The Eternal Value of Privacy
By Bruce Schneier Wired News
May 18, 2006
The most common retort against privacy advocates -- by those in favor of ID checks, cameras, databases, data mining and other wholesale surveillance measures -- is this line: "If you aren't doing anything wrong, what do you have to hide?"
Some clever answers: "If I'm not doing anything wrong, then you have no cause to watch me." "Because the government gets to define what's wrong, and they keep changing the definition." "Because you might do something wrong with my information."
My problem with quips like these -- as right as they are -- is that they accept the premise that privacy is about hiding a wrong. It's not. Privacy is an inherent human right, and a requirement for maintaining the human condition with dignity and respect.
Two proverbs say it best: Quis custodiet custodes ipsos? ("Who watches the watchers?") and "Absolute power corrupts absolutely."
Cardinal Richelieu understood the value of surveillance when he famously said, "If one would give me six lines written by the hand of the most honest man, I would find something in them to have him hanged." Watch someone long enough, and you'll find something to arrest -- or just blackmail -- with. Privacy is important because without it, surveillance information will be abused: to peep, to sell to marketers and to spy on political enemies -- whoever they happen to be at the time.
Privacy protects us from abuses by those in power, even if we're doing nothing wrong at the time of surveillance.
We do nothing wrong when we make love or go to the bathroom. We are not deliberately hiding anything when we seek out private places for reflection or conversation. We keep private journals, sing in the privacy of the shower, and write letters to secret lovers and then burn them. Privacy is a basic human need.
A future in which privacy would face constant assault was so alien to the framers of the Constitution that it never occurred to them to call out privacy as an explicit right. Privacy was inherent to the nobility of their being and their cause. Of course being watched in your own home was unreasonable. Watching at all was an act so unseemly as to be inconceivable among gentlemen in their day. You watched convicted criminals, not free citizens. You ruled your own home. It's intrinsic to the concept of liberty.
For if we are observed in all matters, we are constantly under threat of correction, judgment, criticism, even plagiarism of our own uniqueness. We become children, fettered under watchful eyes, constantly fearful that -- either now or in the uncertain future -- patterns we leave behind will be brought back to implicate us, by whatever authority has now become focused upon our once-private and innocent acts. We lose our individuality, because everything we do is observable and recordable.
How many of us have paused during conversation in the past four-and-a-half years, suddenly aware that we might be eavesdropped on? Probably it was a phone conversation, although maybe it was an e-mail or instant-message exchange or a conversation in a public place. Maybe the topic was terrorism, or politics, or Islam. We stop suddenly, momentarily afraid that our words might be taken out of context, then we laugh at our paranoia and go on. But our demeanor has changed, and our words are subtly altered.
This is the loss of freedom we face when our privacy is taken from us. This is life in former East Germany, or life in Saddam Hussein's Iraq. And it's our future as we allow an ever-intrusive eye into our personal, private lives.
Too many wrongly characterize the debate as "security versus privacy." The real choice is liberty versus control. Tyranny, whether it arises under threat of foreign physical attack or under constant domestic authoritative scrutiny, is still tyranny. Liberty requires security without intrusion, security plus privacy. Widespread police surveillance is the very definition of a police state. And that's why we should champion privacy even when we have nothing to hide.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
One More Timely Post
The man I call ‘Intrepid’ now with a beard, is at Cap’s today with two other men. It is said again at Cap’s, ‘Even the university is talking abut her.’ (one of my ‘delusions’)
One evening the police supervisor was at the fire station. Sometimes they like to peek at me from there as well as from other places. There was also a guy walking ‘casually’ in front of me on Speedvale who looked ‘out of place’ let’s say. I think he was one of the more polite members of the ‘There she is! That’s her there!’ club. (my fame seeking delusion)
One of the psych student graduates who has met me has decided she doesn’t like me at all now since she has heard at the university who I am. (don’t know which version she got of course. No direct communication at all.Some are of the opinion that I am really stupid for thinking that he was, or is, trying to trap me. (was I, and I am not still trapped?)
The woman from Homewood (who had me pointed out to her by the 55ish man wearing shorts, thin, and with very short hair) was seen by me deep in conversation with the dark haired woman with the bracelet tattoo on the back of her right wrist. Other connections in this for tattoo gal are the White House apartments (? Which may mean Myrna again) and also as an employee at Food Basics on Eramosa.
Tina and Peggy pass by the square again. Though they often show their disapproval when six feet away, at two feet they pretend they don’t know me at all. (I guess I can see them at two feet huh?) One day, Tina was on the Woodlawn bus so I sat down right behind her. Ever so carefully she observed me from the side of her head, making a puzzled face while pretending to look at the house along the way. Seated right I front of her was one of the old women who helps to spread all the latest crap that she’s heard. (“Do you know who THAT is? Careful now. Don’t let her see you looking.”) Then they put their heads together and whisper so I won’t notice them! I was tempted to introduce them to each other so that they could compare stories but them I remembered the ‘no confronting anyone in public’ rule, as dictated to me by three of the eight psychiatrists ‘helping’ me. I managed to stop myself in time.
Some of the library staff were told by someone to watch me and see if I am publishing. They also think I look so ordinary and unassuming. (as what I wondered? For a smart person? For a man crazy woman who will go for anything that moves? For a schizophrenic? For an old porn star as I was rumored by some to be? For poor Dales’ stalker? )
Kathy B. and Michael W. pass through the town square while I am there, not recognizing me. At Cap's Tina gives her momma the latest news.
It is said in the square that 'they' (us nuts) are apparently very perceptive so the normal people will have to be more careful about what they say in front of us.
One of the 'hes' is very angry now. Bus drivers think, "you would be angry too if you had to do without for nine years." (NINE (?) years?) It is noted that I have a lot of hostility towards the hospital and later that the hospital was really hostile towards me. (depends upon who is repeating the rumour I think) There is another round of "she had a complete breakdown because of them' which is recircualting throguh the gossip grapevine.
A woman who used to get the daily dish out of Homewood as it was happening, form then bus driver Wayne P. is filling some folks in at the mall and I suspect they, in turn, are filling her in on what they have heard.
Among the group is little ‘Pat’ (I think her name I, unless they were talking about me that time too.) Little senior ‘Pat’ knows Shirley (?) H,, who has worked Dietary Services at Homewood for many years. Shirley (?) is the mother of Lisa H. an R.N. who worked the Hamilton buildings and who stood behind Dale as he gave me his little ‘test,’ an existential type question which I call the ‘green pen question.’ After his little test question, he really went into his act BIG time. It was after that I got ‘set up’ in the hall outside Hamilton 2. He had created ‘’the switch’ right then.
Recently, I have been pointed out to the boys running ‘’the Golden Rule’ at Old Quebec St. using the usual phrase, ‘That’s her.’ Of course, as always, I can never know which version of ‘her’ is being identified? All the little smirks of knowing look the same to me since from my ‘perspective’ they ARE the same. They would have to be connected to concrete detail to be fully understood and since I am kept in isolation so that the participants in this can take care of their own interests, I am never communicated with directly like human beings who want to understand each other must do. These smirking people of course, are denied by Homewood and ‘recreated’ you might say using the vernacular of the nurse in control, as my paranoia./fame seeking, bad brain chemistry. In any case, in response to this particular, ‘that’s her’, one of the Golden Boys states, ‘You’re kidding..’ Then they discuss the fact that I am looking at them and wonder if maybe I know they are talking about me. I do of course, but I must not say so since that will be yet another ‘symptom’ of mine which if reported back to Homewood along with all the other ‘secret’ reports, will only serve to prove my madness yet again. And so it goes for all of us, round and round the same circular arguments to infinite stupidity and ‘incurable’ illness.
Two library employees mouth silently to each other, ‘She knows everything.’ I wonder if they used to be Homewood nurses. Many nurses believe that if they lower their eyes and talk out of the sides of their mouths they are then rendered invisible. One of the Library staff members who was at the West End branch on Sunday is being picked up by the same man I have seen touring the mall and talking in the food court. I think he works there. He is filling everyone in out there on the latest version of my story and my identity as supplied by others all over town, no doubt including the Library staff input. Many of them have also viewed themselves as possessing the power of invisibility as they have pointed me out to each other over the years, three feet away, their eyes all aglow with amusement (or group insanity, depending upon how you view this and from what perspective.) At the Library there, they casually walked around behind me to see what it was I was doing on the computer.
You know I used to think it might be ‘Linda’ the aforementioned man picked up there, but she wasn’t there. I was remembering ‘Linda’ (whom I did not recognize at the time not did I know her name then) talking about me to someone in front of the No frills store on Gordon St. a couple of years ago. I don’t think she saw me then, or perhaps she did not know who I was she was gossiping about then.)
One of the men who has been through the addiction program in Homewood, lived in the house next door to me for awhile. I must saw him chatting in the square recently to ‘John.’ John is the guy who was telling bus passengers one day, as I sat right beside him, that I ‘just thought I was the cat’s ass.’ ( This was one of the times that I thought that people I don’t even know were talking about me.
This reminds me, you may remember me telling you about the contemptuous opinion of me being expressed by a sixty-ish woman, with red lipstick, as she changed buses in the square. She got on the Homewood stop about 8pm in those days a few years ago. I thought she might be a coffee shop volunteer then. Well, she’s not. She was visiting her husband then I think, which means she must have got her news about me from some of those really charming Homewood staff members. She now visits her husband at Riverside Glen and often gets on the bus at 8pm or so.
By the way, the 28 day graduate of the Manor, who used to live in the house next door, used to fill in the staff of Upsdell’s on everything he had heard too. Or at least, his wife or live-in girlfriend did. I think maybe a lot of my ’uttered’ death threats may have originated from the manor alumni. Once, when I was then IN the hospital broken to pieces by my ‘imagination’ running away with me, a male voice sitting in the dining room behind me at supper took the opportunity to make a suggestion to me after my dinner partner got up and left. I heard that I had ‘better keep my mouth shut or we will kill your boyfriend.’ I told Homewood about this in writing of course, and CMHC too some years ago. No one seemed at all concerned of course. (More delusions of mine you know)
A student from the house next door, who, judging from the renewed ridiculing in the community right afterwards was asked a question or two by the police (or someone). He pointed me out last week to his girlfriend (?) aunt? Mother? (She is of indiscriminate age as she is very large) In any case, I see her with him quite a bit and she calls him ‘honey,’ as in, ‘Don’t you worry honey abut that crazy woman next door. She peeked at me through a bookstand at the library. A little later, I looked right at her at the computer terminal and she smiled but without any real sign of recognition that when she sees me and I am looking back at her, I also see her. This is a very constant feature in people I have noticed. I told ken Kruger years ago that I had tested my theory on this that people are ‘unaware’ they are visible most of the time, even though they are standing a few feet away while acting out. It sounds ridiculous and it IS ridiculous but it is also true.
