More Spooning From June

Some of the less hostile or at least, less judgemental library members are managing to look me right in the eye now as more of the latest news is repeated to them from other parts of the community. One of the staff members who have been keeping everyone posted on the latest for many years has even started to remember how to blush.

My ‘boyfriend,’ who never ever speaks directly to me, (take your pick on this one, it’s multiple choice) is said to be a cop. This is not the first time I have heard this one either.
There is an allegedly another round of assessment of me going on at A.A. meetings.

University students have discussed on the bus that they know the nurse who did it. There is even some recognition by some of them that his so called game is basically sadistic.

They also know that I know everything that has been said about me behind my back by Homewood staff and administration—yet they all keep their ‘silence,’ towards me I mean, while keeping their arrogant community traumatization routine intact. In fact, the government (you know those ‘government agencies we nuts tend to believe are watching us?) are now planning t pump even more money into the a.c.t.ors coffers so they can beef up their efforts to watch us. That way, people who are suspected of being even slightly unusual in thought or deed, can be labeled and drugged into submission even FASTER.

The story of my near suicide is making the rounds again. I find it most fascinating when I see it acted out in my presence accompanied by emotions of contempt or laughter. Isn’t that what the mental health profession would refer to as ‘inappropriate affects?’ Shouldn’t these ‘normal’ morons receive some Homewood style ‘help’ for that?

A few think that what I have been put through by these people is just horrifying, especially the fact that the staff involved have spread it all everywhere.

A woman with a Homewood name tag on informs one of the staff of the library desk that I ma ‘just scary.’ She then asks the staff member to confirm that I am her,’ which the staff member does. I always wonder in these incidents of course, which version of me is being identified as ‘her’ to people.

Some eighteen year olds on the bus are altering my diagnosis for people from schizo to ‘just weird.’ Then they add that is Dale who is crazy and not just weird as the thought before. Both laugh at their great wit. (har har har)

Some find it just awful that ‘the doctor’ just left me to ‘stew in this mess.’ ( sorry, don’t know which of the team assessing me is being referred to here.

Some students in my own building and in the vicinity discuss how I see the pattern behind what is going on. They also allegedly continue to receive stories and covert assessments of me from my landlord, who denies to me that he does this, and since ‘falsely’ accused of doing it appears to have become even more ‘covert.’ Allegedly, he continues to issue instructions to others on how to handle a nut like me and to keep their conversations about it between himself and them. Most people though agreeing to that can’t seem to resist passing the news along to someone though can they? This is the kind of duplicity I always ‘think’ I know about. I even ‘think’ it is very obvious, but I am frequently assured by those who know better that is not so. This is all just what we crazy people ‘think.’

A man at the Ultra mart is telling the woman with him that he doesn’t get the connection to the father’s behaviour and the nurse’s behaviour. (I could have explained it to him but then he doesn’t actually know me and besides, that would be like admitting that I ‘think’ people are talking about me again, which would then ‘prove’ I am crazy, which would then spur the A.C.T. ors into action, so I will just have to keep any clarifications to myself and only speak when official permission is given, if ever.

The heavily involved Suzanne K. is rumoured to have lost her job at the Elliott according to some of the folks at the Volunteer Centre who know her. I wonder if they know the large part she has played in helping Dale gather information?
Apparently, the Homewood staff who did all of this in the first place have gone right into a whole big act for the powers that be, pretending to be surprised about me and the true identity of the fascinating case. What a pile of hogwash. As if they knew nothing.

They stood about telling each other they thought it was me long before the community wide assault caused my breakdown and warning each other (after I had been told how inappropriate it would be of me to confront them about it by a psychiatrist I was sent to across the street. She also knew it was Dale who started this and exactly what it was caused. Did The Homewood staff tell her what they knew? Or was that kept secret too?

Many of the townsfolk have known all along exactly what they did since they involved them all in it, and some are calling their current acting out and feigned innocence "absolutely disgusting.” It has even been noted by some of them that the Homewood group has been exhibiting the same pattern of behaviour as that which is demonstrated in the nurse’s ‘’special’’ training.

In May, the Royal city deli/bakery staff was instructed not to talk about me in my presence and so were the library staff. I know this because members of both groups discussed that instruction not to talk about me in front of me, while I was there! In the library, one staff member even pointed out to another that talking about, not talking about me, in front of me, IS talking about me! It is interesting to me that some know who I am by name, some don’t but all seem to have some version of me which they accept as reality.

As I looked right at them, still feeling incredulous at how often this still happens, idiot # 1 laughed at the obvious which had just been explained to her by semi idiot #2. These are the normal people; the ones who aren’t ‘confused.’ They are the ones who DO the confusing. I wonder if it would be judged by my psychiatric team that they needed a little something to reduce their awareness for them, or, would it be a little something to increase their awareness for them?

Since this all occurred (the event that never happened I mean) many of my health care agency clients and their relatives and neighbours have had much to discuss amongst themselves. They always pretend to my face though that they haven’t heard nor seen a thing. It is part of the entertainment aspect of this sadistic little ‘game.’ A lot of time has been spent gathering misinformation, partial truths and outright entertaining lies form the many people involving themselves in all this ‘fun.’ It comes from many sources; much still from Homewood staff but lots of others as well. The General Hospital for instance is always looking for new rumours and chances to evaluate and assess anything that might happen to me or anything I might have said.

Many of my clients and their relatives have made various comments in front of me, carefully ‘coded’ so that as I sat there and listened to them, I would not understand what I have already had acted out for me 500 times before. I think you can see where we nuts get the C.I.A. type ideas from can’t you? It fits quite well as a metaphor don’t you think? I have watched this many times with many people acting out for me all the ‘secrets’ they have heard and passed along.

The overweight guy with the blue eyes who always wears a cap and tours the downtown restaurants all day was telling a woman as I passed, ‘yes, that’s Pat.’ He then noticed me passing by and added, ‘that IS Pat. (ha ha ha )She shook her head incredulously. Teens on the buses are still telling each other, ‘It’s the exact opposite.’ One suggests I am doing this out of spite!
A dark haired thirty five-ish woman is explaining to a library staff member that it was all just ‘he said/she said’ and ‘apparently she can’t connect with anyone who has been willing to hear her side of the story.’
(So it’s not really just he ‘said/she said’ is it? One of us got called crazy and her life destroyed for her and the other one got protected. A judgment was made that was not about evidence or equal rights.)

These are also the people who are currently pushing for a separate court system for labeled people. Speaking for myself, I do not want a separate system which right from the start, perceives my complaints as not as real as those who are entitled to use the regular court system. Yet, I have heard it stated locally, and quite happily that a ‘’mental health court’’ is expected to be a reality in Canada within the next five years! I guess it is good news as long as you are not the one who is going to be forced into another ultimate system designed especially for you. I want the same laws to be applied equally to all human-not a ‘special’ court for myself and all the other presumed ‘defectives.’