“Message Off the Internet”

“One begins to twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts.”
Sherlock Holmes

My usual readers will no doubt be puzzled by this odd message That is understandable as it is for some very specific people, all of them still acting out as always in my own community. As I am not ‘allowed’ to speak, while they are ‘allowed’ to say anything they please without consequence, I am ‘allowing’ myself to speak in this indirect manner to them by announcing it to the world. Hopefully, someone I know in England or Germany will run into one of them somewhere and will point this message out to one of them, who in turn, will then chain gossip it back around the globe to those who are involved, who will then act it out for me from four feet away, while denying the whole thing (of course)

Here’s the ‘message’:

To the one I have named “Intrepid”
Whomever or whatever you are, would you PLEASE stop discussing me with other people. They never shut their mouths about anything. Here is a specific example for you.

The man with the white hair who looks Indian with whom you were once again assessing the situation while at the mall on Friday, shares all the news and opinions he gathers from all with a variety of people which includes, Prof. P. an Asian man at the mall and Susan at the main branch of the Library. These people in turn, pass along every piece of garbage they hear, from every source, assessing it all with everyone they know.

Update: January 6th, 2007
Now what did I just tell you here? I said STOP talking to people at that bloody mall. Did you think I couldn't see you if you had the white haired blabber mouth hold his hand up to the side of his face? Did you think getting up and leaving would do it? Do you believe that Susan at the library has actually stopped talking now? She now goes on about how hard it si "NOT" to say anything? How absurd is that? Those nit wits who work for Martin's at the mall act out constantly not to mention the regular mall crawlers who then get on the bus and fill in the drivers on the latest they just heard there.

More representatives of this sick intrusive society then act it out for me from four feet away including their contemptuous opinions based upon what THEY have "heard." One of the Library employees has suggested to a new one (university student) that they should go out for coffee together so he can tell her what HE has heard also. Then, she can pass all the latest crapola back from there, to her Indian friend who can pass it along to Prof. P. who can smirk at me and fill in everyone back at the University.Do you know what we call this groupthink behaviour? We call it my 'paranoid delusions and hallucinated conversations.'

That is how all the participants in this get themselves off the responsibility hook. If, or when, I report this state of reality, from my own perspective, to any of the geniuses in the mental illness profession, it is all denied, and then redefined as the ‘symptoms’ of my ‘’paranoid delusional disorder’’, the ‘disease’ for which I have been forced out of my job (twice) as the means by which I am manipulated to accept ‘treatment’ for my label.You see forcing me out of work and then telling my employer that I am insane and have ‘no prospect of recovery without treatment’ forces me to accept ‘disability’ to survive at a minimum level. (or would, if I weren’t such a competent incompetent like myself) The form asks if I 'think' I am not given work because of my psychiatric diagnosis, which is another of their tautologies since they are the ones who TOLD my employer I was 'totally disabled' and could not work as I 'thought' their was a sick 'game' being played with me and that I was 'set up' by a nurse with a group of his co-workrs joining in the 'game/joke.' To get this disability of course, I must ‘admit’ that I am ‘mentally ill’ with an incurable disease.

Then, the people who attacked me in the first place, will have the perfectly legal right to FORCE mind, body and soul destroying ‘treatment’ onto me (like drugs or ECT for example) against my will and will be legally empowered to issue a community treatment order to do so. That would help me to ‘forget’ what they did, what I know they did, and what they know that I know. See how neat that works?

This is my personal example of psychiatry’s tautological argument and the basis of all its power.

You see, “Intrepid” I am really very tired of listening to people like Susan, mall habitues, or those two women who appear to work in the court office building, expressing their barely concealed contemptuous views of me from a few feet away. Did you know for example that I am quite bright and yet I am 'like a child in many, many ways.' That is the court house women's opinion. They have also connected to a volunteer who works (or used to work) as a patient representative. The volunteer passed one of the court offices women some information on the bus.

If you are reading this in "Box" perhaps you should go to ''Quantum Spirits'' blog listed in the links on the right. I also have another one that no one knows about.

Whatever you do :Please STOP talking. You either contact me directly, in writing at the e-mail address which is in the ‘About Me” profile here or else you choose to be silent and move on. That’s the choice. I have been treated like the centre ring act of this public circus which was started by the nurse from hell for quite long enough. I hate it.

When I say I do not want this kind of attention, which is what I mean. It does not mean the opposite, despite the fact that this is one of psychiatry’s inventions which allows them to deny the reality of GROUP dysfunction.The community group is displaying the ‘perverse voyeuristic satisfaction’ as it is defined and analyzed in the book about the nurse’s game.

I am the OBJECT of observation on the receiving end of this. Like all the other ‘objectified people, I detest this group behaviour. Please stop asking for the opinions of others. They are not entitled to have any when they don't even know me. It was not their business then, and it isn’t their business now.If you are reading this on the "Box" blog, perhaps you should also go to the Municipal Enquirer Blog listed in the links on the right. I would also like to suggest you read The Perfect Snare, written by me and published at Successfulschizophrenia.com
The website of Dr. Al Siebert


if you are reading this on my ''Enquirer'' blog perhaps you should also go to my 'Box' Blog as well. I am sure you will find it fascinating. both links are listed at the right hand side of this blog.

Game Sample

A Sample of Dale’s Game

Try to focus on this all you experts out there.

“You validate yourself by invalidating the other point of view.”

That’s a nexus statement which means whatever you think it means, depending upon your point of view.

Another statement out of it is:
“Reality is a matter of perspective.”

In the ‘game’ the ‘players’ are choosing whether they want to be ‘winners’ or losers’ in the ‘game of life.” They’re choosing ‘enlightenment” OR “power”.

So, when you hear a nexus statement like these, it can be either; an accusation from a victim to an aggressor (enlightenment),
Or,
an instruction to aggressors on how to play the game better in order to obtain power over others.
As it is said, “Everything that is being said is true EXCEPT that what is driving it has been switched.”

Going Public

"It is dangerous to be right in matters on which the established authorities are wrong..."
Voltaire


Going public with my own case is not something I would have chosen to do for myself if I thought I had any hope of resolution otherwise. As I have said before, I am a very private person in my personal life and have no desire to convince others of anything nor to seek their approval. This is not about getting my needs from others met. It is about getting others OUT of my personal space and proving that what I told them long ago is, in fact, correct, and that their refusal to deal with it has only made it all so much worse. Damage has been done to me and my life on many fronts and I am not going to go along with pretending it has not been just because I am outnumbered and the people who want me to do that have too much power and the right to stop me any time they want to do so. It has much to do with the fact that they have that power and can abuse it at will, which keeps me determined to expose all of this. I do not believe that I am in a unique position in this, other than the fact that I have managed to find some real evidence in my own case.

Homewood Health Centre has demonstrated for me that resolution is of no real interest to them, probably because it doesn’t HAVE to be. So, I know that unless these people who have involved themselves in my personal business and in my life, including the fantastic assumption that they understand my thoughts, feelings, motivations and experiences BETTER than I do, get it from me, they will never get it at all.
It is my own perspective on me that is missing, denied, suppressed, altered and ‘interpreted’ by the mob of people, that those who started it all, in the first place, DO NOT HAVE. In their group arrogance, they also don’t seem to think they need it. In other words, the information needed to make sense of the whole thing is the same information which is ignored, denied and suppressed!

Of course, all these people can’t really ask me anything about It can they? If they did, that would be like admitting their involvement and since their involvement is denied and ‘interpreted’ as my perception and reaction problem, they are required to pretend, allegedly at the direction of their employer, that they have NOT done what they all know they HAVE done.

Mirroring It Back

This one is for the old 94/95 Homewood crew who worked on the Hamiltons (2 & 3) and on McKinnon. These are the folks who started the whole thing at my protagonist’s direction. It is a repeat message for them with a ‘hidden’ meaning, and it goes just like this:

“Proof! Some people going to call me up and tell me something I already know. Same people go crazy on me, say, “that’s not the deal we made. I’ve got to go; I’ve got to go.
Faith is an island in the setting sun but proof; now proof is the bottom line for everyone."
Paul Simon

It is BECAUSE he and you decided to deny the reality of our experience in this that you are all now getting it publicly. It is not like I have not given you many, many chances to resolve this privately. You chose, though, to abuse your power, manipulate and coerce me and deny your own responsibility. That’s your choice. MY choice though is to not let you get away with it, despite the power you have managed to hold over me. So now, I will explain it to you in detail, in public.

The people who are going to call me up and tell me something I already know and understand better than they do, are YOU people at Homewood, who did this and who have been pretending you didn’t do anything for which you need to accept responsibility ever since. I was trying to tell you what Dale was doing both on tape and also in person. You would not accept it either way. You thought you knew better and because you did you were sure that I was one who made no sense. So you proceeded with your attack on me. You decided you did not want to deal with this or acknowledge your part of this deal and pulled out in order to take care of your own interests at my expense. In other words, you all went crazy on me, then denied your own group madness and projected it onto me to get rid of it. You apparently feel no guilt about this at all since you continue to behave the same way and to justify and gossip about it to everyone you know, just as you already have. You want me to accept your diagnostics and beliefs based on “faith” but I am afraid I cannot do that as I know better. I want you to learn to behave better also so I will not pretend I DO NOT know what I know so that the whole group can keep up the delusion and predictable group subjective projection nor continue to indulge yourselves in this perverse group catharsis. It is time to get past accepting these labeling sessions based upon faith and time to start accepting the proof that you are wrong to do so.

