Astounding Facts and Amazing Revelations

When you stand at the front of a bus discussing me with your buddies or other passengers, while turning around and looking right at me, you are perfectly visible as always.
When you pick up those bus radios and repeat over the radios, what I said in writing to Dale that he claims no one else knows, I recognize my own words. I am the one who wrote them.
When anyone says, “there she is,” from four feet away while observing me, and then follows that with an announcement about the latest story they have been told about me, I can see you and hear you. You know why? Because I am not the one who is stupid. (That would be you for behaving the way you are and then imagining yourself to be ‘hidden’) I am not actually blind, deaf or unconscious. I am the same as you, except that I don’t spend my days spreading rumors about people I don’t even know.
If you can see me in a mirror, I can see you too.
If you then signal your buddy, nod and grin, make faces and hand signals, I can STILL see you as you have not suddenly become invisible to ME by bending down from the view of YOURSELF in the mirror.
If you can hear me through a thin wall, then I can hear you too from the opposite direction.
If you can hear my T.V. through the floor, and I can hear you remark that my T.V. is loud, then my T.V. is not SO loud that I can’t hear you remarking that it is loud. I can hear your T.V. through the same floor and walls through which you can hear mine.
If you listen in along with the upstairs neighbors while I am talking about you, it MAY be that I am talking about you because I am aware that you are listening in, involving my neighbors, and then lying about it to others.
If while I am talking you decide to be really clever and ring my home phone while standing on the stairs at the door of the apartment above, and then, when it rings once, you hang up really fast and giggle conspiratorially with the nosy neighbor, it just may not be that I am only talking to myself. (Even though I often feel like I am)
Here are some possibilities for you to consider:
I have (or had) call waiting.
I am on a cell phone in the kitchen.
I am deliberately pretending to be on the phone because I am aware of your boundary violating behavior and your frequent discussions with my neighbors and want to give you a message.
If all YOU can think of is the one version of ‘reality’ in which you ‘level’ me, which of us is the less aware. You, who believes your acting out is ‘hidden, or me who finds you perfectly obvious? Is it me for knowing what you do, or is it you for not knowing that I know, not knowing what I do, or what I already know about you?
When you walk right up to me pretending to be interested in asking me some casual, all but meaningless question, while your eyes glow with amusement and you wear a knowing little smirk on your face, I can see your duplicitous nature with crystal clarity. When you get an angry or frustrated response to that behavior, it is a response which is in direct proportion to your own arrogance. Why do you not know that?

Recently, I am hearing another round of how "they" can't get 'her' on the phone. This has been repeated in my presence while I am observed, several times lately.
Let me comment briefly on that.

The only people who need to be able to 'get me on the phone' can do so anytime they want to do that. The Guelph Police service have been given my unlisted number a couple of times.
Comcare Kitchener also has it.

So Does Homewood including Administration as given to Jill Herne and Ed Perez.
My landlord also has it. He uses it to notify me of things which have no effect on me at all but NOT for things which do. He also discusses every move with other tenants first, 'interprets' me for them, and frets over how to 'handle' me, and what others are going to think of him.
I have also told both Guelph Police and Homewood that if they have any questions regarding HOW Dale T. used this so called 'training' to 'set me up' all they had to do was ask me and I would be more than happy to come in and talk to them about it. No one had any interest in doing that.

Now, if they mean that they can't get me to answer the phone at the moment of their call, that may well be true. They have ALL been told I no longer answer the phone unless the caller identifies him or herself first. I also dont' answer it if I am in the middle of something, cooking, or listening to music with my earphones on, or in the bathroom. So what? I have an answering system which states blow by blow how to leave a message. That is how Comcare has been contacting me all the time I have worked for them. Why is that 'different' now?

So, no matter how many times anyone calls and hangs up, the result will be the same. Psychiatry's definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. Why would the experts not know that what is insane of others is insane for them too? I suspect that this 'can't get her' bit is more likely either another rumour without foundation or just another in an endless string of excuses for sidestepping responsibility. Since that is what this so called 'game' is about, why should that surprise anyone?

Since they did not choose to call me to come in and explain how Dale T. did what he did in my case, and in fact, told Paul R. they would not answer anything I had to say after their 'glad hand' meeting with Ed Perez and Jill Herne, I now have no interest in holding any 'confidential conversations' with Homewood psychiatrists unless it is with a police presence (probably handcuffed to a guerney for my own good) and with official witnesses to it. That is not because I am 'paranoid' as they labelled me, but because they have taught me and taught me well, that their word is worth nothing if they feel such 'ethical dilemmas' may get in the way of their own agenda.