Back then, they were two boys making faces and talking out of the sides of their mouths at an elderly woman in the bus shelter, two feet away from them. I was to her right. (They were upset that she had told the two little mouthpieces that they could not smoke inside the shelter) So they made a face at her and I decided to make the same face right back at them to see what they would do. They saw NO connection between the face they were making at her and the one I made right back at them, even though it was the same face. Instead, they then talked about how crazy I was for making a face at them. They did not recognize the face as their own. Such is the ‘superiority’ of the unmedicated. Amazing. Those who are like this don’t seem to grow out of it until after they are grad students, if then. I wonder why so many university students want to believe they are so much smarter abut life in general than anyone else?
It reminds me of that idiot ‘Kyle’ and his arrogant little friend. These are just some of the boundary violating morons who have crept around the back, like bad spies, to listen at my door. You should have seen Kyle’s act on my front porch, WHILE I was standing right beside him, his moronic pal helping him with the mouth breather laugh, while I looked right at them. I still can’t believe these jerks don’t know how stupid they look and sound. I notice they always seem to need their buddy to support it though. After that incident, when I saw Kyle all alone on the bus, he pretended not to recognize me. No one there with him to support his idiot act you see. Want to know what is really scary about this guy? Kyle, snorting like a fool about what he thinks he is doing in secret, is in Bio-med! May God help us all. I doubt that Kyle ever got that the note on my door at the time was for him and all those like him.
There has been a whole group of ‘door listeners’ including students. Harry the handyman, landlords, and even lawyers offices from the neighborhood. It is truly amazing to me too. Amazing that none of them can connect their own behaviour to the reporting of it. This month, ‘Intrepid’ has hooked up with a library employee I think.
Yesterday, Monday June 27th, in the evening, a guy with a short sleeved white shirt o was kneeling right down at my kitchen window and I think he was trying to see through my closed curtains. I had just come out of the bathroom half naked, believing I would not be seen in my own home, when I turned to see him through the curtain after I got something out of the kitchen. He and someone else then apparently moved towards the front of the house but still near the window and I heard my name mentioned again. (Perhaps I will hear about this on the bus today also. I often do).
It would not surprise me of course if it was someone with my landlord or perhaps another student or someone working for Tina M. It often has been. They like to brief others on me and on how everyone should ‘handle’ me based upon the stories and rumours they themselves are sharing and also spreading. Of course, this is all considered to be a mystery to me, the stupid, unconscious one being ‘handled.'
You want to know why I keep my curtains closed all the time now? It is because this has happened many times before. Everything I say or do is now subject to ‘interpretation’ by others who believe they understand my life experience and reactions to it better than I do. But closed curtains is more likely to get another kind of assessment from those who don’t believe that what happens to the psychiatrized in this and other communities has anything to do with others, especially the public they have so eagerly and blindly involved.
People see nothing at all wrong with trying to look in my windows or listening through the side wall of at the door. Once there was even a hole that had been drilled through my wall from the room next to me. But really, no one has done, seen nor heard a thing, have you?
Well this is all I am going to do for now as far as naming participants specifically and dates etc. I may post some of the other stuff I have sent privately before too long but this will wait for now. I will add more to this blog now in a more generalized way by looking back at all the mysteries and rumour from long ago which were acted out for me all over town and I will show you the connections to others which I have discovered since then. I will also show the utter lack of individual and group awareness of those involved, many of whom continue to believe they are ‘hidden’ in plain sight and can make no connection whatsoever between their endless opinionated gossip mongering and my reports to the experts of exactly that I am as aware of them now as I always was. It is all the more unbelievable in my own case, since the experts to whom I have been reporting this group phenomenon for thirteen years or so, are part of the group who must followed the leader who started the whole thing in the first place! This is the “Pi” of his own creation.
This is why we ‘nuts’ often believe this is being deliberately being done to us by the whole group. For how could all these highly educated people possibly be this stupid? The key of curse is to recognize the GROUP contagion and groupthink in this stupidity. The more people who get involved in this, the faster the collective I.Q. tends to drop at the same time. They move from reason to emotional reaction often fueled by arrogance. Of course, the more people get involved the more obvious they ALL become to us on the receiving end. Their view of events is from the perspective of individual members of a group in relation to one person they have cast in the role of their ‘inferior’ right from the start.
Our view is from the perspective of an individual observing a group of people acting out their groupthink sessions, buying everything someone s is selling them ‘covertly,’ with each member of the group casting him/herself in the role of our ‘superior.’ We break under the enormous pressure applied by the whole group to accept ourselves as inherently defective. Not to mention the community abuse that comes with all of this. This is a pressure neither the groups not psychiatry recognizes as ‘real.’ None of them connect our complaints to their own behaviour. After all, they are all ‘hidden’ in plain sight from someone THEY consider to be stupid, unconscious, and less than human.
One evening the police supervisor was at the fire station. Sometimes they like to peek at me from there as well as from other places. There was also a guy walking ‘casually’ in front of me on Speedvale who looked ‘out of place’ let’s say. I think he was one of the more polite members of the ‘There she is! That’s her there!’ club. (my fame seeking delusion)
One of the psych student graduates who has met me has decided she doesn’t like me at all now since she has heard at the university who I am. (don’t know which version she got of course. No direct communication at all.Some are of the opinion that I am really stupid for thinking that he was, or is, trying to trap me. (was I, and I am not still trapped?)
The woman from Homewood (who had me pointed out to her by the 55ish man wearing shorts, thin, and with very short hair) was seen by me deep in conversation with the dark haired woman with the bracelet tattoo on the back of her right wrist. Other connections in this for tattoo gal are the White House apartments (? Which may mean Myrna again) and also as an employee at Food Basics on Eramosa.
Tina and Peggy pass by the square again. Though they often show their disapproval when six feet away, at two feet they pretend they don’t know me at all. (I guess I can see them at two feet huh?) One day, Tina was on the Woodlawn bus so I sat down right behind her. Ever so carefully she observed me from the side of her head, making a puzzled face while pretending to look at the house along the way. Seated right I front of her was one of the old women who helps to spread all the latest crap that she’s heard. (“Do you know who THAT is? Careful now. Don’t let her see you looking.”) Then they put their heads together and whisper so I won’t notice them! I was tempted to introduce them to each other so that they could compare stories but them I remembered the ‘no confronting anyone in public’ rule, as dictated to me by three of the eight psychiatrists ‘helping’ me. I managed to stop myself in time.
Some of the library staff were told by someone to watch me and see if I am publishing. They also think I look so ordinary and unassuming. (as what I wondered? For a smart person? For a man crazy woman who will go for anything that moves? For a schizophrenic? For an old porn star as I was rumored by some to be? For poor Dales’ stalker? )
Kathy B. and Michael W. pass through the town square while I am there, not recognizing me. At Cap's Tina gives her momma the latest news.
It is said in the square that 'they' (us nuts) are apparently very perceptive so the normal people will have to be more careful about what they say in front of us.
One of the 'hes' is very angry now. Bus drivers think, "you would be angry too if you had to do without for nine years." (NINE (?) years?) It is noted that I have a lot of hostility towards the hospital and later that the hospital was really hostile towards me. (depends upon who is repeating the rumour I think) There is another round of "she had a complete breakdown because of them' which is recircualting throguh the gossip grapevine.
A woman who used to get the daily dish out of Homewood as it was happening, form then bus driver Wayne P. is filling some folks in at the mall and I suspect they, in turn, are filling her in on what they have heard.
Among the group is little ‘Pat’ (I think her name I, unless they were talking about me that time too.) Little senior ‘Pat’ knows Shirley (?) H,, who has worked Dietary Services at Homewood for many years. Shirley (?) is the mother of Lisa H. an R.N. who worked the Hamilton buildings and who stood behind Dale as he gave me his little ‘test,’ an existential type question which I call the ‘green pen question.’ After his little test question, he really went into his act BIG time. It was after that I got ‘set up’ in the hall outside Hamilton 2. He had created ‘’the switch’ right then.
Recently, I have been pointed out to the boys running ‘’the Golden Rule’ at Old Quebec St. using the usual phrase, ‘That’s her.’ Of course, as always, I can never know which version of ‘her’ is being identified? All the little smirks of knowing look the same to me since from my ‘perspective’ they ARE the same. They would have to be connected to concrete detail to be fully understood and since I am kept in isolation so that the participants in this can take care of their own interests, I am never communicated with directly like human beings who want to understand each other must do. These smirking people of course, are denied by Homewood and ‘recreated’ you might say using the vernacular of the nurse in control, as my paranoia./fame seeking, bad brain chemistry. In any case, in response to this particular, ‘that’s her’, one of the Golden Boys states, ‘You’re kidding..’ Then they discuss the fact that I am looking at them and wonder if maybe I know they are talking about me. I do of course, but I must not say so since that will be yet another ‘symptom’ of mine which if reported back to Homewood along with all the other ‘secret’ reports, will only serve to prove my madness yet again. And so it goes for all of us, round and round the same circular arguments to infinite stupidity and ‘incurable’ illness.
Two library employees mouth silently to each other, ‘She knows everything.’ I wonder if they used to be Homewood nurses. Many nurses believe that if they lower their eyes and talk out of the sides of their mouths they are then rendered invisible. One of the Library staff members who was at the West End branch on Sunday is being picked up by the same man I have seen touring the mall and talking in the food court. I think he works there. He is filling everyone in out there on the latest version of my story and my identity as supplied by others all over town, no doubt including the Library staff input. Many of them have also viewed themselves as possessing the power of invisibility as they have pointed me out to each other over the years, three feet away, their eyes all aglow with amusement (or group insanity, depending upon how you view this and from what perspective.) At the Library there, they casually walked around behind me to see what it was I was doing on the computer.
You know I used to think it might be ‘Linda’ the aforementioned man picked up there, but she wasn’t there. I was remembering ‘Linda’ (whom I did not recognize at the time not did I know her name then) talking about me to someone in front of the No frills store on Gordon St. a couple of years ago. I don’t think she saw me then, or perhaps she did not know who I was she was gossiping about then.)
One of the men who has been through the addiction program in Homewood, lived in the house next door to me for awhile. I must saw him chatting in the square recently to ‘John.’ John is the guy who was telling bus passengers one day, as I sat right beside him, that I ‘just thought I was the cat’s ass.’ ( This was one of the times that I thought that people I don’t even know were talking about me.
