The April Fools Continue

A group of people look at me together as they sit at Caffe Latte. “We were all certain we all knew just what was happening and why,’ says one as I pass by.
Later, “Ed,’ formerly a supervisor for the local transit company, is seen having joined them.
In my building heard by one of my new neighbors, “They say she is some sort of big brain but I don’s see it.” (she and another share a little derisive laugh together)
A former client of mine spends time on a phone talking to a relative about how stupid I am. He is sure I will not understand if I can only hear one side of the conversation. (After all I am stupid in his opinion) This sort of thing has been done a great deal while I sit in the room with the mocker and ridiculer on my end of the phone. They like to make faces at me while they do it. All appear to be unaware of their own visibility.
A group of new neighbours discuss at the bus stop, on the buses and in the hallway how I ‘think’ I understand this better than they do. They are all amused together at the very idea of that. Naturally, they won’t say anything like this to me since you cannot convince a nut like me that I am ‘delusional’ and grandiose.’ (Someone seems to be wouldn’t you say?)
Two young guys discuss (out of the sides of their mouths) being careful what they say on the bus as “Pat Lefave’ may be sitting near them and they would not know it.’ (Ironic, huh?) They decide the odds are in their favour and one of them ‘wonders’ if the young woman sitting in front of me might be her…” (Apparently she is also deaf and blind to be talked about like she is not there.) “No,’ says the other, ‘she is too young to be her.’ ( It was all I could do to resist the temptation to say, ‘but I’m not am I?’)
One of the long time fools with the sort of long gray hair and the receding hairline gets on the 61 bus with me one day. When he spots me he does his usual. His eyes glowing with amusement, he drops his eyes and tries really hard not to do his usual smirking bit. He fails as always of course. Later, I happen to be right behind him in line at the Eramosa Zehr’s, so I walk up close to him, stare at the side of his head and smirk back. He pretends he does not recognize me at all. (It really is ‘amazing’, this split consciousness the ‘superior’ people always tell themselves they have.) She was told by me (when she asked) that what I am doing here is writing essays about my experience of Homewood and of my city. She continues to pretend to know nothing of course since pretending to be mystified is all par of the dysfunctional group code of behaviour.
The Reiki gal from the centre displays at Old Quebec sees me at the Library word processor and then goes into a sobbing thing. She is part of the mall gossip routine but of course as with all of them has convinced herself that I do not see her or hear her or all the others either unless thy intend me to.
Theme of the week for some is: ‘They blamed HER!’
Heard in the hallways from my new neighbours: “Have you heard about Pat Lefave?” Answer: “Oh everybody knows about her…”
Would be Incident report: At 4:12pm I fond my laundry removed from the dryer by the next user. He was to start his at 4pm. The laundry takes about twenty two minutes to complete it’s cycle so this means he started his early for it to be in the dryer before 4:12pm .He did not need to do this as if he was REALLY using his schedule mine would have been out before his was even finished washing but he used this to make a little scene for the other tenants. I have no schedule time as there are times called ‘free time’ which is easier for me to use. It is not the first time this one has done something like this but it is also not unusual to see this sort of thing in these buildings. I am not intending to make an ‘incident report.” (he once shouted through the doorway that I should make one for his shouting through the door! So I am sure others have done so since he was suggesting it to me too) I intend to ignore this person and stay away from his pettiness. The only reason I am including this is for the record. Naturally, he considers himself to be the sane one.
On Saturday the 19th, two women that I do not know at all discussed me on a bus. One says: “I feel bad now because of all the bad things I said about her when I thought there was something else going on and I don’t even know her.’
The other one though tired to ‘correct’ her feeling bad by saying, “She could have spoken up long ago and she didn’t so she deserves just what she is getting?” her face was a mask of hatred when she said this. I was sitting two seats behind her. I have also heard this excuse before, “She could have spoken up long ago etc. “
Of course, these judges (who no doubt’ do not like to judge’) of course do not know either that my failing to understand what was going on was part of the ‘game’ as planned nor do they know that when I did figure out this was no ‘joke’ I did report exactly what Dale and his co-workers were doing to the floor psychiatrist and a number of others since. THEY are the ones who concealed all for this and tried to further intimidate me into silence as well. Perhaps this hateful woman could spend some time considering what she does NOT know so she can ‘get off her own act.’ (I like to use the game boy jargon now.)
Sunday, Psych students on a bus: The topic is now intuition and sensing things as well as the ‘documentation they now have’ so they can’t deny it. Again the ideas expressed are, “They thought they were right. They were SURE they were right.’ (I will likely hear this for several days now repeated over and over again and among those doing the talking will be a few who throw in the ‘there she is’ bit to confirm it for me.
A woman who used to work at West End Bakery, and before that at the Silver Dollar discusses with another how ‘they’ see no connections between all these people when in fact, they are there.

