The "Magic' Circle of Dysfunction

Awhile back (many times in fact over the years since 1996 and for decades before that) I told my father I wanted one thing; to resolve the problem relationship with him and also with my mother. So, I told him way back then, “Forget every other incident I ever complained about in relation to your manipulation and interference in my life and let’s just focus on this last one right here and right now. If you admit what you did, admit it was wrong to do it, and apologize for it, agreeing never to do things like this again, I will forgive you. ‘
He has no interest in ‘forgiveness.' He has no interest in truth. He has no interest in the effects on others of what he does. He simply ignores anything that I say about myself and my experience with him or anyone else. If he doesn’t want to deal with it or admit it, he ignores it or plays circular mind games with everyone. He also gives other alternative versions of the same reality, 'covertly’ of course, as always.

This is not rocket science.
I have told him that I have gone public with this. I have suggested that he tell the rest of the family the truth. He has no doubt told them he has no idea what I am talking about, that he is completely mystified by my supposedly false accusations about his covert interference and story telling. Mystified officer/doctor. Just completely mystified.

Everyone is just completely mystified. I live in a mystified and mystifying community. Hell, the whole planet is completely mystified by virtually all truth they do not want to know or deal with.
In any case, after ten more years of his manipulations and story telling, I am no longer interested in hearing from him. I have told him so in my last brief letter to him. It was very clear.
I have told them I was willing to talk to my mother, on her own, not with him acting as her "interpreter.' I have said for some time that if she chooses to write, or even phone, on her own and identifies herself, I will talk to her, but I will not talk to him, until or unless he admits the truth and apologizes for it. I have told her in writing several years ago that if it upsets her to talk about my father on the phone that we could leave him right out of the conversations and relate one to one only. I have told him that I will accept information on my mother from my younger sister but she has made it clear that she will not talk anymore unless I am willing to give up MY false accusations’ about my father. So that door is closed and she closed it. She closed it right after I asked her if the rumour I had heard about HER was true, that she gave someone who was coming down to Homewood in 96 my picture to see if they could identify me as the woman everyone was talking about. She did not answer and has not said a word since.

My elder sister has told me to f-off and never bother her again since I am ‘pretending’ to be my father’s victim, and ‘whining’ about my boundaries being violated, again. She has even defended ‘poor Dale’ like the automaton that she is. She, like My team of psychiatrists, just KNOWS, as she always just knows, that what I say happened could not have happened and just as I 'claimed" she was treating me badly as a little child, now I am picking on "poor Dale, the unreasonable." ‘Reason’ of course, has nothing to do with any of it.

So, I have stopped all ‘whining’ as my truth is defined by them. Of course, I am not actually supposed to just STOP. I am supposed to be manipulated by the isolation tactics to pretend to be, who they want me to be, and to agree to be ‘sick’ for them and ‘admit’ that ‘really’ my father does not do what I say and that he is just as innocent as the day is long (as THEY want and desperately need to believe) and that it was just my ‘madness’ talking when I accused him ‘falsely’ just as it was my ‘madness’ talking when I accused ‘poor Dale falsely’ of running me through his routine; the same routine in fact, by it’s more formal name.

Oh the poor ‘falsely accused! I don’t know why they would even want to put up with me, do you? Well, actually I do know. This is ‘the game.’ In the game, I must pretend that I do NOT know what I DO know so that I will be acceptable to those who live by playing “the game.”

I am not interested in being acceptable to them; as shocking as that may be to all of you 'normal' people. The fact that I am not interested in being acceptable to them, on their terms, is unacceptable to them. Oh look, it's another Pi.
So the game is played even harder, and they will keep right on playing it until they draw their last breath. I am not playing it. They will not accept that I am not playing it without forcing me out of the group. So I have ACCEPTED being forced out of the group. Accepting being forced out of the group is not acceptable to them.
I told my father I have accepted being forced out of the group as that is their decision. I accept their decision. I have also told him that I will NOT accept his attempts to act as my ‘interpreter’ for others, that since he lies, and then lies about lying, I will not accept any of his ‘interpretations' about others, which he gives to me for the same reason. I know for a fact, that he has done the same thing to my mother that he has done to me, and has done it to others as well. HE is the problem. He is NOT the solution. I no longer can trust anything he says, and I am no longer interested in wasting any more of what is left of my life trying to sort out which of the things he says are reality, and which are manipulations designed to gain power and control over everybody else.
So I told him in my last letter, either he admits the truth and apologizes for it or, he and I are done on this earth. He sticks to his story.

