984" or Brave New World." They allude to denying the obvious, which is itself obvious and yet still denied. The truth is never heard when told to you simply and directly. It is like trying to reason with cult members.. You only hear whatever an "authority" tells you you should here.. I have heard it all from you and have been saying so all along. Yet, as has been pointed out by a long time "mental patient" I know, "I tell you and tell you but you don't hear."

As I have been telling psychiatrized people for years now, The "normal people's error is believing we are "unconscious and /or stupid" and therefore less human than they. So they objectify us and as soon as they do, all genuine communication stops. That's why when you talk to them you feel like you aren't actually being heard or seen as you really are; you aren't. They are just "interpreting" everything you say to fit their own belief system.

But "we" also have made an error complimentary to theirs which is feeding the group madness. We have been giving them far, far too much credit for brains and awareness. The "normals" are blind to the truth about both themselves and us. It's not one OR the other, it's both. Our error has been the exact opposite of theirs. Our job now must be to demonstrate that to them just as I am doing here, in non violent, non threatening, yet assertive (in the real sense of the word, not the A.C.T.T. perversion of it ) ways. But I will save more on this topic for the psychiatrized on "Box" who can hear me better. Back to the "normals" and the locals, so I can make this real for them by connecting the abstract theory to the concrete evidence of themselves as my real life example.

You see, psychiatry believes you city employees can't be talking about me because that wouldn't make any sense. (to them in their ignorance as immigrants from the planet Fantasy World) To them, the groupthink must be either reasonable or unreasonable, and since psychiatry apparently believes that reality IS arrived at by a combination of "authority" and "group consensus", they need to vote ME "unreasonable" for my accurate perception of them and you. Basically all those involving themselves in this are a large group of idiots (the majority that tends to support these kinds of structures) who are too busy congratulating themselves about their "superior" mental development to imagine how they look from the isolated and controlled person's perspective.

I am reminded of watching Homewood staff in the cafeteria, all sitting on the opposite side of their tables at lunch, facing me in the dining room, fifty sets of observing eyeballs glued on my head, in little lean together conferences, all oblivious to themselves. (back them, I thought they wee joking and the joke included me but as Homewood staff Peggy and her Mama have said of me, while standing six feet away, "They're just stupid."

This is for the Library woman who clucked at me, "They sure like to be melodramatic about it don't they?" I must say I prefer the comment of the Homewood social worker, Carol, who put it this way to Eileen M. from Trillium, " It's the overlay of histrionics that makes it all so interesting." Isn't that ever so much classier? Especially when delivered with that flat affect that those who feel they are sane are so good at when they talk about "us." Either way though, I find the groupthink and the group arrogance that inevitably goes with it quite amusing, don't you? Or perhaps I should say it's "amazing." I know you all seem to have that as your favourite word.

So because psychiatry believes I am unreasonable because all these people could not be wrong, I get custody of the label. Mary G. (R.N. ) at Homewood should take special note of this part, Dale's training states:

"Reality is that which you experience. It is NOT that which is defined by "authority" or "group consensus."
You see, Dales' act and the lesson is for all of YOU too, not just me as the targeted "item" he decided to "replace" (Bob Dylan) "experience out" in the jargon. Dale's power, which is kept "secret" comes form being "unreasonable." So, when he hears things like you and your co-workers say things like, "It doesn't make any sense at all," he smirks. He knows that 'sense" or "reasonableness" is considered to be a lower LOWER level of consciousness in the jargon of his his so called training. Everything in it is flipped around 180 degrees.

Last week Pat McG. wife of a University professor was telling Chris at the Volunteer centre that I (though she doesn't actually know who I am) was no sooner home recovering from that when they started doing it again. She said, "It has been twelve years."
In 99, Bev M. then at Comcare, which had joined in "saving" me from my "mental illness" brought me Pat McG.'s phone number as she is a friend of Doris M. , the cousin of my last client at Homewood, with whom I am still in touch. This was right after I had been forced out of my job again fro trying to tell Dr. Brian H. that the staff of the Hamiltons was at it again. Again, there was no direct c9communication "allowed" and this time I was kept from working for a full year while I continued to try to prove my own case.

