Harper Valley 5

On July 8, my bankcard was blocked. And I got a phone call telling me of suspected fraud, I was also told I was going to be sent a detailed statement. As of July 27, I am still waiting.
Some students pointed me out at the Library saying, “do you see who is sitting at the computer’? Someone (a ‘he’) told people that he saw me yesterday. Two guys on the bus later had heard that one too. The tall head shaver pointed me out to the fat blond woman I have seen him with a few times now. A ‘he’ said ‘there is no possible way to get out of that.’

Picture me facing opposite this in the Homewood cafeteria with them watching me for 'signs, ' all seated on the far side of the tables to do so. Got the visual?

The public is discussing the fact that I am the one who found out what Dale was doing and that I not only understood it, but that I was the only one who did (and who does) and that I am still not acknowledged by anyone involved in it.
Maggie C. and my bank manager have discussed how scary it is. Scottish Rose and the H.L.O. worker who lives in the Speedvale housing complex are sharing the latest news together. Though he was a complete stranger to me at the time, the H.L.O. worker’s husband (or boyfriend, Mr. ‘Filberts’) is one who would walk up to me in the town square, stare into my face and ask me how is was doing ‘NOW.’ He was a total stranger to me at the time. Of course now, I ‘think’ I see his wife’s connections to H.L.O. and to Johanna the Homewood mouth who works for the same company and who kept both staff informed of bus drivers asking abut me AND kept Wayne Perrin informed of what was being said about me inside Homewood by staff. That explains why staff from the Manor would act it all out for me in the cafeteria as they struck the observation pose and repeated all the gossip from all over the hospital which was destined to be re-invented as MY paranoid delusions and hallucinated conversations. Of course, I still only “think this has happened and that it is still happening. Johanna has been one of the busier gossip spreaders especially if she thinks it will do her some good to get me out of the way and get HER into my cases. Oh, but that would be like saying that Johanna was operating with her own agenda wouldn’t it? We certainly can’t allow ourselves to ‘think’ that anything like that would be possible. Say, did you know that Johanna was such a dedicated Homewood special that she used to buy all the residential patients gifts for n reason other than that each and every one of them was “her favorite patient at Homewood. So, if you ever need anybody, you be sure to tell them to call me for you. OK?”

July 11, Skinny Minnie makes her hateful (but no doubt ‘Christian’) face at me as I step onto the bus. I believe the tall head shaver was giving a newer female bus driver some of the latest news today. Also, someone was telling Gary, the bus driver, that a ‘he’ is very concerned about my not going to visit my relatives. (perhaps we should get some of the old cab drivers and Zeller’s waitresses to express their opinions on this too, just so that ‘he’ will have a huge group of people who don’t know me at all, ready and willing to give further ongoing assessment s of my mental functions and personality disorders. And please someone, do keep my current landlord informed as he has quite a few tenants looking for news not to mention the trades people he must keep updated on all the latest crap still being spread everywhere.
You can’t have too many people involved in ‘helping someone, I always say!

Here we have a visual of the staff 'observing' me 'secretly' in the hallways of the hospital.

Have you at Homewood deciphered what ‘Lose the G.D. mob means yet? Or is it still ‘hidden’ from you?

My current landlord has once again shared his opinion of me with the guy who was fixing the roof at the back of the house and who added a riling. I think it may have been ‘Andre” again though I am not sure. In any case, his opinions are all being kept ‘secret’ from me.
It I said that “‘they’ say she (me) wants to scare us abut what we do,” and that “she wants to get her own way.” (And what exactly, IS my “own way?”)Is the group consensus and/or ‘authority’ still defining my thoughts, emotions and reality FOR me? Are they still diagnosing from a nice safe distance away?
The landlord puts on another performance for one of the trades people. He believes his performances are not understood by me.
For ten years now I have been telling him that if he wants something to use the phone and to leave a message about it. Also that if he needs to enter my apartment he needs to give notice of that and not just arrive at my door. (As the law tells him to do) The only time he ever does that is if he wants something to be done for HIM. Otherwise, he tells people that the tenants are just being difficult or stupid. (Allegedly)

So, one evening about a week or so ago, he taps on the door and has “Rick” with him. He tells me (for Rick’s benefit not mine) that he and Rick were just going to turn off the water for a few minutes and he wonders if “that would be OK with you’? He then says, “I should have called you and told you before but I forgot.” This is something he says each and every time he does this, whether there are any requests to be notified either before or after he does it. I gave him a look that said, “you phony baloney’ , which of course, ‘Rick’ wouldn’t understand the reason for since Rick is getting his version of who I am from the landlord, in ‘secret.’ Rick has no idea that the landlord rarely, if ever notifies his tenants about things he intends to do, since he decides FOR them, when they ‘should’ be in or not in the shower. All people ‘should’ be out of the shower before nine am (like him) and therefore there is no need to warn anybody about it. Likewise with fire alarm tests.

So the landlord and I both know this is an act he is putting on. We also both know that he has been told many times not to arrive at my door without calling first and not to enter my apartment without my knowledge or consent nor let anyone else in. it does not have any effect on him and again, we BOTH know that. But Rick only has the landlord’s ‘spin’ to go by and the tales he has told to others, which he of course DENIES doing. He considers himself to be my ‘superior’ and therefore his manipulations are unknown to someone HE considers to be his inferior.

None of these people can connect the fact that ‘we’ can’t stand them with the reality of their own behavior towards us. From their perspective on this contrived ‘reality’ what is as obvious as a collie turd on a snow bank to ‘us’ is a well concealed ‘secret’ to ‘them.’
In other words, they are deliberately duplicitous but so arrogant about it that even when they are told to stop doing it, they keep right on believing themselves to be ‘hidden’ and keep right on behaving the same way.

They are, in fact, deluding themselves, and then reacting to their own delusional beliefs about the ‘other’ but they are unaware of that. That is why it is so frustrating to deal with them. They do not deal directly. Everything is always a set of manipulative ploys with them. They are exhausting.
Self deluded people, especially when they are reinforced by a group that makes an agreement on ‘reality’ do not recognize their OWN delusional beliefs. That is what the 180 degree ‘switch’ is all about.
These people were (and are) sucked into Dale’s ‘game’ which is exactly what I told Homewood and C.M.H.C. people, LONG before the community which they all involved I the ‘consensus ‘ assault on me caused my breakdown of 95. Dale believes his ‘secret’ power, used to control ‘others’ to ‘create and define reality itself’ for all others, puts him ‘at cause.’ And it does!

