Talking Directly to Me

A Very Mysterious Concept....
So....Allegedly....

Let me know if any of you like Homewood Administration, my ex psychiatric team members, or the police service ever decide that you would like to respond directly to me or actually recognize that in order to fully understand this, you must ask one of the ones who already does, and STOP asking everyone except me.
of the two people who understand this, one of them has a hidden agenda of domination. Guess which one?

As I said to Dale and the then staff of H2 and H3, in my ongoing effort to penetrate the group stupidity and arrogance;
''Stop asking other people what I know and what I think. Other people don't know what I think. I know what I think. Talk directly to me.''

I also told Rena S. at Comcare Guelph, LONG before I was ''rebuilt'' as the ''schizophrenic'' or any other version thereof, that it was the non stop invalidation of my perception, the psychological isolation, the refusal of others involved to communicate directly, and the growing number of people involved in it (''it is completely out of control now,'' I had said) that is causing me to break. I am having trouble staying connected to concrete reality because of it.''

I had told her to tell Dr. Geoff Daniel (whom I had already informed that it was Dale who was doing this)to bring me in to talk directly and get me out of the isolation and away from the group assault. Rena called June Moore, then Programme Co-ordinator who was apparently ''mystified'' by what I was saying. Therefore, as was shown to me over and over again in this endless circle, it was assessed by nurses as meaningless.

The concept seems to be that if those who consider themselves to be my superiors (in either understanding or worth) don't understand something, either it can't BE understood or there is simply nothing to understand. The apparently horrifying third option would be for them to have to become aware that I understand something BETTER than they do. We can't allow ourselves to think a thought like that now, can we?

The ongoing problem is always the same one. The manipulated groups of people who assess the situation at the aggressor's direction do not suspect they are INSIDE the aggressor's "game" themselves. Since they are already certain their understanding is much better than the victim's, and that the con man is innocent and doesn't understand what is happening, the group members perceive themselves as "objective observers" OUTSIDE the situation being assessed BY them, rather than what they really are; dysfunctional participants blindly following the sociopath leader and helping him to attack his victim.

Why don't they suspect that?

Because the sociopath looks and sounds sincere and besides, it wouldn't be "reasonable" for him to be doing such a thing. (As the psychiatrist who labelled me asked, in order to prove to me I was being "irrational," "But why would a nurse want to do such a thing? It does not make any sense does it?" I couldn't argue with that. Sense has nothing to do with It.)
My protagonist has been trained to accept himself as a machine and to see life as a joke or a game and to get whatever he wants in life by following the instructions (as HE understands the words of the training) to be "unreasonable" as his means of getting It.

This is the formalized version of a psychological 'game", most of which I already understood before I was selected as the target in 93. (or perhaps selected even earlier) You see people, inside the manipulative ploys and head games of Dale's "special" training it is predicted:

"You will fail to see what is right in front of you."

Even while READING that for themselves, the experts who have labelled me "mad" for telling them EXACTLY what my protagonist was (and is) doing, have "failed to see what is right in front of them." Non stop irony.

This reaction to his "set up" is why the rectal orifice's eyes glow with amusement and roll back in his head while the little smirk appears. He is observing the action unfolding between the two sides of his "set up" and hearing the effects learned in his programming, as he has been "guaranteed" he would. He is the director in the Theatre of the Absurd, seeing my fear as I Wait for Godot. Many of the other participants suffering from the same eyeglow do so for another reason; they are amused by my "obvious" madness and think themselves to be my "superiors" also. To some, I am ''just stupid.'' Of course from where I see it, it all looks the same to me. As I said years ago to many of those involved, "I can't tell the 'nuts' from the 'help' without a programme and I will let you in on a little "secret"; neither can any other labelled person for exactly the SAME reasons.

My protagonist has proved his "superiority to himself and the mindless mob who followed his lead has helped him to do It. There is no CONCRETE evidence that he intended to do anything. Well, almost no evidence. Unless you count the tapes I made and all the people he involved and the stuff he wrote down etc...But other than THAT, there's no evidence.

I have a suggestion for all of you experts. Pick up the book Jill H. , Homewood,already read, and read it again. She told me she got it at the University Library. Before you start though, get out another saucer of Haldol and place it like a dish of hors d'oeuvres in the centre of your conference table, only THIS time, when you read it, see yourselves as what you are; the manipulated group members, not "objective observers."
When you wake up suddenly from that trance you are in, and recognize that for twelve years now you have been looking for "hidden meaning" where there is none, proceed by following your own advice. That advice as stated to me is: "If you find yourself looking for hidden meaning, it's a sign that you need an anti-psychotic."

It is time to swallow the bitter pill of your group re-creation. Guess which prize this is? Now, you have the same under-standing as Mr. "T." because he fed your gigantic egos and you chose to identify with an aggressor, who presented himself as the hero rescuer.

As I have already said, over and over, year after year;
What "It" means depends upon the individuals's attitude, current level of understanding, motivation, and goal. You may hear the same words as a revelation, accusation or instruction depending upon you "point of view" or "perspective." Without the concrete detail to connect It to the abstract sructure, it is left to "interpretation." Recognize these concepts Ed Perez and Jill H.? You found them "fascinating." Without concrete detail, it means "nothing" because It could mean "everything" or anything to anyone who is outside the relationship between the original pair; myself and Dale. That is why it has a "Zen-like cuteness" to it.

Referring to one of the answers Mr. T. wrote down in response to me. "Everything and Nothing are the same thing." Remember that? Integration of opposites which in THIS "Zen-like" structure of anti-logic means entropy or total lack of discernment.

It is that planned creation of chaos and confusion which enables the aggressor to ''hide'' in plain sight, within the crowd of boundary violating participants, certain that they could never be deceived. Not like all those "other" people back in Nazi Germmany for example. Get it?