After my first ten minute labelling session, Bev. M. asked me, rather frustrated with me I would say, if I could not just accept that bus drivers were NOT talking about me. You see I had just told her how "efficient" psychiatrists were at getting those labels on there a.s.a.p. as soon as this one heard that I "thought" I had had a problem with Dale and that he had involved bus drivers and the public in it etc. but I digress. back To the Pat McG. part. I turned down the offer to talk about this with any university people. I really don't want to involve any more people who are going to tell me they are not involved and that I must accept all I see and hear as delusions so that everyone can be innocent.

You know there is really nothing difficult about this. When I told those people listening in on the tapes of my unlisted phone number every day that they should be ashamed of themselves, I meant it then, and I mean it now.
If the Homewood people really want to know the reality of the situation, I offered to talk to them long ago at their convenience. I also said I would talk to some or a group of them down at the police services building, so that this time, there will be a witness that Ed. Perez won't be able to invalidate with labels or manipulate. I am presuming of course, that he is not controlling everyone, even if he would like to be able to do so. I made this offer years ago too.

If they don't want to talk, then I will talk to the rest of the planet about them instead.
Now I will ask all those involved in Guelph, and beyond, the same question I asked Dale T., Drs. Geoff D. and Shashi J. and the staff of the Hamiltons from all those years ago:
"Since I know what you're doing and you know what you are doing, who exactly is it that is being fooled here"? Is it the patriarchal autocrat at the top of the local pyramid of power and control?

Perhaps it's only the Emperor demanding that everyone praise his new A.C.T.T.?

To The Inmates Running the Asylum

And All Others Who Like To be Involved

That should cover the whole town OK.

Homewood, you don't have to concern yourselves with any outsiders ''finding out'' anything I have written here, since I ''found out'' everything Homewood was doing from THEM, who were all kept informed by all of your own staff, constantly discussing the blow by blow with everyone they know, who then acted it all out for me, so that I could repeat it all (right wrong, or in between) right back to you, to complete the circle of your group insanity.

You then told me it was all my imagination, hallucinated conversations, paranoid delusions etc. and assured me that I would "want'' a ''good clinical diagnosis'' from you for that. I still don't want what I am supposed to want. You did this in order to get yourselves off of the responsibility hook.

Apparently, the old adage applies here:

''Those who can, do; those who can't, teach.'' (or perhaps ''preach'' might be more appropriate to the Psychiatric Faith)

I guess this result is what the employee you have protected like ''family'' (A classic family according to the Prof. from Columbia's analysis) would call your ''booby prize'' and what S.F. calls the ''Pyrrhic Victory.''

Now, this is the point, if done according to the instructions for the full ''recreation,'' (jargon) where Dale triumphs and tells both me and the group, that we ''are the source of our own pain.'' (jargon) since we are all ''stupid'' enough to look for reason where there was no reason in the first place, because as his ''inferiors'', none of us (but especially me) understand that one gets what one wants by being ''unreasonable.'' (smirk)

Or, is that really the finish? Isn't that backwards? Isn't that ''switched'' too? isn't unreasonableness the lower level of consciousness, regressive, (as S.F. stated) and adversarial? Didn't Dale get told in his training that if he really got good at It, he could master something called ''Sourcing''? Doesn't that mean that as the well trained mechanical anus that HE is ''the source of his own pain''?

The only thing that needs to be determined in this, which even I cannot measure without concrete proof, is, how much of the "effects" of this (jargon) was spontaneous group reaction due to "group contagion" and how much of it was Directed by the "Director" Dale. (jargon) That will determine degree of guilt. Only the police can do that. I certainly can't with everyone and their cousin running around trying to make sure I don't "find out" anything about what they did. Whatever the truth of it, the damage done to me and my life by him, and his supporters, whether done deliberately, in ignorance, or because of opportunity, is just as real whether he is just a stimulus response machine or a full fledged psychopath. I have a right to find out.

Whether the charming employees of the Library think I don't look like I am suffering to them or not, my losses are real, and still growing, because of the attempt by one and all to cover up the "game" and the community abuse that has gone along with it.
Now, do you think that some of you "experts" who want to believe you already know everything, can think of some reason Dales' topics of supposedly "mutual" interests just happened to be on subjects like, Zen, existentialism, and abstract OR concrete meaning?

