The Receiving End of It:# 1

The Receiving End Of It:
Ludicrous Psy-Fi(1) Amateur A.C.T.ors(2) and Really Lousy Scripts(3)

‘To see what is right in front of our noses is a constant struggle.’
George Orwell


All these chapters with the primary titles, “The Receiving End of It” will be a narrative from the formerly silenced point of view, mine, and will demonstrate to one and all just what it is like to be on the receiving end of this group insanity. This is a form of insanity which is now getting worse since it is now being organized (and therefore legitimized and reinforced as a norm) by the Psi-Fi Community. In shorthand: A.C.T. dehumanizes human beings and in my opinion often makes things much worse instead of better.

Although I can now actually name a lot of the people I am still talking about here on this very specific blogsite, that’s not the point of these posts. Besides, they already know who they are and what they have done whether they ever admit to it or not. The point is to SHOW you (as one or two of the town (shall we call them…) female dogs, have pointed out to the groups of people following all the news on the buses, or in grocery store line ups, or in the malls etc. It is to show you what it is like to be the individual forced into psychological/emotional isolation, basically so that no one ELSE ever has to accept responsibility for his/her own lousy behaviour. It is to SHOW you what it is like to observe a group of idiots (who are convinced they are vastly ‘superior’ observing YOU all the time, while deluding themselves they are ‘hiding.’
It is also about what it is like to observe a portion of that group growing into a hateful self justifying mob which can’t be told anything It’s members don’t want to hear and the group insanity of which cannot be reasoned with, or ignored, as the means to make them stop.

In other words, it is about how easy it is for one person with a hidden agenda of domination to get otherwise ‘normal’ average people to act out like lab rats obeying pre-programmed commands, unaware that they are being programmed themselves. I want you people to learn how to FEEL this so you will stop excusing yourselves, and deluding yourselves that you are NOT a mob, hidden from an ‘inferior’ but rather are only acting out in front of someone who is a human being just the same as you. Well, the same perhaps except for the fact that I am MORE conscious than most of you; not less as you want to believe.

I want you to watch yourselves now, looking back as is the intent of game boy’s little act, going stark raving mad as a group, just as I have watched you do it. I want you to truly see and understand your own split consciousness and the defense mechanism you are using to deny it, mainly by projecting it, as a group, onto your targeted individual. It is not the targets of your judgments and contempt who are being ‘fooled’ by your group ACT, It is you who are fooling yourselves and reinforcing the group delusion in each other. I already know you have this covered too by claiming the belief there is something wrong with your thinking to be a ‘sign’ that there is really something wrong with mine. This is the game after all. It is much like the child’s game of “No! YOU! Except one of the children has been handed concrete power to control the other naughty “child.” The assumption about which of the two is the naughty child often defines the whole problem and explains the pre-determined outcome.

So, first in this post, I will tell you all the rumours acted out for me, all over the city, even now as I write this. I will do it now though without bothering with the names much, even when I know them. You should get the idea by now of what it is that’s going on here.

As should be obvious for many years now I can NEVER be sure which rumours are reality based (at least) and which born out of a pile of manufactured crapola, because no matter who is repeating them, in my presence, I don’t really know the “source” of all of these ones, nor when the person acting out believes I am aware of them, or when they believe I am not. You see other people’s judgements about what is in my mind and about my awareness are in THEIR own minds. Perhaps you remember the “daisy” demonstration I told you about in my protagonist’s training? It demonstrated the difference between concrete reality and a fantasy. The concrete part was when the trainees touched, felt and smelled it, and the fantasy part was when they imagined themselves doing the Mexican Hat dance on the top of a giant daisy.
In other words, in this case, what you people have decided about who I am, and what I understand in this matter, is a fantasy you all dreamed up for yourselves at the nurse’s direction. I am not even included in my own experience. This is one of the ‘lessons’ of Dale’s so called training.

I DO know, that the a**hole who started this, and as far as my own awareness goes, is Dale T. and he is quoting from it in writing which I still have. That is concrete proof of at least that much to me.