This reminds me, you may remember me telling you about the contemptuous opinion of me being expressed by a sixty-ish woman, with red lipstick, as she changed buses in the square. She got on the Homewood stop about 8pm in those days a few years ago. I thought she might be a coffee shop volunteer then. Well, she’s not. She was visiting her husband then I think, which means she must have got her news about me from some of those really charming Homewood staff members. She now visits her husband at Riverside Glen and often gets on the bus at 8pm or so.
By the way, the 28 day graduate of the Manor, who used to live in the house next door, used to fill in the staff of Upsdell’s on everything he had heard too. Or at least, his wife or live-in girlfriend did. I think maybe a lot of my ’uttered’ death threats may have originated from the manor alumni. Once, when I was then IN the hospital broken to pieces by my ‘imagination’ running away with me, a male voice sitting in the dining room behind me at supper took the opportunity to make a suggestion to me after my dinner partner got up and left. I heard that I had ‘better keep my mouth shut or we will kill your boyfriend.’ I told Homewood about this in writing of course, and CMHC too some years ago. No one seemed at all concerned of course. (More delusions of mine you know)
A student from the house next door, who, judging from the renewed ridiculing in the community right afterwards was asked a question or two by the police (or someone). He pointed me out last week to his girlfriend (?) aunt? Mother? (She is of indiscriminate age as she is very large) In any case, I see her with him quite a bit and she calls him ‘honey,’ as in, ‘Don’t you worry honey abut that crazy woman next door. She peeked at me through a bookstand at the library. A little later, I looked right at her at the computer terminal and she smiled but without any real sign of recognition that when she sees me and I am looking back at her, I also see her. This is a very constant feature in people I have noticed. I told ken Kruger years ago that I had tested my theory on this that people are ‘unaware’ they are visible most of the time, even though they are standing a few feet away while acting out. It sounds ridiculous and it IS ridiculous but it is also true.
Back then, they were two boys making faces and talking out of the sides of their mouths at an elderly woman in the bus shelter, two feet away from them. I was to her right. (They were upset that she had told the two little mouthpieces that they could not smoke inside the shelter) So they made a face at her and I decided to make the same face right back at them to see what they would do. They saw NO connection between the face they were making at her and the one I made right back at them, even though it was the same face. Instead, they then talked about how crazy I was for making a face at them. They did not recognize the face as their own. Such is the ‘superiority’ of the unmedicated. Amazing. Those who are like this don’t seem to grow out of it until after they are grad students, if then. I wonder why so many university students want to believe they are so much smarter abut life in general than anyone else?
It reminds me of that idiot ‘Kyle’ and his arrogant little friend. These are just some of the boundary violating morons who have crept around the back, like bad spies, to listen at my door. You should have seen Kyle’s act on my front porch, WHILE I was standing right beside him, his moronic pal helping him with the mouth breather laugh, while I looked right at them. I still can’t believe these jerks don’t know how stupid they look and sound. I notice they always seem to need their buddy to support it though. After that incident, when I saw Kyle all alone on the bus, he pretended not to recognize me. No one there with him to support his idiot act you see. Want to know what is really scary about this guy? Kyle, snorting like a fool about what he thinks he is doing in secret, is in Bio-med! May God help us all. I doubt that Kyle ever got that the note on my door at the time was for him and all those like him.
There has been a whole group of ‘door listeners’ including students. Harry the handyman, landlords, and even lawyers offices from the neighborhood. It is truly amazing to me too. Amazing that none of them can connect their own behaviour to the reporting of it. This month, ‘Intrepid’ has hooked up with a library employee I think.
Yesterday, Monday June 27th, in the evening, a guy with a short sleeved white shirt o was kneeling right down at my kitchen window and I think he was trying to see through my closed curtains. I had just come out of the bathroom half naked, believing I would not be seen in my own home, when I turned to see him through the curtain after I got something out of the kitchen. He and someone else then apparently moved towards the front of the house but still near the window and I heard my name mentioned again. (Perhaps I will hear about this on the bus today also. I often do).
It would not surprise me of course if it was someone with my landlord or perhaps another student or someone working for Tina M. It often has been. They like to brief others on me and on how everyone should ‘handle’ me based upon the stories and rumours they themselves are sharing and also spreading. Of course, this is all considered to be a mystery to me, the stupid, unconscious one being ‘handled.'
You want to know why I keep my curtains closed all the time now? It is because this has happened many times before. Everything I say or do is now subject to ‘interpretation’ by others who believe they understand my life experience and reactions to it better than I do. But closed curtains is more likely to get another kind of assessment from those who don’t believe that what happens to the psychiatrized in this and other communities has anything to do with others, especially the public they have so eagerly and blindly involved.
People see nothing at all wrong with trying to look in my windows or listening through the side wall of at the door. Once there was even a hole that had been drilled through my wall from the room next to me. But really, no one has done, seen nor heard a thing, have you?
Well this is all I am going to do for now as far as naming participants specifically and dates etc. I may post some of the other stuff I have sent privately before too long but this will wait for now. I will add more to this blog now in a more generalized way by looking back at all the mysteries and rumour from long ago which were acted out for me all over town and I will show you the connections to others which I have discovered since then. I will also show the utter lack of individual and group awareness of those involved, many of whom continue to believe they are ‘hidden’ in plain sight and can make no connection whatsoever between their endless opinionated gossip mongering and my reports to the experts of exactly that I am as aware of them now as I always was. It is all the more unbelievable in my own case, since the experts to whom I have been reporting this group phenomenon for thirteen years or so, are part of the group who must followed the leader who started the whole thing in the first place! This is the “Pi” of his own creation.
This is why we ‘nuts’ often believe this is being deliberately being done to us by the whole group. For how could all these highly educated people possibly be this stupid? The key of curse is to recognize the GROUP contagion and groupthink in this stupidity. The more people who get involved in this, the faster the collective I.Q. tends to drop at the same time. They move from reason to emotional reaction often fueled by arrogance. Of course, the more people get involved the more obvious they ALL become to us on the receiving end. Their view of events is from the perspective of individual members of a group in relation to one person they have cast in the role of their ‘inferior’ right from the start.
Our view is from the perspective of an individual observing a group of people acting out their groupthink sessions, buying everything someone s is selling them ‘covertly,’ with each member of the group casting him/herself in the role of our ‘superior.’ We break under the enormous pressure applied by the whole group to accept ourselves as inherently defective. Not to mention the community abuse that comes with all of this. This is a pressure neither the groups not psychiatry recognizes as ‘real.’ None of them connect our complaints to their own behaviour. After all, they are all ‘hidden’ in plain sight from someone THEY consider to be stupid, unconscious, and less than human.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
More Spooning From June
Some of the less hostile or at least, less judgemental library members are managing to look me right in the eye now as more of the latest news is repeated to them from other parts of the community. One of the staff members who have been keeping everyone posted on the latest for many years has even started to remember how to blush.
My ‘boyfriend,’ who never ever speaks directly to me, (take your pick on this one, it’s multiple choice) is said to be a cop. This is not the first time I have heard this one either.
There is an allegedly another round of assessment of me going on at A.A. meetings.
University students have discussed on the bus that they know the nurse who did it. There is even some recognition by some of them that his so called game is basically sadistic.
They also know that I know everything that has been said about me behind my back by Homewood staff and administration—yet they all keep their ‘silence,’ towards me I mean, while keeping their arrogant community traumatization routine intact. In fact, the government (you know those ‘government agencies we nuts tend to believe are watching us?) are now planning t pump even more money into the a.c.t.ors coffers so they can beef up their efforts to watch us. That way, people who are suspected of being even slightly unusual in thought or deed, can be labeled and drugged into submission even FASTER.
The story of my near suicide is making the rounds again. I find it most fascinating when I see it acted out in my presence accompanied by emotions of contempt or laughter. Isn’t that what the mental health profession would refer to as ‘inappropriate affects?’ Shouldn’t these ‘normal’ morons receive some Homewood style ‘help’ for that?
A few think that what I have been put through by these people is just horrifying, especially the fact that the staff involved have spread it all everywhere.
A woman with a Homewood name tag on informs one of the staff of the library desk that I ma ‘just scary.’ She then asks the staff member to confirm that I am her,’ which the staff member does. I always wonder in these incidents of course, which version of me is being identified as ‘her’ to people.
Some eighteen year olds on the bus are altering my diagnosis for people from schizo to ‘just weird.’ Then they add that is Dale who is crazy and not just weird as the thought before. Both laugh at their great wit. (har har har)
Some find it just awful that ‘the doctor’ just left me to ‘stew in this mess.’ ( sorry, don’t know which of the team assessing me is being referred to here.
Some students in my own building and in the vicinity discuss how I see the pattern behind what is going on. They also allegedly continue to receive stories and covert assessments of me from my landlord, who denies to me that he does this, and since ‘falsely’ accused of doing it appears to have become even more ‘covert.’ Allegedly, he continues to issue instructions to others on how to handle a nut like me and to keep their conversations about it between himself and them. Most people though agreeing to that can’t seem to resist passing the news along to someone though can they? This is the kind of duplicity I always ‘think’ I know about. I even ‘think’ it is very obvious, but I am frequently assured by those who know better that is not so. This is all just what we crazy people ‘think.’
A man at the Ultra mart is telling the woman with him that he doesn’t get the connection to the father’s behaviour and the nurse’s behaviour. (I could have explained it to him but then he doesn’t actually know me and besides, that would be like admitting that I ‘think’ people are talking about me again, which would then ‘prove’ I am crazy, which would then spur the A.C.T. ors into action, so I will just have to keep any clarifications to myself and only speak when official permission is given, if ever.
The heavily involved Suzanne K. is rumoured to have lost her job at the Elliott according to some of the folks at the Volunteer Centre who know her. I wonder if they know the large part she has played in helping Dale gather information?
Apparently, the Homewood staff who did all of this in the first place have gone right into a whole big act for the powers that be, pretending to be surprised about me and the true identity of the fascinating case. What a pile of hogwash. As if they knew nothing.
They stood about telling each other they thought it was me long before the community wide assault caused my breakdown and warning each other (after I had been told how inappropriate it would be of me to confront them about it by a psychiatrist I was sent to across the street. She also knew it was Dale who started this and exactly what it was caused. Did The Homewood staff tell her what they knew? Or was that kept secret too?
Many of the townsfolk have known all along exactly what they did since they involved them all in it, and some are calling their current acting out and feigned innocence "absolutely disgusting.” It has even been noted by some of them that the Homewood group has been exhibiting the same pattern of behaviour as that which is demonstrated in the nurse’s ‘’special’’ training.