You all insisted I accept my role as the object of observation, so I have. I just chose which object I will be. Just holding myself up as the mirror in which you can observe yourselves with clarity. Sometimes, the fisherman is forced to take the bait back off of his own ''hook.'' (jargon)

Weekend Update ....

And a Few Other Interesting Little Tidbits

Remember when you were listening in on my unlisted phone number as Dale (allegedly) directed you to do? Perhaps you recall listening to a list of initials after which I said (facetiously) "thank you for all of your help." You see, I used initials only in an attempt to show those listening that they weren't "hiding" from me but also to keep the others listening from finding out everything I knew about you since it was being reported back to Dale. (allegedly) You see others were listening in "secret" too. That was back in the days when I gave a damn about the people he manipulated to attack me FOR him. Now, of course, I really don't give a damn since I have had to continue to watch them pretend they didn't do anything, and don't know anything, even though I know, and they know, that I was talking to them.
The initials I listed (as far as I can remember now who I included), belong to:

CB Cathy B. R.N. ,then Hamilton 2
PB Paul B. RPN then Hamilton 3, now Trillium
LM Leslie M. R.N. then Hamilton 3
JH Jill H. Social Worker, then the Hamiltons, no longer there.
GD Dr. Geoff D. , then Director the Hamiltons
SJ Dr. Sashi J. MD
ML. Monica L. RN Then Hamilton 2
PL Dr. Philip L. MD
ES Elizabeth S. Social Worker (who allegedly stated my conversation with them via my answering machine was "just the conversation she is having inside her own head.") It might as well have been for all the good it did me.
JD Jacquie D. RPN Then Hamilton 2
I may have included then Program Coordinator June M. This seems to have been the core group involved in all the "fun."

Oh yes, I almost forgot the Mary W. I mentioned on the tapes who also listened in to what was being said. She is the now retired ward clerk from H 3 and she still gets the latest from the gray haired woman who has also pointed me out to Beth H. saying "That's the woman." The gray haired woman got another version of me from Terry J. who had others including the hairdresser and relatives of other residents at the Elliott, follow me around and "secretly" report to her at home. Terry filled her in on the bus one day and they shook their little heads together in mutual contempt and "righteousness." I believe the old gray bird also gets an earful from her hairdresser(?) on Woolwich St.; the same one Myrna G., auntie of Mary G. Homewood nurse, just happens to go to. You could check at Upsdell's and find out. I think Bobby the hairdresser keeps the guy on the night shift up to date on all the latest hairdressing dope. You may also remember me saying on the tapes something about the bus drivers repeating everything I said and then saying to you, "Don't you think Dr. Geoff D. (full name) at Homewood would find that interesting? I said that because I told Dr. "Geoff" what Dale was doing and that even the bus drivers were baiting me and discussing me everyday. Johanna D. from H.L.O. also informed the staff of Homewood that on H2 and then staff from other units announced it to me in the hospital while striking the usual observation pose. Dr. G.D.'s response to that, with Leslie M. witnessing it, was that it was not his "job to be an investigator." That's because psychiatrists diagnose and label reality; they don't investigate any concrete causes. I know they all heard it announced by me on the answering machine though, since bus drivers and the public repeated it back to me as usual.

A quick note on what is happening right now.

Glad to see the flow of news has not been interrupted by the instructions from the powers that be to stop talking about it.
Sunday, March 19th, 2006 brought more news from the Mall to the Library staff. This is a group of people who have been solidly into assessing me from the start, my report of which was diagnosed as an indication of my "fame seeking delusions."