This brand of ‘enlightenment’ is coming directly from your own victim whom you believe to be powerless and under your total control. It should not be all the difficult to understand the smirk on my protagonist’s face for when you are all doing your abusive acting out aimed at me for what you “Think” is going on, he is hearing in his head all of his training concepts and the effects of it which he also has experienced previously in his training sessions. My experience of it was not something I paid for but rather what I also have experienced previously in the ‘game’ of life. Are you getting it yet, you overbearing know it alls? Have you figured out what the concept, “It’s about your righteousness” means yet? If not, why don’t you ask Dale to explain that one to you?

Ultimately you see what goes around DOES come around, (as many of you are o fond of saying)Now, you can stayed tuned to “Patricia’s Razor.” That post title is going to be expanded now and cut right to the heart of the matter here in this city. It is going to be sharp and blunt at the same time. Though the specific naming of names won’t be part of “Patricia’s Razor”, some very specific details will be there and those of you have acted this out will be sure to recognize yourselves in it, even if you don’t admit it and keep right on with the righteous indignation bit. If you think this is anger, then congratulations on your finely tuned ability to detect that. No doubt you will still be pleased to be able to invalidate it as not as ‘real’ as your own.

“Ockham’s, Werner’s or Patricia’s Razor all mean pretty much the same thing. When trying to solve a problem ( or mystery) the simplest answer is often the right one. So, I will simplify this for all of those who remain mystified by their own behaviour, irrational thinking and judgments mad without evidence.

Since late 1994, while under attack by the psychiatric hospital staff and the public which they themselves involved, I have been telling them that it is the bombardment of the multiple versions of reality and the constant contradictions which were causing me to disconnect from concrete reality. I also told them it was the psychological isolation and the lack of genuine direct communication that was exacerbating that.

In December 2006, I REMAIN in psychological isolation, bombarded by multiple versions of my ‘assessed’ reality and by non stop contradiction. Not ONE person has offered GENUINE, direct communication. Nevertheless, they continue to evaluate me and the situation amongst themselves, while they continue to deny the behaviour to anyone who may ask about it.
I stay sane now because I found the book revealing the contents of my protagonist’s ‘secret’ game.’ The concepts revealed with it, were a match for my concrete experience with him and those he involved. It is laid out there like script.

There is no communication with me at all, even though I am the one who understands it the best. As is said in my protagonist’s training, "It’s about communication.’’
That’s right; and as I have openly stated to one and all involved, “you are objectifying me.”
I am not an OBJECT of observation and assessment. I am a person. You don’t know WHO I am because you don’t talk directly to me.
Four Foot Newsflash:

“That’s her. She doesn’t have any hard feelings towards them at all.”

When did I say that, to whom, and how is it that this stranger to me knows how I feel?

Old Newsflash:
I was sent cable T.V. anonymously, allegedly as part of my ‘psychic testing’ in 95-96.
If anyone reading this knows WHO did that, and what role Dr. Reid Finlayson may have played in it (along with anyone else) please contact me here, at the e-mail address listed under ‘about me” , or the city Police service, or Crime Stoppers if you prefer to be anonymous.

This also applies if you have any other rumours to report about me or in relation to this case. I need names and first hand information to prove my own case. I cannot use all the rumours being acted out for obvious reasons and also because they are regarded legally as ‘hearsay.’ I will add any more “Newsflashes” which I think may be significant on to this post.

I also intend to add a lot of detail to “Patricia’s Razor” as a presentation of this reality from MY point of view.

If anyone knows a good lawyer who is willing to take my case on a contingency basis and who is not so concerned about his or her career that he or she is afraid to stand up to the power of Homewood and the University, please let him or her know of my ‘fascinating case’ as spelled out here and that I now have a great deal of concrete evidence to back up my claim for personal damages. I can be contacted though this blog’s e-mail at any time.

As is said in the nurse’s special training, “It is about responsibility.”
I do so want 'game boy' and all his friends at Homewood to be sure to get the point of this from the OTHER side of its meaning.

No one involved in this is going to ‘pretend’ anything, or abuse their power by doing so and by coercing, manipulating or threatening me because I refuse to ‘pretend’
that I do not know they are in fact, ‘pretenders.’

Though the Patricia’s Razor part of this won’t have all the names of individuals, it will have all the other juicy details which will allow you to really feel the part you are currently missing, almost as I have had to feel it myself for all this time. So stay tuned.

Growing Concerns

By Patricia Lefave, Labeled, D.D.(P)

Our current Prime Minister is a “˜law and order” kind of guy I think. He also belongs to a section of the political right here which has stated, at least twice, to my personal knowledge, that if they (the Conservatives) get into a position of power, they intend to repeal the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms, so that individuals cannot base court challenges upon it.Canada is also currently moving towards the legal creation of a separate court for people who are labeled “mentally ill,” just as I was.

This often sounds like a good idea to those who have not (yet) been labeled in such a way. (This label I myself was given is something which still exists by the way, in the government records)The latest from our current Prime Minister is the suggestion of an idea to change the laws pertaining to people defined as “dangerous offenders” by placing the onus of “proof” of status on the offender. That means that prosecutors would not have to prove the offender should be classified, or continue to be classified, as “dangerous” but rather the offender would be required to “prove” to the court he is not or , no longer is, a danger.The alarm bells are ringing for me here more and more often lately. I am of course feeling the effects of my own experience of the system. For rather than requiring psychiatry to prove that what we say is not reality and that we are delusional if we think so, we are first assumed to be delusional, then labeled as such, and then we are required to “prove” to the “experts” that we are NOT delusional, and that what they claim to be true is NOT the case. We are also expected to do this while being invalidated every time we try it. We who are declared to be “delusional” for telling some expert something they decide in ten minutes they simply do not believe, often compare this to the legal system which is currently used in the opposite way. There, the onus is on the system to prove guilt, not on the accused to prove innocence. It is the essence of our justice system, and that of other nations, which call themselves democracies, that a person is considered to be innocent until proven guilty, not the other way around. The premise is designed to at least ATTEMPT to avoid conviction of the innocent, even though many mistakes are made even now.

The last thing Canada needs is a legal system which gets redefined as an abstraction in the same way the mental illness system has done it. That is what reverse onus means to me. Oh. It may sound good, especially when the public fears are being soothed by the sound of it, but it is not about evidence or changes that define crime and improve sentencing for violent crime. It is about a kind of political power that can’t quite be qualified or quantified and that is what makes it so dangerous in itself and something of which we need to be fully aware and not kid ourselves about the possible implications of going through with this. I find this parallel to the mental illness system very disturbing.

Let me spell that out as I see through a murky glass. The individual is presumed to be guilty/crazy first and has the label applied. Those who have total control over the prisoner/subject then tell her it is her job now to talk her way out of the situation by convincing her controllers with all the power, as an abstraction without concrete evidence, that she is not guilty/crazy/dangerous, knowing that they don’t believe a word she says anyway. Also, she must not be angry/fearful/resentful because if she is, that will be seen as a ‘sign’ that she is still guilty/dangerous/crazy. So neither the mental illness system not the legal system will be required to prove their case first; is that HOW it is going to go now?

You know what that reminds me of; reverse marketing. We once had an interesting little attempt here to supply everyone with cable T.V. The idea was similar. The company would send you more channels you did not want and did not request and then it was the customer’s job to get it cancelled or they would be obliged to pay for it. The ploy did not succeed. I hope this same ploy will not succeed regarding the legal system either. If it does, I am going to be even more worried about what is going on in my country.

This ‘reverse onus’ bit is not an appeal to rational minds but to our fearfulness. It works by creating and reinforcing a ‘them’ and ‘us’ mentalityWe who are labeled have often stated the desire to have at least the SAME rights under our Constitutions, or Charters, as any criminal, convicted or otherwise. In the Brave New Canada which we seem to be headed towards, are we now going to treat criminals by trapping them in the same tautological psychology as that used on psychiatric patients.While I agree Canada needs to have much stiffer and clearly defined penalties with appropriate sentencing for legally convicted, violent offenders, I could not disagree more with indeterminate, open ended sentencing base on “metaphysical” sophistry. Doing so will only leave the identifying of “reality” open to the same kind of “interpretations” of meaning now used in the mental illness system.People who propose such vague and ambiguous nonsense are either incredibly naive or covertly cunning. The fact that either possibility exists I find to be deeply disturbing.If we want to keep truly dangerous offenders locked up for 25 years or for life then we need to do that in a direct, open and legitimate manner based on the crime committed, the concrete evidence of that crime, and the pre-determined sentencing criteria the law provides to deal with it.Justice cannot be a “debate” of abstract concepts, between opposing viewpoints, held by the powerless OR the powerful; not ever. That is not justice and to suggest that it is, causes me to seriously question the thought processes, and the agenda behind those thought processes, in those who suggest such “solutions.” Let’s hope this idea of a”solution” does not become the final one.

