Smirking Idiots

Reminded Me Of The Other Smirking Idiots Who Started The Whole Mess

You may recall an earlier post of mine in which I mentioned the smirking idiot with Prof. "P." on the bus. (I know it's hard to keep all my smirking idiot observers straight but bear with me)
Watching that smirking idiot reminded me of telling Rhea L. (post madness therapy) about how much all that adds to the confusion of trying to figure out what everybody else is doing, while they refuse all direct communication, and work as hard as they can to make sure I never do. (to save their own butts)
Everything from my point of view became a non stop attempt to identify the truth, hidden in multiple versions of reality and multiple possibilities which are never validated by anyone. The example I used with her in 96, was this one:
As I was walking down the main floor hallway (this was before I was given the boot right out of the building by my former shrink, the chatty Dr. F. who won't speak directly in case he ruins his professional image apparently)Alan H. the Information Control Officer (makes you want to salute doesn't it?) and two women who worked in the Administration building were walking towards me. Al giggled a bit as he saw me approaching and then said in one of those side of the mouth ways they all have, "Careful. Don't let her see us!" (delighted little smiles all round) One of the women then leaned into Al and asked quietly, "Why do you think she doesn't say anything?"
I doubt that the two women knew that I had been sent across the street and told that I wasn't "allowed" to confront anyone at Homewood about what the staff had done or what I said very plainly to Dr. Deb E. that Dale was doing.
Whatever the "truth" may have been for them in 96, it is a good example of what it is like to be isolated, ignored, manipulated and silenced by those who apparently consider their own lives to have a higher value.
Back to the little incident:
As I got closer to Al H. he looked at me and nodded hello as was his custom for years. I told Rhea in my recovery therapy that this was a good example of the whole group's behaviour both inside, and outside, Homewood. In order for me to be able to know what was going on with them, I would have had to ask them all, as individuals, every time they did that, "Is this one of the times when YOU think I can see you and hear you? or is this one of the times when YOU believe you are "hidden" from me by what you believe is your superior understanding and/or value?
You see it all looks the same to those of us who are being treated like we are all stupid or unconscious. It LOOKS the same because it IS the same.
Of course, the group gets to keep it's delusions going because we are told we are not "allowed" to confront anyone, ask questions they don't like, or try to tell them anything about either us, or themselves, that they would just rather not know.
Resolution of this manufactured madness is not the goal. Preventing resolution is the group goal.
Much of that is done by dictating to the victim ust what she may think, say, do and feel, and how she will react to her treatment. If she fails to "comply" the fault will be found to be in HER, not in those doing the silencing and side stepping of responsibility.
An enforced silencing of the victim does much to keep the group delusion intact, the guilt at arm's length, and to that end, no one admits to anything, no one apologizes, and no one makes amends. (Just as I announced all those years ago on the answering machine which they listened into all the time while "hiding" from me in plain sight.) They only preach endlessly to others about it. Those "others" who apparently CAN be blamed without the fault being found in those doing the "blaming of others" when I ( and those like me) am the "other" in question who is being blamed. It's a great doublethink system isn't it?
Worse than that, after taking over control of our lives FOR us, and then defining us any way they want, whether we like it or not, we are often expected to be grateful to our controllers and even found to be flawed in character if we don't love them for it.
You want to express your opinions on everything? Does Dale still ask you what you think, I think? That's a manipulation in his little "game" and part of the set-up. And yes psychiatry, there are "set-ups" in the world performed by such domination types. You see, asking everyone to express their opinion about what is going on in his vicitm is how he gets all the chaos going and for which he will later manage to avoid "responsibility." Express your opinions on this:

Of all the people involved in this, my own "fascinating case," which of them do YOU think deserve the most love and gratitude from me after twelve years of effort to get some help and to find any justice?