Prof . P. likes to keep the Food Court Folk up to date. Among them are three men who get and give the latest news to each other. One is a rather tall Caucasian, one Indian, one Asian and Prof. P.
It was the Indian man who brought the latest information about "Pat Lefave" to the older woman at the main branch of the library on Sunday. They had a good laugh together, which was a nice change at least from her usual pursed lips and disapproval. Like the time recently when she was telling a co-worker (as they observed me) how I "should be ashamed of myself, degrading and humiliating myself, throwing myself at him like that! Can't help but wonder why she would think that an asexual, perpetual virgin, lesbian transvestite would DO that though? I sure AM cray, aren't I?
Oh, I'm sorry. Was I not supposed to point out any irrationality in the groupthink of others who feel so qualified to evaluate me and my experience? Well, you know us genetic defectives...As the same Library staff member has also pointed out to those "blameless" others, in her analysis of me,
"They sure do like to blame the whole world for all their troubles, don't they? "
I like to call these kinds of comments the old Platitudinous slap, always delivered in absolute terms, apart from any concrete details or evidence. Well done dear. An excellent example of the commonly used complaint stopper, and the tightly pressed lips of disapproval was just the right affect to go with that. It's a great demonstration of the "righteousness" effect the nurse's "game" predictably creates, (satisfaction guaranteed) which gets everyone involved to react like a "stimulus response machine." Or as his training defines it in It's own terms, a "mechanical anus."
Now don't take the word of someone crazy like me for it. look it up. As they tell him in his training, you all have to "get it for yourselves."
Now I would like all of you people to try focusing on yourselves instead of me for just about two minutes if you could. I know it is going to be hard for you to stop talking that long but give it a try and just think a bit. Not that I am telling you people to stop talking of course. Unlike the highly educated experts who believe they should be able to control the thoughts, emotions and talk of others, I think ordering you to stop talking about it is going to have about as much effect on you as trying to demand a river stop flowing downstream. But hey, I am no expert so I have a very different view of human being and how they work. as

This behaviour of yours, as a group, which was started by one itty bitty Homewood nurse playing his power game, has been assessed BY Homewood and CMHC as MY "paranoid delusions and hallucinated conversations", so that the people at Homewood, who "helped" Dale, as well as all the others involved, don't have to get blamed for anything. If I "imagined" it all you see, the fault lies not in the perpetrator and the group that followed his lead and direction, or any of you who have joined in since, but rather in ME for my "false" perceptions and "inappropriate" reactions to those false" perceptions.

Now I will ask you all again what I already asked the staff of H2 and H3 in 94/95:
"Are you angry at me because what I am saying about you is NOT true or because it IS true?"
If you who do this as a group would take a look at yourselves (that's what this "mirror" is for you know) instead of automatically blaming "us" (who, I would like to point out , are "others" to you) it would not be at all difficult to understand why the labelled person, forced into silence and isolation, is frightened, resentful, frustrated, or angry, or who WOULD be, if it wasn't being suppressed by drugs. It is also the reason this group drama sometimes ends in Murder and/or suicide, in one way or another. I think it is a miracle that it happens so infrequently. Are you "Normal" people really so devoid of human empathy that the only way you will ever understand this is if it is done to you, personally?

Asking Homewood Questions

From "Out Here, In The World Of Reality

Of course, these are all based upon all the rumours being acted out for me by the public...mentally "healthy" public; all those well boundaried souls who don't need any "medication" to reduce their awareness for them.

I have multiple choice answers as to who is my "secret" boyfriend as well as the suggestion that the idea was invented by Homewood staff, just so those superior folks could have them a little fun, messing with my head. Which is the correct answer?

Did someone actually say he didn't know what to do now and he just wanted to go and get me?

Does Terry the bus driver believe he is the Terry J. mentioned in my writing? (He isn't. It's a "she" operating with a covert agenda, designed to promote herself. )But that may be just another "interpretation" of me from those who think they understand my experience better than I do.

Were Homewood staffers and others given access to everything I was saying in my "confidential" post breakdown therapy? Were University students included in that?

Did Dr. Shashi J. keep Dale informed? Did he pump staff in Trillium and the Manor for rumours and then take it back to report to Dale? Did he ever ask Dale if he had heard the latest about "your girlfriend"? Did he deliver the question with a disdainful tone?

Does Shashi yet understand that the "turn around" or "about face" as he allegedly called it, was performed in the first place by Dale as part of his act? Does he understand that that is the "set up" referred to in this?

Who used Fresh Start Housing to steer me to my current address? Was it Homewood who backed them financially? Harry McC. who then reported on my life to Dale and Sean M.? Dr. Reid F. perhaps?