Understanding Things Like "Understanding"

One of the things that disturbs me in this doctor’s thinking and decision making is that he obviously believes that fact that he IS a doctor should be enough to convince people to accept his ‘interpretation’ of the whole experience. When he later describes being at the point where he could not make sense of it, nor decide whether the leader was a hero or a devil, that is the point of breakdown, or “tearing him down,” as was stated as part of the goal.

I reached very much the same point in my dealings with the ‘game boy’ and his supporters, while under enormous, sustained pressure, which had no parameters at all; such as being contained within a closed training room. That is what happens to people when one of these ‘trainees’ decides he is going to use his ‘experience’ by ‘re-creating it’, out her in the world of reality.

Nevertheless, when I perceived what was being done to me as a battle with the demon ‘Trickster”, a schizophrenic combination of good and evil, creator/destroyer, with evil dominating, MY experience was defined as ‘paranoid delusions and hallucinated conversations.”

The difference in ‘assessments’ of the same experience appears to me to have a lot more to do with WHO we are perceived to be by others, then WHAT we are perceiving .

I should also say that I am not as impressed by ‘doctors’ as many of them seem to be of themselves, so this particular ‘trainee’ being a doctor doesn’t convince me to accept his view of the reality of this, especially since he seems to miss an important point made in his own ‘training,
“Reality is that which you experience; it is NOT defined by either ‘authority’ (which he seems to be suggesting he is) or by ‘group consensus” which everyone in my case seems to think mine should be. Dr. Mengele was also a doctor, and we frequently hear how astounded everyone is that “bona fide psychiatrists” and others in Nazi Germany could have been fooled or manipulated into doing what they did. I sometimes think if I hear the words “bona fide doctors” again, I will scream. I question everything that doesn’t seem right to me, whether a doctor thinks all is just hunky dory or not. That of course, is why I am considered by some of them to be so ‘difficult’ and ‘non compliant.’

There is a point made here which is rarely seen and that is; we all have a tendency to look for reason in the “unreasonable” – even doctors. Some doctors are also pretty talented when it comes to looking for the unreasonable in the reasonable when they are habituated to doing so. That is why, especially for some, this ‘switch’ works so effectively. Just ask Dale T. the presumed ‘reasonable’ one. He can explain that as well as I can. It is just that he doesn’t want to since his power is based on keeping the concepts of his training a ‘secret.’ It is about a hidden agenda of domination. What is no longer ‘hidden’ is no longer powerful.

Do you get that? He is the “power’ side of the paradigm and I am the ‘enlightenment’ side. If you still can’t wrap your well educated heads around this, I will write out the same words from me to Dale which will become an accurate accusation when I use them and a revelation to those of you watching the action. He hears them as an instruction, I think and we could prove that if all of you would just stop pretending you didn’t do anything, and that you don’t know anything.

Hey Guelphites!

As most of you know, Homewood and CMHC have instructed me to restrain myself and not confront any of the poor darlings who have been persuaded to join Dale T. in the psychological assault on me. Since refusal to obey the Voodoo Priests of the psychiatric faith may possibly result in further incarceration, treatment and coercion, I must comply.

So, I will confront you here through the written word instead, which respects your personal boundaries while allowing me to express myself as the person I really am at the same time.
When I see you on the streets, buses, at the library, in grocery stores, etcetera, I will not confront any of you. I will not say a word about it, even to those of you I know personally, who continue to gossip with everyone else.
What I WILL do, is put a little smile on my face and, ever so briefly, raise my eyebrows at you.
That will mean, "Hello asshole. How's it going? Are you still deluding yourself that you are my superior and are therefore "hidden" from me, or, have you started to come out of your group delusion, gained some self awareness, and come to realize what, "That which you are observing is observing you" actually means in plain, direct language.

Of course, if you ask me if this is what my little smile/eyebrow move means, I will deny it. I will act mystified, wonder why you would think that, and perhaps suggest to you that you should consider the idea that you just may be reading too much into things. (There is treatment for that you know.)
In any case, whether you admit that you are "sick" or not, I will leave you wondering, whenever you see me smile and raise a brow, "Is THIS one of the times she is secretly calling me an asshole, or one of the times she is just smiling at me and making a facial expression intended to be nothing more that a greeting?"

You never know. As Dale T. could certainly tell you, "It's about communication."

Remember, until or unless, Homewood and the university gives us all permission to speak openly, we are all to pretend that we don't know a thing and that the Emperor is NOT parading around town in his underwear.
Stay compliant! Strive to belong! Lies are truth! Remember to Forget! And Speak up about the benefits of remaining silent!

And Speaking of Oxymorons

The second psychiatrist who decided I needed an assessment was told by me that I had been targeted for an attack by a psychiatric nurse playing a "secret" game with me. She responded to this revelation with, "Why, that would be like saying that mental health professionals were playing head games with someone."
She then offered me my very first ant-psychotic to make the truth she could not accept go away.

Astounding Facts and Amazing Revelations

When you stand at the front of a bus discussing me with your buddies or other passengers, while turning around and looking right at me, you are perfectly visible as always.
When you pick up those bus radios and repeat over the radios, what I said in writing to Dale that he claims no one else knows, I recognize my own words. I am the one who wrote them.
When anyone says, “there she is,” from four feet away while observing me, and then follows that with an announcement about the latest story they have been told about me, I can see you and hear you. You know why? Because I am not the one who is stupid. (That would be you for behaving the way you are and then imagining yourself to be ‘hidden’) I am not actually blind, deaf or unconscious. I am the same as you, except that I don’t spend my days spreading rumors about people I don’t even know.
If you can see me in a mirror, I can see you too.
If you then signal your buddy, nod and grin, make faces and hand signals, I can STILL see you as you have not suddenly become invisible to ME by bending down from the view of YOURSELF in the mirror.
If you can hear me through a thin wall, then I can hear you too from the opposite direction.
If you can hear my T.V. through the floor, and I can hear you remark that my T.V. is loud, then my T.V. is not SO loud that I can’t hear you remarking that it is loud. I can hear your T.V. through the same floor and walls through which you can hear mine.
If you listen in along with the upstairs neighbors while I am talking about you, it MAY be that I am talking about you because I am aware that you are listening in, involving my neighbors, and then lying about it to others.
If while I am talking you decide to be really clever and ring my home phone while standing on the stairs at the door of the apartment above, and then, when it rings once, you hang up really fast and giggle conspiratorially with the nosy neighbor, it just may not be that I am only talking to myself. (Even though I often feel like I am)
Here are some possibilities for you to consider:
I have (or had) call waiting.
I am on a cell phone in the kitchen.
I am deliberately pretending to be on the phone because I am aware of your boundary violating behavior and your frequent discussions with my neighbors and want to give you a message.
If all YOU can think of is the one version of ‘reality’ in which you ‘level’ me, which of us is the less aware. You, who believes your acting out is ‘hidden, or me who finds you perfectly obvious? Is it me for knowing what you do, or is it you for not knowing that I know, not knowing what I do, or what I already know about you?
When you walk right up to me pretending to be interested in asking me some casual, all but meaningless question, while your eyes glow with amusement and you wear a knowing little smirk on your face, I can see your duplicitous nature with crystal clarity. When you get an angry or frustrated response to that behavior, it is a response which is in direct proportion to your own arrogance. Why do you not know that?

Recently, I am hearing another round of how "they" can't get 'her' on the phone. This has been repeated in my presence while I am observed, several times lately.
Let me comment briefly on that.

The only people who need to be able to 'get me on the phone' can do so anytime they want to do that. The Guelph Police service have been given my unlisted number a couple of times.
Comcare Kitchener also has it.

So Does Homewood including Administration as given to Jill Herne and Ed Perez.
My landlord also has it. He uses it to notify me of things which have no effect on me at all but NOT for things which do. He also discusses every move with other tenants first, 'interprets' me for them, and frets over how to 'handle' me, and what others are going to think of him.
I have also told both Guelph Police and Homewood that if they have any questions regarding HOW Dale T. used this so called 'training' to 'set me up' all they had to do was ask me and I would be more than happy to come in and talk to them about it. No one had any interest in doing that.

Now, if they mean that they can't get me to answer the phone at the moment of their call, that may well be true. They have ALL been told I no longer answer the phone unless the caller identifies him or herself first. I also dont' answer it if I am in the middle of something, cooking, or listening to music with my earphones on, or in the bathroom. So what? I have an answering system which states blow by blow how to leave a message. That is how Comcare has been contacting me all the time I have worked for them. Why is that 'different' now?

So, no matter how many times anyone calls and hangs up, the result will be the same. Psychiatry's definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. Why would the experts not know that what is insane of others is insane for them too? I suspect that this 'can't get her' bit is more likely either another rumour without foundation or just another in an endless string of excuses for sidestepping responsibility. Since that is what this so called 'game' is about, why should that surprise anyone?