Tell us all something Dr. Brian F. and all the 'hes' who are so very 'concerned'; about me but are keeping it a 'secret', is dear old dad being accused "falsely"? He is certain, just like Dale is certain, it can never be proved by me, as those he involved will do what they always do. After all, would a psychiatrist admit the truth if he thought it was gonig to cost HIM something? I think we can all see the answer to that in my own fascinating case now can't we? Hey I have an idea. Why don't you demonstrate the double bind for everyone now? You could ask me why I think I need my family (if I keep trying to resolve) and also why I don't keep trying to resolve (if I have given that up as a lost cause) Remember, the key to being always right and never wrong (as the pro. asshole would say) is to make me always wrong and never right. That is how the circle of 'unreasonableness" is kept going! That is of course, how one goes for power apart from 'enlightenment.'You know: "OR"

I have heard recently that one of the ‘hes’ here is ‘quite concerned that I have not visited my family.’ Is that an abstraction on ‘families’ that you are now projecting onto me, as yet another ‘symptom’ of the ‘disease’ I must have, that will get everyone else off that effing hook? Let me respond to that. Perhaps a bus driver can pass this through the gossip mongering grapevine for you.

It is none of your damned business. If you actually knew me I might choose to tell you more about this but, since you prefer to ‘assess’ my reality for me, from a safe distance away, and since genuine direct communication is a foreign concept to you, and you prefer to evaluate me though the combination of group consensus and ‘authority’, I repeat, it is none of your damned business. It is also not the business of all those idiots employed by Homewood, their friends, co-workers, neighbours, or the gossiping old women on the buses, groups of retired men at the mall, food court table wipers, employees of nursing homes, or other hospitals, or cops, or landlords, or city employees or anyone else.

Perhaps if you taught the concept of respect for boundaries instead of focusing on those who have the unmitigated gall to COMPLAIN about having their boundaries violated all the time, you might actually solve some of the world’s mental health problems. At least it would be a start.

Now, let me share with you the ‘fascinating’ response from my father. It is a real jaw dropper.
First, he simply ignores everything I have said. That is standard procedure of course. Next, I get another little story. Here is the next ‘communication’ from father, which quite frankly, fits in quite nicely with his life long behavior pattern.

He is acting as my mother’s permanent ‘interpreter’ now.
He wants me to know that my mother does not respond to anyone; not by card, or letter, or phone calls, talking one to one. He says ‘her memory is 90% gone.’ She does not know what is going on, nor what she has said, five minutes after it happens, he says.
He THEN says, he is sending me a belated birthday cheque but I am ‘not to mention it to your mother.’ He adds,’ she is very confused most of the time.’

Every time I hear my father instruct me, or anyone else, to keep a ‘secret’ from someone else, especially if it is someone he has just ‘interpreted’ for others, it waves a red flag to me. When it isn’t reasonable, it often means he has several ‘versions’ of the same basic ‘reality’ going at the same time.
Now, this really isn’t too difficult to understand is it?

This incident:
If she will not talk to anyone, not even on the phone, how would I talk to her?
If her memory is ‘90% gone,’ why does she still live alone with him in an apartment?
Why do I need to keep a birthday cheque a big 'secret', whether she has a good memory or not? (He also said it was from both of them) But also, why do I need to keep it a ‘secret’ if she doesn’t remember anything, anyway? I can think of many more questions on this but I will leave it at that for the moment.

In this case, I would guess that the versions of reality he has going are likely either about me, or her, or perhaps both. He also frequently instructs others to keep the conversation with him, about others, to themselves as the person he is talking about has made that request themselves. Usually, they don’t even know his version of reality exists, and have never made any such request of him.
It is part of the ploys used to keep his versions of reality going in order to gain control and to do that, he also has to keep the people he involves separate, and co-operating with his agenda. (they are 'good' compliant people, the kind most psychiatrists really like) Perhaps in this case, he also is ‘secretly' interpreting me or my mother or both of us for my two sisters. There are a number of possible combinations of manipulation here, as always. My sisters are also no doubt instructed, to keep some versions of reality a ‘secret’ from me and from my mother, should we ever have occasion to speak again. (got to cover all the bases you know)

My mother probably IS confused. She has long standing heart problems which could cause that, but I also think it is possible, even likely, that a lot of her ‘confusion’ is not physiological in origin at all, but rather the result (effect) of living with someone who deals in confusion and manipulation as a means of control and who has made it a way of life. Frankly, I am surprised he has not driven her into a psychosis long before now. (OH my Gawd! Did you hear that? What a horrible thing for me to say about "fathers", that abstract entity in absolute terms which can never be blamed for anything! Ain't I just awful!)
I suspect she has come close to breakdown herself before in her life. There is evidence to support that. It may be lucky that there are so few psychiatrists where she lives as had they listened to her problems, for ten or eleven minutes, it is likely she would have been labeled by them and what he couldn’t accomplish alone, he would have had validated for him by ‘experts.’ Looking back now on my life in that family, I now understand a whole lot more about what was going on than I did at the time it was happening. It was part of my Aha! moment after seeing it in relation to my own experience with "poor" Dale and my father, in my more recent history.

