Current Community Buzz

Now you must bear in mind that all these bits of news and opinions come from a large variety of sources and are based upon the beliefs and information: missing, altered and/or added to by all of those expressing their opinions of me and this event as each person understands it from a nice safe distance away.
Just to give you a feel for what I’ve experienced on the receiving end of this group evaluation, here are some of the current highlights on the community judgments and rumours.

Now just in case any of you decide to make your judgements based on actual evidence, I will keep all the sources of the information for you. If I become homeless or if I am ever found dead (the poor thing) I will bequeath the evidence to a couple of Homewood doctors so they can have another meeting to discuss the best way to hide it so the won’t ever have to feel ‘uncomfortable.’ I would like to suggest to the staff that started all of this, especially my main protagonist, that they continue to blame me, while denying they ‘blame’ of course, as it is probably best to at least APPEAR consistent, even if all you are consistent about is your duplicity.
For the purpose of this post though, I will just repeat back to you (as always) all of the community assessments and rumours for your on going entertainment.

Remember to keep denying this is an assault on me and also to deny that it is having a very destructive effect on me and my life, or that it already has had this destructive effect. After all, it can’t be an assault if I am too stupid to recognize it can it? Doesn’t having me be stupid work well for those who want to feel superior to me? It excuses a whole lot of bad behaviour in the ‘superior’ doesn’t it?
So, just get everyone to go into another round of contempt and disdain on my ‘whining, bitching and complaining.’

The Opinions:
It is the opinion of many people on staff for the city, that this all happened years ago and they don’t see why I am still talking about it. (In keeping with the revelation of game boy’s training, let me show you here how everything that is being said is true, but what is driving it has been switched. The previous statement is true, They DON’T know why I am still talking about it. If they did, they would not still be assessing me and they would be taking a look at themselves and their own behaviour. See how that works?)
It is also true that the only people I have talked about it to are: Homewood staff, and Administration, Community Mental Health personnel, the Guelph Police service, a few people in university psych departments, one law form which involved itself in ‘observing’ me constantly, and my employer when the office was on Woolwich St. here. Anyone else has involved themselves so why don’t THEY stop talking about it since I don’t see why they have to keep talking about something that was never any of their business in the first place. If the rest of you see why I need to explain myself to the satisfaction of every Tom, Dick and Harriet, by all means explain it to me. I am all ears.

Now regarding the people I have talked to about it, after a decade of the ‘no response’ response, the dysfunctional favourite, I began to talk to others outside of Guelph and have just recently told one new person in Guelph of the basics of ‘the game’ as it is understood by my protagonist. As it turned out this one person has had some contact with the same type of well trained people in the past also.

But until now, I have not been the one who is doing all the talking at large or with the public. That is YOU people doing that; all the ones who are keeping this a ‘secret.’ I think you should be able to see why I find you mind boggling. Most of us nuts DO you know, for exactly the same sort of reason. It’s the display you put on for us which you then deny.
But, I am digressing by trying to explain you, to you, so let’s get back to WHAT you all act out for me while claiming that you don’t. The theme is almost always invalidating and your emotional display is almost consistent in contempt and disdain. You superior types seem to love that. I’m sure it makes you feel ever so much better to be you, when you can look down on those who you decide are not living up to your expectations as you believe they should be doing. (Soon I will write a piece on self directed therapy for you to use in the privacy of your own home. I am sure this will cut down on all the huffing and puffing at people all day and also relieve the eyestrain you must suffer from spending so much time rolling them at me. But that is for another post) Why even my one friend who has been around for years and knows what dale was doing is rolling her eyes right on dysfunctional cue as I’m sure too much time has passed and I am stupid if I don’t ‘let it go’, as we are all instructed over and over to do. (Big exasperated sigh) What is left of that friendship has also pretty well been destroyed by the ‘game’ as I for one am quite sick of the disdain I am getting on a regular basis from her now too. No doubt if I don’t want to spend time with her anymore that will be a fault in me won’t it? Which one will it be? Trouble maintaining relationships perhaps? Of course it will be expressed as an abstraction of course without any input required from defective little me. I am expected to enable and ‘forgive’ all of those who are without an ounce of contrition and sidestep ‘responsibility’ and I am to do this (so I am told)’ for MY own good.’ Isn’t that an interesting concept? From where I sit, from my ‘perspective’, in Dale’s personal jargon, this all seems like my ‘letting it go’ is really more for THEIR good than for mine. Doesn’t it seem that way to you too?
You see, in the mysterious ways of dysfunction, all the deniers and manipulators just wants what is best for ME, and it has nothing at all with their own desire to avoid blame or deny accountability for themselves. If I think that may just be the case, they will point out to me how ‘delusional’ I am.

Well, let me list here all of the things that are wrong with me, past and present, according to according to general community wide consensus and authority, as well as all the current buzz all over town, including the rumours which originate god only knows where. Remember, no one EVER talks directly to me. No one ever has, either, so it is all a mystery to me at to the source of it all and the accuracy is questionable also. Still, that does not ‘prove’ I am ‘mad’ if I repeat it all back to you, unless you are ALSO mad for repeating everything YOU hear. Are you?