So the next time ANY of the above mentioned people try to tell you they 'can't get me on the phone' I suggest you recognize that excuse for exactly what it is and point out that not only can they contact me by phone at the number I have given them, they can also contact me by going right into my profile here and sending me a very clear e-mail. That way, I will have concrete proof of any conversations I may have with them in case, years later, as I have learned, I may need to prove it ,when they deny the whole thing.

Please stop buying what these excuse makers are selling. Got it?

The "Force" Is With Me: It's Game Over

Ok ‘game-boy’, you’ve got our undivided attention. You are in total control. So now, explain to everyone why you allegedly think your training is the ‘best investment’ you’ve ever made. People such as myself are ‘just stupid’ as you have allegedly pointed out to your co-workers, so we need you to be very clear, very concrete, very black and white about what you mean. Please tell us genius, what does your training mean to you, from YOUR perspective?

What ‘prize’ am I getting again? Explain to me please what the ‘understanding’ means to you? Just start very slowly and keep it simple as is appropriate to a moron such as myself who is on the lower level of consciousness where I look for ‘reason’ and for the ‘cause’ of things. Go ahead E-hole. You are the one running the game so I am turning it all over to you. Now that we are at the end of it, let’s all look back together through time, to the start of it, and see how clever you are. Explain it to us. Enlighten us all. How about starting by telling all us nuts out her in the world of reality, what the game concept, “It’s about domination’ means from YOUR perspective?

You have our full attention now game-boy; is that what you were seeking?

Now, I have heard that you have recently stated that you can’t even remember my name. Since you are having trouble even remembering who I am I had best remind you of something I told you at Homewood ; “I can turn this right back around on you, you know.”

Your response to that came with your usual flat affect, “I don’t think I understand,” to which I responded ‘Yes. I don’t think: I understand also.” Remember me now? I was referring of course to your ‘We think but we don’t THINK’ abstraction which you handed me as a response to one of my letters asking you about what exactly it was you were doing. There was a witness to that remark too, remember?

Here is a nice abstraction of my own to which I’m sure you can relate. “What I do with problems which people try to hand me (in order to shift responsibility) is hand them right back to them.” Let me repeat my phone message to you and all your little friends and supporters on Hamilton 2 and 3, as well as all over the rest of Homewood, “Nothing makes sense if you don’t have enough information but everything makes sense if you do. “

I decided that if you wanted me to play this ‘game’ with you and your friends that I was going to finish It. Do you remember how ‘finished’ is defined in your game? It is defined as ‘the point where all further search (for the cause of things) stops.’

My Psychic Predictions:
Prediction one:
This is one ‘stupid schizo’s’ name you won’t forget again.

Prediction two;
One way or another, god will see to it that you ‘have an opportunity’ to ‘share my experience.’ He/she/It will ‘do something about it. Satisfaction guaranteed.’

Your ‘car’ engine has died, I’ve got the key, and you can shift gears till hell freezes over but you will never get out of the hole. That’s a metaphor. Do you get it? You do know what a metaphor is, don’t you?

I no longer look for reason in the unreasonable. Thanks for teaching me this lesson.

Now let’s all “get It together.” You won’t take that the ‘wrong’ way, will you e_hole?

Game over.

What I Don’t Want from Those Allegedly Involved

October 30th, 2006 I don't want any more box boys in grocery stores talking about how I am 'ruining the poor guy's life for him.'
I do not want, or need, any ‘interpreters’ to speak on my behalf or to ‘translate’ what I say into psychiatrese or dysfunctionese.
I do not want any of my relatives involved ‘covertly’ or otherwise in defining my reality FOR me.
I do not want to be manipulated nor lied to by psychiatrists no matter how ‘good’ their intentions may be.
I do not want to be treated like an object of observation by the mental illness profession nor as one of ‘entertainment’ by the mindless masses.
I do not want Professors Phidd, Newman, or anyone else, discussing me or my ‘fascinating case’ with groups of senior men at the mall, camera shop employees, bus drivers, university staff, students or anyone else. Is that clear enough for you?
I am not interested in Myrna G.’s opinion of my experience, as it has been passed along to her by her Homewood relative, nor do I appreciate her spreading of it and all the latest crap she has heard. I do not want her repeating it to the staff and residents of Oxford Lodge, Upsdell’s store, the makeup department at Sears, or her hairdresser. Understood? Is this concrete enough for you?

