Themes of the Month:the Public’s Perception of Me, October 2007

October 2007

She’s rich.
She’s shabby.
She’s stupid.
She’s cheating.
She has her own computer yet she ‘claims’ she cannot afford a phone.
Everyone is shocked.
They think she might be a ‘borderliner.'
She has two different personalities.
(I talk to some people and ignore others.)
A group describes my imagined new ‘illness’ like ‘changing weather.’
Someone gave ‘him’ the spare key to her apartment.
It goes way back and it is almost impossible to see. (As ‘it’ is intended.)
She has ‘stolen’ a housing unit form someone who ‘really’ needs it.
Her phone is disconnected just for ‘show.’
She’s pulling in forty thousand a year.
She’s a millionaire.
Well, she’s got a lot of it wrong. Counterpoint: She’s got a lot of it right too doesn’t she?
The city employees, including Library staff, have been told to stop talking about it as all that is doing is creating more chaos.
Bus driver Jimmy H. (the one who informed Prof Phidd of ‘who’ I was) is still involved in all the latest gossip about it.
She has caused a lot of trouble in her life. (Alternate version) She has HAD a lot of trouble in her life.
Jimmy H., bus driver, is joined in gossip by another negative head shaker observing me on the bus together.
A number of addicts announce that they ‘can’t believe it.’
Men in suits discuss it in the square.
Someone says, ‘it is really embarrassing.’
A bus regular fills in a recent new staffer at Riverside Glen, “she told them what he was doing and that IS what he was doing.’
It is said I look pretty blasé about it all.
Bus drivers are being entertained by some residents of housing who are telling them stories about all the ‘crazies’ living there now and what they are like.
Some of the Homewood / manor ‘crazies’ are also entertaining bus passengers with stories of those they consider to be THEIR ‘inferiors’. (Often people who have been driven ‘crazy’ by addicts)
At the Dominion Building , someone is said to have become quite ‘alarmed’ about the situation.
Steve, from upstairs, gossips about it daily in the downtown square with many more of the town’s addicts. There is another round going on my sexuality been discussed again by more graduates of the Manor. I am sure they will work it out eventually for me.
A ‘he’ says that he told somebody that ‘she knows.’ (Sorry no concrete details on what it is he told other I ‘know.’)
A woman in Housing who works at a donut shop, I believe on Eramosa Rd repeatedly entertains bus drivers on the waterloo route with stories of the ‘crazies’ who live there.
One of the psychiatrized addicts likes to entertain other bus passengers with her contempt for me (she doesn’t actually know me but she has ‘heard stories.’) She had recently started hollering at me on the streets (as a number of manor ‘graduates’ have done) but now she is in yet another ‘course’ at Homewood where she is going in order to ‘make them do their damned jobs’ and ‘help’ her. Some angry contemptuous tenants of Housing are now calling me “The Big Deal” which has been led by one of the pushier tenants there who spends her days gossiping and story telling as much as possible. This Save Mart employee previously worked for the Silver Dollar in Old Quebec St . This one has managed to connect with the bigger one at the Save Mart (more drugs please) This tenant who is digging for more gossip so she can take it back for more group assessment with the housing gossips and also Peggy the Homewood gossip who keeps it all going in the community along with thousands of others (who all deny the whole thing of course) These gossips on masse will then act out their contempt for me at my regular bus stops as well as pass along all the crap to the bus drivers, who, in turn, will pass it along to the bus passengers. None of them of course, will know a thing officer/doctor when they are asked directly as they don’t want to open up a can of worms do they?
The current Save mart Gal got a lot of HER version of my reality from the folks who used to work at the Silver Dollar, especially from Mrs. Harry McCallion, although Peggy was prone to check in with them way back then too. These are all the people I ‘thought’ were talking about me, people I don’t even know. So since I don’t know them it would not be ‘logical’ for them to be behaving this way, therefore, they aren’t, and I am just mad if I ‘think’ they are. Therefore, I am just ‘seeking fame’ and this indicates that I am too dangerous to be running around loose which further indicates the ‘righteousness’ of those who gave me a psychiatric label in order to control me—or ‘totally control’ me as Dale would no doubt put it. (smirk)

Building residents are searching for a thief to blame for the loss of some frozen dinners. My name has apparently been suggested as a possible culprit, being ‘mad’ and all. (Besides, I am not very friendly to them and they can’t imagine why since all the gossiping they are doing is being done ‘covertly.’
Some working in the dominion building are quite alarmed by the situation. The town addicts are still working out my sexual identity for me.

A social worker passes through the library to se if the woman on the word processor is me. (She would know since she was one of the main group involved in the attack/joke/intervention.
Route number 1 driver has been gossiping with a regular passenger who gets on the bus near the White House apartments, perhaps from the housing units nearby. They hand signal each other , tittering like loons, when I am on the bus so that I ‘won’t know’ about them gossiping. It is working really well for them too. The head of the Homewood volunteers hopes ''that Pat soon gets the ‘help’ she needs. '' Knowing her, I am pretty sure she would mean a nice pill so I can be as normal as she. “The doctor says it is all connected.
It is decided generally that since it all happened almost fifteen years ago, (it is all over and done with them to them you see) ‘she needs to let it go.’ (I bet dale would really smirk at that line since both he and I know what that means in a way that no one else does!