If truly seen and understood however, he ‘realizes’ his ‘experience’ which he ‘shares out here in the world of reality’, will identify him as a sociopath. It is also intended to enlighten his victim (me) that I am a victim because I ‘looked for reason’ in HIM (where ‘there is no reason’) and it is also intended to ‘enlighten’ Homewood (and all other mental health professionals) that this all occurs because you choose to follow the leadership of a sociopath with a hidden agenda of domination. (It’s about domination)
This is why ‘life is a joke; it’s a game, which is defined as making a choice between being ‘winners or losers.”

This is the ‘Pyrrhic’ victory of Dale’s game. Everybody loses because we all chose to follow him, believing he was reasonable, including me for awhile. Then, as expected that you would, you decided to hide the truth and blame the victim, and that ‘switch’ is the premise of this power ‘game’ right from the start.
‘It’ is about blaming the victim for BEING a victim (like it’s the victim’s choice) AND excusing and enabling the aggressor (because you colluded with him and are taking care of your own interests) Since it is denied and concealed by the MAJORITY of ‘normal;’ people, then ‘It’ when ‘let go’ has infinite power which goes to infinite destruction.

We who are the victims of this power already know that. In fact, we tell you and tell you, but you refuse to hear It. Instead, you find the fault to be in ‘us’ for telling you the truth for ‘too long.’ You don’t find the fault to be in yourselves for endlessly hiding the truth about yourselves, no matter how much evidence there is that you are wrong.
So you give yourselves and everyone trapped in this paradox “with’ you, the ultimate ‘prize’ when you discover that the destruction of the whole planet is to be caused by you in a chain reaction of infinite power (Pi) that you ‘chose’ to ‘let go’ because doing so allowed you to delude yourselves that you are all the ‘winners’ in the game of life.

Those who tried to warn you were defined as ‘crazy’ and were pressured and invalidated until they became the other ‘side’ of your self fulfilling prophecy.
The mindless masses like to kill the messenger, don’t they?

In Dales’ training, the manipulations have led the trainees to say, “There is no reason in what I do.’
Why is that?
It’s a revelation.
Of what?
Of the truth process.
So what does the trainee understand?
Depends.
On what?
Upon his/her perspective on It and on reality. Is he ‘with’ the aggressor, the victim, or the manipulated group? He/she may hear that as a revelation, an accusation or an instruction for power if ‘recreated.’
It demonstrates how psychopaths do it without leaving evidence of intent.
It demonstrates how people get victimized by psychopaths.
It demonstrates how mobs are so easily led and how they will follow a leader based upon what they believe is going on what they believe is the reason they are given for anything, without questioning the leader or his authoritarian system, especially when ‘it’ is supported by group consensus.

Once you understand all of this and look back to where you started, you get it. That reality is NOT that which is arrived at by either ‘authority (like Homewood) or ‘group consensus (like the rest of the staff and the public they involved) but is that which you experience. When you see and understand all of that and recognize what has happened here, you have ‘experienced experience’ and you are now finished. Finished is defined as the point where all further search stops, and the only point where it stops, is the place you started. That is where you accepted the ‘switch’ as the starting point. The starting point though is within the one who created the switch in the first place; the one who is playing the domination game. If you supported his victim side, instead of his aggressor side, he would be able to give 'It' up. Remember the exercise about that? What you believe is happening depends upon the point where YOU perceive the action to have begun.
Do you understand Dale’s ‘prize’ line now?
Do you think HE does?

Know how to find out how MUCH he understand? It is called an investigation. In it you would look to find out exactly what he told everyone else and what he consciously DIRECTED as the “Director.”

"Really"There Are No Victims...

Only people like me who 'think'we are someone's victim. Right?

The same thing that keeps the cult operational, keeps the dysfunctional family operational. The one at the top of the pyramid of power, makes the rules.
The Primary rule is: You aren't allowed to find any fault in the one on top, nor his system, because the fault will be found in the fault finder for doing so. (Infinite Loop)

The group, unaware of the leader's hidden agenda, supports the rule, and invalidates the reality of the situation in which they are playing an unwitting part. As long as the individual in the victim role can neither change the situation nor escape it, (no Rescuer) the pressure will continue to build until something gives.

The current mental health system is operating the same way, wanting even more unquestioned power for itself, than it had before rather than focusing on teaching personal boundary skills and obtaining and using appropriate power to those who are sick because they either violate the boundaries of others (sociopaths) or they can't get others out of their boundaries (schizophrenics).

The people most likely to understand my protagonist's 'game' paradigm and the same sort of thing performed by others, are those who have played these roles before in some way in their lives. We already recognize "the Game".

The sociopaths don't like those they victimize much because we tend to prevent them from getting their "fix"; the addiction to power over others. That's what they use to make themselves feel better. This is why dysfunctional family members need to learn how to blame appropriately, while letting go of vengeance. Dysfunctional people don't know the difference between blame and vengeance, or even that there is one.

I believe the police perspective on things can help psychiatry become more realistic in it's dealings with all troubled and abused people. Police would find it ludicrous to say to the victim of violence or scams, "Why don't you stop that whining, learn how to forgive your assailant and let it go? Perhaps that's because police see the concrete results of the acting out of unresolved conflicts.

Unless this cycle of abuse of power, "other" control and invalidation of the victims is interrupted, I believe it's only going to get worse. It's time everyone focused on SELF control, which is much more than self restraint. Equally important is the ability, missing in most dysfunctional families, to psychologically block the attempts of others to take control that does not belong to them. This is the essence of Co-Dependent "sickness", and it's a metaphysical "sickness" not a physical one. We can't "cure" psycho-spiritual pain with a scalpel or a pill. We all need to face the Reality of that.

Perhaps the reason the Mad Doctors and the Mad Woman understand each other best, is because we've all been programmed with the same dysfunctional concepts; some in families and some at Med. School. But, we all know, at an intuitive level, that accepting these concepts as "normal" is making us all sick. Instead, we need to start exposing those who promote manipulative control of others as "superiority" and STOP "overlooking" it and "forgiving" those who have no conscience or empathy.

My Name Is Not 'Honey"

My Name Is Not ‘Honey’

I live my life based upon my OWN level of awareness, my OWN experience, and my OWN feelings about it NOT yours.

I do NOT live it according to the awareness, experiences, and feelings of OTHERS ABOUT it.
Don’t call me ‘Honey’ while you try to maintain control over me and invalidate me, and don’t call your attempts to do so, ‘help ‘or you will find that you are going to get stung quite a bit while trying to collect this ‘honey.’

On the spiritual level of Being, this is what is said of the ‘One’ known as the Devil:

“He shall deceive many. He is ‘the breech birth’ (born while turned around one hundred and eighty degrees) ‘The devil’s arrogance blinds him to the truth about himself.’
'If you want to see the Devil, look in the Mirror.’ (Where the image is exactly the same but is reversed)
' If you want to see ‘the devil’ in my own fascinating case, then look into the Guelph Mirror, where the image of 'It' is very clear.