It is said that if I can’t get along with my family, it is obviously my fault sine they seem to be able to get along with each other (currently and as far as those outside the family know anyway) therefore, I must be the one with the problem. My father runs around behind my back telling people I have ‘no personality.’ He has done this since childhood. I am not to object to it since, ‘really’ he doesn’t do that.
Some psychiatrized people have suggested (out of the sides of their mouths as I walk past) that I 'should get use to being treated' like this because they have had to get used to it too.

One of the library staff members is quite put out with me and suggested she would like to have a way to deny me access to the word processor which I use to write about my experience here. Apparently, she has a friend in court services. I have an ex co-worker there too. You don’t suppose this is another one of those ‘connections’ I see that no one else sees do you? So the library staff member said to me, “Well, they aren’t currently in use and they aren’t broken, so I guess I have no reason to say no.”
(Isn’t she charming?)

Along about the same time, I heard it said that ‘they’ think once again (heard this one in the past too) that I should be prevented from riding the buses. However, another group of the opinionated folks believe that ‘they’ should not worry about it as I am not going to do anything about it anyway.
Someone has suggested that I was ‘just pretending to be crazy.” Someone else maintains the opinion that I am ‘just a bitch.”

In June, just last week, the opinion was expressed that I am ‘ruining the poor guy’s life.’ (I’m sorry but once again they did not identify for me exactly who the poor guy is whose life it is I am said to be ruining.)I could provide you with the same list of possibilities I have heard but that will not narrow it down and besides, the poor guy in question may not even BE one of those.)

I also received a dumped load of sneering contempt from a woman I do not know as she passed by me at Willow West Mall. This woman was about one step away from spitting on me. She mad the 'hoik' sound and sort of blew her breath out in disgust, but held onto the spray. Thank god for small mercies. I had been identified for her by a man who I also did not know, wearing a gray outfit like a workman of some sort. He was middle won’t be able to share that one with you. If you like though, I could repeat the list of guy’s rumoured to be my ‘boyfriend.’) Of course, I won’t be able to prove this one way or the other as I do not know myself who my ‘boyfriend’ is as the list makes that impossible and in fact, I don’t even know if there really IS such a person since messing with my mind was the whole point of the fascinating psychological assault on me I the first place. So, your guess about WHOSE life I am ‘ruining’ is as good as mine.
I am now said to be ‘rich.’

This really annoys a lot of people who believe I am getting special treatment. (In some way from someone) Two different amounts of my big bank account have been named. it is the opinion of some that I am so used to be poor that I would not know what to do with any money anyway. A couple of the downtown addicts who tour around and talk out of the sides of their mouths all day really resent my “riches.” As a matter of fact, many of the locally addicted ones have used me as a dumping ground for the hatred for a number of years, including when some of them were in the Manor and making threatening noises at me right inside Homewood in the halls and dining room for example. I have heard a number of unsolicited opinions form some who I know to be in A.A. groups too.

One of these people is telling people that I am ‘pretending’ to be poor. They all discuss where I live now and are quite certain that I don’t need any help and the only reason I got in (other than being on the central waiting list for a dozen years I guess) is because of ‘influence.’ If this is the result of ‘influence’ I would really hate to see the results to those who are poor and have no influence. Of curse, the only reason I am not working must be because it “would be too much like work.” At least that is the opinion of one of the city employees and some of his co-workers concur. Now they don’t really know all the details of my losses, or all that has actually been done to me or why, but hey, they must understand my experience better than I do right? Besides, perhaps that is my fault TOO since I have not opted to tell them all they feel they are entitled to know.
Back to the addicted type sharing his opinion with his buddy: “That just goes to show you says the loud mouth as he jerks his thumb at me sitting right behind him on the bus. He wanted me to hear him you see) “It’s not what anybody really NEEDS, it’s who they know.” (This guy is actually partly right in this but he is blaming the wrong person and his ‘perception’ of me is his problem. I guess that means he needs his ‘medication’ doesn’t it?)

I really wish that whoever I was supposed to be ‘influencing’ would use his influence I he has any to get me the investigation of Dale and his crew or else at least just talk directly to me. Oh, there I go again using those mystery phrases no one understands.
A man at the library laughs at how I see ‘connections.’ A staff member laughs too. This same man once sat beside me at an Internet terminal pretended to be typing (way too fast for him) and then leaned into my email to join me in reading it! He later announced to some others who it was that was sending me e-mail. He was right. I am sure he considers himself to be very normal. I consider him to be rude and boundary violating.