Since they did not choose to call me to come in and explain how Dale T. did what he did in my case, and in fact, told Paul R. they would not answer anything I had to say after their 'glad hand' meeting with Ed Perez and Jill Herne, I now have no interest in holding any 'confidential conversations' with Homewood psychiatrists unless it is with a police presence (probably handcuffed to a guerney for my own good) and with official witnesses to it. That is not because I am 'paranoid' as they labelled me, but because they have taught me and taught me well, that their word is worth nothing if they feel such 'ethical dilemmas' may get in the way of their own agenda.

So the next time ANY of the above mentioned people try to tell you they 'can't get me on the phone' I suggest you recognize that excuse for exactly what it is and point out that not only can they contact me by phone at the number I have given them, they can also contact me by going right into my profile here and sending me a very clear e-mail. That way, I will have concrete proof of any conversations I may have with them in case, years later, as I have learned, I may need to prove it ,when they deny the whole thing.

Please stop buying what these excuse makers are selling. Got it?

The "Force" Is With Me: It's Game Over

Ok ‘game-boy’, you’ve got our undivided attention. You are in total control. So now, explain to everyone why you allegedly think your training is the ‘best investment’ you’ve ever made. People such as myself are ‘just stupid’ as you have allegedly pointed out to your co-workers, so we need you to be very clear, very concrete, very black and white about what you mean. Please tell us genius, what does your training mean to you, from YOUR perspective?

What ‘prize’ am I getting again? Explain to me please what the ‘understanding’ means to you? Just start very slowly and keep it simple as is appropriate to a moron such as myself who is on the lower level of consciousness where I look for ‘reason’ and for the ‘cause’ of things. Go ahead E-hole. You are the one running the game so I am turning it all over to you. Now that we are at the end of it, let’s all look back together through time, to the start of it, and see how clever you are. Explain it to us. Enlighten us all. How about starting by telling all us nuts out her in the world of reality, what the game concept, “It’s about domination’ means from YOUR perspective?

You have our full attention now game-boy; is that what you were seeking?

Now, I have heard that you have recently stated that you can’t even remember my name. Since you are having trouble even remembering who I am I had best remind you of something I told you at Homewood ; “I can turn this right back around on you, you know.”

Your response to that came with your usual flat affect, “I don’t think I understand,” to which I responded ‘Yes. I don’t think: I understand also.” Remember me now? I was referring of course to your ‘We think but we don’t THINK’ abstraction which you handed me as a response to one of my letters asking you about what exactly it was you were doing. There was a witness to that remark too, remember?

Here is a nice abstraction of my own to which I’m sure you can relate. “What I do with problems which people try to hand me (in order to shift responsibility) is hand them right back to them.” Let me repeat my phone message to you and all your little friends and supporters on Hamilton 2 and 3, as well as all over the rest of Homewood, “Nothing makes sense if you don’t have enough information but everything makes sense if you do. “

I decided that if you wanted me to play this ‘game’ with you and your friends that I was going to finish It. Do you remember how ‘finished’ is defined in your game? It is defined as ‘the point where all further search (for the cause of things) stops.’

My Psychic Predictions:
Prediction one:
This is one ‘stupid schizo’s’ name you won’t forget again.

Prediction two;
One way or another, god will see to it that you ‘have an opportunity’ to ‘share my experience.’ He/she/It will ‘do something about it. Satisfaction guaranteed.’

Your ‘car’ engine has died, I’ve got the key, and you can shift gears till hell freezes over but you will never get out of the hole. That’s a metaphor. Do you get it? You do know what a metaphor is, don’t you?

I no longer look for reason in the unreasonable. Thanks for teaching me this lesson.

Now let’s all “get It together.” You won’t take that the ‘wrong’ way, will you e_hole?

Game over.

What I Don’t Want from Those Allegedly Involved

October 30th, 2006 I don't want any more box boys in grocery stores talking about how I am 'ruining the poor guy's life for him.'
I do not want, or need, any ‘interpreters’ to speak on my behalf or to ‘translate’ what I say into psychiatrese or dysfunctionese.
I do not want any of my relatives involved ‘covertly’ or otherwise in defining my reality FOR me.
I do not want to be manipulated nor lied to by psychiatrists no matter how ‘good’ their intentions may be.
I do not want to be treated like an object of observation by the mental illness profession nor as one of ‘entertainment’ by the mindless masses.
I do not want Professors Phidd, Newman, or anyone else, discussing me or my ‘fascinating case’ with groups of senior men at the mall, camera shop employees, bus drivers, university staff, students or anyone else. Is that clear enough for you?
I am not interested in Myrna G.’s opinion of my experience, as it has been passed along to her by her Homewood relative, nor do I appreciate her spreading of it and all the latest crap she has heard. I do not want her repeating it to the staff and residents of Oxford Lodge, Upsdell’s store, the makeup department at Sears, or her hairdresser. Understood? Is this concrete enough for you?

Two New Ongoing Lists are About to Be Created

1. What I Want from Those Who are Allegedly Involved

And

2. What I Don’t Want from Those Allegedly Involved

In order to define my own boundaries without using all of those supposedly false accusations, and to avoid having everything I say defined as ‘delusions’, I am creating two very simple lists here.
In them, I will state my own position and my own thoughts and desires about my own life and identity.

Isn’t it odd that that has to be stated specifically as if it were unusual?

These two lists will be very concrete in form and will be based upon all of the rumors and judgments repeated back to me, from all over Guelph , any of which may, or may not, be true to whatever degree. That could range from the outright lies (fabrications to you pros) of others, to grains of truth or half truths, hybrid truths or complete truths. As I have said for about 14 years or so now, I have no way to be sure of ANY of this information, since I am regarded as merely the ‘object’ of my own life experience, rather than a participant in it. I have never been communicated with directly, or genuinely, by anyone involved. That is because this is all a ‘secret.’

Since I could not possibly know which parts of this are true or just stories from those ‘socializing,’ I will simply respond from the first person ‘as if’ it were all true, without attempting to sort out fact from fiction. That should give all of the clucking chickens a solid reference point, allowing them to sort out their confusion, hopefully before they get ‘treated’ for it themselves.

Now don’t worry, I will keep this very simple and direct so that it can be clearly understood by even the best trained professional. Perhaps once understood, the chickens in question will finally turn the cluck off.

Doing it this way will ensure that nothing I say will be heard as an ‘accusation’ or a ‘belief’ or a ‘fabrication’ in need of ‘awareness reduction.’ These are statements from the first person singular. Those of you who are the psychiatrized might pay close attention to the FORM of direct communication that I am I am using here. It is the form that matters for all of us, even more than what we are saying.

I am who I am. I am the one who defines that. No one else. The fact that so many normies don’t know that is an indicator of the extent of the normies problem with boundaries.

Training the Community in Diagnosing Each Other

Apparently Ken ( the police officer learning how to deal with mental cases such as myself) has told Liz ( or perhaps his buddy the volunteer fire fighter who knows Liz is the one who told her) that we mental cases have to be dealt with in very black and white terms. It has also been suggested that I ‘seem’ quite normal because all of ‘them’ are not as ‘confrontational’ as some of ‘them.’ This is how the community will try to fit me into their ongoing diagnostic session again.

I have faith of course that they will always find a way to make me ‘sick’ by adjusting whatever I do or say to fit into their pathologizing belief system. It is not hard to do as everything is already covered to allow for that. Once chosen to be ‘sick’ one will be and remain ‘sick’ in all things and any sign of normality will be invalidated ASAP. Otherwise the ‘normal’ people might have to think they are imagining things.

Words like ‘confrontational’ of course are what I call nexus words (or phrases) If it is applied to one of ‘them’ (like me) then being ‘confrontational’ is a negative character flaw.. On the other hand to be ‘confrontational’ if it is applied to one of “us” (those evaluating me and my life) it is a sign of assertive character, standing up for oneself etc.

It is not really the trait itself you see that is a ‘symptom.’ (Though we must all pretend together that it is) it is who HAS the trait, and it is judged on that basis, without regard to specific relationships events, or circumstances. This is what makes the ‘science” of psychiatry so beautifully political. It’s diagnostics are extremely fluid and vague, in order to be applied to anyone anywhere at any time for any reason.

Let me give you a current example of the community diagnostics in action.
Three teenaged girls were heard in a public washroom this week, assessing a fourth (who of course, was not there. The whole community here is being well trained by the system to be able to see signs everywhere; to LOOK for them, in fact. ) Now the teens who don’t like someone in their peer group, can find enough ‘signs’ to call the person ‘crazy.’ As we all know, suggesting that someone is ‘crazy’ is the first step in driving them to YOUR chosen destination.

So Homewood, don’t be surprised when a fifteen year old girl shows up there in abut six months breaking down under the pressure applied by her peer group, who have been looking for signs and symbols of ‘madness in their ‘defective’ former friend just as you have trained this community to do. The targeted individual may even be disconnected form concrete reality when she arrives. If not, letting her discover she is trapped in a diagnosis resulting from her telling the truth should push her over the edge quite nicely. I think it is unlikely that a fifteen year old will be able to escape the maze of psychiatric invalidation, even if only psychologically. She just won’t understand….which of course will become another symptom, won’t it?

