The Latest in the Public Rumours and Assessments

Here is a short list of the latest rumours and assessments being acted out as always by the public, library staff and patrons, city workers, bus drivers, retail people, mall crawlers, mall employees, grocery store employees, bus passengers, U. of G. students and staff, including faculty, and all of their friends neighbours and co-workers etc.
(I’m sure you get the idea by now, don’t you?)
Bear in mind now this is all ‘covert’ as passed along by all the chronic gossips of Guelph, “CIA” style, and that when declared to exist by me, is instantly invalidated and reframed as my ‘mental illness’; a ‘perception/reaction’ problem of mine.’

January 2008
New neighbours evaluate the reason I have for not being more ‘friendly’ towards them at the bus stop, where they evaluate me psychologically, amongst themselves, about my lack of ‘friendliness’; sometimes while I am standing a few feet away. This makes me feel very unfriendly I must say.
It has been passed along to a group that I ‘don’t trust people’ and this has been passed along by someone I trusted to keep it to herself and not take it out of context.
“They’ say that I write it all down and then type it out at the library. Isn’t that interesting?
"they’ say the psychiatrists tried to get her to accept that she just imagined all of this.

Some of the new neighbours are quite sarcastic when they discuss their belief that I ‘couldn’t ask anyone for help though could I’...oh nooooo, not her. She’s too good for that isn’t she?
Some have decided I am probably depressed and need some ‘treatment’ for that (take a happy pill lady. Reality just goes way when you do)
One of the ‘hes’ says I ‘just want to make it complicated.’ The head librarian says he does not want to get involved but he talked to them and they just said, “Thank you for taking the time to talk to us about this’ but that is all they would say. “They’ said the same thing to one of my new neighbours. Two men (unidentified) think I was just ‘brilliant’ to do this the way I did.” These men were staying at Homewood . One of their jackets had the word ‘ Columbia ’ on it.
“He denied he did it.” Someone hopes we are no going to stop ‘going backwards’ and start ‘going forwards.
Housing employees keep up a steady commentary at the office. The three amigos from workfare have added their ongoing two cents worth to the group consensus. They sometimes discuss me when I am in the building. One of them even calls into the back so she can point me out to co-workers when I am there.
They say I have lawyers to act as witnesses and everything. There is even a rumour that one of them is going to work for me for free!
Two senior women come to a bus stop so they can discuss how my being at that bus stop is an attempt on my part to ‘punish’ them. They laugh together in that ‘my isn’t she just stupid’ sort of way so many of then seem to enjoy. Reminds me of some of the Homewood staff.
(my how egocentric of them) Of course, they third person me to do this.
They say that my making it personal is what has made the difference.
They say the whole city got involved in this. They also say (once again) that I was right. (not to me of course. That would be telling) Thirty five doctors have signed their names as witnesses. I am there at the library working o the computer every day. A ‘he’ is going to’ sit over at the market and watch’ for me.
Library staff calls someone and tells whoever that is when I am there. Whoever they call seems to want to talk and the staff members tell the person they are ‘too busy to talk longer right now.’
Many citizens simply ‘don’t believe it.’ (whatever ‘it’ may mean to them) As one of them acted it out for me, he stated he ‘did not believe that the whole city has acted it out for me.” The library staff sometimes assesses me and the situation with some of the housing staff so they can go over it more there too. Some library staff believe that ‘they’ will ‘work it out together somehow.’
Student son the bus have decided that I am on the bus as I ‘had a psychotic episode and lost her license. That’s why she is on the bus.’ (the last ‘license’ I had was a dog license and I don’t think that has affected my bus riding at all.)of course, this is just another in a long series of student assessments and evaluations of my life. Really it is just my life and it is STILL none of my business. A tenant in my building has told another tenant that "she thinks that one she is hanging around with is her friend but she is actually gossiping with all the other tenants about her. '
(I know. I always know.)
I also know about the gossips who are gossiping about the one who is gossiping about me, while all of them believe their understanding of it is greater than mine, which is their own error which continues to go unrecognized as such. So, I see them as they are, duplicitous, and always relating indirectly through third parties who are constantly creating and spreading rumours, instead of relating directly to the people they are talking about. They also fail to see me as I really am; a person who is perfectly aware of all of them and who does NOT deal with them by running out to the bus stop or to a ‘social’ area and make myself seem ‘friendly by discussing my opinion of their bad behaviour with third parties like they do. I COULD do that, and I would have some really ‘interesting stories and opinions on people too. I just choose to behave in a more direct way.

Heard at the Library: "They want to do a work assessment on her. I doubt if she'll be using that word processor very much longer!"
Same old Bus drivers are still gossiping with the same old long time talkers. (names available for some of them now)
What ‘we’ have in common is shared experience.
Nursing home workers at Riverside Glen, connected to Homewood are ‘shocked’ by some new gossip.
Many participants who have received some new news now look away or look down when they see me trying not to know the truth about themselves. They are alleged to ‘feel uncomfortable’ now. ( the poor darlings… get them a pill for that)
Former Elliott employee now works at Willow West Mall so more information can be passed along to the grocery store employees who now say ‘they’ are ‘claiming’ something that the shelf stackers and cashiers just don’t believe.

