So....Allegedly....
Groupthink metasticizes like a spiritual cancer.
As Blanche D., Comcare Guelph, once noted about the Homewood staff, ''Anything personal about anybody just goes through there like wildfire.''
Of course, when Blanche perceives that, it is just the truth. When I do, as a person labelled by those doing it, it's ''paranoid delusions.'' Interestingly, Blanche also heard my truth as a ''joke'' or else my paranoid delusions. It shows how suggestible most otherwise intelligent people really are, doesn't it?
To paraphrase Mary Walsh, This Hour Has 22 Minutes, ''Blanche dear.....come onnnnnnn.....''
After all, how long is it going to take all of you to see something that would be obvious to a ten year old? How long does it take the ''superior'' people of Guelph to connect the dots?
Let me help. I will give you some concrete specific examples of the group contagion--one of the specific effects in the book Jill H. read, analyzing the nurse's ''special'' training. Think of this from my point of view as ''the subject,'' reduced by my ''superiors'' to the level of the unconscious, ''stupid'' object of observation. This is what it is like to be watching your watchers, watching you.
Let's look at a fairly recent example to start:
I have already mentioned Cheryl F. to you who lived in the apartment overhead for a year. I have also heard that she ''agreed'' with someone to do just that and to try to ''connect'' with me. (she didn't succeed.) SHE is connected to both Mark and probably to Randy F., of the same surname, ---G.T.C. The G.T.C. has been involved in watching and ''assessing'' me, just as I ''claimed'' since at least 93.
After Cheryl had moved in, I came home one evening to find my landlord (who thinks he is my psychiatrist apparently) knocking on her door, as usual without calling first. Other tenants have mentioned this fact to me also, and he has done it to me frequently in the past, despite my repeated requests to please call first and not just arrive at my door without notice. He always agrees to it and then doesn't bother.
On this occasion with Cheryl, she was in the bath tub at the time and was hollering through her apartment door, ''I'm sorry but I really can't come to the door right now.''
I thought of my own previous experience with him and that of the previous tenant also.
Two days later when I ran into Cheryl I said, ''Well, I see you've had your first surprise bath tub visit from our landlord...'' ( this is intended as colloquial style speech) She said, ''Oh, does he do that?'' to which I responded, ''Oh yes. He has done that to me too, and the tenant before you complained about the same thing.''
I now think it may be possible that Cheryl was living there in the first place (?) to look for signs and symbols. I know for a fact that someone called her to discuss me and to fill her in on one of the versions of my ''reality.''(in secret of course)
Next thing I hear is that there was a little meeting held at which Cheryl tells my landlord that I told her, he ''walked right in on her while she was taking a bath.''
(the first step of the gossip mongerers mutation has now been taken. It gets better from here.)
He then informed her that she really couldn't go by anything I said (which I have heard through the gossiping grapevine he has said before )and explained to her that I was a mental case which I have also heard he has assessed for other tenants and trades people as well, and which they in turn have been asked to tell him "anything they may hear" from the university or people's relatives...like say those working for Homewood or the G.T.C.
Next step: The landlord next starts telling other people what Cheryl told him I was supposed to have said. (the "interpretation" of it anyway)which is then acted ut for me in the town square and on the buses by all of the righteously indignant, superior people of Guelph, still assessing both me and the situation and all they have heard and spread, year after year.
After I get all this news, I leave Cheryl a little not taped to the back door light switch stating: "If you are going to be telling other people what I have said to you, I would appreciate it if you quote me verbatim please, since the "interpretation" of what I say changes the meaning etc...."
The result of that is a very common one. There is no DIRECT response from Cheryl at all. One way or another. Instead, she once again gets on the phone to somebody, right over my head, to a third party assessor....hmmmm? Wonder who it is this time? Police? Tim the Apostle of the Psychiatric Faith? Steve P. again? Dale T. ?(who is said to have been doing it before ? Dr. Brian F.? The Landlord; amateur shrink and part time sleuth? Who knows. There are now so many involved with the new psychiatric Gestapo, who could possibly keep track of who is whom? Since "covert" is their favoured way of being who could ever prove anything huh?
After discussing me with someone who had called her to discuss "Pat Lefave" she gets back on the phone to discuss her new instructions with her other "normal" people.
Of course, I as the object of the groupthink assessment, am not "allowed" to communicate directly with those involved in the covert ops, misdirection and disinformation produced by the Faith. By this point, I am no longer interested in playing the covert ops. game with Cheryl so I didn't bother talking to her anymore. beyond saying "hello." I already from previos experience that the "normals" who believe they are my "superiors" in either understanding or worth can't really hear anything I say to them as "real" and it always shows in their faces, in their patronizing little tones and in their consistently duplicitous behaviour. Now, I am asssessed by the group around the building as strangely "unfriendly" and of course, they don't know why since their act is "hidden" from me in their own grandiose group opinion. There is always a facade presented which is as obvious to me as a collie turd on top of a snow bank but behind which they beleive themselves to be "hiding." All it is rom my pint of view is patronizing and just plain idiotic, but I KNOW they will deny that they are who they are, just as they deny I am who I am. It is all part of the dysfunctional game, part of the group delusion.