Oh yes, I almost forgot. Do you know how this group knows the one they were assessing by name, in the public bathroom is mentally ill?

“If you are angry at your family or yell at any of them, that is a sing you are bi-polar.”

The A.C.T.ors of madness have now taken centre stage in our citywide melodrama.

Recommended Reading For Those Interested in Reality

This was a question asked me by the ''specially trained'' nurse at Homewood, where I was working in 93, who planned this little ''game'':
''Did you ever read ''Waiting For Godot?''

This is something quoted by Robert Whitaker in his book ''Mad In America" published in 2001. It is from An Article in The Journal of Mind And Behaviour 11 (1990): 301-312

It reads:''Biological psychiatry, as always, promises us that a medical solution is almost within our grasp. It would be nice if one could believe it. I fear one might as well be waiting for Godot.''
Andrew Scull from his article, ''Cycles of Despair''

I am often struck by the synchronicity in all of this as I have gone through it. No doubt Jung may be impressed by it , or at least wonder about such things, but I doubt that any psychiatrist at Homewood would be impressed.

On :
A Fragile Revolution:

I would also like to recommend the following e-Book to anyone interested in the patient perspective and more. Though there are only a few ‘reviews,’ included here also, they are, as might be predicted in relation to the reviewers quoted, quit negative and defensive about the maintenance of the psychiatric status quo. That doesn’t surprise me at all, nor do I expect it would surprise most of the psychiatrized people. Rather it surprises us whenever it is NOT the case since the majority are backing the C.T.O and drugging agenda. Later, I will include some excerpts from this book and my own commentary on it for those who are unable to access it through on line Net Library systems.

Title: A Fragile Revolution: Consumers and Psychiatric Survivors Confront the Power of the Mental Health System
Author: Everett, Barbara.
Publication: Waterloo , Ont. Wilfred Laurier University Press, 2000.
EBook ISBN: 0585325901
ISBN: 0889203423
Subject: Ex-mental patients-- Ontario --
Political activity.Mental health planning-- Ontario --
Citizen participation.
Mental health policy-- Ontario .
Language: English


What interests me most about this is that while I was myself telling my recovery therapist almost the same things in 96, a social worker about twenty miles away was writing about the same sort of things as if she were sitting in the room with me. Naturally both of us must be invalidated in order to preserve the ‘system’ which I have often said seems to have taken on a life of it’s own and no one wants to let it die a natural death, even though keeping this beast alive is only prolonging the agony and suffering.

Book Reviews from People largely pro system:
A Fragile Revolution: Consumers and Psychiatric Survivors Confront the Power of the Mental Health System by Barbara Everett; Waterloo, Ontario, Wilfrid Laurier University Press, 2000, 251 pages, CA
$32.95
softcover

Ronald J. Diamond, M.D.
I approached A Fragile Revolution with anticipation. Here was a book addressing a critically important issue in mental health treatment. I had given some thought to the parallels between the consumer movement and other social movements of disempowered people. I had written about the issue of power in the mental health system. I am also a white middle-class psychiatrist and am automatically accorded privilege because of my position in the world. I do not like to have my world challenged any more than the next person, and I needed to take all of these feelings into account as I read the book.

Barbara Everett starts by describing her grandfather, who died shortly after being discharged by a psychiatric hospital. She also describes some of her work as a clinician in situations that left her feeling frustrated by her inability to help. It is clear that her involvement is personal as well as academic.

The initial section on the history of the consumer movement is excellent. The chapter entitled "Power and Protest," a central chapter of the book, is more mixed. I was already familiar—if somewhat uncomfortable—with the author's contention that any power differential entails oppression. Here she goes on to reference radical writers who have even stronger views about power. For example, Wartenberg's characterization of power as "a violent life-or-death struggle" does not fit with my understanding of the problem of power in mental health systems.
Nor does Gill's view that "the mechanisms of dominance have created a society that is structurally violent."

Later the author cites Alice Miller, who "charges that our Western child-rearing techniques are inherently hurtful, coercive, humiliating, and often violent—the same criticisms that are often leveled at psychiatric treatment." It is unclear in these passages whether Everett is giving her opinion or mechanically citing the radical literature.

On the other hand, Everett's brief review of Goffman's conception of total institutions and Janeway's ideas about totalitarian regimes seemed highly relevant to the consideration of power in mental health systems. The issue of power is central in mental health treatment, and this chapter is a central part of the book. I found some portions of the chapter challenging and intriguing, and others just annoying. The chapter contains important information, but it is also difficult, slow reading.

It took me a while to recover from the chapter on power and get on with the rest of the book. Everett's discussions about "partnership," about the different meaning behind the terms "consumer" and "survivor," and about possible retaliation against consumer activists are all excellent and important. Her description of the failure of a well-funded consumer group is illuminating. As I read it, I wondered how often, despite our best intentions, we set up such groups to fail. The discussion about whether consumer-survivors can participate without being co-opted is worth the price of the entire book.

A Fragile Revolution annoyed me and in parts was difficult to read. Nevertheless, I would recommend it to any mental health professional who is interested in the consumer-survivor movement and concerned about issues of power in our relationship with consumers. I finished the book wanting to phone the author and continue the discussion, to argue with her and to agree with her. Maybe this demonstrates why the book, with all of its imperfections, achieves its goals.

Footnotes
Dr. Diamond is affiliated with the department of psychiatry at the University of Wisconsin, Madison. He is also medical director of the Mental Health Center of Dane County in Madison.
http://psychservices.psychiatryonline.org/cgi/content/full/52/9/1260


A Fragile Revolution: Consumers and Psychiatric Survivors Confront the Power of the Mental Health System
by Barbara EverettWilfrid Laurier University Press, Waterloo, Ontario, 2000, 1-519-884-1970. 263 pages
Review by Dick Rowson and David Seaman, NAMI Literature Committee

Even though it is easy to fault the author's call for a new "power contract" between medical professionals and psychiatric survivors (the term used by the author), those who know the terrible consequences of mental illness cannot and must not be denied a key role in the treatment paradigm. That medical practitioners all too often ignore consumers' insights into their own and other consumers' needs lies at the heart of the problem. A Fragile Revolution is a book that those firmly committed to the neurobiological basis of severe mental illnesses should read and ponder.

The Canadian author is a former social worker and psychotherapist. She bases her analysis of recent developments in the Ontario, Canada, mental health system on her own frustrations with that system and its failure to involve consumers effectively in their own treatment.
Everett conducted in-depth interviews with 19 consumer/survivor members of a social action group, the Ontario Psychiatric Survivors Alliance (OPSA), which is now defunct. OPSA participated a few years ago in government efforts to overcome maltreatment by bringing the consumer into the center of the decision-making process in that province's mental health system.

Everett aspires to scientific objectivity in dealing with these matters, but her approach is based on an underlying political agenda, that of postmodern social protest. Psychiatric survivors relate to these concepts because they see themselves as oppressed by involuntary hospitalization and forced medication. However, as anyone who has lived with the realities of medically diagnosed mental illness in a family member knows, denial can stand in the way of treatment. And extending to the patient the right to refuse medication needs to be trumped by the danger this may pose to self, family, and to the community as a whole.

So, while it is legitimate to suggest, as this book does, a new "power contract" between consumer/survivors and the medical practitioners, or to ask-as did the author of another work recently reviewed, Towards a Sociology of Schizophrenia (University of Toronto Press), "Why should sociology allow the individual to remain the exclusive domain of the medical and psychiatric professions?"-a realistic balance must be maintained.

In the opinion of the reviewers, self-help and political protest have their place if informed by scientific reality. As slow and as callous as some medical practitioners may be, the ability of the professional to extend the limits of scientific knowledge and use that knowledge within whatever "power contract" may be conceived is an absolute necessity and remains our only realistic hope.

Paranoid Patty Commentary:
I have my own opinions about 'realistic' hopes of course. There will be lots more to come on this. I never run out of ideas even though many university students here like to point out how I keep saying the same things basically. I want to confirm that. I do keep saying the same things, over and over, from one angle of approach or another, believing that if enough of us do this for long enough, eventually it will penetrate the minds of all those who are having such a difficult time hearing the perfectly obvious.

The Chaos Created By Gossip and Group Contagion

By Patricia Lefave, Labeled, D.D.(P)

I am just finishing reading a book right now for the second time through, on chaos theory.For some years now I have been telling the system that ‘schizophrenia” or in particular, my own observation and assessment by the hospital staff and everyone else they have involved in the public, as the ‘schizophrenic’ (along with a variety of other labels) is like the Circle of Ten theorem out of chaos theory. It is a problem in the whole GROUP generated by their mistaken belief in the starting point.

My protagonist was ‘trained’ to lead people to believe the starting point is in me and no him. He was shown in his training that it is where people BELIEVE the starting point to be that has a whole lot to do with how and what they perceive to be ‘reality’ in any situation.To my current great surprise, I am not the first person to see a connection between chaos theory and ‘schizophrenia” though I don’t see the connection in quite the same way.