Two New Ongoing Lists are About to Be Created

1. What I Want from Those Who are Allegedly Involved

And

2. What I Don’t Want from Those Allegedly Involved

In order to define my own boundaries without using all of those supposedly false accusations, and to avoid having everything I say defined as ‘delusions’, I am creating two very simple lists here.
In them, I will state my own position and my own thoughts and desires about my own life and identity.

Isn’t it odd that that has to be stated specifically as if it were unusual?

These two lists will be very concrete in form and will be based upon all of the rumors and judgments repeated back to me, from all over Guelph , any of which may, or may not, be true to whatever degree. That could range from the outright lies (fabrications to you pros) of others, to grains of truth or half truths, hybrid truths or complete truths. As I have said for about 14 years or so now, I have no way to be sure of ANY of this information, since I am regarded as merely the ‘object’ of my own life experience, rather than a participant in it. I have never been communicated with directly, or genuinely, by anyone involved. That is because this is all a ‘secret.’

Since I could not possibly know which parts of this are true or just stories from those ‘socializing,’ I will simply respond from the first person ‘as if’ it were all true, without attempting to sort out fact from fiction. That should give all of the clucking chickens a solid reference point, allowing them to sort out their confusion, hopefully before they get ‘treated’ for it themselves.

Now don’t worry, I will keep this very simple and direct so that it can be clearly understood by even the best trained professional. Perhaps once understood, the chickens in question will finally turn the cluck off.

Doing it this way will ensure that nothing I say will be heard as an ‘accusation’ or a ‘belief’ or a ‘fabrication’ in need of ‘awareness reduction.’ These are statements from the first person singular. Those of you who are the psychiatrized might pay close attention to the FORM of direct communication that I am I am using here. It is the form that matters for all of us, even more than what we are saying.

I am who I am. I am the one who defines that. No one else. The fact that so many normies don’t know that is an indicator of the extent of the normies problem with boundaries.

Training the Community in Diagnosing Each Other

Apparently Ken ( the police officer learning how to deal with mental cases such as myself) has told Liz ( or perhaps his buddy the volunteer fire fighter who knows Liz is the one who told her) that we mental cases have to be dealt with in very black and white terms. It has also been suggested that I ‘seem’ quite normal because all of ‘them’ are not as ‘confrontational’ as some of ‘them.’ This is how the community will try to fit me into their ongoing diagnostic session again.

I have faith of course that they will always find a way to make me ‘sick’ by adjusting whatever I do or say to fit into their pathologizing belief system. It is not hard to do as everything is already covered to allow for that. Once chosen to be ‘sick’ one will be and remain ‘sick’ in all things and any sign of normality will be invalidated ASAP. Otherwise the ‘normal’ people might have to think they are imagining things.

Words like ‘confrontational’ of course are what I call nexus words (or phrases) If it is applied to one of ‘them’ (like me) then being ‘confrontational’ is a negative character flaw.. On the other hand to be ‘confrontational’ if it is applied to one of “us” (those evaluating me and my life) it is a sign of assertive character, standing up for oneself etc.

It is not really the trait itself you see that is a ‘symptom.’ (Though we must all pretend together that it is) it is who HAS the trait, and it is judged on that basis, without regard to specific relationships events, or circumstances. This is what makes the ‘science” of psychiatry so beautifully political. It’s diagnostics are extremely fluid and vague, in order to be applied to anyone anywhere at any time for any reason.

Let me give you a current example of the community diagnostics in action.
Three teenaged girls were heard in a public washroom this week, assessing a fourth (who of course, was not there. The whole community here is being well trained by the system to be able to see signs everywhere; to LOOK for them, in fact. ) Now the teens who don’t like someone in their peer group, can find enough ‘signs’ to call the person ‘crazy.’ As we all know, suggesting that someone is ‘crazy’ is the first step in driving them to YOUR chosen destination.

So Homewood, don’t be surprised when a fifteen year old girl shows up there in abut six months breaking down under the pressure applied by her peer group, who have been looking for signs and symbols of ‘madness in their ‘defective’ former friend just as you have trained this community to do. The targeted individual may even be disconnected form concrete reality when she arrives. If not, letting her discover she is trapped in a diagnosis resulting from her telling the truth should push her over the edge quite nicely. I think it is unlikely that a fifteen year old will be able to escape the maze of psychiatric invalidation, even if only psychologically. She just won’t understand….which of course will become another symptom, won’t it?

Oh yes, I almost forgot. Do you know how this group knows the one they were assessing by name, in the public bathroom is mentally ill?

“If you are angry at your family or yell at any of them, that is a sing you are bi-polar.”

The A.C.T.ors of madness have now taken centre stage in our citywide melodrama.