In May, the Royal city deli/bakery staff was instructed not to talk about me in my presence and so were the library staff. I know this because members of both groups discussed that instruction not to talk about me in front of me, while I was there! In the library, one staff member even pointed out to another that talking about, not talking about me, in front of me, IS talking about me! It is interesting to me that some know who I am by name, some don’t but all seem to have some version of me which they accept as reality.
As I looked right at them, still feeling incredulous at how often this still happens, idiot # 1 laughed at the obvious which had just been explained to her by semi idiot #2. These are the normal people; the ones who aren’t ‘confused.’ They are the ones who DO the confusing. I wonder if it would be judged by my psychiatric team that they needed a little something to reduce their awareness for them, or, would it be a little something to increase their awareness for them?
Since this all occurred (the event that never happened I mean) many of my health care agency clients and their relatives and neighbours have had much to discuss amongst themselves. They always pretend to my face though that they haven’t heard nor seen a thing. It is part of the entertainment aspect of this sadistic little ‘game.’ A lot of time has been spent gathering misinformation, partial truths and outright entertaining lies form the many people involving themselves in all this ‘fun.’ It comes from many sources; much still from Homewood staff but lots of others as well. The General Hospital for instance is always looking for new rumours and chances to evaluate and assess anything that might happen to me or anything I might have said.
Many of my clients and their relatives have made various comments in front of me, carefully ‘coded’ so that as I sat there and listened to them, I would not understand what I have already had acted out for me 500 times before. I think you can see where we nuts get the C.I.A. type ideas from can’t you? It fits quite well as a metaphor don’t you think? I have watched this many times with many people acting out for me all the ‘secrets’ they have heard and passed along.
The overweight guy with the blue eyes who always wears a cap and tours the downtown restaurants all day was telling a woman as I passed, ‘yes, that’s Pat.’ He then noticed me passing by and added, ‘that IS Pat. (ha ha ha )She shook her head incredulously. Teens on the buses are still telling each other, ‘It’s the exact opposite.’ One suggests I am doing this out of spite!
A dark haired thirty five-ish woman is explaining to a library staff member that it was all just ‘he said/she said’ and ‘apparently she can’t connect with anyone who has been willing to hear her side of the story.’
(So it’s not really just he ‘said/she said’ is it? One of us got called crazy and her life destroyed for her and the other one got protected. A judgment was made that was not about evidence or equal rights.)
These are also the people who are currently pushing for a separate court system for labeled people. Speaking for myself, I do not want a separate system which right from the start, perceives my complaints as not as real as those who are entitled to use the regular court system. Yet, I have heard it stated locally, and quite happily that a ‘’mental health court’’ is expected to be a reality in Canada within the next five years! I guess it is good news as long as you are not the one who is going to be forced into another ultimate system designed especially for you. I want the same laws to be applied equally to all human-not a ‘special’ court for myself and all the other presumed ‘defectives.’
My ‘boyfriend,’ who never ever speaks directly to me, (take your pick on this one, it’s multiple choice) is said to be a cop. This is not the first time I have heard this one either.
There is an allegedly another round of assessment of me going on at A.A. meetings.
University students have discussed on the bus that they know the nurse who did it. There is even some recognition by some of them that his so called game is basically sadistic.
They also know that I know everything that has been said about me behind my back by Homewood staff and administration—yet they all keep their ‘silence,’ towards me I mean, while keeping their arrogant community traumatization routine intact. In fact, the government (you know those ‘government agencies we nuts tend to believe are watching us?) are now planning t pump even more money into the a.c.t.ors coffers so they can beef up their efforts to watch us. That way, people who are suspected of being even slightly unusual in thought or deed, can be labeled and drugged into submission even FASTER.
The story of my near suicide is making the rounds again. I find it most fascinating when I see it acted out in my presence accompanied by emotions of contempt or laughter. Isn’t that what the mental health profession would refer to as ‘inappropriate affects?’ Shouldn’t these ‘normal’ morons receive some Homewood style ‘help’ for that?
A few think that what I have been put through by these people is just horrifying, especially the fact that the staff involved have spread it all everywhere.
A woman with a Homewood name tag on informs one of the staff of the library desk that I ma ‘just scary.’ She then asks the staff member to confirm that I am her,’ which the staff member does. I always wonder in these incidents of course, which version of me is being identified as ‘her’ to people.
Some eighteen year olds on the bus are altering my diagnosis for people from schizo to ‘just weird.’ Then they add that is Dale who is crazy and not just weird as the thought before. Both laugh at their great wit. (har har har)
Some find it just awful that ‘the doctor’ just left me to ‘stew in this mess.’ ( sorry, don’t know which of the team assessing me is being referred to here.
Some students in my own building and in the vicinity discuss how I see the pattern behind what is going on. They also allegedly continue to receive stories and covert assessments of me from my landlord, who denies to me that he does this, and since ‘falsely’ accused of doing it appears to have become even more ‘covert.’ Allegedly, he continues to issue instructions to others on how to handle a nut like me and to keep their conversations about it between himself and them. Most people though agreeing to that can’t seem to resist passing the news along to someone though can they? This is the kind of duplicity I always ‘think’ I know about. I even ‘think’ it is very obvious, but I am frequently assured by those who know better that is not so. This is all just what we crazy people ‘think.’
A man at the Ultra mart is telling the woman with him that he doesn’t get the connection to the father’s behaviour and the nurse’s behaviour. (I could have explained it to him but then he doesn’t actually know me and besides, that would be like admitting that I ‘think’ people are talking about me again, which would then ‘prove’ I am crazy, which would then spur the A.C.T. ors into action, so I will just have to keep any clarifications to myself and only speak when official permission is given, if ever.
The heavily involved Suzanne K. is rumoured to have lost her job at the Elliott according to some of the folks at the Volunteer Centre who know her. I wonder if they know the large part she has played in helping Dale gather information?
Apparently, the Homewood staff who did all of this in the first place have gone right into a whole big act for the powers that be, pretending to be surprised about me and the true identity of the fascinating case. What a pile of hogwash. As if they knew nothing.
They stood about telling each other they thought it was me long before the community wide assault caused my breakdown and warning each other (after I had been told how inappropriate it would be of me to confront them about it by a psychiatrist I was sent to across the street. She also knew it was Dale who started this and exactly what it was caused. Did The Homewood staff tell her what they knew? Or was that kept secret too?
Many of the townsfolk have known all along exactly what they did since they involved them all in it, and some are calling their current acting out and feigned innocence "absolutely disgusting.” It has even been noted by some of them that the Homewood group has been exhibiting the same pattern of behaviour as that which is demonstrated in the nurse’s ‘’special’’ training.
In May, the Royal city deli/bakery staff was instructed not to talk about me in my presence and so were the library staff. I know this because members of both groups discussed that instruction not to talk about me in front of me, while I was there! In the library, one staff member even pointed out to another that talking about, not talking about me, in front of me, IS talking about me! It is interesting to me that some know who I am by name, some don’t but all seem to have some version of me which they accept as reality.
As I looked right at them, still feeling incredulous at how often this still happens, idiot # 1 laughed at the obvious which had just been explained to her by semi idiot #2. These are the normal people; the ones who aren’t ‘confused.’ They are the ones who DO the confusing. I wonder if it would be judged by my psychiatric team that they needed a little something to reduce their awareness for them, or, would it be a little something to increase their awareness for them?
Since this all occurred (the event that never happened I mean) many of my health care agency clients and their relatives and neighbours have had much to discuss amongst themselves. They always pretend to my face though that they haven’t heard nor seen a thing. It is part of the entertainment aspect of this sadistic little ‘game.’ A lot of time has been spent gathering misinformation, partial truths and outright entertaining lies form the many people involving themselves in all this ‘fun.’ It comes from many sources; much still from Homewood staff but lots of others as well. The General Hospital for instance is always looking for new rumours and chances to evaluate and assess anything that might happen to me or anything I might have said.
Many of my clients and their relatives have made various comments in front of me, carefully ‘coded’ so that as I sat there and listened to them, I would not understand what I have already had acted out for me 500 times before. I think you can see where we nuts get the C.I.A. type ideas from can’t you? It fits quite well as a metaphor don’t you think? I have watched this many times with many people acting out for me all the ‘secrets’ they have heard and passed along.
The overweight guy with the blue eyes who always wears a cap and tours the downtown restaurants all day was telling a woman as I passed, ‘yes, that’s Pat.’ He then noticed me passing by and added, ‘that IS Pat. (ha ha ha )She shook her head incredulously. Teens on the buses are still telling each other, ‘It’s the exact opposite.’ One suggests I am doing this out of spite!
A dark haired thirty five-ish woman is explaining to a library staff member that it was all just ‘he said/she said’ and ‘apparently she can’t connect with anyone who has been willing to hear her side of the story.’
(So it’s not really just he ‘said/she said’ is it? One of us got called crazy and her life destroyed for her and the other one got protected. A judgment was made that was not about evidence or equal rights.)
These are also the people who are currently pushing for a separate court system for labeled people. Speaking for myself, I do not want a separate system which right from the start, perceives my complaints as not as real as those who are entitled to use the regular court system. Yet, I have heard it stated locally, and quite happily that a ‘’mental health court’’ is expected to be a reality in Canada within the next five years! I guess it is good news as long as you are not the one who is going to be forced into another ultimate system designed especially for you. I want the same laws to be applied equally to all human-not a ‘special’ court for myself and all the other presumed ‘defectives.’
The Monster In The Town Square
A huge venom spitting monster has made it’s home in the town square. It’s eyes blaze with hatred and contempt. It cackles with glee at the suffering it inflicts upon others. It is coloured with envy which sometimes turns as dark as night, chameleon like, and is frequently covered with spots of murderous rage. Yet lately, it has begun to blush crimson with shame.
Everyone denies the existence of the monster in the town square yet all step carefully around the place where it sits, in case it might turn it’s unwanted gaze upon them.
Perhaps, if the monster’s shame gets powerful enough, the glow from it’s reddened cheeks will get some renewed interest in it and the people less afraid of a beast of shame, than a beast of hatred, will finally be able to admit that they also see the monster that has been there all along.
Perhaps then they will find enough courage to look it right in the eye.
Back to recent times in my reality:
A library staff member has been informed by a university employee that I am publishing my experience now. The staff member delivers her experience with her customary sneering contempt, “She is just doing that out of spite!
Later, on the street, I hear another version of the same judgement, “She is just a vindictive personality!” (I wonder if that is another new “syndrome” or “disorder.”)
Some students on the bus think it is ironic that “yesterday” (June 6th 2006) someone said, “She’s been through hell” and he said it on 666 day.