Of course, if I suggested to anyone else in the family that my mother’s confusion and emotional reactions may well have more to do with HIM than her heart problems, they would never believe that for a minute. In fact, I would most likely be attacked again for even suggesting the possibility. For many others, my immediate family members included, see him as the patient, calm long suffering hero, putting up with his near hysterical wife and his now crazy daughter, both of us ‘whining’ about basically nothing, just to ‘seek attention.’

My elder sister believes that my mother and I are very much alike. She also holds her father in very high esteem, bordering on a near infantile hero worship in my own opinion.
In fact, in her late forties, which I think may have been the last time I actually saw her, she once told me that it was something my mother said that persuaded her to treat me the way she did in childhood. My mother had apparently suggested to her, after a long ‘teasing’ session by the group, that maybe she should not do that to me so much as I was sensitive like her.’ (mother)

My sister told me she said to herself, “Oh, she is like YOU is she? Well, then, we will just see about that!” So, one of the reasons she targeted me in early childhood for mocking and teasing and getting my younger sister to join in , was that I was “like my mother.” She was angry at the way my mother treated HER you see. It was also, according to her, the fact that I was a quiet and introspective child. Apparently, if one is quiet it equates in the aggressor type mind as ‘weak’ and/or ‘stupid.’ Which means that bullying and making a lot of noise must be equated to them with strength and high intelligence doesn’t it? She was telling me, that she told someone else about it, and that she had said to him, about me, 'Naturally, we just went after her!' She said this while smiling broadly as she remembered it all.

When my sister, in her FORTIES, told me the reason I was her target, I looked shocked, but she didn’t actually see that, as at the time, her eyes were glowing with the remembrance of the power she felt, rolled upward checking her memories, the inevitable little smirk on her face. I was horrified to see it again, and more horrified to realize that even in her forties, she still enjoyed the idea of using an innocent child as a surrogate for her twisted acting out. You see though, if a surrogate is used it does two things for her. It gives her the emotional satisfaction she needs by acting it out AND she maintains a relationship with her mother based upon appearances. When she does that, she really doesn’t have to solve anything, so there is no danger of being totally rejected for trying to do it, is there? It is much like the 'satisfaction'' of Dale's routine. The 'satisfaction guaranteed in the 'snuff fantasy' as it was called by Fenwick.

I have seen the same kind of eye glow and the knowing smirks on the faces of all the Homewood staff who were involved, as well as all the people in public they involved in this little game from hell, only when Dale did it, planned in advance in order to achieve a specific outcome, it became the ‘game’ on a much grander scale. Covered the whole city with it and and even beyond that. (Of course, that's just my big ol' paranoid delusions talking isn't it?)

Nevertheless, my report of it became much the same thing. I was judged to be the one with the ‘perception/reaction’ problem, not any of them. In fact, they are all mystified and innocent about the whole thing and about my ‘whining’ about something that never even happened in the first place, officer/doctor…honest! Would all these high minded, classy, superior people be lying, and only I telling the truth? Clearly, I must be ‘seeking fame.’ (The psychiatrized version of the dysfunctional families’ ‘just seeking attention’)

Back to the family:
As much as I would have liked to be able to talk my mother into actually seeing me as I am, I couldn’t do it. She couldn’t (or wouldn’t) listen to what I had to say. She refused many times. I could not say anything suggesting my father was manipulative, not even a hint of that. Now, it’s too late. I knew though that this day would come and I accepted it before it did. I had to.
It is ridiculous to tell someone she must keep a cheque for forty dollars for a birthday a ‘secret’ from someone who is claimed to have a ninety per cent memory loss and no short term memory. But maybe it is not as ridiculous as it appears on the surface if you understand that this person lives for hidden agendas. I would ask, ‘Why, what’s the ‘game’ now’? Is he afraid that I might tell her something about him that she may believe? Is he afraid that she may tell me something about him that I may believe? If she ‘responds to no one, not even on the phone,’ when would I ‘tell her’’ anything? What is so dangerous about this simple fact in the first place?