Harper Valley 4

Now let’s take an up close look at the complete stranger to me who has spent quite a bit of time adding to the rumor mill.

She is a senior woman about five foot three or four, very thin, with short straight gray hair and she’s is quite the judge.
When I get on the bus, which she also takes, she frequently screws up her hateful face at me. (No doubt, she is certain that she knows. Ha ha ha. Ask Dale to explain the concept to you) I will call her Skinny Minnie for the sake of giving her a unique identity when I do not know her name.

Minnie is one of the locals who gets her versions of me from a variety of sources. I have witnessed her ‘getting it (har har har) from Terry J. of the Elliot broadcast news, when terry was riding the bus. (after which the duplicitous terry’s little smirk appeared) remember now Normal people, your job is to “invalidate everything I say in order to validate yourselves.’ You want to keep ‘game boy’ smirking too don’t you?

As a matter of fact, I saw ‘game boy’ on the bus today. He doesn’t seem all that thrilled right now. Perhaps he hasn’t had his power fix for awhile.

Anyway, back to Minnie. I believe she also gets some of her gossip from her hairdresser which she may well get passed along from Myrna G. ,Mary G.’s auntie. Minnie has in turn defined me, quite nastily by the contempt on her face, for Beth H. Beth H. is the woman I told in 99 that I had been forced out of my job at Homewood by Dale who was doing the game thing and I showed her the book I found him QUOTING from, while the boys from the law office of M * Mc sat at lunch in the Eaton centre smirking some more. (Guelphites are very good at smirking and eavesdropping and deluding themselves that they are hiding while they are doing it. One day recently I saw our Minnie informing Mary W., of what she is passing around and the two of them sat and shook their little heads together. Many of you may remember Mary W., she is the now retired ward clerk who I claimed was sitting and listening to my answering machine recordings which I was leaving for Dale and the then staff of the Hamiltons in the ‘joke/game/intervention (depending upon who was doing the defining.)

So you can see the irony in all of this right? There is Mary gossiping away and when she sees me she pretends she does not know a thing and I must not say anything because if I do, I can get further treatment, which by the way, I have heard recently Homewood thinks they should do anyway. Someone defined my fight for the truth as ‘obsessing.’ From my point of view Homewood is “obsessing’ about denying reality to the point where most of them look quite mad to me. So round and round it goes, year after year, none of the people involved able to connect their obvious behavior and gossiping to my observation and reporting of same, all the way back to at least 93. Why not? Group delusion that’s why. They HAVE to believe they understand this better than I do otherwise they would have to know they all acted out like abusive assholes against someone they were manipulated to see that way. What? Could all these superior people possibly be manipulated without their knowing about it? Well, did you know that this is done by the psychiatric profession as experiments with staff occasionally? Please read about Cameron’s CIA experiments in Canada.

Remember the bus driver/Homewood staff announcements of 1994? “No one is going to say anything to her and that way she will just have to think she imagined the whole thing.”
Real sane huh?

No one admits to anything now either, even while they keep right on behaving the same way, keep right on being oblivious to themselves and keep right on being unable to connect their stupid behavior with my reporting of same. Instead, they just deny it all, like every other dysfunctional group.

Should I be expecting a nice pair of handcuffs to help me in changing my mind and agreeing not to know what I know so as not to offend those with all the power? I have been told how appropriate it would be of me to speak of it.
I have heard that lately; another intervention has been discussed as a preventative measure to make sure I am not psychotic again. They are ‘sure” it will happen again and in fact, if they have to pressure me until it does, I think they just might do that so that they can be ‘always right and never wrong.’’’ Ha ha ha (Watch game boy smile at that one, right out of his asshole training manual)

You see in my own fascinating case, Homewood, CMHC, the university, see no connection between all their gossiping, assessing , observing and diagnosing and the destructive effects of that on my very real life. But then that shouldn’t surprise anyone as they never do, psychiatrists are a remarkably strange and insular group, out of touch with the most obvious of realities. But they also get protected in that state by all the underlings who just go along with it.

For them it’s not cause AND effect either. Its cause OR effect just like the numbed out well trained automaton who sucked them all into the game. I admit I got sucked into it too but at least I didn’t stay blind to it. The denial that this is a GROUP event is what keeps it from being seen. Remember what Dale’s so called training told you? “You will fail to see what is right in front of you.” That ‘OR’ is about the separation between an imaginary ‘them’ and ‘us’ which denies the connection exists. It is a demonstration of the mindless masses who see no connection between what they do and say as a group and the destructive results of it to the person they do and say it about. This is why the psych. Prof who did the analysis of dales’ game says, “it is designed to have a very specific effect’ and ‘It’s about hate,’ ‘group catharsis’, ‘feeling powerful,’ ‘targeting victims’, ‘setting people up’, ‘blaming the victims and excusing the guilty.’
(This is also what Thomas Szasz says about the reality of ‘schizophrenia.’)

It’s about denying the reality of the lives of people who complain about abuses. It is about covering the whole thing up, even though half the town knows about it, and pretending it never happened and watching all the nincompoops go along with the cover up!
It is abut people who demonstrate they can’t be trusted using the ‘180’ just like dale did, and telling everyone they must cover it up because THEY can’t trust ME.
It is about some subtle and some not so subtle punishments of me by individuals out of this mob mentality fro ‘blaming others’ or ‘attacking poor Dale’’ or ‘causing all this trouble for others’ or ‘being lazy and incompetent’ or ‘not even caring about family’ etc you know,‘ the existentialism Dale discussed briefly with me before he put me through his ‘exercises’ the existence of which has been denied by one and all.

It is also about being discussed by people like Skinny Minnie as a thief, or a drunk, or an addict, or a porn star, or bi sexual or whatever other story the town morons have decided to invent to justify that group catharsis they are getting using me as the object of their collective contempt.

How do I ‘prove’ the covert story telling? How do I argue my case when it is a ‘secret’ or denied altogether? How do I stop a mob? To whom am I obliged to explain my life so they will stop their group nonsense? Tell me experts. I’m all ears. Do I get my UNDERstanding OK now Dale? Did you know that I showed Suzanne K. your answer right after you passé it to me I Homewood dining room? Do you all know that that written response is the evidence that EdPerez didn’t want when I saw him in January, 2001? What exactly did he tell Jill H, it was? Let’s all ask him shall we? Does that boundary violating contemptuous little female dog get it yet herself? How about Diane? Does she get it? Is it hilarious to her too? While we are at it, let’s also ask him what he thinks ethics and integrity actually mean. Now that I have turned down my disability pension twice because after Homewood told my employer I was dangerous and incurable I didn’t get any work, imagine how hilarious it is going to be when I am out on the streets. (Don’t forget o blame me no matter what I say and do not let up on that. You have your own interests to protect and that must come first. The current community assessment is that I am just exaggerating. Actually lunkheads YOU are minimizing.)