It is said that a ‘doctor’ has used my ideas to write a ‘paper’ which is just (what else?) ‘fascinating.’ He is said to use mythological symbols including the ‘trickster’ which I have sent to the group of academics in my unacknowledged e-mail explanations to them. Another ‘coincidence?’ The ‘doctor’ is said to be ‘a tall man’’ (hmmmm I said to myself) and he is said to have shared this ‘fascinating’ paper with the local physicians as well. (At a Caduceus Club meeting perhaps?) The teen aged son of one of these doctors has been explaining me and my experience to the community at large. More disdain has been produce as one of the results but it is OK as this is all still a ‘secret’ being kept from me.

SOME people are now saying that Homewood is out of touch with the reality of their own community. ( I must agree)
I am apparently also still not smiling enough. Also some women I don’t know think I ‘should be doing something abut that salt and pepper hair’ I’ve got. They also don’t like my clothes and I have ‘no fashion sense.’ ( Value Village and St Vincent De Paul simply will NOT stock to my personal taste and size though I have told them to shape up)

When Dale asks you to give your opinions on what YOU think, that I think and feel, (and I am sure now he did that since it is in the 'game' concepts used for power) He is not doing that because he is looking for answers or trying to resolve anything. He already knows why I am reacting to him the way I am an the way I was back then too. he is 'the source' who is in ''total control '' of everyone else's perception of the 'game.' he asks you to give your opinions of me based on the false premise he has fed you, no doubt vaguely, which you eagerly devoured at his suggestion. He knew you would project your own beliefs, about the nature of reality itself, into ''It.'' he expected you to attack me on his behalf . That is how he planned to experience me out of his ''circle.''

As stated: " The power is real.''
So is the temptation to use it by those trained to see it. What people like Dale don't see, is that if they use it, they TOO are in danger of giving themselves ''the prize.'' So is everyone else made susceptible to the damage caused when they choose to follow the leader (and ''authority'') and to define reality for someone else by ''group consensus,'' rather than evidence.
The evidence is right in front of you, yet you continue to deny the whole thing to anyone who will listen. You and your behaviour ARE the evidence. You get all those you involved to suppress it and you go along with the cover up. Why?
Because as expected by Dale, you will hide the truth about what you did to me, to take care of your own interests at your victim's expense. Then, you will try to justify it, and rationalize it, further blaming your victim's perceptions and reactions to what you have, in fact, DONE.
Or
When you get the focus off of what is supposedly wrong with ME, and onto what is wrong with you and society as a whole, and the reasons you continue to behave this way, that is when you will begin to understand this. You might also focus your expertise for a least a short time, on what is wrong with people like Dale, ‘trained’ or not, who believe that other people should be controlled by THEM. By the way, there is a book at the Bookshelf right now in the window that Dale might like. It is titled:(I will get it soon and put it here)

So, listen carefully. It is not a choice of being either the controlled or the controller. It is about focusing on the third choice, SELF control. Leaders can only truly lead effectively by example; never by the use of a double standard. It is this double standard that ‘splits’ reality and THAT is the ‘split’ or ‘rift’ that needs to be ‘cured.’

Quiz question: Want to know what the difference is between stories and opinions of me heard and repeated by Homewood staff (and all the people they have pulled into this) and the same stories heard and repeated by me?

Answer: When other people hear them and repeat them (or make them up themselves) they call them rumours and gossip.
When I hear and repeat the same stories and nonsense back to those doing it, it’s called, “paranoid delusions and hallucinated conversations.”

If you were in my position, facing a mob of hateful, judgemental, mocking, ridiculing and self justifying people like you, would you be fearful, angry, resentful, or frustrated?
How about if they drove you into a psychosis you had predicted to them which you thought was happening to you, and would for sure, if you didn’t get ''it'' stopped?
What if they forced you out of your job, (twice) and told your employer you were insane and there was no prospect of recovery unless you agreed to be drugged into submission? (see how nicely that fits in with Dale’s programming? “It’s about your agreements.”

This was an interesting yet somewhat puzzling comment from a couple of the long time young men employed by the grocery store where I go most of the time. I got there on Thursday June 21st, about 6:30pm or so, and when I walked din two of them third personed me by saying this: “There she is.” (Turned to look at me in unison as I looked back) “Do you think that he’s waiting for her in the car”?

‘’Excuse me?’’ (I said to myself so that I would not get psychiatrized some more) “What is THAT supposed to mean? Who is ‘he’ and what car? (I don’t arrive in a car but on the bus)
This has been the constant experience of my life here now for almost fifteen years—all denied. There have been a couple of other repeated comments recently too. They are:
“She had all the information but didn’t know how to put it together. And “She knows everything except WHO he is’?
(These comments always leave me scratching my head but now I non longer bother trying to sort all the various versions of reality as supplied to me by the residents of this city. It is quite pointless to bother with it now. What others don’t understand is what the words MEAN always depend upon context and if someone has fifteen different versions of the same rumours, it cannot be placed into ANY context at all. Using the above example, what is ‘everything’ to the one who is speaking? What about ‘who’ he is’? Is that the literal who, or the abstract ‘who’ as in who he is character wise, and once again, which one of all the ‘hes’ is this person talking about?