Take my advice; don’t look for reason here for this is only how my father relates. It is his game and in this game, I can never be sure of any of his answers, not even about my own life if he was in some way involved in it, so it is a ‘game’ I just don’t play anymore. There is no point to it other than for him to attempt to control everyone else’s idea of ‘reality.’

If I tell people he told me not to tell my mother about the cheque, he may say there WAS no cheque, or perhaps that he NEVER told me not to say anything. His face would display the usual ‘flat affect’ as he did it. Much like Dales’ face is kept on ‘zombie’ status. It is a simple game really; easy as Pi. Both Dale and my father are ‘always right’ so external reality is altered to accommodate their ‘perfection.’

My father and I are done. I do not accept his directions or his ‘interpretations’. I can never be sure which version is the real one, if any, so I have stopped looking or caring.
You see, all you judges and evaluators ‘out there, in the world of reality’ the power obtained by using the metaphysics of Dale’s ‘training’ and my father’s power are very much the same thing. In fact, it is pretty much the same thing no matter, WHO is using it or what they are calling ‘IT.’

Both Dale and my father know what they did. I know what they did. They know that I know It. If they can keep the groups they involve from understanding it though, they can both keep their hidden agendas ‘hidden’, at least from all of you. It is about domination. It’s about communication. It’s about ‘enlightenment.’ And It’s all ‘a matter of perspective’ and seeing the point that YOU believe is the start of the action. In other words, you can’t see It if you are judging it from a faulty premise. It's about the chaos that gets created when you creat a non linear event.

A few points to ponder from the world of chaos theory:

From Chaos: Making a New Science
(Dynamic systems)
By James Gleick

Edward Lorenz on weather predictions:
‘Given a particular starting point the weather would unfold exactly the same way each time. Given a slightly different starting point, the weather should unfold in a slightly different way.’

(Which is also what is demonstrated in the Circle of Ten Theorem) If you do not know the actual starting point, then the results appear to be unconnected and random, even though behind the outcome there lays a PREDICTABLE, discernible order)

‘The Butterfly Effect (basically two loops conjoined at a nexus point) acquired a technical name: 'sensitive dependence upon initial conditions.’

(What might be described in Dale’s jargon as the point where you see the start of the action.)

“In science, as in life, it is well known that one can have a point of crisis that can magnify small changes. But, chaos meant that such points were everywhere. They were pervasive.’

(One might ay the MORE people who get involved in a chaotic situation, the greater the effects, especially if the effects are aimed at a particular target.)

‘Linear equations are solvable which makes them suitable for textbooks. Non linear systems generally cannot be solved and cannot be added together.”

(Dale’s training pointed out the non linear aspect of the metaphysical reality of It which transcends space/time itself: like the ‘schizophrenic’ effect: one cannot solve the puzzle nor put it together in a way that makes any sense, unless you are aware of the starting point and then become aware of what everyone else involved believes they are doing while they try as hard as they can to make sure that you cannot do that.)

“…because this is a system with a sensitive dependence upon initial conditions, before long the signal disappears (what we might call the ‘source’ in Dale’s jargon or the actual starting point) and all that remains is noise.’

(what we might also call entropy, white noise or chaos. What it means depends upon the premise used to which the abstract information is connected. If that is not known, it is all open to individual ‘interpretation.’ This was demonstrated in the training exercise which Dale took. He observed the group projecting their own’ interpretations’ of the abstract nexus language of the training into it’s meaning, which was different for everyone. So that is what he asked for from them once he got the abstract idea of who I might be or what I might mean, going. I think you will find he spent much time asking others for their opinions about me. That was how he created non linear meaning which creates chaos.)

‘…dynamical systems went back to Henri Poincare who saw them as two sides of one coin.’

(This is also how I understand dysfunctional relationship systems, like the never ending and ongoing ‘noise’ which is still being generated by the public’s involvement in my fascinating ‘case.’ I believe for example that someone, somewhere, is asking questions of some people based on my input, even though not one person talks directly to me, because right after I say something here, I get the disdainful treatment from members of the public who apparently feel compelled to tell others, who will then give THEM sympathy for being asked. That is also apparently another of MY many faults. ) Those who are asked cannot see byond the fact that I have asked the police to help me. They think this is about THEM, as individuals, and do not see they are only parts of the big picture. They see no 'big picture.'