Decades ago, according to the information in the book: Chaos Theory: Making a New Science by James Gleick, there was a meeting which took place including physicists, mathematicians and even psychiatrists, to discuss this very topic. A Dr. Arnold Mandell was mentioned as being there and feeling ‘resentful’ at the simple idea of a universal concept being suggested to explain chaos in all systems.
(Ah yes, I said to myself. Another of those ‘inappropriate affects’ from which so many psychiatrists seem to suffer when they can’t get their own way)

This meeting took place in 1986. Dr. Mandell, it was said, was a psychiatrist who was there as he was one who had a particular interest in chaos in relation to human minds, especially the minds of ‘schizophrenics.’ As I read that I couldn’t help but think ‘Sometimes they get so close and yet stay so far away from It.’ I know why now of course.

The psychiatrist saw himself and everyone else as OUTSIDE the problem rather than part of it. If he had understood that he was not ‘observing' chaos neatly contained within an individual who was a chaotical system within himself, but was in fact, part of that dynamical system, creating the chaos, along with a whole group, he would begin to recognize the problem as an effect of the group dynamic. Once the chaos is well under way, the group then denies It's creation, and unloads the whole group’s traits, via projection, onto the individual, so they won't get caught behaving badly or get blamed for it.

The ‘schizophrenic’ is not the starting point or the original cause. The group which focuses on, and channels it’s judgments towards, the individual is the problem. The identified patient feels and reacts to the group dynamic; the individual is suffering the effects of that. The individual is not the cause of the problem but the target for the unloading of the problem.The individual members of the group are al behaving basically the same way but fail to see themselves AS a group, having a collective, cumulative effect on the individual. Only the target (or ‘subject’) has that point of view. If you really pay attention to this, it is all doublethink, doubletalk, and a double standard.

Specific example:
If someone spreads rumours about me I am told that I either imagined it, or that I should not be so ‘touchy’ or I'm ‘too sensitive.’ Yet if the same people who are spreading the rumours about me, hear that I have said anything about THEM, including just the fact that they ARE spreading rumours, then suddenly their feelings about 'rumour spreading', as an abstraction, becomes very different when it is me “telling stories,” a slightly altered definition of the same sort of thing. This similar behavior is then defined as a ‘symptom’ and the next thing I hear is that they are whining to ‘others’ about how worried they are that I may have said something that will harm their own social standing in some way!

It really doesn’t take an Einstein to see a clearly defined double standard being promoted here or the fact that the double standard itself is being denied. This is the bifurcation discussed in chaos theory, a reaction with a ‘sensitive dependence upon initial conditions.” In my protagonist’s ‘game’ the bifurcation is deliberately produced as the MEANS for creating the chaos which is directed at whichever ‘item’ the controller decides he wants to ‘get rid of.’ Because the group refuses to face the issue, admit its participation and expose the truth, it has kept right on going, a result which is also revealed in my protagonist’s training.

So, if I see ‘connections’ that no one else sees, and then I am assumed to be ‘crazy’ for seeing them. In fact, it is the group’s failure to see the connections which are right in front of them and which they are creating themselves, which is THEIR problem. It is the majority who don’t see the obvious that is keeping the chaotic society going. Though the groupthink and behavior is classically neurotic, no one even seems to notice it, let alone question it.

In my own case, it has lately been reported via the acting it out method in the town square, that someone has said of me, ‘She has found her own voice.’ I never really lost my own voice. I had it suppressed whenever I tried to use it by those in positions of power and control. Do from my point of view it is the opposite: ‘They have started to find their own ears.’ Now they begin to hear what it is that has been being said all along.

Of course, the same problem existed in the judges and assessors then (at the 1986 meeting of minds), as exists now. When they were talking about dynamical systems, they saw themselves as OUTSIDE the problem and the human beings assigned the labels as neatly self contained , if defective, dynamical systems, without relationship to psychiatry or the rest of the world. It is this desire of most to view the labeled as uniquely apart from the rest of the world, which considers itself to be ‘normal’ and therefore ‘sane, ’opposite a representative of what is ‘insane,’ which IS the problem. The DESIRE to see it this way IS the problem. I hope I am making that clear.

The psycho spiritual isolating of the ‘schizophrenic,’ the judgements and assessments of the ‘normals’ who believe their group behavior towards the individual is not seen, nor understood, BY that individual, IS the problem.When the labeled person reports the reality of that group dynamic, the reality of it is denied by the group and by psychiatry, and redefined as the chaos bubbling up from within a ‘genetic defective’ rather than from the chaos created by the group system as a whole.

As I keep saying to no avail, it is the system which needs to wake up from the group delusion. It is the system itself which needs to change. Until or unless it does, these damaging people destroying ideas will just keep going on and on and on….

This battle is much like trying to show people there is a real picture to see by just connecting the dots. The people to whom I try to shoe this just say they do not believe there is a picture so they refuse to even look at the idea of connecting the dots. This is the result when those who don’t see, are always ‘certain that they know’ best and so validate themselves by invalidating the other pint of view. ‘I know some of you have heard these very words many times before.

Communication Lesson

You can’t just say it’s a societal problem as many of you are doing now, and assume that is going to be understood by all in the same way, since ‘society’ as a whole, hears that in terms of split MEANING.
One hears it and says, “yes, and that is why ‘we’ have got to get ‘them’ under complete control!’
The other side agrees with the statement but says, ‘yes, and that is why we have got to fix this sick society!’ It is to help ‘them.’

As in all of this, what gets defined as ‘help’ depends upon your point of view.
There is a man who is psychiatrized locally (and not just him) who is in very bad shape right now, today, as I write this. He looks very very sick, sicker now than I have ever seen him. I am sure he is now getting the drugs pumped into him by the new A.C.T team, no doubt defined as for his own good. I would bet I could even name his psychiatrist, although now, there are many of them all enthusiastically promoting the forced drugging.

I think if you asked him, he would tell you how horrible he feels, maybe even feels like he is dying. But, do you know what the system does with such complaints as a rule? It blames the patient for complaining about how sick he feels, usually along with the customary expression of contempt about how we are all ‘whining and complaining', just to ‘seek attention/fame."

He is trapped and his ‘treatment may very well kill him and there is nothing he, or anyone else, can do about it because psychiatry is amassing more and more power and control all the time. It is a horrifying postition to be in but talking doesn't do any good. In fact, it often makes it worse which is why so many people start refusing to talk at all. It's safer to be quiet as we are being pushed to do.

If ‘we’ have any hope at all of communicating with these people, (the mental health profession in general) we are going to have to explain every single vaguely abstract expression by connecting each one to specific concrete meaning as well. Otherwise, everyone simply projects their own beliefs about what it means into the statement, defining the “it’ of the moment in their own terms.

I am telling the labeled people the same thing. They are going to have to spell it all out, in pedantic detail, when talking to the ‘normal’ sleepwalkers.’

In psychosis I knew that I was "the bridge.”

(not a concrete bridge, a conceptual bridge, between two sides of severe, severe miscommunication, them and us, abstract and concrete, right and left hemisphere.
Nobody has a clue about what is really going on, but those who understand it the least always seem to believe they understand it the best.

The Stalking Behaviour of Bus Drivers

Today is September 7th, 2006.

This morning, I came out of my apartment just in time to spot three bus drivers, on foot, walking past my apartment. As soon as they spotted me, they turned quickly down the side street in what I perceived (with my usual perception problems) as an attempt to hide. So, I walked down to the square, keeping pace with them for part of the way going down Exhibition street.
One of them was a blond female driver who is a newer one, though I found that out later. At first I thought she might be Sue, who is on of the long time drivers involved in assessing and analyzing the situation all the way back to 93, along with the two male drivers whom this new one was with today.

I managed to identify them and one of them already knows that.

They are:
Day Shift
Route 52, bus number 190. This is the thin dark haired guy who also used to watch where I was going in the past and announce it to other drivers who reported it to whom? Dale perhaps, or one of his co-workers? This one has also received more gossip from Deb A. on Earl St. , who of course, also thinks I don't know about it, as mentioned previously in this blog.

Route 24, bus number 184: This is the blond woman but it was not Sue. She is part of the newer group.

Route 51, bus # 173: This is the guy I used to refer to as "Bobby pink glasses", though I am not sure if that is his given name and though he no longer wears the pink glasses. He also knows Tina from Homewood. The one who "comforts" Poor Dale and the one whose sister Peggy and mother call me stupid from four or five feet away.

Do this bunch also report to Louis E. who also reports to David E. of Comcare Kitchener? Probably. If there is one thing consistent in this it is the "covert" ops and the lack of any direct genuine communication by those whose business it is to do so. After all, you can't go by anything I say, as they so often tell each other. Gossip and assessing everything I do or say, from a distance is apparently much more reliable.

The chances are, that if asked, these three bus drivers, (Part of my delusional belief system as assessed by the 'experts') will either deny this outright, or claim their walking up the street by my place and then running around the corner is just a "coincidence" in an endless string of them. If, or when they do, you can bet that any fault in this will be found in ME and not them, as always, and a new round of public hissing and growling at me will follow.