You really don’t have to be a genius to know that this much chaos is going to create confusion and all the pressure and judgement applied to one person by thousands of others is going to have a negative effect. How could it not have such an effect?

How about if the same group of a**holes (Dale’s jargon for you not mine) even after all that, continued to mock you, ridicule you, and to display their contempt and disdain for complaining about them and their behaviour? Would you feel just all warm and fuzzy about that?
If so, please write me an essay explaining to me and all the other psychiatrized people how you managed to do that (without a drug boost I mean) because I, and a whole lot of other people all over the world, who have all experienced pretty much the same thing, would REALLY like to know.
So, you who see yourselves as having the ‘superior’ minds, please feel free to tell us.

We’re all ears.

Next, and from now on, on Patricia’s Razor, I intend to fully discuss my experience from MY point of view and will offer LOTS and LOTS of opinions and assessments on all of those who have so generously offered their ongoing opinions etc. on me. (even if they were only talking to their buddies or their relatives standing four feet away) Now I won’t be using your names on that blog anymore BUT, I will be very, very direct and clear about what I think, know and feel.
I know the people I am talking about there will recognize themselves, with no problem, because I will give them lots of clues to enable them to do so. Won’t it be fun for the rest of you to try to decipher who they are? Woo hoo, we is gonna have us a real good time now! I wonder what great stories will get manufactured when all the same people who are yapping all the time about me and the mysterious 'him'(s) try to figure out who I mean, and what is the truth about whomever is the topic of the day. Remember now, if It is you sl;ected as the 'item'or 'subject' under discussion, and it turns out that half the population turns on you, don’t you start that whining and complaining about it now, unless of course, you’d like a close up tour of the Homewood Hilton, you attention seeker you! Youmust pretend not to notice the bloody obvious if you don't want to get 'fixed.'It’s your turn now; you’re “It.’’ (look at Dale smirking away when he hears that little phrase; what a winner he is in the game of life huh?)

You see, what I have told many psychiatric survivours is that ‘we’ need to make ‘them’ FEEL it just as surely as if it was their own experience. I know if the staff at that hospital doesn’t get to FEEL it, they are not going to ‘get it’, (smirk) so I need to give it right back to them. That way they may eventually learn how to change their own minds and stop screwing around with the minds of many of those who understand more than they do.

So tune to Patricia’s Razor, the Alleged Reality (legal jargon that keeps me from accusing all you lovely people ‘falsely”) all you voyeurs out there in the world of Guelph reality. I have a lot of really juicy denigrating news you won’t want to miss.


There is more to come on this post so stay tuned.

Catch This ACT

The only way, the only time, my observers and assessors are going to face reality is if, or when, they finally catch THEMSELVES in their ACT. I was labelled for seeing and hearing what those who did it don't want me to see and hear. It is not MY perception and reactions to my own experience with those "others" that is the problem. It is THEIR denial of my accurate perception of my experience with those "Others" that is the problem. So when they get off MY perception and ON their denial, they will begin to 'get it."

It is their idea of me that is their "fantasy," not MY idea of them.

This is what the switched perception at the nexus of meaning is all about. It is this reality which has been flipped around one hundred and eighty degrees that is the starting point of my so called "schizophrenia."
As I said many years ago to those who sat listening every day (while pretending they were not)

"If you pull out the premise, (the starting point) then everything I've said and done AFTER that sounds crazy. Even I can see that."

That is also what I mean by saying, "I have been set up to look like I am insane." Guess who 'set me up" and who was trained in a system whose members believe "setting people up" is acceptable behaviour?

Unfortunately, those who "have ears to hear, yet hear not," are STILL deaf to our mutual reality; but that is because they try to be deaf now. (Although, I hear out here in the world of reality that they are starting to regain consciousness in spite of themselves. The current question being pose by some of them is:
"How are we going to resolve this?"

Answer: You practise what you preach. You take ownership of your OWN thinking and behaviour in all of this, instead of trying to blame your victim's perception of It and reactions to It.

This is how you come Full Circle and return to the point where It all started. You take the last step required for resolution and accept "responsibility." As the A**hole's so called "training" tells us, "It's about responsibility." Then, you "do something about It," You perform your ACT of contrition and you change your OWN minds instead of trying to change mine.

After that, we all start over with new and sane premise; one that works equally well for everyone. Any questions? No?

Well now, why does that not surprise me at all I wonder?

Quick Update in the Community’s Ongoing Assessment of Me

Some of the folks involved in the legal profession have decided that 'at least something good came out of all of this.'

(Really? What is the 'good' that I have received since I am still getting the silent treatment from Homewood Health Centre's Administration? )

Apparently 'they' have said (ad infinitum) ' there is really nothing that anyone can do."

SURE there is and here is a few more suggestions for you. Those of you who are yourselves involved in this all this time and who have not been psychiatrized yourselves (at least, not yet) can do this:

As the police posters say, "You have a voice. Use it."
This idea is good for the police themselves of course. They also are not 'objective bystanders' in this as some of them have played their own role in passing along the gossip just like everyone else. Everybody here needs to come out of denial.