On the bus “Bill’ an AA member who was often seen filling in “Wayne”’ a bus driver on what was going on in Homewood is now chatting with “Barry’ who now lives in housing but who was one of the series people who moved into the apartment overhead where I lived. Barry’s buddy moved into the house next to me there and the endless supply of Manor graduates kept everyone informed of all the latest crap, in all its versions, including supplying the employees of Upsdell’s with all the latest, who in turn supplied the whole neighbourhood. They then ALL pretended they didn’t know anything and denied the whole thing: just like Homewood staff.
Their group denial and my paranoid delusions of course, are one and the same. “Donna” the professional town crier, continues to keep all bus drivers and others up to date on all the latest, along with her contemptuous opinion of me, which a number of them really enjoy hearing.
The Housing resident , the woman with the gray hair and cane, who lives in the Delhi unit (along with the Homewood Housekeeping staff woman who was kept informed by the H2 and h3 nurses,) fills in bus driver Artie on all the latest of details so he can keep up his function as bus driving gossip. (Not that he does of course) He will be able to pass it along to the staff he gossips with at Riverside Glen, who in turn will pass it all along and continue with their non stop group assessments of me while pretending not to know a thing. Ruth Ann’s friend who has told Ruth Ann something abut me which she has kept ‘secret’ of course, lives in housing on Woolwich which is also where several others who have kept up a steady stream of gossip abut me live including one of the town addicts who likes to make contemptuous remarks about me form a few feet away in the town square. He too is a ‘stranger to me’ whom I ‘think’ is talking about me.
Some think the ‘doctor’ is impressed by me because I got on the computer but they don’t understand why that should be. So I know how to use a computer…what’s the ‘Big Deal’? ‘They’ say that ‘the police went all around the building.’
A teen at Old Quebec says that ‘when they put all the information together it all made sense.’
We had a little ‘fun’ on one of the buses by not opening the door to let me off since I was standing alone at the back door. ‘Donna the town crier’ felt she should act as my ‘interpreter’ for the smirking bus driver. After all she is the gossip coordinator for one and all. Don’t’ worry now if confronted, another version of this reality will be supplied and I won’t be able to prove different since there is just the tow of them as witnesses and would such lovely people ever lie? Of course not! That would not be reasonable would it? I love the’ bonding through smirking’ thing don’t you?
It is the opinion of the merchants of Old Quebec street that all they have to do now is get everybody else out of it. Peggy is still quite certain that I am just stupid and a big deal is being made about nothing. A guy I know who plays a violin is being asked by one of the smirking old men, former resident of Speedvale Housing who enjoys talking about the ‘crazies’ on the bus, if he knows “her.” (me) Another form the same HOUSING Unit goes directly downtown from there to see the Vin Joy shoe guy and fill him in on all the latest. Residents from housing on Speedvale are also talking about how the woman who was ‘yelling at bus drivers’ is in the hospital again. A ‘he’ tells people he is ‘a little slow on the uptake about some things.’
A University debate is held on the bus which could be entitled “what I don’t like about Pat Lefave.’ The contents of the debate are basically second guessing me with their hind sight used without ANY input from me at all. (as always) “she could have done this…She could have said that…’ etc. is the style of the debate. Roseanna (formerly from H2 during the Homewood ‘fun’ is having a discussion with ‘Tina’ sister (I believe) of Peggy and one of Dale’s supporters.
Heard on the bus: “we are all in a lot of trouble.’
Mary W. former Homewood ward clerk mentioned specifically on the tapes as one of those listening in every day to what I had to say, which they KNEW on the units, and knew that I knew, long before I broke down under pressure, tells me on the street she remembers me but does not remember my name. I was less than enthusiastically’ friendly’ towards her.
As I make my way to a seat near to them, a Spanish speaking family discuses me together on the bus. The mother warns the father in English to ‘be nice’ as she believes that I will know what they are talking about. He is quite certain I will not but speaks in Spanish to humour his wife. He makes a derogatory comment and the daughter laughs. It is his opinion that I am the guilty part doing harm to those poor psychiatrists at Homewood .