So let’s all check with Dale and see if we all get it yet. Don’t worry, I won’t show any overt signs of anger or fear nor attempt to get too much ‘attention’ to this matter because I know that I can be ‘helped’ again if I do and if I try to get away from them, I can expect my picture to appear on CKCO news and also in the Guelph Mercury telling the world what an insane lunatic I am and urging everyone to call the police as I am suspected of wanting to feel bad. That because ‘patient confidentiality’ is so very important to Homewood. By god feeling bad is not allowed in Guelph; not any more. Not without being labeled and treated for it by the psychiatric empire. No more emotional outbursts allowed. The Faith has decided to put a stop to it.

So, are you sort of getting the understanding now about why Dale’s eyes were always glowing with amusement and the little smirk was on his face as all of you speculated amongst yourselves about me? Do you get it Bev L.? How about you Wanda do you get it? How about you Leslie? Paul?
You were all ‘interpreting’ his abstractions they way you wanted to do it. That is what he expected you to do. That is part of the training exercises. He was ‘observing the action between the two sides.’ He was playing ‘the two sides’ off against each other after starting his bait and switch ‘game.’ Does Dale know it’s a bait and switch? I don’t now. I DO know he likes to feel he is a ‘winner’ in the ‘game’ of life, because he tells people (allegedly) that his investment in his asshole training is one of the best things he has ever done. Now WHY would he think that do you suppose? Is it because he gets to be the ‘director’ of reality itself? Can you imagine being so absurdly needy that you would fall for such crap? Doing damage to people is this jerk’s idea of a good time. He was enjoying listening to all of you repeat all of the same things he had already ‘experienced’ inside his own training, the outcome of which was already known to him and so it was predictable. What was not predictable was the fact that his target knew something about his game, and would in fact, understand what it meant better than anyone else.

Every now and again, some asshole gives himself the ‘prize.’ That’s what the line really means to his’ hero.’ You see, in the game, only the one at the top of the pyramid cannot have any fault found in either himself or his system. The creator of the game ‘won first, THEN he ‘played the game.”

Dale’s hero told his trainees “It can turn out any way you want it to. His hero is ‘leveling’: He is telling the truth on an abstract level, in fact, he is demonstrating It. He is also ‘leveling’ concretely; he is either creating equality by teaching a lesson or he is cutting everyone down to a size which is beneath him. It is the collective choice of the trainees. What It (and all the words) means depends upon your ‘perspective’ on it. If you hear it as a revelation, one thing; as an accusation, another; as an instruction, yet another. If you were a sociopath, how do you think you would hear the abstractions at the nexus of meaning?

What is still happening here, thirteen years after my protagonist started his game, is a demonstration of’ the infinite nature of the training” or ‘Pi” which just goes on and on in it’s infinite loop of EITHER destruction or healing , depending upon which ‘choice’ you make, what motivates you, and what you see as the starting point. In order to stop the ‘effects’ it is necessary to recognize the switch at the start. Then you DO something about it and what you do is turn it back around one hundred and eighty degrees. If you don’t see that and DO it, you can’t get out of this game. It has to be exposed for what it is to stop it. The guy who created it knows that.

Why Can't They Hear Themselves Doing...

...Just What I Say They Are Doing?

Why, I wonder, is it not obvious to them even now?




This is one of the ‘game’ concepts out of my psychiatric/nurse/protagonist’s so called ‘training.’

“Everything that is being said is true, except that what is driving it has been switched.” (On or off?)

Nexus statement:
“I think people are talking about me.”

Fact: People are talking about me.
Are you people?
Are you talking?
Then that is reality isn’t it you numbskulls.

Group denial version, blind to themselves:
‘They” think that people are talking about them. (The poor crazy things)

Psychiatry’s version:
If she ‘thinks’ people are talking about her that’s a ‘sign’ of her insanity, for even though we ARE talking about her, she doesn’t KNOW we are, therefore she must think some other people do that, and we know, because of our special training, that people don’t do that, the ‘mentally ill’ only ‘think’ they do, therefore (anti-logically) this woman is mentally ill and needs treatment for these obvious paranoid delusions of hers.

Me: What??!

Psychiatrist:
Having trouble making sense of things are you?
(to himself, covertly " Ah yes, another symptom on my endless check list. I’m sure I’m on the right track here.)

Me: Yes, I certainly am having trouble making ‘sense’ of ‘things.”

Chief Medical Officer: (covertly as usual)
See what a good educational event this is staff? Why if this doesn’t convince everyone to keep the organized schizo hunt going what will? This identified patient sure won’t ‘let It go’, will she? Now they will all be convinced that drugging these mental cases into submission is for their own good, yes indeedy do.’

Me: both "covertly" and openly
No, I sure won’t ‘let it go Dr. Deafmann. ‘It’ needs to be stopped; not ‘overlooked,’ ignored, suppressed, or ‘forgiven’ while all those involved in ‘It, keep right on behaving the same way.

In Determining Guilt

The Case of Adam and Eve After the Expulsion from the Garden
By Patricia Lefave, Labelled, D.D.(P)

Who Bit the Apple?

From the T.V. Series ‘Numb3rs’

‘If you want to know who is guilty, you have to go all the way back to the apple. There is not enough information to analyze accurately from just the results.’

Perhaps my personal protagonist and the staff of the Hamiltons will remember my pointing out to them a similar concept?To quote myself:

‘If you pull out the premise, then everything I have said and done after that sounds crazy.’

Does anyone out there really believe, no matter what the degree of guilt, that my personal protagonist has NOT done, exactly what I said he did, when he is quoting from ‘the game’ in his own writing to me?

How naïve can these ‘experts’ really be?

Harper Valley News Part 3

When the women who work in the ticket kiosk at Old Quebec St. mall point me out to the Vin Joy shoe guy saying, ‘’there she is”, or ‘’there’s that lady’’, in what role exactly, am I being identified for others then?
Is that bus driver from the new bunch blushing because he knows, that I know, that he identified me by my bys pass for Scottish Rose?

Has Scottish Rose passed that information along to other bus passengers and seniors as well as her daughter, “Rosemary’s baby,’ who allegedly works at the University at O.V.C.?