Instead of expressing your opinions of it all to the folks at General emerg., or with lawyers or paramedics or fire fighters etc. simply contact Edgardo Perez, Bill Hamilton, or Brian Furlong ( and all the other really important people) at Homewood, and include them fully in all the community gossip about them, Dale, myself, and the multiple versions of the stories of my 'boyfriend.' (whichever one each of you may have heard about) You see, these people need to get an understanding too. In fact, these people need an understanding more than anyone because these people already think they know everything and, believe me, they don't.

One of the many things they need to know is that my 'delusions' and the whole community's attempt to cover 'it' all up, are, in fact, one and the same; "hallucinated conversations" to me and more juicy denegrating gossip to the rest of you. Same thing. They are not separate, or 'different' realities, and they never have been.

Everyone in this is both cause and effect, not 'or' neatly separated into two distinct yet imaginary groups of "superiors" or "inferiors," cause OR effect, as my protagonist's training has led him by his gullible nose to believe we are.

Dale's targeting of me and getting away with it because of the lack of concrete evidence, and the chaos and confusion created, was a planned and expected outcome. He and I have both seen this before. I've seen it in other groups including relatives and he of course, has seen it in his so called training. My ability to fully understand it and then reveal the plan itself, was NOT part of his plan. I "think" I am a victim because that is what I am, and I am the one MOST in touch with that reality. This is the role I was assigned by Dale in this little "snuff fantasy" as the Columbia Prof referred to it. It is a role a refuse to play on the terms which have been dictated to me by the aggressor(s) and his supporters and enablers. Of course, this is not the way the victim is expected to react. Tough! You people are all playing various roles yourselves; from active participants, to twisted voyeurs enjoying the 'game', to silent bystanders who know what is happening but just stand around and do nothing. That is what Dale's demonstration is really all about. It is just that the victim is expected to "let it go," and give up resolution as impossible. I know that it is NOT impossible. It is just unlikely because the guilty, the ignorant and the deceived involved never want to get caught or blamed for everything. That is why the "no one must be blamed theme song is sung so loud and long. THAT is why this imaginary 'disease' must be "incurable" too. For if it were indeed curable, and not a 'disease' at all, it would mean that those who fight so hard to avoid blame would not be able to avoid it.

1. You can write down what you know about what was done to me. (or even just repeat all those rumours you've been spreading one more time, only this time in writing, and send it to: Edgardo Perez, M.D. and CEO of Homewood Health Centre.
2. Dr, Brian Furlong, Homewood ex-psychiatrist of mine.
3. Dr. Wilson Lit, running the Community Division.
4. Guelph Police Service to the attention of Deputy Chief Brent Eden who has taken over for Don Porterfield in my 'fascinating' case.
5. Crimestoppers (so you can stay 'hidden' and protect your own jobs by not making any open accusations. (waves)
6. You can also send any information directly to me at the e-mail address listed in my profile on the home page of this blog. Just scroll down to the bottom of this page and click on "Home."

This is what anyone and everyone can do.
To the Homewood volunteer who is giving information to that court offices woman and to the U of Guelph couple on the Woodlawn bus. PLease stop 'interpreting' events for them and for any others. Inread contact me directly and let me know in writing what you have heard and in return, I will let you know what I have heard too. Doesn't that sound like some good gossip?


Stop ‘interpreting’ events for them and start ‘interpreting’ them directly to Guelph Police service instead. For though it is rumoured that the ‘fascinating’ case as defined by then, does not even live here any more, “She is still listening to all the stories Homewood staff and all their friends relatives and neighbours are still ‘covertly’ inventing, altering and spreading like manure as always.
Their denial that they have done what they have in fact done, is accomplishing basically two things:

1. It is making them ‘appear’ to be liars to those who have always known what they have done and continue to do.
2. It is causing me to remain under verbal attack by those who believe them and/or who have always believed them.
I, of course, I won’t be offering my personal point of view on this to most people as individuals (for example bus drivers, and passengers, cab drivers, servers at the Bookshelf, clients and their relatives, the shoe guy at the mall, library staff, Martin’s food court workers or grocery store cashiers, to name but a few of the folks always expressing their opinions on me and my experience.
I have already offered it all to those who chose to control and/or ignore me for doing so. They are the ones who need to know about it and those include; Homewood staff and Administration, Comcare Guelph and Kitchener , and the City Police service. My words have not worked on them so now THEY, in particular Homewood , can do all the talking to me. If they don’t, I will just continue talking about them, outside this community, so that the world can observe all this ‘fun’ too. After all, we want everyone to enjoy this fascinating case don’t we?
In Dales’ ‘game’ it is believed that if something isn’t written down it isn’t ‘real.’ Apparently here, even if something IS written down, even when it is written down by dale himself, it still isn’t ‘real’ if Homewood Administration says it isn’t. Maybe if we can all make it real enough for them, they will get it. So, write it all down. That is something you CAN do about It. I have heard all of the same rumours and crapola that all of you have heard and then some. The ‘difference’ between myself and you goes something like this:
When you hear all this crap (which when you are asked about most of you deny inventing and spreading) it is defined as gossip and stories.
When I hear it all, it gets defined as ‘hallucinated conversations’ and paranoid delusions.

