Bus Passenger Assessment

So...Allegedly.....

The current assessment of me, my reactions, my personal experience from my perspective, my lack of education, etc. by an employee of the University of Guelph, as shared with another long time smirking idiot on the # 10 bus just yesterday.

The highly educated, certain that they know, what they do not understand at all, still just don't get it.....That is why it is said inside the nurse's training, "Your education won't help you."

It is apparently Prof. "P.'s" opinion that my taking of notes about what is going on regarding me with the local yokels (himself included) is quite pointless. (An opinion shared by some in the court offices building I might add) Many think that what I am doing collecting information is all just nonsense anyway. They frequently discuss amongst themselves that I do not have my priorities straight in their collective opinion and since they think they understand my experience and the position I am in "better" than I do, they often feel quite irritated with me.
As Prof. P. points out to others when they are sharing their tales of my life, I am not "educated" like my "observers" so really, you can't expect too much from such a dull witted virgin/porno movie making/transvestite such as myself now can you? ( of course I am sure he didn't put it in quite that way) It is however, P.'s opinion that I am just making a problem out of his sharing his views on my fascinating case with anyone who happens to ask among the geezers and students at the Mall. After all, they asked him...what's the big deal? It 's not like who goes out there with any intention to do it. After all, he is highly educated. Would a highly educated man actually be just another food court, mall gossip? Of course not! It is just MY perception problem.
I can't help but wonder though if it was me sharing my views of that event of his we all heard about, would he feel any objection to that? If so, is that because if I kept talking about him, it might affect his life negatively, and so that would be different? Or would he also be seen as just telling "a sob story" when he complained, just to "seek fame."

You see, the opposite view of Prof. P.'s opinion of me, from MY perspective, is that HE is denying he is part of the problem, and also denying that his "assessments" of me and also those of all others involved, doing the same kind of thing, have harmed me in any way or had a very real and serious negative impact on my life. He is minimizing the impact of all of this in order to excuse himself and others.
As the analysis of the nurse's so-called "game" states, "individual responsibility is diminished by the number of people involved."

Now once, when Prof. "P." was gossiping....excuse me....offering up his educated evaluation...to others about me at the Mall, he stated that he didn't "know yet what 'It's about responsibility' was supposed to mean but as soon as he found out, he would let them know. Perhaps then he can now use himself as the example. Or will he continue to play "follow the leader" and like Dale, also continue to deny he has played a small, but effective, part in causing my collective problems? You see this "effect" is part of the "satisfaction" which is "guaranteed" for Dale when he sets the whole hing in motion by "switching positions" and "setting me up" right at the start of the "game."

Also, as a matter of interest, you may find it interesting to read the book, "Cults of Unreason" by Christopher Evans, PhD. It is old, (1973 ) but you may find it "enlightening" to read the first section especially.

Dale also of course, continues to deny his role in all of this but I don't expect he would do anything else. It is the group's beliefs that matter to him now; not mine. Mine are irrelevant. Like all aggressors who operate with "hidden" agendas of "Domination" at any level, he knows what he did, I know what he did, he knows I know it, and he knows that the group doesn't believe me and that I also know they don't. So to him, this is unresolvable for me which makes him the "winner."
Will the assessment of me continue to be MY lack of understanding? Will it continue to be seen as my incorrect reactions to all of those involved and still involving themselves, in "secret?" I think that may very well be the case. That is HOW they keep the public circus going, in it's "continuous nature" while absolving themselves of responsibility at the same time. Still there is little, if any, connection in their minds to the fact of their talking about me constantly, and my "delusional" beliefs that they are talking about me. This is why Dale calls this "Theatre of the Absurd." He is the "director" of this "movie" and knows that to the masses involved, one and one never adds up to two as long as the true premise is not seen.
For the group to maintain their own position, I HAVE to be having a perception/reaction problem. The alternative is to see BOTH me, and themselves, as we all really are, and that would mean they may have to feel stupid and even ashamed of themselves--and we can't have that!
As the lawyers were rumoured to have said, "No one in Guelph would take my case as Homewood and the University bring too much money into Guelph. So naturally, they would have to sacrifice the individual to keep the cash flowing. I am not denying this group dynamic exists. On the contrary. I am stating it openly. No one can see it better than I am from my position.
Oh, by the way, did Frank B. tell "him" (my secret boyfriend) what Martin B. thought he should know about me? Or did Frank continue to tell Martin that he was not going to discuss me with him?