“They’ it is said, ‘want to send out an olive branch.’
The daily gossip from 387 keeps informed of all the latest as supplied by the associate at Save Mart. The Save Mart employee also used to work with the Silver Dollar staff, one of which was the wife of Harry McC. The ‘spy’ for Dale and the staff of the Manor at Homewood .
The 387 gossip has also pointed me out to ‘Avery’ ( I think her name is) the female security guard at the mall perhaps suggesting as she allegedly likes to do, that I should be ‘watched.’ Avery then checks with staff at Pharma Plus for more information…
“Mike’ from 387 is keeping bus driver “Dave H. informed of all the crap the tenants are making up (or ‘interpreting’) there. Naturally they all continue to pretend to my face that they don’t know anything, even while they announce it over the bus radios as always.
A bus driver receiving and passing along all the latest crap has now disappeared form the bus route. Some drivers are angry as they feel they are included in ‘bus drivers’ so the way around that seems to be (for some of them) to close ranks and protect ALL bus drivers from having ANY fault found in them. (It is also common in dysfunction to blame the victim for complaining about the behaviour or for even KNOWING about it, NOT the aggressor for DOING what he does)

Dale’s name is mentioned in the hallway. By someone who has agreed not to gossip with others about what I have told her. The welfare couple is still collecting information with me as the subject and has seen connected to the guy at the mall (as well as to the woman at the Save mart downtown who is connected to the gossip from 387,) who is connected to who is connected to the table and tray wiper who is connected to someone in my building, who passes it along to many others at the bus stop, who passes it all along to the bus drivers, who pass it along to the bus passengers etc. etc. etc. ALL of whom live in denial of their own perfectly obvious behaviour. NONE of them talk directly to me about what they know as they prefer to keep up the group delusion forever and of course the fabricating of all the great stories is their entertainment. What would they do without it to distract them from their own lives every day. I serve a purpose in this you know. I am expendable too.

Also stated by the public:
“The police want to talk to her now. They say she is nice to everyone to their face.’ (just mirroring back your own behaviour as my model) the 387 gossip makes more suggestions to people in the mall about my character. She frequently discusses me while I am looking right at her which she ‘covers’ by using the bodies around her to block my view. Then they all turn in unison and look at me, reminiscent of the Homewood staff in the cafeteria.

“It’s been a real education’ “they” say.

“They’ are ‘claiming’ something which the employees of No Frills WWM do not believe.
Many more people are making sarcastic comments at me as they pass me in the streets or malls. A nasty woman who tells as many people as she can that she ‘doesn’t like her at all,’ and who is herself psychiatrized, connects with another psychiatrized person who hangs out at Wally’s all day and who fills her in on the latest that she has heard there.
A “he’ says I can SAY anything I like.
It is said to be ‘like something out of Mission Impossible.’

They say at the Library that apparently ‘she isn’t as crazy as everybody thought.’
Some try to imagine what’ it would be like to be put through all of that and then not to be able to talk to anyone about it.’
Professor at the mall on Feb 6th spends some time noisily clearing his throat when he sits near me. “They’ fired someone last week. ‘
Two male students say (once again as I have heard this one before too) “He’ thinks it is about her feeling the need to suffer and believes it comes from her Protestant roots.” I have once heard a ‘he’ says he believes ‘she thinks she has to suffer.’
Let me make a simple statement once again here: “He’ does not know what I think. Those are HIS thoughts about me, not MY thoughts about myself. In short, they are ‘his’ fabrications.’ He is then reacting to his own thoughts; not mine. It is his own mind that he has split. In any case, the two male students, one a PhD candidate, are somewhat annoyed since now that the police are involved they may never get to find out the answer to ‘my’ belief that I have to suffer question. (ha ha )

My question is this one: since you already think you know everything and since you do this with no input at all from me, why does it matter? I’m just a prop in your pseudo-intellectual group exercise anyway.

“It is now said that the ‘game, distorts reality.’ (gee and it only took them fifteen years to figure that out .)
‘See her’ (head jerks at me) “That’s his girlfriend.’”


February 12th, 2008
I am still getting my daily diagnostic and opinions from the bus driving psychiatrists and the passengers acting out a short distance away. Minimizing all of this is as well done by them as it is by the Homewood staff still spreading it all and their endless evaluations which always go with it. Most of my new neighbours are now involved in it as well, not to mention the housing office staff. One believes my lack of enough work is a 'sign' of my inferior mental status. You know that, 'holding a job' thing, as if it had nothing to do with all the viscous rumours they spread themselvesor the fact my employer had been told I was 'without prospect of recovery.'