Ongoing Themes in the Community ACTing Out

February 2008
Heard on the streets: 'the “game’ apparently distorts reality.’
(Yes that’s right and when used for power over others that is the intent.)

Library patron: “apparently all you have to do to figure it out is be a good listener.”
Some bus drivers apparently thought that something was going to happen on Valentine’s Day (another community fabrication no doubt) and some were quite puzzled when it didn’t. (Should we not pathologize their ‘confusion’? ( Like we do when it is considered to be MY trait.) Bus drivers have in fact, been in a state of collective ‘confusion’ for over fifteen years now. Should we not be worrying about how dangerous they are? Maybe they should not be allowed to drive buses anymore. After all they suggested that I should not be allowed to be a passenger on them when I was seen as ‘confused.’ I think perhaps a group intervention may be in order.
One of my new neighbours has pointed me out to one of her addicted ‘guests’ as someone who has been in Homewood and he responded, “Well. At least she is just sitting quietly and not bothering anyone. “
They were sitting directly behind me about four or five feet away. This neighbour is well known to the police as are many of her ‘guests’ as they are generally part of the addicted community. One of the traits which could not be applied to them is ‘sitting quietly.’ If you think about this from my point of view perhaps you can become aware of the irony. You could ask the neighbours but I wouldn’t interrupt the police calls when you do.
I have heard repeated over and over again this week, “She challenges him’ and ‘everyone is just amazed.’
Tenants from the building next door asked a bus driver where I get off the bus. (They have discussed and then assessed amongst themselves where I get off and why. The driver being unable to discern boundaries himself offered them this information: “She gets off here when she is alone.’

In reality, I sometimes get off there and sometimes the stop before of the stop after and I do this whether I am alone or with others at various times for various reasons which I feel no need to explain to the gossips. They can make p all their own shit anyway so there is no need is there? Of course as always, this all will have to be ‘spun’ to justify the group behaviour which of course, does not even EXIST anyway, so what’s the big deal?
(One of the bus drivers, (Tony) although I have not seen him driving lately, keeps up the offering too. He either lives on Woodycrest himself of his parents perhaps do which also explains the input of some people on Woodycrest in the summer at an outdoor part which included information someone there got from Library staff) he and Jimmy and Dave likes to share all the latest along with many of the tenants sharing more ‘stories’ with them. (should all these people fabricating all the time not be put on some medication or in some cased some stronger medication? )
One tenant warns some others of ‘our’ possibly volatile mental state saying. “Apparently ‘they’ (those like me) can become aggressive in an instant.’
One of the people in my building has warns her grandson not to go near me and if the little one runs out in the hall when I am there she quickly goes to grab him. The alcoholics and the drug addicts are OK it is just the mental cases that worry her. What this little scene reminds me of is the General Hospital route bus driver (now retired, who was a participant in the ‘fun’ himself) warning a woman with children that I was on the bus. (just sitting there as usual minding my own business which is something he could not claim was true for HIM) This was about the time they were discussing over the bus radio whether ort not I should be “allowed’ to even be on the bus. (when I ‘thought’ bus drivers were talking about me over the bus radio) One of the bus users has been seen by me entering her apartment. He is one of the male gossips and also when seen frequently as a mall crawler connected to the aboriginal looking man who passes along everything he gets to the food court worker who then passes it along to the other mall patrons and her co-workers. (she is the one who likes to put up three fingers near her mouth when I look at her talking about me as this apparently renders her completely invisible. )

But back to my building. The lady ‘protecting’ her grandson from me never fails to plaster a saccharine smile on her face whenever she sees me and to inquire after my health and well being. Probably a spot check to see if she can tell if I am about to go stark raving mad which she can then pass along to her visitor (her son (?) perhaps) and he can keep the mall staff informed and all the idiots involved out there for the last fifteen years. (not that they are doing this of course. I only ‘think’ they are because I am ‘crazy.’)

This same lady spends a great deal of her time pumping other tenants for information also; not only about me, but about others as well. She is one of the ones who is always out in the hall just seeing what is going on elsewhere in the building. All these buildings are like this. I have heard the same things over and over again from people in other buildings just like them. This lady ‘socializes’ with this and then they all get together for coffee and have an ‘interpretation’ and assessment session.

An aboriginal man at the library tells his friend that I am very spiritual and then later, an elderly woman I do not know and who does not know me, spews at me as she walks by, “Pretty hard to get work if you don’t have a phone.’
I wonder why she does not think it is pretty hard to pay for a phone if you can get any work. Of course, I really know why she does not think in the other direction. She is too busy being my superior and making sure none of those blameless others have to get blamed. She is also oblivious of course to her own boundary violating and irrational behaviour towards me and is unaware that SHE is the one who is hollering and sneering contemptuously at strangers on the street and that this is a ‘symptom’ of insanity.

It is not what you do it is who you are when doing it apparently and the difference is often nothing more than the label given to the behaviour. I marvel at these people’s personal intrusion, violations and lack of awareness and why it never seems to occur to them that COLLECTIVELY they ARE the psychiatrized person’s biggest problem.
Being forced into this position is like trying to do battle with a Shadow.

All we can see is the Cheshire cat smiles on the faces of those with no real ‘substance’ of their own.
Heard on the streets of the city:
February 25th, 2008.
“It scared the hell out of them.’

(Good. If there ever was a city that needed the Hell scared out of it, it is this city with a large population of smug and arrogant ‘superior’ abusive people calling such attacks, ‘fun.’)