Well, all I can say is that I hope that Prof. "P." and his smirking pal on the bus (and everyone else I "think" is involved, don't feel too distressed about my making a problem for THEM by complaining about their perfectly normal twelve year long groupthink session, and the effect it has had on me and my life. Comfort yourselves by knowing there is a Team out there now, protecting people like them from "mentally ill" defective people like me. All you have to do now is call the emperor with your "sob stories" and he will no doubt ACT to relieve your distress by tranquilizing me.
Hmmm....does anyone else see anything odd in that idea?

Back to the Bus Passenger Assessment: As I got off the bus observing the eyeglow and the little smirk on the face of the gray haired who had just received the latest assessment of me from Prof."P" I wondered again what THIS guy believed I saw at that moment. So, I did a little test in order to observe this specimen. I made a little smile back at him then observed the specimen's reactions. He said nothing at all but dropped his eyes to the floor. (I actually get to see that a lot when those who believe they are my "superiors" in either the understanding of my fascinating case, or in personal worth assume they are "hidden" from me or conning me . The light of their amusement glows in their self deluded little eyeballs and while they "humour" me with their words and sometimes their sighing, long suffering patience, their eyes always drop to the floor so they can convince themselves that I don't know them as they really are. It is actually quite to watch them put on this performance. I had a VERY difficult time getting my head around the notion that THEY believe they are "hiding." It was one of the main aspects in this group routine that I needed to see in order to work towards making sense of the whole thing.

I must say that as I have observed all these fascinating specimens acting out for me all over Guelph, seemingly without much, if any, self awareness being shown by them, I noticed that all of the "symptoms" they apply to us in reaction to them really DO exist. Except they are not mine.
They deny the truth about BOTH themselves and me. I see "inappropriate affects" in them, (incorrect reactions to disinformation and misdirection)tons of grandiosity, embellishments of their stories, outright fabrications, behavioural problems, clearly obvious boundary problems, and lots of group bonding through exclusion ( belonging to a special group) of an "outsider." Yet, as far as I can tell, none of them have received the correct psychiatric labels, nor are they being forced out of their jobs, discussed "covertly," nor drugged into submission for their own good. Yet THEIR "symptoms" and OUR "symptoms" seem to be pretty much the same, so why is that? How do psychiatrist s decide WHICH of all these "symptomatic" people they will treat and which they won't?

I kind of suspect it has a lot more to do with WHO we know than WHAT we ,and perhaps, with our job titles or lack of them, which most influences that mysterious decision making process.

Perhaps the boundary violating, gossip mongering, grandiose, judgemental, opinionated, fabricating, self deluded hypothetical, highly educated nut is considered to be less 'dangerous" than say....me. Or perhaps it's just that when those big paychecks just keep on coming, no matter how grandiose and confused you may be, those happy "affects" remain with you since you have far fewer worries because of it. In such a well paid position, there is less chance that the angry frustrated and resentful "affects" will overwhelm the lunatic with the higher social status, however shallow that may seem. The big pile of funds, the ongoing invitations to the terribly refined Crocodile Egg Taster's Event, and the unchallenged right to refuse the load of "helpful" drugs that often make one wish one were dead (but which one must never SAY out loud in case it results in even more "help")could certainly change the way those "symptoms" are experienced and evaluated by others, couldn't it?

More to come to finish this post and then stay tuned because I am going to show you to yourselves as I see you, not as you want to believe I see you....As was said about me on the bus, and also at Upsdell's, by those lined up at the cash, as I stood there, two feet away, copying my unacknowledged letters to Homewood,
"She is just going to show HIM." (mocking laughter) Yes, mouthpiece. That's right. I AM "going to SHOW him." (note the change in emphasis that changes the meaning of the same words) and I intend to show the rest of you also just exactly what "It is" in the nurse's training that you "fail to see which is right in front of you." YOURSELVES.....