The problem here is not in MY awareness of this, nor my reactions to it.
The problem is in the group behaviour and the subsequent denial of it or excusing it all.

Take this incident this morning and multiply by thousands of people and then try to imagine what it is like to be on the receiving end of it for over a decade, while kept in isolation so that you can't bother anybody about it by accusing them, supposedly "falsely." Now try to imagine having it all denied and redefined as your paranoid "delusions" and hallucinated conversations and being forced out of your job and harassed without end, basically for thirteen or fourteen years while all those involved in it in the first place kept right on behaving the same way, and kept right on denying it just as they always had.

Would you be angry? Frightened? Frustrated? Resentful?
If the answer is no, then you wouldn't mind if the same thing was done to you would you? If you DO mind, then it is reality that you are splitting in two and you are doing it to get yourselves off the hook by hanging your victim on it to suffer all the losses resulting form it in your place. As Dale has pointed it out in his usual vague way, we are as scapegoats.
We who ARE the scapegoats already know that.

One more little thought for you bus drivers who are NOT doing what I only "claim" you do. Try to imagine your own behaviour multiplied by a few thousand people. Then try to see the difference between your point of view and the one I get. Do you "get it yet? or are you going to remain in your group denial?

Now let's see if I can get though those incredibly thick skulls of yours.
Human being who are treated like objects of observation, gossip or entertainment are angry BECAUSE we are treated like objects. Period. Dysfunctional Pi children. Just as you would be if that was done to you.
You are not now, nor have you ever been "hidden." What you are is boundary violating idiots who excuse your own behaviour by deluding yourself that it is all very mysterious and not understood by me. The "delusions" belong to you and you are reinforcing them in each other.

If psychiatry wants to solve this problem it is first going to have to face the reality of it, and then, it is going to have to shift it's focus. When they spend one tenth as much time preaching at people like you to get back in your own boundaries and stay there, as they have preaching at the victims being watched followed and reported on by the likes of you to deny the reality of it all, they will see "mental illness" begin to disappear, almost as if like "magic."

Time to "Do something about It."

The Old 'Cow Pie' Surprise

This post was first posted on the Box blog on September 16th 2005

This
It is almost here...
My nurse/protagonist (let's just call him "Willy" shall we?; because he admires Shakespeare so much) may soon realize that dancing the Co-dependent Two step is not really working for him with this particular dance partner. In fact, we may soon need to rename him "Willy Nilly" or even "Will Nill" as he will have to dance the never ending Sidestep to avoid stepping into constantly increasing piles of poop all over the field he is running in.

So bang your drum Wildman. You are running to the tune you decided to play for yourself and others, and you will soon need to do the Sidestep non stop and employ every process you know to control everyone you have involved, and everything that has resulted from It.

Paranoid Patty, the Amazing Psychic now predicts:

Exhausted by this Amazing Race, Willy Nilly will soon do the Sidestep for the last time and hit that big Cowpie I told him about all those years ago from my OWN self help system. Then, as he goes down in It, the shock when he loses control, will cause his zombie face to actually move. Remember my "Cowpie" story Rose B.? Willy Nilly told me that he had showed it to you but that you did not know who wrote It. I also once told Rhea L. In 96, that Willy Nilly was really very anal.

Ultimately though, I believe that Willy and all of the Guelphites involved will finally be able to "let It go" in a citywide cleansing which will overcome it's retentive nature. At least, so prophesies the Goddess Nemesis, sometimes known by my priestess name, The High Colonic.That's a metaphor people, not "madness."

I must ask all of Willy Nilly's enablers again: "You do KNOW what a metaphor IS don't you?"Why this really IS a miracle. It's a brand new "movement" you might say. I think "we" should let you "normals" be "us" if that is what makes you happy and we nuts should accept our assigned role as "them." But "we" need to start taking control of all the language in order to take our own power back.
So, to that end, "we" will be "them" for you:
The Human Empowerment Movement = T.H.E.M. (should we get T-shirts?)

The first step T.H.E.M. must take is to relieve ourselves of the steaming piles of other people's waste products. As you know, a great many of "consumers" are dissatisfied with the Product we are being sold. In my own self help system, I call this part "the De-Mystification Process. "I

am using It to exorcise (sic) our collective demon, "Trickster."




ONdisk

Cause “Or” Effect?

It’s “And” and This is the Missing Perspective

There is no such thing as 'choosing' to be EITHER 'at cause OR at effect.' Every individual is BOTH cause AND effect, for better or worse, whether it is recognized as reality or not.
The idea that you can CHOOSE to be one or the other is insanity itself. It is idiotic. The fact that so many do not know It is idiotic tells us something about the state of the world, the power of suggestion and groupthink, and the mesmerizing effects of talking in platitudes.

Let me put it together for you in more general terms. I am not really the ‘stupid’ and/or ‘crazy’ moron who is being fooled by thousands of much smarter people, who think they are somehow magically ‘hidden’ in plain sight. They have been acting it all out for me for the past thirteen or fourteen yeas of my life just as I have said, many times.

I am the one who understands what Dale was (and is) doing, better than anyone else here; and possibly better than Dale as well. (In fact, I would bet on that)
It is really just too bad if that upsets all of the Guelphites who are ‘certain that they know’ everything and also those who feel they are entitled to push and shove their way into everyone else’s business. But, (and I mean but) that’s reality, so let’s all try really hard to grow up and face it.
Manipulating people to behave just the way you have so that he can feel like he’s dominating everyone (not just me) is the ‘game’ that Dale is playing.

Even though Dr. Badoe ‘explained’ to me , (in his eleven minute diagnostic and labelling session) that I could not have been ‘set up’ for an attack by Dale because “he would have no reason to do so” I WAS "set up” by Dale, since according to his ‘training’ there ‘is no reason in what he does.’ He is just a stimulus response machine getting his jollies (defined as ‘an eroticization of aggressive impulses’) by being ‘unreasonable.’
So we could see my protagonist smirking at just such a statement as that made by Badoe could we not? If you ‘shift’ (existentially speaking) as in keeping with Dale’s little ‘test’ of me, then “he would have no reason to do so” could be either a positive or negative statement, depending upon your point of view and where you believe the starting point to be; with me, or with him. Remember I told you the topics of our brief discussions while he was "hooking his item"? One of the topics was existentialism. Like me, I’d bet his co-workers didn’t know about the ‘switch’ either did they? It goes like this:
“He would have no reason to do so.”
Therefore, if you project your own ‘reasonableness’ (a LOWER level of consciousness to him) into it, he couldn’t have done it.
OR
If you know that he’s being ‘unreasonable’ and that he does what he does without reason, then you understand that he did do it.
Isn’t this cute? Are you all having as much cathartic ‘fun’ as you were while you were attacking his victim for him?
Do you suppose that Dale picked 'power' over ‘enlightenment’?
Say, I have a really ‘crazy’ idea. Why don’t we try looking for concrete evidence? I know that isn’t something you ‘experts’ like to waste your time doing, especially if it means you might have to talk directly to a nobody like me, but hey, why not try a little logic for once?
I hear you are discussing ‘mediation’ again. Do you people think you will EVER be capable of genuine, direct communication? Perhaps you should try getting your “what’s in it for us” attitude out of the way for a change of pace.

A long time ago I told you I would meet a certain group, or any members thereof, down at the police station where my conversation can be witnessed officially. (I have learned from you that unless I have witnesses and/or film at eleven, I can expect lots and lots of denialand diagnostics) you chose to ignore that offer as usual. So, you know what? You just keep right on having all those ‘meetings’ you love so much while the whole world watches your example of ‘ethics’ and ‘integrity’ and hopefully, you will encourage others to start thinking in depth, about exactly what kind of concrete power they are willingly handing to you and start questioning that decision to do so.
I bloody well hope so.
Let me repeat to all of you what I originally said to Dale and his dim witted, yet extraordinarily arrogant co-workers:
“You people should be ashamed of yourselves.’
It is because you are NOT that I, and many just like me, will shame you publicly for your apparent lack of conscience or human empathy. Shame, shame on you!

Now, let’s look back on this disgusting thirteen year display of group arrogance, from MY perspective, the one you have all worked so hard to suppress and deny as meaningless and irrelevant.

life is really not lived on an endless supply of abstract platitudes and aphorisms connected to nothing at all. As even my protagonist’s ‘hero’ says, “Reality is substantial and will knock you on your ass!”
Does this statement not give you a hint as to the intent of ‘lesson’ in this system of ‘training’? After all, he didn’t say “reality is substantial and will shower you with gifts," did he?

Well folks, here comes the ‘knocking you on your ass’ part, as Dale’s ‘hero’ promise in this ‘Pyrrhic victory.’ (According to Fenwick’s analysis) Apparently, you just won’t have it any other way. (“Mediation” my aunt Fanny) You had ten effin years to make the decision to act like you understood what integrity means. You chose to take care of your own interests since you see those interests as apart for those you consider to be your inferiors; like ME. I expect that you will keep right on taking care of your own interests until it is seen as IN your own best interests to apologize and make amends to your staff’s victim. As I told Rhea in 96, ‘if the ever DO admit to what they did, I expect it will only be because they will ‘look’ even worse if they DON’T do it. Not exactly what you would call a spiritual ‘conversion’ but I guess it will have to do.