Students remind each other for the umpteenth time that they are not to discuss me and my fascinating case,(which I was assured existed only in my delusions) on the bus. “That is only on weekdays,’ said the one. “no it is supposed to be on all days just in case she is on the bus, corrected the other. Frequently students discuss the ‘odds’ that I would be hearing them now.
On the street it is mentioned that I once said, “Nothing makes sense of you don’t have enough information.’ (I did say that on the answering machine tapes. I also added to that and ‘everything does if you do.’)

Library staff discusses ‘the roller coaster ride’ which is a description of my experience I have heard over and over aging for many, many years now, since at least 95 or earlier. Someone also discusses the frustration, resentment and anger experienced by those defined as ‘mentally ill’ when their emotions are all continuously invalidated. Homewood ’s name is mentioned, as it frequently is during this little chat.
A bus driver now claims there is a ‘’triangle’ in it. A woman who lives in housing says to another on a bus that, they ALL know. All the ones in the building know what happened to her and why and they all gossip about it to everybody.’
Some library staff now announce; “so it was a deliberate act then…? Another patron says: ‘she sees way beyond what we can see and long before it even happens.’
Prof. Phidd is wandering through Old Quebec St. lately, usually around one o’clock.

One of the downtown post office employees fills in the nosy gossiping bank teller from my bank. (Who always has a snotty opinion to express from a few feet away), This is on the latest saying, it is like “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest “ and is asked by the teller, “Do you know him”? To which she replies, “they aren’t saying who it is.’
One of the library staffers says that she ‘likes being a monkey frankly’ and also adds, ‘they aren’t going to say who it is yet.’
Heard on street: “Nobody got it. They looked and the finally saw it. It is all right there.”
This is not the first time that I have heard this or something similar.
“Is she really mad?” “Well yes but she is also kind of funny when she is expressing it.’
((If they mean me, I was never ‘pretending’ anything. If they mean the skinny little bad actress who performed n he train to Toronto (which then got ‘corrected’ for me by psychiatry when I reported it) that may be true. To Find out you need only go to Wally’s tavern where she and her partner the drunk who interviewed middle aged women on the bus about their sex lives hang out all day. He sometimes gets her to go to the liquor store for him too. She is one of the people who like to smirk at me, no doubt certain of her ‘superior’ understanding, coupled with the belief that she is well ‘hidden’ from me.) The addicts are probably the single most consistently self deluded group there is.
Student on the street: “She was pretending to be crazy.’

I was never ‘pretending anything. A always this is my reality as defined by ongoing ‘group consensus.’
One of the Manor graduates who also lives on Paisley was seen by me going into an apartment building on St. Arnaud at Waterloo . This may explain why I heard myself at an earlier time being discussed by a group of ‘strangers to me’ who were sitting outside there last summer.
Hear again on the street: “That’s her. He’s a police officer.”
(which one of the ‘hes’ would that be? )

Also there is another round of discussion about someone named “Rob’ and all he has to say about this whole thing.
Hear at the Library: “it’s all over town and they STILL won’t admit it.’
One of the male university students who assessed me in my presence with other students as “passive aggressive’ connects at the library with another one who is working part time at Value Village . Is it really all that hard to see a connection to my reporting that at Value Village the staff there once acted out for me, “there’s Pat Lefave. It is a shame she has to shop here isn’t it? “