I wanted to help you get the gossip which is going today about me. (Not that there is any of course. I only ‘think’ there is because I am the Paranoid Delusional Disorder. )
Still there is a new angle on some old fabrications so you will want to get the latest I am sure.
This one has been passed around for a couple of weeks now and is the specialty of the senior women. I have had this one acted out for me about five times over the last two weeks. It is their way of leveling by making up stories about their ‘inferiors.’ In many ways these elderly women remind me of the girls of about 14 years old with their giggling, and face making. Though the topics of their concern are usually slightly different, the emotional content and attitude is pretty much the same. That is: they who are gossiping and making up stories are ‘superior’ to the one they are making up stories about and their ‘superiority’ entitles them to be verbally, emotionally and psychologically abusive since the inferior one, four feet away, does not KNOW she is being targeted by their B.S. Happily, if I tell them I know, or say anything back to them about their childish and foolish behavior, I will be the one Homewood comes for since my talking about my own experience (which of course has not really occurred) will be considered to be inappropriate behaviour on MY part. Therefore the old women can say anything they like and get away with it. After all THEY represent the parents who can never be blamed and that allows them to keep right on behaving the same way doesn’t it?
It makes them feel better and bonded to others like them by gossiping all day. It gives them a rush in much the same way it did for Dale. They just don’t call it by the same name.
It is sort of like living inside the National Enquirer and I’m sure as many of you psych students know, living in a fantasy world by involving themselves in the lives of people they don’t even know and accepting all their own stories as real, allows them to externalize all their own problems and avoid any feelings they do not want to have to face or deal with. Here is their current manufactured story. I first had this one acted out for me at Willow West mall by two elderly women. In fact, this one comes from all elderly women so far.
Someone (sorry can’t tell you the ‘source’ of this one either) has told others that I “once worked for someone they know (as a support worker ) and apparently she is so stupid that when she did her ironing for her she did it by turning all her clothes inside out. Then when my friend tried to get dressed, she had to turn all the clothes back out the right way.” (The pair shake their heads contemptuously as they cluck on )
How do I know they were talking about me? The usual: it is often prefaced by one of the “Their she is; that’s her there”- announcements in case I might otherwise miss the stories. They needn’t worry though, for as they repeat them to other gossips everywhere, they are re-enacted over and over again, still usually with the identification announcements prefacing them. I got to hear another version of this just today at the Old Quebec St. mall downtown. Again it was two senior women sitting on the bench that the Vin Joy shoe guy usually uses and it went exactly like this: “That’s her there…(they both look right at me not seeing me) “I wonder if she’s going to do someone’s ironing now”?? (tee hee tee hee)…”Isn’t she stupid?”
Let me answer that for you. No I’m not but YOU are. You are very gullible for starters. Your opinion of yourselves as my superiors is very far fetched. You have bad manners. You are jot an example for anyone to live “up’’ to. Your behaviour is incredibly childish to say the least and you don’t know what you are talking about. You are living in the Guelph fantasy of your own creation and I am no more real to you than any object. You should be ashamed of yourselves for such stupid thinking and behaviour instead of congratulating yourself for what you call ‘socializing’ but I don’t think you WILL be ashamed because you have too much support for your stupidity to even question it, let alone change it.
Let me point out the bloody obvious to you just the same:
Your group behaviour which you have been carrying on now for 14 years, smirking, laughing, mocking and ridiculing me and fabricating stories that are unbelievable, for no other reason than that the crowd you do it with conceals you by making you a mob member instead of a responsible thinking human being, is pathetic. It is like you have never grown up and that is very sad, especially for you since you don’t have much time left to examine your own lives. It is also interesting to me that many of you who carry on this way lie to present yourselves as great Christians. I wonder what you believe Christianity really is because frankly, I don’t recognize the principles of it as I understand them when I observe you doing what you do and apparently feeling no guilt at all about it. What I DO observe. I observe a dull witted self serving hypocrisy in you. You are not ‘’fooling’’ me by gossiping about me as the target of your stupid stories and then putting on a saccharine little smile to say ‘hello there…lovely days today isn’t it?” You want to know why I am ‘not very friendly to you.” (Which you also like to act out in my presence as if I weren’t there) it is because you are who you are and I know you as you are, not as you decide FOR me I will know you.
So just to set the record straight, (although I am sure that you who are in love with your own delusions will not accept it as reality) I do not now, nor have I ever, ironed clothes inside out. That is just another of your endless fabrications. You make them up so you can justify your behaviour. Period. I am not interested in being ‘’friendly’’ to abusive idiots of ANY age. If you want ‘friendly, try behaving yourselves for a change.