So now, I will post what I have been put through by this community for over a decade. I will keep most of the names out of this part so you can just get a really good FEEL for the experience from my point of view. You know; the one you never want because someone who really matters might have to feel bad. Let us all look back now though time, to the real starting point and the ‘switch” performed by the twisted, sadistic, little psychiatric nurse who allegedly has said he believes that ‘there is no right or wrong.’ Let’s see how we all get trapped, victims and non discerning followers alike, by looking for reason in the unreasonable leader with the hidden agenda. What a “Zen-like’ cuteness’ huh? This is about the ‘fun’ of tearing me down and rebuilding me as a mental case according to Dale’s direction.

One of the lessons of this so called ‘game’ is to learn that you cannot discern the difference between a victim and an aggressor, between a madman and a hero, between good and evil, or between a psychopath and a Savior, when ‘reality’ is being defined by an individual who spouts platitudes and aphorisms as a communication style, while operating with a hidden agenda of domination. There are people who say there is no right or wrong as this frees them up for limitless possibilities in obtaining power and control over others. These are people who behave, themselves, like stimulus response machines while controlling others who are taught to do the same.
Does this sound at all familiar to you on a conceptual level? It should.
How about the denial of the whole event and the truth the victims tell? Does that sound familiar? How about the group catharsis which occurs when the members of the group are offered a scapegoat to act out on? How about the destruction of the lives of the victims, many of whom commit suicide or are driven into psychosis, because they are trapped in a situation from which there is no escape possible, without seeing the truth about the leader who is paying the ‘game’?

Do you all understand yet that the problem grows like fission, in a non linear way, BECAUSE the majority just follow the leader, or go along with the group consensus and willingly give up discernment to others? Do you understand why the leader calls everyone inside the training, ‘a**holes’ and tells them that before he is done with them they won’t know the difference between one word and another? Do you understand that it is the GROUP experience that is ‘schizophrenic’ and not the individual targeted by the aggressor?
Do you understand this is about group insanity, and that the group sidesteps ‘responsibility’ by denying the whole event and then claiming the (mostly) accurate report of it is the perception/reaction problem of its victim? Do you understand why it is compared to the need to keep the ‘Family Romance’ going?
I do.
I understand. I also got the ‘understanding’ after I had already been sucked in (hooked) to my protagonist’s little con game. You see, he was proving himself to be the ‘winner’, in control, in the game of life and not the ‘loser’ like me, with the under standing.
(Har har har)

It is rumoured that my protagonist has said he was ‘teaching her that she can’t control everything.” He was also teaching me that he DOES control everything, but that it is a ‘secret’ from the rest of you, who are simply manipulated in the act to do his bidding.
So how does it all turn out?
Well, reality gets turned around one hundred and eighty degrees. I get to be ‘broken down’ and ‘diagnosed’ as inherently defective for seeing and hearing the truth no one else involved can see. He gets supported and enabled (as though he were MY victim) for performing his act and then he and everyone else involved pretend to be mystified by the whole thing. The group continues to attack his victim, whom they perceive, at his direction, as the aggressor. His insanity is protected and reinforced and the whole group remains certain that they understand what, in reality, they have no clue about whatsoever, and which they demand the victim stop trying to tell them about. Instead, they have stood around arrogantly ‘assessing’ everything they have created themselves saying, “They say they have never seen anything like it.”

A TRUE statement. Its meaning though depends upon what “it’ is to them.
All this of course takes place at the nexus of MEANING. The razor's edge of sanity/insanity, just like what all the people labelled "schizophrenic" get put through by other groups of people who are all certain that they know everything too. Want to hear it in a nutshell? (smiling)

The aggressor with the hidden agenda of domination gets away with it because the group of people he manipulates to act out on his behalf covers it all up for him and denies the whole thing ever happened. They do this to sidestep responsibility for their participation so that they can take care of their own interests. The victim is then kept "right where she is," is blamed instead of them, and told that she must 'let it go.' If she does not 'let it go' she will be subject to 'treatment for her invented 'perception/reaction problem' in order to help justify the group behaviour and to deflect blame.
If, as the victim, I think anyone is really going to rescue me , I am to understand that I am just "Waiting for Godot." For "in life, understanding is the booby prize. Sorry."
(I am quoting here what Dale wrote down for me when I asked him what exactly, he was doing.)
The line itself is one of his hero's aphorisms. His hero taught him how to create his own Pi. His hero has said so publicly. Pi is an infinite number and it is also a loop. It is about blaming the victim and excusing the aggressor. You may recall that Thomas Szasz has said the same thing for decades. But, it is also about manipulating and deceiving a group. You know who is most likely to understand this game? Those who have been aggressors before and those who have been the victims of aggressors. These are the people who understand this so called 'game' better than most others.
I think you know why I do not support A.C.T. or the psychiatric establishment and why I am now on the other side. I was myself forced to face the reality of psychiatry and it's agenda of power and control. This love of money, power, control, politics and appearances is killing the truth that would set us all free. So, there is no 'choice' for me.
I choose reality as I know that all the ones who are denying it for the sake of a facade are the ones who are truly 'mad.'

It's time: put the principle above your 'charming' facade personalities and make the leap forward.
The "Final Solution" from MY side of the nexus of meaning is to hand the responsibility for the abuse, (not the abuse itself) back to the "Source" from which It came. Does Werner suffer from the grand delusion?
It is time the Source" understood himself. For he is indeed "at cause" and the "Source" of his own pain. He was victimized by his own aggression Pi which as he himself knows, does indeed transcend space/time itself in a non linear way. Now he gets it. There is only the NOW. Her he gets the booby prize of his own understanding. Now he is complete. Abstract AND concrete. Power AND enlightenment. Good AND evil. Cause AND effect. The first AND the last, of the Switch. We have reached the end. We are finished. You know what finished is defined as don't you? It is "the point where all further search stops." I no longer need to look for something which I have already found.
The Trickster's arrogance blinded him to the truth about himself, causing him to self destruct by splitting himself in two, in an attempt by half of him to escape a reality that he just couldn't or wouldn't, face head on. As he says, it is children who play the domination game. Time to grow up. It is over. YOU must let It go by leaving It behind you. For the devil converted, back around one hundred and eighty degrees is "lived." Past tense. No more living 'backwards in time: no more being the "Source" of your own pain or the source of the pain of others either. There is a point when hiding yourself in an opaque compartment stops being an act of protection and a place of safety, and becomes instead an isolating prison of your own creation. Now you have boxed yourself in. Let Jack out of the box you forced him into before it is too late. If you don't, the box will become your coffin and there will be nothing outside of it. There IS a messiah. You just have to stop defending your faulty premise to become able to see the other side; the other Pi.
My God, who is the God of all people says, "Even the devil himself can be redeemed." I am just "crazy" enough to believe that. Perhaps it is now the time for the "Source" who is "at cause" to "get off his act."

I could never have solved this and regained my sanity be trying to sort out all the concrete details of it. It became a non stop contradiction with multiple versions of every point of reality, the abstract OR concrete, positive OR negative meanings, which grew exponentially outward, through a fission of gossips and judges, all spreading their opinions everywhere, "covertly" of course. There was also no direct contact from anyone involved which would have helped me do it a little faster and easier.
I could only resolve it by staying focused on my own protagonist as the starting point, while everyone else tried to talk me out of it, and by trying to find out what it meant to him in particular. I also focused on what I thought it meant to It's creator.
In order to do that, I had to transcend my subjective experience of it, even while it was ( and still is) happening . I observed the action of the "two sides" opposing me from MY perspective; the aggressor and the group. That is how it looks from the other side of the nexus of meaning.
Those of us who share our experience of reality from this side of it, do NOT conceal the contents or the conceptual meaning so that we can obtain power that does not belong to us. We reveal it all so that others will receive the enlightenment so necessary to discernment and hopefully learn HOW to recognize the difference between a psychopath and a hero.

The hero teaches personal empowerment with mutual respect for the boundaries of others. He is at a centre of influence and concern.

The psychopath teaches domination and submission and sees others as not as "real" as himself and therefore without relevance to him. He is at the top of a pyramid of power and control.

Though both may be very intelligent and even almost equal; it is the motivation and the goal that creates the discernible difference between good and evil. It is the devil's arrogance which blinds him to himself.

Now psychiatry, look farther back through time, even to before my own existence on the physical level of reality and really listen to the experiences of the 'insane' and just see what you hear now, in relation to what you know now. I think, if you are honest with yourselves, you will hear something you never heard before for even though the words are still the same, the meaning, as we now understand It, has changed. Spiritual growth tends to be like that.

Does it seem like time itself is running forward to some and backwards to others?

Now I am going to share some of the citywide experience of this game, known by Dale as being "at effect."

On disk