Giving the same shared experience (from opposite perspectives) an alternative meaning is what this is all about. In reality, there is no ‘difference’ between you and I, other than the one you manufactured, which is designed to blame the victim and excuse the guilty, the ignorant and the deceived. It’s about responsibility all right; blaming the victims and excusing the aggressors. That is something Thomas Szasz has been saying for decades. I think you can understand why I am more respectful of him than I am of those of you who think of him as ‘the bad boy’ of psychiatry. Once again, good and evil got ‘switched.’

Instead of just spreading more rumours amongst yourselves for another fifteen years, try repeating all of those rumours right back to ‘the source; from whence it all came; Dale T. and all his overly involved, neurotic friends and co-workers at Homewood Health Centre. Or, if no response from them, (there is a lot of flat affect there) just write it all down and e-mail it to me.

This is not a personal psychology problem neatly contained within one person chosen as an identified (or designated) patient with perception/reaction problems. This is about a social, group-think illness, and by 'illness,' I do not mean in the medical sense like group diabetes or asthma. I mean like psycho-spiritual 'illness' that is cured by facing it, owning it and getting past this stupid and childish group behaviour. In other words, this 'mental illness' will disappear when the rest of society grows the hell up.

“Message Off the Internet”

“One begins to twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts.”
Sherlock Holmes

My usual readers will no doubt be puzzled by this odd message That is understandable as it is for some very specific people, all of them still acting out as always in my own community. As I am not ‘allowed’ to speak, while they are ‘allowed’ to say anything they please without consequence, I am ‘allowing’ myself to speak in this indirect manner to them by announcing it to the world. Hopefully, someone I know in England or Germany will run into one of them somewhere and will point this message out to one of them, who in turn, will then chain gossip it back around the globe to those who are involved, who will then act it out for me from four feet away, while denying the whole thing (of course)

Here’s the ‘message’:

To the one I have named “Intrepid”
Whomever or whatever you are, would you PLEASE stop discussing me with other people. They never shut their mouths about anything. Here is a specific example for you.

The man with the white hair who looks Indian with whom you were once again assessing the situation while at the mall on Friday, shares all the news and opinions he gathers from all with a variety of people which includes, Prof. P. an Asian man at the mall and Susan at the main branch of the Library. These people in turn, pass along every piece of garbage they hear, from every source, assessing it all with everyone they know.

Update: January 6th, 2007
Now what did I just tell you here? I said STOP talking to people at that bloody mall. Did you think I couldn't see you if you had the white haired blabber mouth hold his hand up to the side of his face? Did you think getting up and leaving would do it? Do you believe that Susan at the library has actually stopped talking now? She now goes on about how hard it si "NOT" to say anything? How absurd is that? Those nit wits who work for Martin's at the mall act out constantly not to mention the regular mall crawlers who then get on the bus and fill in the drivers on the latest they just heard there.

More representatives of this sick intrusive society then act it out for me from four feet away including their contemptuous opinions based upon what THEY have "heard." One of the Library employees has suggested to a new one (university student) that they should go out for coffee together so he can tell her what HE has heard also. Then, she can pass all the latest crapola back from there, to her Indian friend who can pass it along to Prof. P. who can smirk at me and fill in everyone back at the University.Do you know what we call this groupthink behaviour? We call it my 'paranoid delusions and hallucinated conversations.'

That is how all the participants in this get themselves off the responsibility hook. If, or when, I report this state of reality, from my own perspective, to any of the geniuses in the mental illness profession, it is all denied, and then redefined as the ‘symptoms’ of my ‘’paranoid delusional disorder’’, the ‘disease’ for which I have been forced out of my job (twice) as the means by which I am manipulated to accept ‘treatment’ for my label.You see forcing me out of work and then telling my employer that I am insane and have ‘no prospect of recovery without treatment’ forces me to accept ‘disability’ to survive at a minimum level. (or would, if I weren’t such a competent incompetent like myself) The form asks if I 'think' I am not given work because of my psychiatric diagnosis, which is another of their tautologies since they are the ones who TOLD my employer I was 'totally disabled' and could not work as I 'thought' their was a sick 'game' being played with me and that I was 'set up' by a nurse with a group of his co-workrs joining in the 'game/joke.' To get this disability of course, I must ‘admit’ that I am ‘mentally ill’ with an incurable disease.

Then, the people who attacked me in the first place, will have the perfectly legal right to FORCE mind, body and soul destroying ‘treatment’ onto me (like drugs or ECT for example) against my will and will be legally empowered to issue a community treatment order to do so. That would help me to ‘forget’ what they did, what I know they did, and what they know that I know. See how neat that works?