Who were the members of a group of people who passed through the Library yesterday (July 14, 2006) all whom I like to identify as the ‘’men in black!’ (They looked totally out of place) There were four older men, and two women, also in basic black) looking very stately, like CIA agents, or university types, or ‘alienists’ or lawyers and judges on a lunch break, or perhaps, even a group of funeral directors. As they passed through the front entrance, one of the women spotted me on the word processor and nudged the other one, “there she is now…” Which version of ‘she’ was I then?

How many cars does Dr. Eric Zarins have? I know of two. Did he tell the old horse that he saw me on July 5th, on Riverview drive? Did Dr. Zarins once ask a residential patient who used to go out for awhile with me on the grounds, how she got along with me and what I was like? Did she describe me as ‘nicer’ than some others?

What rumors out of the General hospital has Lorraine, who now cleans there, passed along to her friends and relatives? What about Suzanne, the R.N.?

Why are the bus radios turned back up again now? Is it because they know there is no point in turning them down to keep me from ‘finding out’ what most of the population of Guelph is keeping ‘secret’?

Did Marlene K. (M) share her assessment of the situation between me and Dale with her neighbours and the university students who boarded with john next door? How about with Sue Rogers? Or Cheryl F.? How about the Italian couple I had a year or so ago as clients, the wife of which allegedly suggested to others that she HAD to stay up all night with me because if she did not, I would be stealing from them? She also informed with obvious ‘suspicion’ that she “used to live on Liverpool St.” (Not that any landlords would have a problem respecting their tenants boundaries of course!) In fact, right after I told Suzanne K, that I thought I had just caught my landlord coming out of my apartment when I was out, and he wasn’t expecting me, I hear his daughter saying, ‘She said you did an illegal entry’ and his reply, ‘illegal entry my ass!” Did Marlene get lots of news and views from Suzanne K. who worked for Comcare and who was assessing everything by what Dale was feeding her constantly in order (IMO) to keep HER co-operating with HIS ‘hidden’ agenda of domination?

Is Bernard’s ‘friend’ Vasha (sp?) aware that I am aware she suggested to Bernard that I should not be trusted? Did she get that idea from other lawyers' offices? Did the firm of McElderry and Morris help her with that? Is she aware that I am aware that she allegedly illegally entered my apartment while suggested that it would be me who might do that? Is she aware of her OWN part in Dales’ “Theatre of the Absurd? (I’m sure Dale is aware of most of this. When it is acted out for him, he hears it from HIS hidden perspective, and is getting a great deal of entertainment from listening to all of these people performing for him as an ‘effect’’ of his pre-planned ‘game.’) I also am aware of it but I am alone with my truth am I not? That is also what tickles the heck out of Dale; knowing that I know what he did and continues to do but being unable to ‘do anything about it!’ (har har har)

Did Bernard’s ‘friend’Vasha try to justify her behaviour by invalidating my objection to it and telling a new story to someone down at the “News Café” when it still existed at old Quebec St.? Is Bernard aware that I am aware of al his little ploys etc. like the one in relation to Vasha’s suggestion? Is he aware that I am aware of the reason for his sudden change of heart on that point? Did he get his idea of me as passed on to him by Donna H. former owner of the building and employer of Harry M.? Is it also true that he defines me for other tenants and trades people, asks them if they have heard any rumours and asks the tenants who are university students to fill him in if the should hear anything else? If you ask him how many times he has been in my apartment without my knowledge or consent, what do you think he would say? If he found out that some of the people he ‘allegedly’’ took in with him were going to tell the truth about it, what story would he have then? Does he ever like to try to justify his behaviour by blaming the tenant’s reactions to it? Does he alter reality a little bit so it will sound a certain way, lie suggesting that tenants are only complaining about no notice of things like turning the water off for instance, because they are afraid they may ‘turn on the taps and b unable to wash their hands or something? Did you know he says he does not need to give notice after 9am or so because ‘everybody should be out of the shower by then’? Does that seem a little ‘judgmental’ to you and perhaps a bit disrespectful of the rights of others to live their lives on their own terms and not his , as if he represented a ‘norm’?

Is it also true that Vasha suggested the smell of the glue used by Ray to replace the bathroom tile was not the glue at all? Did she suggest it might be that I was running a drug lab from my apartment?

Did this come from rumoured suggestions of Homewood staff that my membership in Al-Anon (the group of friends and relatives who cope with addicts) indicated I was an alcoholic? Is that where the paramedic who tried to talk me out of going to the hospital with a cardiac arrhythmia got the idea? From the rumour mill? Did that paramedic suggest to Dr. Ray G. that I did not have a hear t problem that I was probably just drunk and ‘seeking attention’? Did that fact that I had not had any drinks at all have any affect on the way I was treated, or did they even bother to look? Is this why Dr. C…a, ever so casually, asked me if I had been drinking and suggested that that could be my problem? Is it also true that some of the Homewood staff involved fantasized that my breakdown, the diagnosis of which was ‘psychosis NYD”, was actually caused by an imagined drug use of my own choice?

Did anyone make note of the fact that I had reported to Homewood that I also felt that I was being drugged with something? Does everyone know that no tests were made? Do you know how easy it would be to find out if I am a drunk? How many times does anyone see me at the liquor stores or beer stores? Would it be close to never? How many times do you see me in bars? Would that be pretty much never? Also/ Does evidence actually play any part in the group fantasy? Or does that must cause you all too much distress to see the truth about yourselves and your disgusting group behaviour?

Do you think the fact that the paramedic was ‘diagnosing my heart problem as ‘drunkenness’ had anything to do with the fact that he had looked around my apartment and had seen that I had an appointment with Ken Kruger, which was stuck to my calendar?

Do you think that he know that I know that? Or am I too stupid and /or crazy to have his number?
Do you think all this crap that you were and are, spreading all over has had a negative effect on my life at all? Do you think you can figure out why I am considered to be ‘at effect, or the ‘loser’ and why Dale sees himself ad ‘’at cause, or the winner’, in what he defines as the ‘game of life.” Can you think of any reason why he may smirk to himself a lot about all of this?

Which nurse at the Elliot told them on the night shift that I had been ‘insane’? Was it perhaps Paula F. who worked on H3 at Homewood while Dale was suggesting I was a mental case” (she is the Paula F. mentioned on the tapes they listened in on every day) Or, was it Nancy F. (not her married initial) who was also on the Hamiltons at the time and also allegedly eagerly sharing whatever HER version of the reality was between dale and myself, all over town? After Johanna allegedly suggested to Sherry B. and staff at the Elliot that I had had my privileges removed by Homewood for my incompetence, was Sherry the one who suggested that they could do that at the Elliot too?