Some of the psychiatrized who don’t know me have started saying “hello” or nodding at me. A few other people have started using my “and that’s my big but” phrase. Some wonder why reducing me to extreme poverty is better than just leaving me alone.
The tall head shaver was sitting with the dark haired guy who is about forty or so. The dark haired guy has talked with Maggie C. at my bank. Some have acted out for me that he is a cop too, but then, they could just be having them a little more “fun” with the “wack job” here now couldn’t they? I of course, must never know, for if I were to know, they may have to admit to something.
Roman and the bearded one from the workfare office put on another performance of what some are now calling ‘street theater, commenting again as they come down the street from the square, “Well, I guess she showed him didn’t she?”
It has been said that “he” said that I “needed to be taught that she can’t control everything.” It is always interesting to me that those who seek the most control of others also want to “teach those others”
who have little or no interest in controlling others themselves, that it is wrong to try to control ‘others.’
Some library patrons assess me today, ‘Well, she couldn’t get her own way so she is just going to take it out on Dale!”
Some others say they have been willing to listen to anyone and everyone’s opinion on that EXCEPT mine. One asks her friend, ‘And can you imagine? She just had to sit there and listen to all of that without calling them on it? They say she knows everything, and that she always did.’
Homewood Peggy pretends she doesn’t know me today. Sure hope she and her mother are all done calling me stupid from a few feet away. It is said about me on the street, ‘She even knows about all the meetings they had about her. They didn’t understand why they couldn’t make sense of it before.’ Then, they make note of the fact once again that I refuse to ‘let it go.’
Another woman says she ‘wouldn’t trust that Homewood at all’ if she was me. Some university students announce with very clear disdain that I am not even educated!’ A couple of female students believe that THEY get it now; that it is just opposing viewpoints on the same reality. (they laugh, not understanding that they STILL don’t really get it, for while everyone has been so busy trying to ‘decipher’’ what it all really means, year after year, the one who sits at the top of this pyramid has amassed more and more power. With the goal of domination, he has collected the highly emotional ‘confessions’ of tens of thousands of mostly middle to upper class citizens)- doctors, lawyers ,politicians etc. and information means power doesn’t it?
You see, as is said by the psych professor in her analysis, ‘You can fool all of the people most of the time.’
As dale has demonstrated for all of us locally, remaining ambiguous while operating with a hidden agenda, allows those being manipulated to believe whatever they want to believe. For if they think they already understand something, then all further search for truth or resolution, stops.
Everyone denies the existence of the monster in the town square yet all step carefully around the place where it sits, in case it might turn it’s unwanted gaze upon them.
Perhaps, if the monster’s shame gets powerful enough, the glow from it’s reddened cheeks will get some renewed interest in it and the people less afraid of a beast of shame, than a beast of hatred, will finally be able to admit that they also see the monster that has been there all along.
Perhaps then they will find enough courage to look it right in the eye.
Back to recent times in my reality:
A library staff member has been informed by a university employee that I am publishing my experience now. The staff member delivers her experience with her customary sneering contempt, “She is just doing that out of spite!
Later, on the street, I hear another version of the same judgement, “She is just a vindictive personality!” (I wonder if that is another new “syndrome” or “disorder.”)
Some students on the bus think it is ironic that “yesterday” (June 6th 2006) someone said, “She’s been through hell” and he said it on 666 day.
Some of the psychiatrized who don’t know me have started saying “hello” or nodding at me. A few other people have started using my “and that’s my big but” phrase. Some wonder why reducing me to extreme poverty is better than just leaving me alone.
The tall head shaver was sitting with the dark haired guy who is about forty or so. The dark haired guy has talked with Maggie C. at my bank. Some have acted out for me that he is a cop too, but then, they could just be having them a little more “fun” with the “wack job” here now couldn’t they? I of course, must never know, for if I were to know, they may have to admit to something.
Roman and the bearded one from the workfare office put on another performance of what some are now calling ‘street theater, commenting again as they come down the street from the square, “Well, I guess she showed him didn’t she?”
It has been said that “he” said that I “needed to be taught that she can’t control everything.” It is always interesting to me that those who seek the most control of others also want to “teach those others”
who have little or no interest in controlling others themselves, that it is wrong to try to control ‘others.’
Some library patrons assess me today, ‘Well, she couldn’t get her own way so she is just going to take it out on Dale!”
Some others say they have been willing to listen to anyone and everyone’s opinion on that EXCEPT mine. One asks her friend, ‘And can you imagine? She just had to sit there and listen to all of that without calling them on it? They say she knows everything, and that she always did.’
Homewood Peggy pretends she doesn’t know me today. Sure hope she and her mother are all done calling me stupid from a few feet away. It is said about me on the street, ‘She even knows about all the meetings they had about her. They didn’t understand why they couldn’t make sense of it before.’ Then, they make note of the fact once again that I refuse to ‘let it go.’
Another woman says she ‘wouldn’t trust that Homewood at all’ if she was me. Some university students announce with very clear disdain that I am not even educated!’ A couple of female students believe that THEY get it now; that it is just opposing viewpoints on the same reality. (they laugh, not understanding that they STILL don’t really get it, for while everyone has been so busy trying to ‘decipher’’ what it all really means, year after year, the one who sits at the top of this pyramid has amassed more and more power. With the goal of domination, he has collected the highly emotional ‘confessions’ of tens of thousands of mostly middle to upper class citizens)- doctors, lawyers ,politicians etc. and information means power doesn’t it?
You see, as is said by the psych professor in her analysis, ‘You can fool all of the people most of the time.’
As dale has demonstrated for all of us locally, remaining ambiguous while operating with a hidden agenda, allows those being manipulated to believe whatever they want to believe. For if they think they already understand something, then all further search for truth or resolution, stops.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Another Spoon of April May and June 2006
So let me ask you all again, "What words am I using that you are unable to comprehend?
Perhaps the then staff of the Hamiltons in 95 remember listening to me ask them that question. Perhaps Marg, or someone on staff in the Manor building, can ask retired bus driver Earl, who helped keep the rest informed of all the latest coming out of Homewood, if THEY remember me asking the question. (Earl sure was shocked when he found out from them that I was also talking to all the involved bus drivers as well wasn't he? At least he sounded shocked when he informed the bus passengers that I had also been talking to the drivers. He just didn't like it when the talked about it over the radio but right in front of me while I was on the bus was apparently OK.
OH yes, must let you all know that my current landlord actually managed to phone me to ask if it was all right if he brought a heating guy into my apartment on Friday June 16th to look at extending the rads into my apartment . Perhaps this is where the rumour originated THIS time that he is planning my eviction again, as acted out in the town square. (Or was it the mall?) Rumour also has it that someone told him they did not think that I had anywhere left to go (Because of all MY false accusations of all the innocent victims here) and that he had replied "Who carerrrrres...." Of course this is a rumour so it may or may not be accurate or fully true but since it doesn't matter if everyone else repeats everything they hear about me it shouldn't matter if I do the same should it? If it does, what's the difference?
I am trying to be completely normal by following the example of those who are considered to BE normal. THIS is that model of that, so there can't be any problem....Now my landlord is always very nicely mannered and personable to my face...well OK except for the eyes glowing with an amusement that doesn't quite reach his mouth nor match his conversation, or sometimes the eyes which look down at the floor on the left when he's telling me some interpretation of something, which are like a poker player's "tell", but I'm sure, that HE'S sure I know nothing of any hidden attitudes or agendas he may have. Why everyone involved is quite sure of that. SO sure, in fact, that my reports of it have been diagnosed as quite obvious and usual symptoms of my "madness" of which my employer was told I was without prospect of recovery without "medication" aka: "a little something to reduce your awareness for you."
But let's get back to the larger rumour mill shall we? I have so much to share with all the snarling pushy Guelphites and so little time left to do it. Here's a thought for you; let's ask a representative group of people to give us their groupthink opinion on all of this shall we? A committee of sorts of which I would like to propose the members. How about, Homewood nurses Leslie M, Kathy B. Paul B., bus drivers, Jimmy H. , Wayne C. the now retired Bob C. and Earl, lawyers Patrick M., Tom S., and maybe Linda, Susan ans Steve from the library staff. Good cross section of the interested parties, and maybe we should throw in a cop or two and a para-medic as well? OK so now here is the question under discussion: This comment has been made AT me a number of times in one form or another...
"The all like to blame the whole world for their troubles don't they?"
I was wondering what you all would consider to be "the whole world" in the above assessment? Do the speakers mean themselves as representational of the entire planet? Do they think WE believe they are? Do they believe that their own derogatory gossiping and story telling is having no effect on the minds and lives of the people they are talking about? Do they consider "us" to be deaf and blind as well as stupid or unconscious?
Personally, I don't consider these people to be the "whole world" only a portion of it but, do they believe that if most people DON'T act like THEM, then we should not be affected in any way by those who do?
Let's say that 90% of the population of Guelph is of the non a**hole persuasion. ( I think I am being quite generous in that estimate too) Last time I checked, we were running at about 110,000 people. So, OK only 10% of the population cold be assessed as official card carrying a**holes as defined by my protagonist's little ''game." That's 11,000 a**holes. Question: How many a**holes harassing you mocking and ridiculing as well as causing you various other problems in your daily lives do YOU think it would take to 'tear you down" (as the vernacular of the game puts it) and get you re-created as the "schizophrenic" or some version thereof? This would be done by keeping you under unrelenting pressure and invalidation. Remember now, the MORE you tell the truth, the worse it gets, because the truth of your experience will be heard by almost everyone as "symptoms" of your inherent madness.
So, how many per day do you think? 10? 25? 30? 80? I think we can all see that 80 a**holes out of an 11,000 person a**hole pool certainly isn't "the whole world" but do you think if you were an individual on the receiving end of such a thing, and no one EVER took you side or listened to your complaints that it might SEEM that way to you? When you are done you groupthink assessment of on this get back to me on it will you?
Meanwhile, here is a little Zen-like puzzle for you to work on. In the future I will tag these, "A Slice of Life from the Dysfunctional Pi" :
Have you noticed how those who see themselves as our saviours or messiahs always look for the messiah complex in those they are trying to save? Have you also noticed that if they FIND a messiah complex, or even "think" that they have, they regard such patients with great disdain? Guess why I call this blog The "Mirror" ?
Strangers are now smiling at me without the usual dropping of their eyes so that I will not see them.
Betty White
On Being Recognized:"Then there are the ones who seem to think you can neither see nor hear. They nudge the person next to them and point,' Look I told you that's her. She's not as fat as I thought she was.' The fact that they are standing three feet away from you doesn't faze them an iota..."