This is my personal example of psychiatry’s tautological argument and the basis of all its power.

You see, “Intrepid” I am really very tired of listening to people like Susan, mall habitues, or those two women who appear to work in the court office building, expressing their barely concealed contemptuous views of me from a few feet away. Did you know for example that I am quite bright and yet I am 'like a child in many, many ways.' That is the court house women's opinion. They have also connected to a volunteer who works (or used to work) as a patient representative. The volunteer passed one of the court offices women some information on the bus.

If you are reading this in "Box" perhaps you should go to ''Quantum Spirits'' blog listed in the links on the right. I also have another one that no one knows about.

Whatever you do :Please STOP talking. You either contact me directly, in writing at the e-mail address which is in the ‘About Me” profile here or else you choose to be silent and move on. That’s the choice. I have been treated like the centre ring act of this public circus which was started by the nurse from hell for quite long enough. I hate it.

When I say I do not want this kind of attention, which is what I mean. It does not mean the opposite, despite the fact that this is one of psychiatry’s inventions which allows them to deny the reality of GROUP dysfunction.The community group is displaying the ‘perverse voyeuristic satisfaction’ as it is defined and analyzed in the book about the nurse’s game.

I am the OBJECT of observation on the receiving end of this. Like all the other ‘objectified people, I detest this group behaviour. Please stop asking for the opinions of others. They are not entitled to have any when they don't even know me. It was not their business then, and it isn’t their business now.If you are reading this on the "Box" blog, perhaps you should also go to the Municipal Enquirer Blog listed in the links on the right. I would also like to suggest you read The Perfect Snare, written by me and published at Successfulschizophrenia.com
The website of Dr. Al Siebert


if you are reading this on my ''Enquirer'' blog perhaps you should also go to my 'Box' Blog as well. I am sure you will find it fascinating. both links are listed at the right hand side of this blog.

Going Public

"It is dangerous to be right in matters on which the established authorities are wrong..."
Voltaire


Going public with my own case is not something I would have chosen to do for myself if I thought I had any hope of resolution otherwise. As I have said before, I am a very private person in my personal life and have no desire to convince others of anything nor to seek their approval. This is not about getting my needs from others met. It is about getting others OUT of my personal space and proving that what I told them long ago is, in fact, correct, and that their refusal to deal with it has only made it all so much worse. Damage has been done to me and my life on many fronts and I am not going to go along with pretending it has not been just because I am outnumbered and the people who want me to do that have too much power and the right to stop me any time they want to do so. It has much to do with the fact that they have that power and can abuse it at will, which keeps me determined to expose all of this. I do not believe that I am in a unique position in this, other than the fact that I have managed to find some real evidence in my own case.

Homewood Health Centre has demonstrated for me that resolution is of no real interest to them, probably because it doesn’t HAVE to be. So, I know that unless these people who have involved themselves in my personal business and in my life, including the fantastic assumption that they understand my thoughts, feelings, motivations and experiences BETTER than I do, get it from me, they will never get it at all.
It is my own perspective on me that is missing, denied, suppressed, altered and ‘interpreted’ by the mob of people, that those who started it all, in the first place, DO NOT HAVE. In their group arrogance, they also don’t seem to think they need it. In other words, the information needed to make sense of the whole thing is the same information which is ignored, denied and suppressed!

Of course, all these people can’t really ask me anything about It can they? If they did, that would be like admitting their involvement and since their involvement is denied and ‘interpreted’ as my perception and reaction problem, they are required to pretend, allegedly at the direction of their employer, that they have NOT done what they all know they HAVE done.

Mirroring It Back

This one is for the old 94/95 Homewood crew who worked on the Hamiltons (2 & 3) and on McKinnon. These are the folks who started the whole thing at my protagonist’s direction. It is a repeat message for them with a ‘hidden’ meaning, and it goes just like this:

“Proof! Some people going to call me up and tell me something I already know. Same people go crazy on me, say, “that’s not the deal we made. I’ve got to go; I’ve got to go.
Faith is an island in the setting sun but proof; now proof is the bottom line for everyone."
Paul Simon

It is BECAUSE he and you decided to deny the reality of our experience in this that you are all now getting it publicly. It is not like I have not given you many, many chances to resolve this privately. You chose, though, to abuse your power, manipulate and coerce me and deny your own responsibility. That’s your choice. MY choice though is to not let you get away with it, despite the power you have managed to hold over me. So now, I will explain it to you in detail, in public.