Was Terry J. (also operating with a ‘hidden’ agenda) happy about that?
Did she ask the hairdresser there to watch for ‘signs’ and then report anything she ‘suspected’ to either her at home or Sherry? Did you know that Terry had one of the resident’s caregivers doing the same thing? This woman would look for faults even in what I said which was the same as what terry said but which was ‘perceived’ as ‘different.’ This woman would also screw up her hateful face at me while considering herself to be ‘hidden’ and then share her opinions about me with other residents and their relatives. I was told by Terry that I would ‘like’ her and that I was to sit with her. Guess why? I did not ‘like’ either one of them for obvious reasons. Terry, by the way was just my equal, but seemed to think of herself as my ‘superior.’ This woman, acting as ‘spy’ for Terry, was calling Terry at home to report her opinions, as Terry had instructed her to do, which, by the way, are not appropriate in this situation. It is the business of the Elliot and my employer only and it is another boundary violation for this woman to agree to do such a thing.) Did you know that it was also rumoured that some of the staff thought it was Terry who was scary? (That was because she seemed to believed that she was the ONLY one who ‘really’ cared and she also had people come in from outside to instruct STAFF on how to do things. )

Terry also allegedly pointed me out to seniors on the bus and told them stories, which they allegedly passed on to others. Always in ‘secret’ of course) I found Terry to be deceitful and saccharine from MY perspective, which you might also if you were in my position. Under normal circumstances, I ignore such people, and I am not interested in ‘socializing’ with them. That is because I see what is there; not because I am seeing something which is not there. Sometimes it is those ‘superior’ others who ‘fail to see what is right in front of them’ ( a concept from his training exercises) which is something that Dale and I BOTH know about this situation, even if most of the rest of you do NOT know.If it is all right for all of these ‘normal’ people to run off at the mouth like this, then I must be ‘normal,’ only if I join them; so I have.


Stay tuned. I will keep gossiping along with all of you, as my new "norm", until you decide to ‘do something about it’ and what you need to do is simply investigate the ‘concrete’ results of the abstract training. For you GET the understanding, only when you integrate the concrete side with the abstract side of IT.

"More News from Harper Valley"

Who were the two guys in suits at Coco Latte who said, “She is way ahead of us.”
Do the senior citizens here still have a problem dealing with my relationships with my relatives?

Is that what we would call ‘neurotic’ in the old days? (It is what I call dysfunctional relating)
Why did someone (?) believe that “they” were planning to apologize to me in April this year? (Bad rumour?)
Which doctor said, “I am a deaf doctor?”
Who at the Library thinks it is ‘terrible’’ that I have been “begging them (my judges) to talk to me for over ten years and they won’t.’
Why do some think it’s a miracle? What is ‘it’ to those people?
Who are the ‘they’ who knew in March of 2006 that it all makes perfect sense?
WHO exactly, IS ‘Intrepid’?
What does ‘Bangs” who lives in public housing on Speedvale know about all of this?
What has she learned from Scottish Rose?
Now that they’ say they know I was right about this, why don’t ‘they’ acknowledge me?
What are ‘the professional’’ still arguing about amongst themselves?

How many people has the Vin Joy shoe guy discussed me with? (other than ‘Intrepid’, pony tail man, Tim the Homewood A.C.T.or, the older man who eats his meals at Homewood and the former tenant and university student, Jamie F. ?
What various versions of my ‘reality’ have they all shared with Shoe guy?
Is the current roofing guy getting other versions of ‘reality’ from my landlord in his never ending quest to ‘secretly’ justify his actions?
What has Wendy learned at Wally’s tavern?
Has she shared all that gossip with Jay N., University of Guelph, Philosophy department?

Has Jay shared it with others including the elderly ladies in his apartment building? And what of Myrna G.? Has Jay filled HER in on the latest from the university so she can run the news back to neighbours, who used to be jay’s neighbours also?
Has she filled in Mary G. niece (?) and Homewood Nurse, who has let her mother know what is going on and also her co-workers?

Did they in turn keep Dale, my protagonist informed so that he can run his ‘game’ in whatever way he needs to, to’ validate himself by invalidating me? ‘
What of the couple who work in maintenance or housekeeping at U. of G.? (The ones who take my bus route and talk over the rumours) Did they get some good stories from MR. Robinson, the one who shared his gossip about me with a former client of mine who lived across the street from him?

What do you suppose that client told Eddy D.? Did Eddy D. then take the gossip he got from her and Robinson to the red Chevron beer hall for entertaining and diagnosing with his pals?
What did Robinson tell the group of old men at the mall with whom he used to sit?
Why did he find it necessary to tell them I was ‘dangerous’ because I was ‘allowed’ to go back to work three weeks after I had been in there?

Why did bus driver Wayne P. feel it was all right to ‘warn’ a woman and children that I was on the bus? I had never done a thing to anyone so why was I being treated as if I had? Was that because of all the rumours HE was getting back from Homewood staff too?
At the Red Chevron, did Eddy D. keep my then landlord Bill K. informed of what he got from the university staff? Did you know they are both members there? Is that where Bill k. originally met Harry M. a fellow drinker who reported to Sean M. an addiction counselor at Homewood ( who disappeared from his job right after I told Rhea L. about his acting out)

Did Bill K. let this friend into my apartment on Liverpool street one morning after waiting until I left for work? Did he report his findings to Sean M at Homewood or directly to Dale T. so that Dale could play ‘repeater’ technique with me in his little ‘game?’
Did Bill K. help Harry M. to manipulate my move out of his house to a new apartment where Harry M. just happened to be the handy man with a permanent set of keys to get in; or perhaps to let anyone else in that he chose?

Is Bill K, Suzanne K.’s uncle by any chance?
Is Marlene her cousin?
Did Suzanne put Dale in touch with Marlene?
Was Marlene giving Dale information about me on the phone?
Did she put him in touch with the next door neighbor there, John? Did that guy ‘help’ Dale to watch me?
Did she also give him lots of information which he could the use to ‘see my fear’?
Did Dale have people repeat things back to me, knowing they would not know where it came from and hoping that I, as ‘that stupid ‘schizo’ would think that ‘people were reading my mind’?

Did it occur to Dale that what I would ‘think, was that he had set me up and that he was manipulating his co-workers to help him stalk me? (Because that is what I think now, and have thought for quite some time)
Who gave some of the bus drivers at the time my unlisted phone number?
Was it Dale to whom I had given it? Was it Suzanne K. who also had it? Did SHE give it to Bill K. or Marlene? (I didn’t)


Lots more Harper Valley style news to come, so stay tuned…

As I Observe The Public Observing Me…

…I am reminded of the little scenes acted out for me in the psychiatric hospital while I was still working there. This was back in the ‘joke/game/intervention days of total chaos and confusion; the days of my being diagnosed from a safe distance away. Often though that ‘distance’ was not too great a distance and often was less than six feet.

