So....Allegedly.....
Next, the public goes into the next phase of the acting out. They take the latest form of the mutation of my well analyzed thought and behaviour which they have been handed by assessors and start the next round of public analysis with it--Who knows me and what THEY have to say....who knows my landlord...what each of us are like, or not like....what Cheryl says, and Mark and Randy and all the people from Liverpool St., past or present, psych students, cops, paramedic, bus drivers, Library staff and patrons, Homewood staff and all their relatives, etc. etc. ....You get the picture.
Another round of the Aggressive Community Tattling Secrets.
Let me share it all with you.
Meanwhile the current landlord (another one who knows all about personal boundaries just like Bill K. Once told me HE did) starts discussing his version of the bath tub story an all his anxious concerns about that, with other tenants, tradespeople and all those who are in his "social circle." He has been advised previously not to trust me. This is said to have come from his lawyer's office and as we all know all the lawyers have been analyzing me and diagnosing me as well, while observing the specimen here. In fact, that is why I sent more information directly to the boys at McElderry and Morris since they were so interested and apparently needed to keep some of those bus driving shrinks informed so they could run back to their relatives on Homewood staff and let them know the latest. Then, they could make sure my protagonist was kept informed as well. Right? You know that gathering information on your "item" is part of the nurse from hell's "special" training don't you? Or did you not bother reading any of that at all? Perhaps you were just "humouring" me then too.
So he complains to others that he is worried about how these stories are going to affect him and what other people might think of HIM. Next, some of the public starts another round of what a "female dog" I am to say such awful things a bout such a personable guy who is really nothing like that. A few renewed snarls and hisses are noted coming out of the boundary respecting "normals."
This is reminiscent to me of the students boarding at the house next door to my apartment and Marlene K.M. on Liverpool St. who were said to have told her that she should tell "him" to stop worrying about me since really I was "nothing but an effing female dog anyway and he should just forget about her.!" (95)
So, at this point it is over a decade of the same groupthink, still going and still growing....in "secret" of course. No direct communication with the other member in the original relationship either wanted or "allowed."
It was once acted out for me that Dale T. told Marlene his co-workers were going to cover it all up. Perhaps you could ask Marlene directly if that was one of the true stories or one of the little set ups used in the designer abuse game being performed by the nurse. That's not too wild a concept for Homewood or the police is it? Direct communication...? I know that the experts are still trying to decipher the "hidden" meaning in that.
OK, so I have been totally invalidated as a human being but you see, the nurse actually expected that. It is the specifically planned effects when he uses his "training" as a power game. It is about controlling everyone and coming out on "top." He validates himself by invalidating all other points of view. Those who look for reason in him are declared by him and his supporters to be "just stupid." Something I have been hearing about myself for many years.
Back to the now:
The people with whom my landlord has been gossiping about me (while wearing his other face for me) have already repeated his mutated version of reality for others "out here in the world of reality" and just this last week in January, 2006, I have already heard it in two new forms.
1. "She said he was watching her in the shower. Isn't it awful?" (smiles; aka "inappropriate affects)
Analysis: What's "it" to the speaker and who is "she?" Is "she", me, Cheryl, or some other gossip spreader of which I am unaware?
2. Is "It" awful because my supposedly SAYING that is "awful? Or because another "she" said that" Or because it is presumed to be true and HE is "awful"?
The real irony in this is the fact that it may well be my landlord who is creating his own problem by means of his own gossiping which he then denies he does! I have noticed in this that as they mutate and add to their own stories, all the gossip lovers start to wonder amongst themselves just what is true about what they themselves are spreading. Of course they don't admit anything to me, so they can't actually ask me while they are hiding it all, nor would they be able to accept anything I said anyway since I am "crazy" and can't be trusted to know a hallucination from a conversation. Right? Instead, the assess their own creation and you can bet that at least some of the ones spreading it will mutate it again and by next week it will become something like: "Apparently, he tried to force his way right into the shower with her!" Which will motivate the falsely accused landlord to try to get another plumber on his side. After all, they have heard all the awful stories about awful me too! Why don't you all just peer suspiciously at me from under your eyebrows, or over the landlord's personable shoulder again, your jaws dropped in awe at the very spectacle of the madwoman. Personally, I've always enjoyed that "Deliverance" sort of facial expression. Don't forget to snarl like a dog when you do it. Or just drool.
Of those who eagerly receive, and repeat, the latest piece of "news" about Pat Lefave, (not that a nut like me can even recognize my own name of course, so stupid and unconscious am I...)some will no doubt truly believe their own inventive crapola and continue to tell as many others as they can, the "truth" they are "certain that they know." For many folks in Guelph, the only truly "good" gossip is the derogatory kind. As some have said in my presence Guelph is a sort of "National Enquirer" type mentality for many and it IS true too that "what goes around, comes around." This is why, in fact, I asked Dale many years ago on the tapes you all listened in to like the boundary respecting "normals" that you all are, "Don't you know where you live?" I meant of course, that of the people he was involving, many of them spend most of their day, every day, repeating everything they've heard like a baked bean supper. Most who ooperate in these kinds of "social circles" as a norm, never see they are doing this to themselves as much as they are to anyone else.
That question I asked, of Dale mainly, and the then staff of Hamilton 2 and 3, over a decade ago still applies. It was, "Since you know what you are doing, and I know what you are doing, who exactly is it that's being "fooled" here"? Of course, I understand now that in reality, I really didn't understand it and NEITHER did they. I did not know they believed themselves "hidden" in plain sight and I don't think the group knew at first, at least, that they were NOT hidden from me, even though they were acting out all the time, right in front of me!
Of course, Dale understood it way back then though didn't he? He was observing the action between the two sides of his recreation. The target on the one side and the manipulated group on the other...Right, game boy? So, as to the question I asked, "who is it that is being fooled," I know the answer to it now. Here it is...The aggressor and the manipulated mob are fooling themselves. The group "thinks" it understands something it really doesn't understand at all. Of course, there is no reason why they should since it doesn't actually have anything to do with them in the first place. They are just identifying " with" and supporting the aggressor because he has CONNED them and led them to believe, right from the start, they are supporting the victim, HIM, against an aggressor, me as he has directed them o believe.
That, all you experts and followers of the "game" is exactly what the "switch" of Dale's training is all about. The false premise. What you believe to be true, as Dale was taught, depends upon from where you see the starting point of the action. This is all in the book on it which Jill H. read and found NO EVIDENCE that the nurse from hell was doing It. As I said to them listening and pretending they weren't in 95, "If you pull out the premise, everything I've said and done after that sounds crazy, even I can see that." Then I asked Mr. "T." "Shall we rescue each other"? (referring to his "Waiting for Godot" comment which he had used on me without witnesses during his little set-up in the hallway.) You see, I was giving him a chance then to get out of It, if it was just an "accident" or a "misundestanding" as I had once believed. Mr. "T." however declined my offer and showed ME, at least, his true colours. Now what do all of you experts think that means?
Tell me Homewood staff and Administration...have you analyzed the meaning of my statement, "I am not expendable," as yet? Or is it still just meaningless nonsense to you?
Stay tuned Guelphites....More to come so keep tongues of yours wagging non stop, as always.
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