"A pushy group, drawing support and false courage in numbers, is usually made up of remarkably normal individuals, who would never act that way on their own.""We see NOW in relationship to what has gone on before. It begins to take on a pattern and with any luck even begins to make sense."
Beth R. looks away.
I am pointed out at Zeller's on Stone Road by staff. The cashier who serves me is clearly filled with contempt. She does not look me in the eye but her eyes meet the eyes of the one who pointed me out. Clearly she has bought into one of the negative versions of my ''reality.'' It is said that university students are requesting to work on the same unit where I was. i have heard this rumour before a few years back. They know that I say it is in the concepts and not the details.
A patron at the library think it is just terrible that after more than a decade I am still begging them (Homewood? U.of G.? police?) to talk to me directly and they won't. I am used to it now. it is the case with everyone else "observing the action" also. I am now accustomed to being talked about in the third person like I am not there and having everyone asses everything I say or do amongst themselves, no input from me wanted and no direct communication offered either. They just KNOW everything. There is no need to ask or share information with an inferior. They want me to smile more. I hear that a lot. They want me to put on the facade of manners as they do but they do not want me to find any fault in them like they do in me. it is not the same thing to them.
Tina M. Now knows it is me they are all talking about. My expression, "and that's my BIG but" is repeated back to me from various places.
Did you know the repeat back pseudo-psychic routine from Dale's so called game was also in another organization in which it is called the ''repeater technique."
Someone comments on Homewood staff, "now that she is reduced to extreme poverty, that's a lot better isn't it?"
A guy from Lodder Bros. has allegedly mentioned me to some other trades people. The "doctor'' is a topic of discussion on the buses again.
The Library staff "has been told to watch and see if I am publishing." Who told them to do that? Homewood again? The University? the police? Of course, it's just my life so it's none of my business is it? They all still believe they are a mystery to me. The staff woman with short Gray hair who usually works at the main branch was at West End on Sunday. The man I have seen come to pick one of them up at closing time was there too, so I would guess he was there for her. The same man is at the Mall all the time too keeping the employees there informed of the latest and the folks in the food court must be kept updated as well. We can't leave it all to the same few people all the time now can we. After all, the Homewood staff and their relatives all have jobs to go to, unlike us nuts who "think" the Homewood staff and their relatives are talking about us. Really you people don't behave this way, do you? For there are no victims we are all told, only people who enjoy "self-ruin" as Gordon Warme, M.D. puts it. (Really we WANT this to happen just so we can whine bitch and complain about it. )
Further in the community news flashes:
An A.A. member I.D.'s me for woman on the bus. He assesses me and my situation for her as they observe me three feet away. She asks him, "Who started it, him or her?" he mumbles the answer then says, "It started as a joke." (actually, it started PRESENTED as a "joke" so that Dale could use that angle to get other people , including me, to co-operate with him.)
The dark haired rather short guy who works for CMHA discusses me with another as they stand at the hot dog stand in the square. he has done so for years now, frequently discussing me by name, when he stood near me or passed me on the street, unaware at the time of my identity. The public says that Homewood decided the whole thing was just my fantasy. I am once again said to be not smiling enough. (we do seem to be a world that admires smirking insincere idiots don't we?)
I am pointed out by a guy in a suit to Maurice the downtown cop. ( a few months ago, three young male uniformed cops played the "there is she is" game as I walked towards them through Old Quebec St. They reminded me a lot of high school buddies, poking each other in the ribs) Someone has described my daily life in Guelph this last decade or so as a daily "running of the gauntlet." Of course those who have created all these problems for me MUST deny it as it would not make for good appearances if they did not. One of the Library staff who does not act out like a loon says he thinks that I want everyone to know just what it is like. he is right about that. not just for me but for every person who gets defined in this way for any reason and then has his/her experience of it invalidated.
It is remarked by someone that even though I have worked for this agency for fifteen years, and the gossip is sent back and forth from Guelph to Kitchener, my employer says nothing to me either but just joins in all the covert behaviours. By the way, and coincidentally as always, the surname of the receptionist of my agency in Kitchener is identical to that of the bus driver, now retired, who started the repeat back part of Dale's game and the surname of my supervisor there now is identical to the surname of another ling time bus driver who used to listen to what I said on my answering machine to the staff of Hamilton 2 and 3 everyday. Both the bus driver and my supervisor live in Guelph. I got to listen to them doing this as they drove me to work back when I still had a job. Of course, that was before I was labelled "mentally ill" for thinking bus drivers were talking about me over their radios. (Dysfunctional group Pi. Ask Dale why that is so very amusing to him) They started turning down the radios when I was on the bus after that as apparently someone told them I could hear them and pointed out that perhaps, I might even recognize my own words being repeated back to me.
The tall head shaver and his relative "Jackie" who hangs out at the Drop-In centre a lot assesses me some more. I also have a large number of other assessors who don't actually know me who are members of A.A. or N.A. In part at least, this would explain why some of them would come up from the lecture theatre at Homewood while I was still working there, and let me know that they hoped I burned in hell and that some of them felt an uttered death threat or two was in order. (To date, I have received fourteen of those, all of the "uttered" variety. Not that any Guelphites would behave this way of course since it wouldn't be "reasonable")
Teenagers continue to sneer their contemptuous remarks at me, in my endless quest for "self ruin" whenever the opportunity to do so presents itself. A middle aged woman tells her friend that I am "pretending" to work for the health care agency when "everybody knows that it doesn't even exist any more." (the Guelph office closed here in 99. it's in Kitchener now.) Perhaps she should discuss that with bus driver Louis E. I hear bus driver Randy has offered some misinformation to pass along to supervisor David E.
The 55 ish bus passenger, short hair wears shorts a lot and smirks almost constantly has been seen by me at Homewood, discussing me with bus drivers, and very recently pointing me out to a woman who is a Homewood employee, from the Manor again I believe. This was in the town square. The next day, the same woman got on the bus at the Homewood stop at 210pm, pretending not to know me of course (they are all very careful not to see me once they are closer than three feet) On Monday June 12th, I saw her again deep in conversation with the dark haired gal who used to speculate about my sex life with her morning co-workers at Food Basics on Eramosa where she then worked. She is the one with the bracelet tattoo on the back of her right wrist. She is the one who I think also knows Myrna G., aunt of Homewood nurse Mary G. who has been a continuous source of all the news about me as it comes out of Homewood.
One last word on this post: The Library staff have been "told" to watch and see if I am publishing anything. I wonder who has told them to do that? Homewood? University of Guelph? Police? Some of Poor Dale's sympathetic friends? Who knows. ( but I bet someone will eventually annnounce it to me somewhere as I walk by.......and it will be denied of course....
Perhaps the then staff of the Hamiltons in 95 remember listening to me ask them that question. Perhaps Marg, or someone on staff in the Manor building, can ask retired bus driver Earl, who helped keep the rest informed of all the latest coming out of Homewood, if THEY remember me asking the question. (Earl sure was shocked when he found out from them that I was also talking to all the involved bus drivers as well wasn't he? At least he sounded shocked when he informed the bus passengers that I had also been talking to the drivers. He just didn't like it when the talked about it over the radio but right in front of me while I was on the bus was apparently OK.
OH yes, must let you all know that my current landlord actually managed to phone me to ask if it was all right if he brought a heating guy into my apartment on Friday June 16th to look at extending the rads into my apartment . Perhaps this is where the rumour originated THIS time that he is planning my eviction again, as acted out in the town square. (Or was it the mall?) Rumour also has it that someone told him they did not think that I had anywhere left to go (Because of all MY false accusations of all the innocent victims here) and that he had replied "Who carerrrrres...." Of course this is a rumour so it may or may not be accurate or fully true but since it doesn't matter if everyone else repeats everything they hear about me it shouldn't matter if I do the same should it? If it does, what's the difference?
I am trying to be completely normal by following the example of those who are considered to BE normal. THIS is that model of that, so there can't be any problem....Now my landlord is always very nicely mannered and personable to my face...well OK except for the eyes glowing with an amusement that doesn't quite reach his mouth nor match his conversation, or sometimes the eyes which look down at the floor on the left when he's telling me some interpretation of something, which are like a poker player's "tell", but I'm sure, that HE'S sure I know nothing of any hidden attitudes or agendas he may have. Why everyone involved is quite sure of that. SO sure, in fact, that my reports of it have been diagnosed as quite obvious and usual symptoms of my "madness" of which my employer was told I was without prospect of recovery without "medication" aka: "a little something to reduce your awareness for you."
But let's get back to the larger rumour mill shall we? I have so much to share with all the snarling pushy Guelphites and so little time left to do it. Here's a thought for you; let's ask a representative group of people to give us their groupthink opinion on all of this shall we? A committee of sorts of which I would like to propose the members. How about, Homewood nurses Leslie M, Kathy B. Paul B., bus drivers, Jimmy H. , Wayne C. the now retired Bob C. and Earl, lawyers Patrick M., Tom S., and maybe Linda, Susan ans Steve from the library staff. Good cross section of the interested parties, and maybe we should throw in a cop or two and a para-medic as well? OK so now here is the question under discussion: This comment has been made AT me a number of times in one form or another...
"The all like to blame the whole world for their troubles don't they?"
I was wondering what you all would consider to be "the whole world" in the above assessment? Do the speakers mean themselves as representational of the entire planet? Do they think WE believe they are? Do they believe that their own derogatory gossiping and story telling is having no effect on the minds and lives of the people they are talking about? Do they consider "us" to be deaf and blind as well as stupid or unconscious?
Personally, I don't consider these people to be the "whole world" only a portion of it but, do they believe that if most people DON'T act like THEM, then we should not be affected in any way by those who do?
Let's say that 90% of the population of Guelph is of the non a**hole persuasion. ( I think I am being quite generous in that estimate too) Last time I checked, we were running at about 110,000 people. So, OK only 10% of the population cold be assessed as official card carrying a**holes as defined by my protagonist's little ''game." That's 11,000 a**holes. Question: How many a**holes harassing you mocking and ridiculing as well as causing you various other problems in your daily lives do YOU think it would take to 'tear you down" (as the vernacular of the game puts it) and get you re-created as the "schizophrenic" or some version thereof? This would be done by keeping you under unrelenting pressure and invalidation. Remember now, the MORE you tell the truth, the worse it gets, because the truth of your experience will be heard by almost everyone as "symptoms" of your inherent madness.
So, how many per day do you think? 10? 25? 30? 80? I think we can all see that 80 a**holes out of an 11,000 person a**hole pool certainly isn't "the whole world" but do you think if you were an individual on the receiving end of such a thing, and no one EVER took you side or listened to your complaints that it might SEEM that way to you? When you are done you groupthink assessment of on this get back to me on it will you?