It was also back when I thought the behaviour of staff was part of a put-on which included me in the ‘fun’, but, it didn’t.

One of these little skits flashed into memory again last night.
As I walked onto the second floor unit to see my client there, three of the nurses were clustered around the desk at the nursing station. (It was an open station then, no walls or enclosures of any kind separating them from the patients or anyone else.) As I walked in past the first ten feet, I stopped and sort of backed up to look to my left. The nurses then ‘assessed’ that amongst themselves. The one with the longest time in service there said to the other two, “Look at ‘er, look at ‘er, she’s looking for HIM.’ (Meaning my protagonist, I’m sure)
This behaviour of nurses of course, went on all over the hospital, including acting out for me the opinions of all other staff members, while I stood there looking at them doing it! This sort of thing is, of course, why I continued to believe they were ‘joking.’ After all, how could such stupid obvious behaviour NOT be a joke?
Of course, I know NOW the answer to my own question was within the question itself. But that was THEN, and of course, this is now, seen with hindsight, just as my protagonist knew would have to occur, if it was to occur at all.

Anyway, back then, there they stood, subjectively projecting there own fantasy version of my reality into my presumed awareness, motivations and actions, totally unaware of themselves. Perhaps my protagonist should explain to his co-workers the difference between fantasy and reality as he learned it from his ‘training.’ Or, perhaps not as apparently, he does not understand it himself.

Just to set the record straight on the reality of the previously mentioned little skit related above, ‘allow’ me to explain to you MY experience from my own perspective; the one no one seems to be interested in considering.

The reason I sort of backed up and looked to the left in that instance was because my bladder was very full and I was looking to see if the ‘occupied’ sign was on the staff bathroom door which is near the entrance.
So, nurses, you were entertaining yourselves again, in your usual group delusion of grandeur, using me like an object, or prop, in your dysfunctional ‘play’ about yourselves. (Dysfunctional Pi) The beginning of your delusion, and the end of It rest on the same point, and exist in yourselves, not in me.

This is the ‘prize’ of understanding, my protagonist, (your co-worker who can’t be ‘blamed’ for anything without dragging you into the mess too) has given to YOU also. You are not ‘objective observers’ outside the ‘game.’ As I told you long, long ago, you ARE his ‘game’ the same as I am, except that I became aware of It and YOU did not.

The New Messiah Has Arrived In Canada

The new ministry is now proselytizing in the streets of Ottawa. The new one has replaced that ‘old ‘ messiah known as Jesus, and has come with great power and many ‘signs’ and wonders, prepared to alter the perceptions and reactions of Yea, the whole world!
Sigmund Christ has come at last. Hallelujah brothers and sisters!

You don’t believe me?

Well then, take a look.

Ottawa Innercity Ministries

Now, for those of you who may be resisting and still interested in choosing your own Messiah, like Jesus Ben Joseph for instance, who has been proclaimed post mortem by many of the new one’s apostles to have been ‘schizophrenic’ and suffering from a ‘messiah complex’, you will have to go to the counter culture for hope and inspiration I’m afraid.

Does anyone find this new proclamation quite absurd or ironic like I do? Or is it just my madness making me laugh about it? (You know us nuts. We like to laugh for no reason that psychiatrists can see)

Alliance To Stop Psychiatry's Influence In Religion and Education

You might also look at the other links of the new counter culture on the right side of my blogs and also check out the ‘Personal Pick’s Website list there as well.

Still ''Thinking" That People are Talking About Me...

In this week’s ‘hallucinated’ conversations:

A woman at the Library asks another, “Are you going to make a snotty remark at her today”? (she smiles) Hmmm….I thought. Isn’t that pretty close to what the other one just did? But then I remembered, the other one is my ‘superior’ in her own mind, therefore, I can’t see her, hear her, or understand her, even thought she is only ten feet away in an otherwise quiet room. So it’s not a snotty remark or anything if I don’t actually KNOW about it, is it?

I just wish they would wave little flags or something so that I could always tell the difference between when I am supposed to be able to see them and hear them and when I am not supposed to be able to see them or hear them. I suggested to my recovery therapist the same sort of thing, except I was talking about Al H. at the time.

A woman tells some old friends, “She says that we are the ones who are crazy and she is the only sane one!” (Laughs all around)

Hmmmm. I wonder which side of the meaning of that they are laughing at today.
Are they all thinking it means the same thing? Are they laughing for the same reason? Are they laughing because (like so many of us nuts) I ‘think’ I am the same one because I am in denial I have a real bona fide ‘mental illness,’ and that’s how a nut like me’ thinks’? (Har har har)
OR
Are they laughing because they have finally realized ‘the people’ I ‘claim’ are doing the observing, assessing and following of me, are they, themselves, who deny they are doing it while they are doing it, and that they deny it because they have deluded themselves that they are somehow magically ‘hidden’ from an ‘inferior’ mind like mine? (Har har har)
In other words, are they laughing at MY delusions, or their OWN delusions.
Hmmm. Well, not one person has talked directly to me (as I told my psychotherapist would indicate it’s over) so I would guess that most people still believe that they are laughing for reason 2, above.

A lawyer rushes past me glancing at me from the side of his head. A time or two in the past, he joined a group of ‘others’ observing the specimen here. I wonder why the new body language now. Is there even more intrigue afoot? (A little Sherlock lingo for you) it’s thirteen years of total secrecy, thousands sworn to silence and now THIS! Is the lawyer having some sort of legal epiphany?

‘Eureka! We are all mocking and ridiculing the victim, who ‘claims’ she is being watched and ridiculed!’
Isn’t it fascinating how I have ended up with my protagonist’s problems? Remember though what his training told him, “What you do with problems is give them to someone else.”

Now, would that be an accusation, revelation or instruction? I guess it depends solely upon your perspective on the matter doesn’t it? Do you think that is why it is also said in his ‘training’,’It’s all a matter of perspective.”

You see, unless the abstract platitudes are connected to something specific, it means everything, which means, it means nothing in particular…doesn’t it? So, you might say then that ‘Everything and nothing is the same thing,’ mightn’t you? It does have a Zen like cuteness to it, doesn’t it? Ooo, I just remembered something. That is just exactly what my protagonist wrote down for me isn’t it? Among other things which he wrote down, like the name of the doctor who provided him with the existential type question to ‘test’ me. (You know some of us nuts have a shared thought, ‘Neanderthal ‘tests’ Cro- Magnon and finding the other different, concludes she must be defective.”