So, the first mutation of what I said starts spreading through the group contagion that is the Guelph gossip machine. My landlord starts looking for support from others again, in "secret." One day last winter he was with someone (male) in the basement looking for paint brushes or something. There he felt the need to present his case in dealing with me. (something he has done very often with other tenants and trades people which he of course, denies. ) He tells the guy (which I might guess is Doug who works for Tina the painter, though I did not see who it was as I was sleeping originally) that he is kind of worried about the things I am saying about him and not sure what he should do about it. He then gets sympathy from Doug (or whomever) who has already been informed by the landlord of my mental state, along with many others in the building.
I have let the landlord know I am aware of his behaviour and have found it disturbing. he simply denies it and then keeps right on behaving the same way. (once Cheryl moved out for example, the new tenant was intructed in how to "deal" with me and had my "mental problems" explained to her. He likes to tell others that I called the police on him you see and he also likes to think he knows why, telling them he has not entered my apartment without my knowledge or consent. I am only "claiming" he does that. The poor falsely accused landlord!
That day last winter with the other guy in the basement I had a note on my door asking for quiet please as I had worked all night and was sleeping. The guy with my landlord helped him. He slammed the basement door as hard as he could and then asked, "Do you think she is still sleeping." My landlord then laughed with amusement, (something he does quite frequently in his covert explanations of me for others,) but I am sure he will deny this and as long as the guy he was with doesn't talk, he will be believed I am sure. All those doing all the talking always are.
(That is how our complaints about them become our "symptoms." We only "think" we are being talked about and harassed by others but "really" other people would never behave that way. Would they?) After all, he has a very personable and friendly facade and I believe that perhaps Brenda D. (who is associated with the volunteer centre in some way, and used to be his landlord ) has "corrected" my perception of my experience of him in which she plays no part, with those who are watching together for signs and symbols of madness everywhere, still unable to connect the "people" I am talking about, who are talking about me, with THEMSELVES. Note the endless circular arguments.
Next, the public and the new tenant starts the next phase of the public acting out. New tenent overhead tells the others in the building now that the landlord told her I called the police on him for no reason . What a "female dog" I am once again declared to be. Once, they put the radio on and take the opportunity to mock me for being so crazy as one says, "Ha ha I am going to call the police on you!" Earlier, the guy in the basement of the house next door was asked a couple of questions and showed the one who asked him exactly who this moron that I am, actually is. I walked out the door as the one with the brown curly hair was talking to him in his back yard. "That's her..." said the kid. "Hello" I said back at him since I was six feet away. NO reponse at all. A familiar invisibility for those of us who are labelled and mocked on a daily basis. Later, the kid's girlfriend soothed him when they saw me at the Library. "Don't you worry about it honey," she crooned, as the kid's eyes filled with the glow of self satisfied amusement.
I have seen the middle aged man, with the brown curly hair before. Once as I was being pointe dout to him at Old Quebec Street and ince standing at the back Of the Bank of Montreal as the receptionist told me I would have to wait for my appointment with Maggie as she was talking to a detective right now. The guy she was talking to at the time I have seen pointing me out to his wife(?) and also on the bus and getting off at Earl Street. Wait till you hear who all lives around Earl Street. I also told Homewood and Comcare Guelph that the Bank employees were involved in the public assault on me in 95. All people seemed to believe one of teo main themes in this. That there was joke or a game being played OR that it was an intervention for a "schizophrenic." I have alo heard publicly that it all goes back to the same guy. Guess who the guy is? I wil give you a hint. It was the one who was also rumoured to have talked his way inside my aprtment on Liverpool St and perhaps into The one I am in now as well. He is connected in both cases to Harry M. who is rumoured to have gotten the co-operation of my landlords.
I have heard several times that my current landlord has been in my apartment many times, without my knowledge or consent and has also had other people in there with him. Guess why I called the police? Go on. Take a guess. How would you like to spend all your time wondering if your protagonist, who has never been caught, is still using his so-called training to manipulate others into letting him into your home, covertly, by telling them you are crazy and he is only trying to get you the "help" you need? Would you feel safe? You see, according to his trainng programming, he wants "to see my fear." Ask Jill H. about it. It is in the book I directed her to read, in January 2001, after which, though I offered to come and discuss how it was used in my case, she had no questions at all about it. In fact, she let me know in writing that "really" nothing happened. She then told Paul R., who had witnessed my meeting with Ed. Perez and herself, that "Homewood would not be responding to anything I had to say after that." She just thought HE should know.
True to there word, I have not received so much as a single response from any of them since. Unquestioned power is a great thing to have isn't it. You don't have to know anything you would rather not when you have it.
More to come stay tuned.....
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