Meanwhile, here is a little Zen-like puzzle for you to work on. In the future I will tag these, "A Slice of Life from the Dysfunctional Pi" :
Have you noticed how those who see themselves as our saviours or messiahs always look for the messiah complex in those they are trying to save? Have you also noticed that if they FIND a messiah complex, or even "think" that they have, they regard such patients with great disdain? Guess why I call this blog The "Mirror" ?
Strangers are now smiling at me without the usual dropping of their eyes so that I will not see them.
Betty White
On Being Recognized:"Then there are the ones who seem to think you can neither see nor hear. They nudge the person next to them and point,' Look I told you that's her. She's not as fat as I thought she was.' The fact that they are standing three feet away from you doesn't faze them an iota..."
"A pushy group, drawing support and false courage in numbers, is usually made up of remarkably normal individuals, who would never act that way on their own.""We see NOW in relationship to what has gone on before. It begins to take on a pattern and with any luck even begins to make sense."
Beth R. looks away.
I am pointed out at Zeller's on Stone Road by staff. The cashier who serves me is clearly filled with contempt. She does not look me in the eye but her eyes meet the eyes of the one who pointed me out. Clearly she has bought into one of the negative versions of my ''reality.'' It is said that university students are requesting to work on the same unit where I was. i have heard this rumour before a few years back. They know that I say it is in the concepts and not the details.
A patron at the library think it is just terrible that after more than a decade I am still begging them (Homewood? U.of G.? police?) to talk to me directly and they won't. I am used to it now. it is the case with everyone else "observing the action" also. I am now accustomed to being talked about in the third person like I am not there and having everyone asses everything I say or do amongst themselves, no input from me wanted and no direct communication offered either. They just KNOW everything. There is no need to ask or share information with an inferior. They want me to smile more. I hear that a lot. They want me to put on the facade of manners as they do but they do not want me to find any fault in them like they do in me. it is not the same thing to them.
Tina M. Now knows it is me they are all talking about. My expression, "and that's my BIG but" is repeated back to me from various places.
Did you know the repeat back pseudo-psychic routine from Dale's so called game was also in another organization in which it is called the ''repeater technique."
Someone comments on Homewood staff, "now that she is reduced to extreme poverty, that's a lot better isn't it?"
A guy from Lodder Bros. has allegedly mentioned me to some other trades people. The "doctor'' is a topic of discussion on the buses again.
The Library staff "has been told to watch and see if I am publishing." Who told them to do that? Homewood again? The University? the police? Of course, it's just my life so it's none of my business is it? They all still believe they are a mystery to me. The staff woman with short Gray hair who usually works at the main branch was at West End on Sunday. The man I have seen come to pick one of them up at closing time was there too, so I would guess he was there for her. The same man is at the Mall all the time too keeping the employees there informed of the latest and the folks in the food court must be kept updated as well. We can't leave it all to the same few people all the time now can we. After all, the Homewood staff and their relatives all have jobs to go to, unlike us nuts who "think" the Homewood staff and their relatives are talking about us. Really you people don't behave this way, do you? For there are no victims we are all told, only people who enjoy "self-ruin" as Gordon Warme, M.D. puts it. (Really we WANT this to happen just so we can whine bitch and complain about it. )
Further in the community news flashes:
An A.A. member I.D.'s me for woman on the bus. He assesses me and my situation for her as they observe me three feet away. She asks him, "Who started it, him or her?" he mumbles the answer then says, "It started as a joke." (actually, it started PRESENTED as a "joke" so that Dale could use that angle to get other people , including me, to co-operate with him.)
The dark haired rather short guy who works for CMHA discusses me with another as they stand at the hot dog stand in the square. he has done so for years now, frequently discussing me by name, when he stood near me or passed me on the street, unaware at the time of my identity. The public says that Homewood decided the whole thing was just my fantasy. I am once again said to be not smiling enough. (we do seem to be a world that admires smirking insincere idiots don't we?)
I am pointed out by a guy in a suit to Maurice the downtown cop. ( a few months ago, three young male uniformed cops played the "there is she is" game as I walked towards them through Old Quebec St. They reminded me a lot of high school buddies, poking each other in the ribs) Someone has described my daily life in Guelph this last decade or so as a daily "running of the gauntlet." Of course those who have created all these problems for me MUST deny it as it would not make for good appearances if they did not. One of the Library staff who does not act out like a loon says he thinks that I want everyone to know just what it is like. he is right about that. not just for me but for every person who gets defined in this way for any reason and then has his/her experience of it invalidated.
It is remarked by someone that even though I have worked for this agency for fifteen years, and the gossip is sent back and forth from Guelph to Kitchener, my employer says nothing to me either but just joins in all the covert behaviours. By the way, and coincidentally as always, the surname of the receptionist of my agency in Kitchener is identical to that of the bus driver, now retired, who started the repeat back part of Dale's game and the surname of my supervisor there now is identical to the surname of another ling time bus driver who used to listen to what I said on my answering machine to the staff of Hamilton 2 and 3 everyday. Both the bus driver and my supervisor live in Guelph. I got to listen to them doing this as they drove me to work back when I still had a job. Of course, that was before I was labelled "mentally ill" for thinking bus drivers were talking about me over their radios. (Dysfunctional group Pi. Ask Dale why that is so very amusing to him) They started turning down the radios when I was on the bus after that as apparently someone told them I could hear them and pointed out that perhaps, I might even recognize my own words being repeated back to me.
The tall head shaver and his relative "Jackie" who hangs out at the Drop-In centre a lot assesses me some more. I also have a large number of other assessors who don't actually know me who are members of A.A. or N.A. In part at least, this would explain why some of them would come up from the lecture theatre at Homewood while I was still working there, and let me know that they hoped I burned in hell and that some of them felt an uttered death threat or two was in order. (To date, I have received fourteen of those, all of the "uttered" variety. Not that any Guelphites would behave this way of course since it wouldn't be "reasonable")
Teenagers continue to sneer their contemptuous remarks at me, in my endless quest for "self ruin" whenever the opportunity to do so presents itself. A middle aged woman tells her friend that I am "pretending" to work for the health care agency when "everybody knows that it doesn't even exist any more." (the Guelph office closed here in 99. it's in Kitchener now.) Perhaps she should discuss that with bus driver Louis E. I hear bus driver Randy has offered some misinformation to pass along to supervisor David E.
The 55 ish bus passenger, short hair wears shorts a lot and smirks almost constantly has been seen by me at Homewood, discussing me with bus drivers, and very recently pointing me out to a woman who is a Homewood employee, from the Manor again I believe. This was in the town square. The next day, the same woman got on the bus at the Homewood stop at 210pm, pretending not to know me of course (they are all very careful not to see me once they are closer than three feet) On Monday June 12th, I saw her again deep in conversation with the dark haired gal who used to speculate about my sex life with her morning co-workers at Food Basics on Eramosa where she then worked. She is the one with the bracelet tattoo on the back of her right wrist. She is the one who I think also knows Myrna G., aunt of Homewood nurse Mary G. who has been a continuous source of all the news about me as it comes out of Homewood.
One last word on this post: The Library staff have been "told" to watch and see if I am publishing anything. I wonder who has told them to do that? Homewood? University of Guelph? Police? Some of Poor Dale's sympathetic friends? Who knows. ( but I bet someone will eventually annnounce it to me somewhere as I walk by.......and it will be denied of course....
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
April, May and June 2006
They don't know that I intend to create misgivings in them about their own profession, especially about psychiatry's built-in authoritarianism, hierarchy, patriarchy and hero worship. The bitterest pill for them to swallow will be my denial that they and I differ fundamentally from our patients.
Gordon Warme, M.D.
Clarke Institute
Toronto Canada
from: The Cure of Folly:A Psychiatrists Cautionary Tale.
Unfortunately, he is not really telling us, the ''chosen'' to be ''mad'' anything we don't already know and haven't been saying for centuries. It is often ONLY the inability to escape psychiatry's patriarchy and unquestioned power and control that CAUSES our ''decompensation'' (fragmenting ego structure) in the first place. It is being driven out of concrete reality and into a mad search for sense in the senseless that is the very description of psychosis, the altered state of consciousness that is always presumed to be neatly contained within the identified patient without relationship to the external world of actual experience.
Please see:
By Me
Jay N. now knows I am the same person and not two different people being gossiped about. Some of the bus drivers don't think I am much to look at. Some of the same people who have been bad mouthing me for years on end are now talking about what a ''miracle'' it is. Many think it is a miracle that I even survived it.
Some strangers are now smiling at me without dropping their eyes for a change. it is about the difference between a smirk and a smile. Perhaps someone could explain that to my current landlord, still certain that he knows everything. which reminds me, have you heard the latest on that one?
He has allegedly now given (or is about to give) yet another set of keys to my apartment to another university student. This is along with the other set up keys that is always held by the guy down the street who cuts the grass. I know that many of you know who I mean because he also has filled you in on what goes on inside my apartment as interpreted by my landlord and those he confides in about it all. As well, sets of keys ae frequently given to service people when he goes out of town in case something may happen. I have told him that I do not want the keys o my apartment given to other tenants. One extra set given out should be enough. I am sure his lawyer has a set too. The landlord agreed he would not do it again. The one allegedly being given them now lives overhead. The landlord has allegedly been asked a few questions about it by the police, or perhaps told by the police that I am accusing him "falsely." (who knows really? I never get a direct two way communication from anyone, with a few sorry little exceptions to that) It is also alleged by some acting out for me that he has been told not to do it anymore.
So, last time, when he gave everyone else's keys to another university student (One I once saw asking the shoe store guy if he had ever seen me, which was before the student had seen me himself) the landlord told me Jamie F. did not have mine with the rest. So now with his customary duplicity still intact, and his derisive attitude still going strong, he has allegedly told this student that he has told me that he would not give out my apartment keys. he has also told this student and others, that I have called the police on him and told them that he has been inside my apartment, with others, without my knowledge or consent. (I have a few names)So since it is my objection to this that is the only problem in his opinion, he has allegedly told her that she should not mention to me that he is doing (or intends to do) this.
Now she is not sure she wants to be placed in this position between a landlord and a difficult tenant like myself, but still, she accepts it.She has also told others that despite my landlord's covert assessment of me she is surprised that she has had not problems with me at all. In any case, he has allegedly told her that he isn't saying she should lie about it. If I were to come right out and ask her for example, she should admit it, but really she doesn't need to worry about that because he is sure I won't ask anyway.