Who was it who sent me the free cable T.V. rumoured to be sent by my "boyfriend" and also said to be sent as a little test of my "psychic" ability?

Who disconnected it later to see what kind of a reaction I would have to that? (none. I was waiting to see which manipulator was going to show up and put on an act for me) By the way, I actually had an old connector from when I had cable before but it was kind of cracked, a bit loose, and the cable worked better if I just stuck the wire directly into the connection. So when I was set up for a visit from JPC, I had to go and buy a new one in order to play out the game you all had going. I understand you (someone) told the Radio Shack guys to watch for me. Do you now understand that "psychic" thing Dale was doing was part of his training routine. I think the idea was to get co-operation from some by telling them it was a psychic thing while I was probably intended to be the "stupid schizo" who was supposed to think that people were "reading my mind" when they were repeating back to me everything I had already said to Dale. That isn't what stupid me thought. If you would like to know what I thought, you could just ask me, as I have been suggesting for over a decade, or you could read everything I wrote and sent you instead of continuing to believe that you already know everything there is to know and that there is nothing you could learn from a genetic defective such as myself. You would be surprised what a nut like me understands. Of course, you would have to invest more that ten cost effective minutes to find out what that was.

Was I a little experiment done by Homewood as someone suggested?

Does Prof. P. still think I am just making a problem where there is none?

What is it that Homewood R.P.N. Sharon K. told a friend in 95 in Bi-way that the staff of the then Hamiltons would not be doing again as they had said I was very upset? Was "it" a game or joke they thought they were playing led by Dale?

Got An Offer For an Apartment At The Matrix Centre

I Had To Turn it Down Even Though I Now Need It Badly

Of course I must make sure the population of Guelph gets an explanation for this so that they don't keep projecting their own opinions into everything I say and do. (Not that this public announcement is going to stop them of course, despite the fact that Dr. Deb Elliott told me in 94/95? that the Homewood staff spreading all the "news" would soon be going on to something else)

Since it is controlled by Fresh Start Housing and that is the place that deliberately steered me to the address I am at now, which at the time just happened to have Harry McC. as a handy man with the keys to my apartment, I decided, in my ongoing paranoia, that since I can not get any action from Homewood, I really don't want this particular outfit to hold a set of keys to my apartment. I have had enough of this brand of help. I am sure not going to let Homewood "Health" Centre, nor anyone who claims (allegedly) that he works for them, following people around, and reporting to their staff, gain any further access to me if I can help it.

Since I have also heard that Homewood is the financial backer and has access to all the tenants' business, I feel I had no choice but to turn them down. You see, I now have "trust issues." Very, very serious "trust issues" and these are the last people I want to discuss that with now. So I guess, I will be left under pressure until one of us gives in,or I die, still resisting the god awful "help." I am already pretty sur i know which outcome they are going to choose.

I have no intention of agreeing to pretend that I don't know, what I know, because these people have gained unquestioned power and control for themselves. I find their behaviour disgusting, and as I told Ed. P. in writing many years ago, I consider the Homewood cover-up and his attitude towards me and my legitimate complaints of his staff to be an abuse of power.

Note the Date On This and To Whom it Was Sent

Forwarded Message
Date:
Mon, 18 Apr 2005 15:35:26 -0400 (EDT)
From:
"Patricia L. , Canada"
Subject:
est psychodrama: AKA, by Werner "Asshole Theatre"
To:
"Alan Eppel M.D." "Brian Furlong M.D." "Harvey Marmurek Dr." "Don Morgenson, PhD" "Dr. Kenneth Westhues" uwaterloo.ca
CC:
"Don Porterfield" dporterfield@police.guelph.on.ca

Old Horse. (BF)
The emphasis below is mine. If it does not come through on your e-mail I will place it within double exclamation points to differentiate it. The link is included below in case you decide I "fabricated" It.
http://www.rickross.com/groups/est.html

Madwoman
Patricia Lefave, Labelled, D.D.(P)

Part 3--Description of the behavioural structure of the training
An excerpt from "The Politics of Transformation: Recruitment - Indoctrination Processes In a Mass Marathon Psychology Organization" Published by St. Martin's Press/1993 By Philip CushmanNote: The use of the term "Vitality Initial Training" refers to the Basic Training of a well-known LGAT.