Take this statement to heart. If you really want to prevent blood baths, small or large, STOP talking about ‘preventive’ drugging and imaginary diseases in order to justify treating human beings like animals. Start promoting community responsibility, including the teaching and acceptance of APPROPRIATE blaming, based on boundary violation only. Stop the community witch hunts. It must be a principle for ALL; not based on relationship positions, titles, (daddies don’t DO such things) status, bank balances, professions, etc. Stop looking for biological reactions, neatly contained in one person and start focusing on all too human, (biological in a sense) and common, causes. If you want to hunt for ‘mental illness’ (meaning pertaining to thought) turn your community madness detectors inward. There you will be sure to find all the human madness you could ever hope to cure.
I blame Dale for what he did. I have evidence that he did it. I blame those who suppressed that evidence to take care of their own interests. They are to blame. They SHOULD be blamed. I blame those who refused to listen to me when I told them what he was doing and what was happening. I hold them accountable for their own arrogance. I do NOT accept responsibility for other people's thinking and behaviour. I hand the responsibility for that back to them where it belongs. I consider them to be my equals whether they like it or not.

I blame both Dale and my father for their own twisted thinking and behaviour and for their sad need to 'level' others so they can feel better about themselves, without ever being wrong about anything.

I blame all of those who have joined in the community abuse for no other reason than the were presented with an 'opportunity' to do so.
I blame psychiatry for believing they are 'finished,' defined as 'reaching the point where all further search stops." That point is often reached ten or fifteen minutes after the identified patient says, "how do you do" to a psychiatrist.
I blame all of you who continue to deny the whole event and I also blame all of you who know it is true, but have kept your mouths shut about it, just the same, to save yourselves and remain popular. I blame you because you should be blamed and you should be ashamed of yourselves also.
I blame you because you lie to the world and teach them that blame, as an abstract concept in absolute terms, is wrong. Blame means "to hold accountable." Stop teaching the world it is wrong to cry, and feel sad, and start insisting having emotions, be validated as legitimate and meaningful. People who cry and feel sad and angry about injustice are LESS likely to 'switch positions' and act out their own abuse on another generation of helpless children. People who feel guilty and sad over what they have done to others are MORE likely to stop doing it.

Stop needing the whole world to smile while the horrors of hell rage on around us. It is psychiatry that has gone stark raving mad. It's not a happy pill you need. It's a reality check.

My protagonist is guilty as charged, of doing exactly what I TOLD you he was doing.
You determine the degree of that guilt by looking for concrete evidence of his DIRECTION of others to gain their co-operation with his 'hidden' agenda of domination. It is STILL hidden to THEM, but has not been 'hidden' to me since long before the community assault (which is ongoing by the way) caused my breakdown under pressure.
When you get evidence, you will have a better idea how much of this was 'recreated' by the idiot who has deluded himself that he can treat life like a 'joke' or a game' or a movie, which HE can 'totally control.'

In THIS case, Dale is the 'Source'. he 'observes the action between the two sides' and sees everyone's fear. He dominates everyone by manipulating BOTH his target and the group which assaults his target at HIS direction. He gets to 'see my fear ' as I am posychologically/verbally assaulted, for no reason (get it?) by a mob who cannot be ignored or stopped. AND
he sees the mob's fear as he leads them to believe I am 'crazy' and dnagerous, so they will help HIM.
It is a sort of group, hysteria reaction formation, which gives him the 'satisfaction' of feeling powerful as he controls everyone's perception of 'reality.'
The fact is, he DOESN'T understand the whole thing. If he did, he would not have kept going KNOWING that he could get caught in his own trap for doing so.

It is even possible that he does nnot know what he is doing at ALL, and is just reacting to his programming like the stimulus response machine that his 'secret' training tells him that he is.
You find out exactly WHO he is and WHAT he knows with a concrete investigation, focused on his DIRECTION of others and his attempts to keep 'IT' going.

Pay attention:
Those who eagerly promote the idea that 'no one must be blamed' or 'we can't blame others' in absolute terms, are generally taking care of their OWN interests. It has now become so common though that even the victims will repeat it back as if it were logical. It is repeated back like automatons mouthing the platitudes of their own 'training.'
ALL domination types take care of their own interests as their top priority. That is their common starting point and their end goal. Everything in between is said, or done, with the protection of their
power and control over others in mind.

Power is their addiction and the psychology of invalidation, used on those who threaten to get in the way of their 'fix', is the means used to protect It.


If you focus both eyes on the dot in the centre, the two circles will appear to rotate.


It's all about the 'magic' circle. Once we break this circle, we have the chance to escape from it and get into the other circle, the circle of life, over death.