It is a lot like the statement, ‘Nothing is administered.’
If you know exactly what the speaker is talking about, you also know the statement is both positive and negative at the same time.
Sometimes, I realize, it is those with no conscience who are most likely to pass lie detector tests with flying colours. That should prove the test basically useless but hey, it doesn’t. Absurdly irrational when you really think about it isn’t it?

Yoo…Hoo…Tommy and Patrick Jr.

I didn’t want you boys to miss out on a single gossipy word. . I know that you have a lot of people to keep informed and it’s no easy task passing all that contradictory information through that complex network of bus drivers, lawyers, university employee, cops, firefighters and paramedics. I am exhausted just trying to keep up with the idea of it. Be sure to tell Frank though so that he can pass it along to Brian’s neighbour who is always anxious to put his two cents worth into it. Oooo….and Jimmy, so he can keep all the city employees and the Prof at the University informed, so that he in turn can fill in everyone at the mall food court…well, you get the idea. We mustn’t break the chain of ‘secret’ assessment. Don’t forget to give ‘Intrepid’ the address too so he doesn’t have to pester library employees about it.

The most amusing thing happened on the week end. On Saturday, July 1st, 2006, at 3pm, the landlord used his key to let himself into Stephanie’s apartment, while she was either IN the shower, or running her bath about to get in. She obviously didn’t hear him doing it as he said, ‘hello?’ as he entered. Then he realized she was home so he hollered through her bathroom door to explain why he was in there. He was leaving something for her in the kitchen. After chatting through her bathroom door, (I am assuming it was closed) asking her’ how those taps were working’, he sauntered out.

“Perfect” I said to myself, trying to be careful that there were no ears pressed to the door at the time. (If there had been I am sure it would have been interpreted as “talking to invisible people”)I wondered then if I decided to say exactly the same thing to her, as I had to Cheryl F. if it would get the same interpretation. Remember the time I told you about him pounding on her door while SHE in the tub? I wonder if Stephanie would give it the same spin. I should try it again just to see what happens and how it comes out this time. A little psychological experiment for the ongoing entertainment of Homewood staff, and all their friends and relatives. “Well Stephanie, I see you’ve had your surprise bathtub visit from the landlord.”

Will Steph also claim I said he, ‘walked right in on me while I was sitting in the tube,’ as Cheryl F. allegedly told him. Of course, I don’t think that Stephanie lived with the group of gossips on Liverpool St. as Cheryl did, so she wouldn’t be adding more to what she already ‘thinks’ she understands from back then. She doesn’t have all that old crapola to help her justify the spin. Still, if she did tell people about it, I wonder if anyone would think it sounded familiar somehow. I wonder if they would think they had heard something like that several times from several different people? Would they think there might be something to it in that case? If someone told my landlord she said that, would he have to justify it by telling, say, Doug, who works for Tina, so that Doug would feel obligated to act out in some way as a way of bonding with the landlord? Wouldn’t it be interesting to test the same statement again and see if we got identical outcomes? Would we all do the ‘shift’? Like; poor landlord. He sure does have awfully bad luck renting to all those crazy and /or stupid women doesn’t he? Another great joke in the on going saga of crazy Pat!

Also, this month and last:

One of the A.A. members who lived in the house next door for awhile and used to gossip with the neighbors, was seen in the square talking to john (the guy who says I, ‘just think I am the cat’s ass.’ (Another Manor connection)

You know what I think is really funny? When Earl, the now retired bus driver said he didn’t like it when the other bus drivers talked about all of this over the radio. (Back then, I did not know who “Earl” was you see, but NOW I do, and I think I know why he didn’t like it too) No doubt the reason he didn’t like it was because his source was likely Marg, from the Manor, through her sister Laura and he brother-in-law, Steve. Earl is a friend of theirs. They also used to rent a house from Donna H. who employed handy man Harry, whose wife (or live in girlfriend) worked at the Silver Dollar, where I “thought” people I did not even know (back then) were talking about me. That “proved” I was paranoid and helped to get me my psychiatric label. Now, are we all starting to see the connections I thought I saw which I couldn’t explain before? Are we? Huh? This is all a big secret you know so whatever you do; don’t TELL anyone in case I find out!

Anyway, the bus drivers got into the habit of turning their radios down low whenever I got on the bus and warning each other of my presence so that I wouldn’t see them or notice them. Then, some of them, including Earl, the secret keeper, would pass the latest news out of Homewood on to the bus passengers who were sitting in what I like to call, the jump seat. (That’s sort of like the flight attendant’s seat would be on a plane.) It’s the seat opposite the driver and closest to the front door. It’s where all the socializers like to seat; you know; the normal people.

They have all been hiding like this for thirteen years now, not unlike Patrick Jr. Tommy and the boys used to do it at the Eaton Centre food court with Chris and Andy. They even once figured out that I went out in just sat in places, having a coffee, (like Stone Rd and the town square) just so that I could pick up all the news about what was going on with Homewood, which I did, by listening to the whole town going on about it.

By the way, saying ‘the whole town’ isn’t meant to be taken literally. It’s an exaggeration, (though not by much I’m afraid) used to make a point. You know, like when ‘he’ said, ‘I told one person and the whole town got involved in it.’ I’m sure that whatever ‘he’ said that, ‘he’ also didn’t literally believe ‘every single person.’ So if ‘he’ is not ‘delusional and paranoid when ‘he’ says that, I think we might assume the same is true for me.

What do you say we dump the double standard here and try a little reality for a nice change of pace?

Someone has said, n the street, ‘It’s like she’s their translator.’ They probably mean because I speak both schizophrenese and psychiatrese. (They are closely related ‘languages’ you see.)
Tell ‘Intrepid’ his best disguise is that hat. Even his friends don’t know him in that thing. You know the one. The Goombah hat. (Did you notice I don’t have the yellow coat anymore? Guess why. ‘They’ say no one knows what to do now. SURE they do. I told them in an e-mail years ago, which they all chose to ignore, as always.

A woman near the courthouse remarked that ‘Homewood hasn’t even apologized for it.’ ‘Imagine’! (I don’t have to imagine anything actually. I am living it.) ‘They’ say that even the professionals are arguing about it now.

One of the men, who used to eat his meals at Homewood cafeteria (and who perhaps still does) was sitting with the Vin Joy shoe guy last week. Shoe man doesn’t like to miss out on any news, so maybe you could give him my blog address too. One day, not that long ago, as I walked by the store, the tall skinny guy with the black pony tail was playing the ‘there she is’ game. Later, I saw him and shoe guy chatting together over coffee at the Cornerstone restaurant. Maybe you could pump them for information. I am sure that I am missing out on all kinds of versions of my ‘reality’ basically because, as I said all those years ago on my answering machine to Dale and the then staff of the Hamiltons, “it’s just my life, so it’s none of my business, is it’?