Day three
Day three, event seven:
Three of 3 "behaviour" subjects reported that everyone seemed just crushed by the heavy disapproval they faced. The trainer's disgust and anger appeared devastating to many participants.
[COMMENT: The pattern that was recognized in the first night again emerges: leniency and then attack. Several messages seem to be communicated in the "Red and Black" game: (a) !! the trainer's values must be agreed with, even if they keep changing; (b) regression, compliance, and merging are the primary psychological states of the training;!!

Pat: Does this above sound familiar to you at all? It does to me. Substitute "trainer" with Dale, Werner, father, or sometimes psychiatrist and you've got the differing concrete details of the same "game."

(c) humiliation and euphoria are the primary emotional states of the training; (d)" the trainer's expectations for the participants obviously does not apply to the trainer or the training (e.g., they may set the participants up, "

Pat: Of course when I said this to Dr. Badoe (and others) it got me a paranoid delusional label didn't it? "But WHY would a nurse want to "set you up? He would have no "reason" to do so..." (therefore, "It" did not happen lady. You only "think" It did because YOU are crazy.) How Dale must have smirked with delight at the "satisfaction" of that.

("lie to them, win at any cost, be dishonest, or double cross them). The double standard is a common occurrence in restrictive groups. In Vitality the trainer continually does many of the things he criticizes the participants for. The rules are for the participants, not for the trainer; he is not held to the same standards to which participants must adhere. The double standard in restrictive groups is often the cause of verbal, financial, or sexual abuses. This is a good example of the limits a restrictive group places on the participants: in Vitality it is considered to be unacceptable for participants to comment on elements of the training that break the training's own rules. It is a well kept secret, like the Emperor's non-existent new clothes.] "

Part 4--Description of the behavioural structure of the training
An excerpt from "The Politics of Transformation: Recruitment - Indoctrination Processes In a Mass Marathon Psychology Organization" Published by St. Martin's Press/1993 By Philip CushmanNote: The use of the term "Vitality Initial Training" refers to the Basic Training of a well-known LGAT.
Day four, event three:

Then there is large group sharing.
[COMMENT: This is a particularly interesting exercise since throughout the training the trainer has gone to any length to be right, yet he criticizes and humiliates the participants for doing the same thing in their lives. This paradox can be observed throughout the training. Participants are taught to criticize themselves. but they are not allowed to criticize the trainer or the structure of the training. Although participants are harshly criticized by the trainer, they are admonished for judging or making discriminations "about others."

Pat: You know us nuts always blaming those poor innocent "others."

Participants are not allowed to have opinions, they are taught to "surrender'' to the training and to the "universe." This exercise delivers a graphic message: don't criticize or have opinions, it's destructive in a relationship for people to believe they are right and the other is wrong. Symbolically, this message is the same message that has been delivered throughout the training: do not have opinions separate from or different than the trainer or the training. In other words, do not rebel.]

Day four, event four:
When participants can do that, they are told they will experience themselves as "the source of everything, the creator of your world": "No one can harm you, no one can victimize you."

[COMMENT: Again, one can see the attack upon the participants' judgements and values. This time, however, it is linked with the encouragement of a grandiose vision of the participant as a kind of god. In some magical way participants are promised that if they give up their personal autonomy, they will become impervious to the misfortunes of regular human life. By this point in the training the attack upon psychological separation and the encouragement of grandiosity is becoming more evident.]

The content of this exercise and the processes to follow seem to feature an extreme form of cognitivism that reinforces the prohibition against realistically facing and dealing with the external world. It encourages submissiveness, grandiosity, and regression.]

Day four, event six:
After a break, there is a large circle sharing. Participants take off their shoes and the style is more informal. None of the "behavior" subjects (O%) could remember the content of this session.

Pat: I would bet this is where the post hypnotic suggestions are well planted. Why is there 0% memory here?

Day four, event seven:
Then a very long exercise occurs. Three of 3 "behavior" subjects (100%) reported that participants are arranged in three lines or "circles" opposite one another.