Let me see if I can make this clearer for you.
Your gossiping for the last 14 years is assessed by Homewood and CMHC as being non existent. Therefore, I am only
A: imagining it all.
Or
B: just saying you are the way you are to seek attention or
C: Really BELIEVE you are the way you are. (Which of course you CAN’T be since that would not be ‘reasonable’ behaviour on your part)
This is how psychiatry thinks.
Since the problem can then ONLY be in my perception/reactions, of and to you, I must be “mentally ill” just like all the other people who complain that they get put through this kind of shit by this community when ‘really’ they don’t right? There you are. The next time you are talking about me in front of Capistrano’s or at the mall or in the town square, remember to tell yourself: “I am not really doing this. I am not ‘the people’ talking about her, or mocking and ridiculing. She only ‘thinks’ I am. Really it is some OTHER “people” whom she ‘’thinks’’ are doing that, and not me or the rest of the loons I am sitting with , running off at the mouth all day while convincing myself that we are all ‘’hidden’ from her. Therefore, whoever she ‘thinks ‘ is talking about her is just her delusions because she doesn’t know about me and my loud mouthed buddies here.
Since she is delusional (and therefore stupid/crazy) we can all have us a little ‘fun’ by talking about her all day and how stupid/crazy she is. It is OK because psychiatrists will simply keep that turned around 180 degrees (just like Dale did to start it all in the first place) by informing me that these opinions being expressed by others are really just my own opinions of myself, bubbling up from within my defective brain. That is they would tell me that if they were the talkative type. Most of them don’t bother telling the psychiatrized much of anything these days. Since they are all ‘experts,’ who know so much about life they can assess my thoughts in ten or eleven cost effective minutes, I can remain locked into this societal construct permanently, while those who are NOT talking can continue to talk and express their opinions on me and my life for as long as they like. After all, I don’t know about them do I? I am too ‘stupid’ for that. I must be stupid if I iron everyone’s clothes inside out ….mustn’t I? So there you go their own stories “prove” it don’t they? (not that there ARE any stories of course. …I only ‘think’ there are as I am so stupid and crazy. If you don’t believe the local yokels then just ask my father. He will be more than happy to tell you how ‘stupid’ I am. Not that he DOES or ever has I mean. I only ‘think’ he does that and that he runs around behind my back denigrating me to others and then lying about it because I am so stupid and/or crazy…yes …that‘s it…My father and Dr. Furlong and all these townsfolk are really innocent…and mystified too right? Why my father has told me he does not even know who Dr. Furlong is! Would a parent ever lie? Would a doctor lie? Of course not! If I said they did why I would just be accusing them falsely wouldn’t I? Why would I be doing that? Why because I am stupid and/or crazy and just seeking attention. Tell everyone you know so they won’t take me seriously. Have some more great laughs too…not that you are of course,,,,I only ‘think’ you are because….
If you want to know how much money I have and why I am doing what I am doing, you could also ask Donna L. and the rest of the people at the Volunteer Centre. I haven’t discussed it with them of course but they are getting quite a bit of amusement about this whole thing anyway. I am sure it is a lot easier to fell amused by someone else’s devastating losses than it is to suffer them yourselves
Have you figured out what the paradox is yet? I keep hearing over and over by the community actors (not that there are any of course) that it is all very complicated. It really isn’t. The ‘complications’ are FABRICATED. It is like this community BS about my ‘inferior’ work (mind, sexuality, I.Q. socializing etc) which those who joined in the attack, manufactured, to justify their own disgusting behaviour.
Do you understand how this trap is set in such a simple way?
Do you understand that it is also a metaphysical Mobius loop?
Or is it still lost on you?
Short assessment: The elderly women who are making up these stories are the ones who need the ‘assessment.’ Of course, I am sure they have a family rule against ‘blaming’ them for anything. The fourteen year olds on the other hand have involved themselves in it based on their fabrications on my sexuality or sexual identity. If you notice the topics tend to be what ever the age group has an interest in themselves: “Ironing’ for the old women; sexual identities and imagined performances for the young teens. This is not rocket science.
Nevertheless, if this were done to you, what effects do you think it would have on your life and well being? Do you think you might be able to decipher what the two sides described in Dale’s so called training as a choice between “at cause” or “at effect” might mean?
Guess which one of us is which. Go ahead. Guess.
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