Now previously, I told the landlord to stop giving information and his evaluations of me to other tenants. Denying he does any of this, he then ''covertly'' reported my complaints about it to other tenants. (like Cheryl F. and Tina M. at the time)Are you getting the non stop irony in this yet? Or the dysfunctional Pi, as taught to Dale by his ''hero.''?
So then, they allegedly passed all the news along, as usual to all those who feel they need to be included in the community assessment, after which I was mocked and ridiculed publicly by university students and other charming citizens for calling the police for ''no reason.''For fun, they then fantasized for themselves an irrational reason for me o be doing it and wondered what it would take for me to call the police on them too!One suggested that if they turned on the radio, that would probably cause it so they acted out what I would say with my stupid tone of voice, "I'm going to call the police on you!!!" har har har har (mocking people is such great fun you know)
Since it has also been acted out by the same public goon squad that my protagonist had used my landlord on Liverpool St.and the former handyman at my current apartment to get himself let right in (covertly of course)Or was that just part of what was fed to me, right out of the training, so he could ''see my fear''?
In any case, I consider my right to expect the current landlord as well as all others, to simply obey the law, to be a valid expectation. Aren't I just the craziest thing?
Perhaps the mocking masses should consider the possibility this kinds of power is made possible by the majority's co-operation with it. You see you geniuses, manipulating people to gain access to me is part of ''the game.'' So instead of respecting boundaries as they should have been doing in the first place, they just become even better at their "covert operations" and misdirection. Would you trust a landlord who behaved like this? Would you feel safe while you watched him lie to you, humour you, and drop his eyes to the ground while he did it? How would you experts feel if this was done to you by an ''assertive" (aggressive) community for a decade or two? Which of the obviously two faced members of this group would you admire and respect the most? How "friendly" would you feel towards them? How does increased sneakiness and contemptuous "interpretations" of someone promote trust and respect?
Friday, June 09, 2006
Information Central
Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it.
Mark Twain
We who are being controlled by them wonder the same thing, except that it's a moot point for us. Whatever the ultimate truth may be the brilliant/imbeciles have obtained total concrete power and control over us.
As I am pushed towards a choice between homelessness or ''admitting'' that I am a walking brain disease to get my disability pension (which I have turned down twice so far) I am no longer really concerned with those who have supported this community assault for the last dozen years. (Notice how either way, the outcome will be said to "prove" how crazy I am? For either I will be denying I am crazy or finally "admitting" it.)
If I accept the disability pension, as offered, to avoid a possible outcome of homelessness, Homewood and C.M.H.C. along with the twelve new Apostles of the Psychiatric Faith, will be legally entitled, according to my ''admission'' that I am ''mentally ill'' to drug me or force me to accept E.C.T. (to make me forget)about what THEY, as a group, did.
So how is that for the perfect ''Pi''? See why ''game boy'' the Pi's local re-creator, smirks with ''satisfaction'''? Would you also say this is the picture of the ''double bind'' as defined by R.D.Laing all those years ago?
It seems to me to be maybe the biggest no-brainer of all time that the system does not understand why people such as myself don't want to talk to them; the people who consistently refuse direct communication, manipulate, lie, coerce, con and threaten us for telling them truths they don't want to hear. What could be more obvious?
But you see, it's NOT obvious to them, because all they can hear is the sound of their own beliefs, rolling around in their thoroughly trained heads. You have no idea how many times I have been told over the years that I can't tell them anything that might cause them to feel bad. How did these people who present themselves as the most highly integrated specimens on earth, capable of straightening out everyone else, get to be so emotionally fragile?
Fragile or not, I intend to SHOW them to themselves by taking "a fresh look at something" as it is worded in the nurse's jargon. If those to whom I reveal these new insights don't like it...well...that's just too damned bad isn't it? Perhaps they should have stopped mouthing off when it was revealed to them many years ago that they were not "hidden." How do I know that? They continued to act out all the news for me all over town, including the news that I knew what they were doing. It is from the "theatre of the Absurd" just as Dale said, isn't It?
So folks, you want the world at large to hear all your opinions and evaluations of me and this ongoing event? How about those of you who continue to punish me for my ''awareness"? No problem. I will help you DO just that. No more resistance form THIS ''mental case.'' (or ''wack job'' if you prefer the term used by a group of thirtyish men at the mall a few months ago. )
The specimen here will help you all "observe" me by providing this blog as a sort of central news gathering and distribution point. be sure to tell everyone where to go to get the latest of the Guelphites a.c.t.t.ing news flashes.
"The irrationality of a thing is not an argument against It's existence but rather a condition of It."
F. Nietzsche
Here is what the Guelphites tell each other non stop about what they have heard, while stupid/crazy/unconscious me, observes them, observing me. You see, some of them know who they are talking about but many of them have no idea who I actually am. They just repeat and assess all of the rumours they've heard. They also fail to see any connection between their own behaviour and the reporting of that by behaviour by their victims (like myself) the reporting of which is then defined by the psychiatrists as our ''imagination'' or ''delusions.''
Is there fantasy in this? You bet and plenty of it, as well as a whole lot of other ''mad'' symptoms like; denial, resistance, manipulation, uttering threats (of various sorts), lying etc.and a ton of ''magical thinking." Except that most of these symptoms originally belong to someone other than the ''identified'' patient. This would be the psychological defence mechanism known as ''subjective projection'' would it not? It is often to whom these symptoms really belong that is missing from the understanding of it.
The real agenda and goal in this is to deny he truth about the whole group, which closes ranks to protect itself from exposure. The members do this by proclaiming their perfectly obvious, skewed groupthink and behaviour, to be non existent and claiming it instead to be a perception/reaction ''illness'' bubbling up from within their victim (you know; just like ''diabetes'' or ''asthma'') from which I, like so many unfortunate others, have been cursed to suffer. In my own case, (which is said to be ever so fascinating) the group involved sees NO connection between the destruction of my life and their own endless assessing and evaluating of both myself and the situation.
So, let's all catch up on the Guelphites opinions which I so much like to ''hallucinate'' every chance I get. We will cover recent opinions first, moving back in time. (just like the "game" is run)
Stay tuned for next week's addition to this post sub-titled :
The Great New "Secrets":
Though I have heard much, much more than I am now revealing here,I will just give you the general view of the gossipping Guelphites as they assess my reality FOR ME. I will also include some very specific information, so that those who continue to believe themselves magically ''hidden'' from me, twelve years after I told them I became aware I had been targeted by Dale,will be SHOWN in excrutiatingly pedantic detail, that they are not NOW, not have they ever been, ''hidden'' in plain sight. That is the group delusion; not mine.It is also why I kept thinking this really must be a "joke". We are ALL confused by the bizarre group ideation and behaviours. ( I will try to speak in the jargon you use yourselves so it will penetrate) You see, we don't believe that so many people could possibly be this stupid, blind and deaf to themselves. So we frequently conclude that they are TRYING to drive us insane, deliberately. And perhaps a few of them really are. I was "set up" because setting people up is part of Dale's plan. It's in the training which if you actually read something about, you would know. For most of those involved though, it is ust arrogance and incredible stupidity which they unload via projection.
The major mistake we ''nuts'' make is that we give far too MUCH credit for brains to our attackers. Their error is the opposite.They give far too LITTLE credit for brains and awareness to us.
For awhile, this phenomenon is a MUTUALLY delusional reversal. Many of us wake up to the truth of it but the group, it seems, rarely does. So reality is tranformed and becomes it's opposite and there it usually stays for most. Most often the only two who really understand it are the aggressor and the victim ,though sometimes only one of them does.
The effects of defending the lie at all costs, costs everyone, whether they understand it or not.
next: Check out April May and June 2006, at the links on the right hand side.
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Some of My ''Demons'' :
''Mailer'' Or Otherwise
The Mailer Daemon message below is posted here so that everyone can see the result of all attempts to talk directly to my ex-psychiatrist who has steadfastly refused to respond in any way to any and all attempts to do so: By regular mail or e-mail, or phoning for appointment. ( According to the public acting out of Homewood rumours, my personal snail mail may never have reached his office since allegedly, the delivery people were told to watch for any mail from me complaining of my abuse by Homewood employees and that they would recognize it by the fact that it would be in white envelopes marked ''Private'') Apparently, the meaning of the word ''private'' is not understood by the highly educated or perhaps they do not feel regular laws applied to lesser humans like myself should be applied to them?
In any case my father, from out of town, managed to get an audience with my ex psychiatrist even though The Dr. at no time had my permission to talk to him. I am sure my father talked to him longer than I did. I was assured by staff that I need not worry about my relatives involvement since that would only occur if I was a minor or declared incompetent. Since I was working in Homewood at the time of father's clandestine visit, I wonder which condition applied? Though some feel I look somewhat younger than I actually am, I don't think I can pull off passing myself off as a minor. So I guess I must have been totally incompetent while they were ''allowing'' me to continue to work at Homewood. "Confusing'' isn't it?
But before you decide it is just this psychiatrist, let me assure you, it isn't. The refusal to communicate directly has been a constant feature of my experience as had the non stop gossip mongering by Homewood staff and all the people they have all involved in the community which they then DENIED. Therefore, my report of what was done to me was magically turned into my ''paranoid delusions and hallucinated conversations'' which gets ALL the participants off the responsibility hook, including whichever one of the morons with the hidden agendas decided to send me free cable T.V. for two years without asking me ( heard it was Reid Finlayson who was one of two men who checked that out to see if I got it) and allegedly as a little test of my rumoured ''psychic'''abilities. The only change below is in the name of the e-mail address but I still of course, have the original. As you can clearly see, this has been blocked so that no one involved need be annoyed by my attempts to resolve this with actual two way communication.
30 May 2006 20:20:59 -0000
From:
MAILER-DAEMON@yahoo.com
To:
stillstandXXXXX@yahoo.ca
Subject:
failure notice
Text Attachment
Hi. This is the qmail-send program at yahoo.com. I'm afraid I wasn't able to deliver your message to the following addresses. This is a permanent error; I've given up. Sorry it didn't work out. <:09.183.148.155">barbXXXX@homewoodhealth.com>:
09.183.148.155 does not like recipient. Remote host said:
550 <stillstandXXXXX@yahoo.ca>:
Sender address rejected: Blocked Giving up on 209.183.148.155.
<brent.eden@police.guelph.on.ca>:
209.162.229.148 does not like recipient. Remote host said: 550 Invalid recipient/sender mailing address Giving up on 209.162.229.148. --- Below this line is a copy of the message.
Paranoid Patty Note:
Specific details of e-mail addesses removed but still held by me as a hard copy.
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