The people who are going to call me up and tell me something I already know and understand better than they do, are YOU people at Homewood, who did this and who have been pretending you didn’t do anything for which you need to accept responsibility ever since. I was trying to tell you what Dale was doing both on tape and also in person. You would not accept it either way. You thought you knew better and because you did you were sure that I was one who made no sense. So you proceeded with your attack on me. You decided you did not want to deal with this or acknowledge your part of this deal and pulled out in order to take care of your own interests at my expense. In other words, you all went crazy on me, then denied your own group madness and projected it onto me to get rid of it. You apparently feel no guilt about this at all since you continue to behave the same way and to justify and gossip about it to everyone you know, just as you already have. You want me to accept your diagnostics and beliefs based on “faith” but I am afraid I cannot do that as I know better. I want you to learn to behave better also so I will not pretend I DO NOT know what I know so that the whole group can keep up the delusion and predictable group subjective projection nor continue to indulge yourselves in this perverse group catharsis. It is time to get past accepting these labeling sessions based upon faith and time to start accepting the proof that you are wrong to do so.

This brand of ‘enlightenment’ is coming directly from your own victim whom you believe to be powerless and under your total control. It should not be all the difficult to understand the smirk on my protagonist’s face for when you are all doing your abusive acting out aimed at me for what you “Think” is going on, he is hearing in his head all of his training concepts and the effects of it which he also has experienced previously in his training sessions. My experience of it was not something I paid for but rather what I also have experienced previously in the ‘game’ of life. Are you getting it yet, you overbearing know it alls? Have you figured out what the concept, “It’s about your righteousness” means yet? If not, why don’t you ask Dale to explain that one to you?

Ultimately you see what goes around DOES come around, (as many of you are o fond of saying)Now, you can stayed tuned to “Patricia’s Razor.” That post title is going to be expanded now and cut right to the heart of the matter here in this city. It is going to be sharp and blunt at the same time. Though the specific naming of names won’t be part of “Patricia’s Razor”, some very specific details will be there and those of you have acted this out will be sure to recognize yourselves in it, even if you don’t admit it and keep right on with the righteous indignation bit. If you think this is anger, then congratulations on your finely tuned ability to detect that. No doubt you will still be pleased to be able to invalidate it as not as ‘real’ as your own.

“Ockham’s, Werner’s or Patricia’s Razor all mean pretty much the same thing. When trying to solve a problem ( or mystery) the simplest answer is often the right one. So, I will simplify this for all of those who remain mystified by their own behaviour, irrational thinking and judgments mad without evidence.

Since late 1994, while under attack by the psychiatric hospital staff and the public which they themselves involved, I have been telling them that it is the bombardment of the multiple versions of reality and the constant contradictions which were causing me to disconnect from concrete reality. I also told them it was the psychological isolation and the lack of genuine direct communication that was exacerbating that.

In December 2006, I REMAIN in psychological isolation, bombarded by multiple versions of my ‘assessed’ reality and by non stop contradiction. Not ONE person has offered GENUINE, direct communication. Nevertheless, they continue to evaluate me and the situation amongst themselves, while they continue to deny the behaviour to anyone who may ask about it.
I stay sane now because I found the book revealing the contents of my protagonist’s ‘secret’ game.’ The concepts revealed with it, were a match for my concrete experience with him and those he involved. It is laid out there like script.

There is no communication with me at all, even though I am the one who understands it the best. As is said in my protagonist’s training, "It’s about communication.’’
That’s right; and as I have openly stated to one and all involved, “you are objectifying me.”
I am not an OBJECT of observation and assessment. I am a person. You don’t know WHO I am because you don’t talk directly to me.
Four Foot Newsflash:

“That’s her. She doesn’t have any hard feelings towards them at all.”

When did I say that, to whom, and how is it that this stranger to me knows how I feel?

Old Newsflash:
I was sent cable T.V. anonymously, allegedly as part of my ‘psychic testing’ in 95-96.
If anyone reading this knows WHO did that, and what role Dr. Reid Finlayson may have played in it (along with anyone else) please contact me here, at the e-mail address listed under ‘about me” , or the city Police service, or Crime Stoppers if you prefer to be anonymous.

This also applies if you have any other rumours to report about me or in relation to this case. I need names and first hand information to prove my own case. I cannot use all the rumours being acted out for obvious reasons and also because they are regarded legally as ‘hearsay.’ I will add any more “Newsflashes” which I think may be significant on to this post.

I also intend to add a lot of detail to “Patricia’s Razor” as a presentation of this reality from MY point of view.

If anyone knows a good lawyer who is willing to take my case on a contingency basis and who is not so concerned about his or her career that he or she is afraid to stand up to the power of Homewood and the University, please let him or her know of my ‘fascinating case’ as spelled out here and that I now have a great deal of concrete evidence to back up my claim for personal damages. I can be contacted though this blog’s e-mail at any time.

As is said in the nurse’s special training, “It is about responsibility.”
I do so want 'game boy' and all his friends at Homewood to be sure to get the point of this from the OTHER side of its meaning.

No one involved in this is going to ‘pretend’ anything, or abuse their power by doing so and by coercing, manipulating or threatening me because I refuse to ‘pretend’
that I do not know they are in fact, ‘pretenders.’

Though the Patricia’s Razor part of this won’t have all the names of individuals, it will have all the other juicy details which will allow you to really feel the part you are currently missing, almost as I have had to feel it myself for all this time. So stay tuned.