It is interesting that though I, (the mental case) am aware of the unreliability of gossip, the gossips themselves (the ‘sane’ people) have kept right on making it up and spreading it everywhere. Don’t the ‘sane’ people who are defining my reality FOR me understand at least that simple truth? Apparently they don’t. It is amazing.

It is most bizarre that the group repeating all of the rumors does not know that I hear all of the SAME rumors from them, and in fact, more of them than anybody else is likely to hear. After all, I am the ‘subject’ of them aren’t I? (“There she is. That’s her there. Careful! Don’t let her spot you!) yet when ‘normal’ people hear all of this, it’s gossip and when labeled people (like myself) hear all of this, it’s hallucinated conversations and paranoid delusions. Absurdly, no one seems at all able to recognize that we are all talking about the same things. The only ‘difference’ between when they do it and when I do it, is the definition given to the same event, perception of it and reaction to it. Golly gee, I wonder why that difference got invented. Could it be…..oh I don’t know,…. (as the church lady on SNL used to say)……’Satan’?

As the victim/scapegoat I am told that my experience of basically the same reality (except for the point of view) is not legitimate and the group and psychiatry will determine the nature of reality FOR me. Furthermore, the group members, still acting it all out in my presence, see NO CONNECTION between what they do and my reporting of what they do. In simpler words (rolling my eyes here) they see no connection between my report that ‘people are talking about me’ (my paranoid delusion) and the fact that THEY ARE the people doing all the talking. And you ‘wonder’ why us ‘nuts’ think it is no possible for all these people to be so stupid, therefore we conclude that you must all just be ‘pretending to be stupid.’

This, folks, is where the ‘split’ is originally created. It is in the reality of the situation.

So here is the general rumor spreading as it goes now, repeated by groups of people at libraries, malls, grocery stores, on or driving buses, and at all hospitals, from cops, fire fighters, volunteers everywhere, lawyers, university students and staff members(academics or otherwise) other tenants, neighbors, and landlords, (past and present): the names and connections have been recorded by me (whether the court house woman with the blond hair and glasses approves of it or not) but will rarely be presented here now in that form. Just the rumors themselves will be announced here as they are announced to me from a few feet away, in ‘secret.’

She’s (Me) a brainiac. The university students want to talk to her. The scary part of this is that the more we do it, the easier it gets to do. She’s almost sixty years old. (Some of the people from Homewood are either ‘observing’ me or just making pained looking faces at me) There is a woman from the manor (or trillium) who walks past me and a client twice, in Riverside park. It seems contrived to me but not unusual. (Probably part of Furlong’s Folly) A lot of previously heavily involved people pretend they don’t know me now. I hear that a group of people (they) have been told again they are to stop talking about me and they are to stop it right now!

A lot of eyes now drop down to my health care agency insignia and the comments and expressions vary when seen. There is more general talk of mediation. One of the ‘hes’ who allegedly loves me is being discussed again, for the umpteenth time. (they have to have someone to assess at all times you know) of course, I never really know which ‘he’ as there has been multiple choice on that one for many years also. Some now talk about how they don’t know either if the rumor itself is ‘reality’ or just something one of them made up also.

A woman from the library gets the latest scoop from a university employee at a local restaurant. Do cops and/or layers overhear that one? A university employee (academic) and a Homewood addict share the latest which will, no doubt, make another round through the AA and NA groups as the already have, and likely from there back to the Manor. Will the Manor staff the inform the employee sister of my former client, who will inform her friend the now retired bus driver, who will inform the other bus drivers, who will inform other city employees, who will inform cops and fire fighters, (not to mention their Homewood employed relatives) , who will inform volunteers and the volunteer agency, and whose other contacts in fire fighting and police will inform paramedics, who will inform doctors and nurses, who will inform other nurses working part time elsewhere, who will also inform volunteers who also volunteer for Homewood, who will inform more staff, who will the run to ‘poor Dale’ and let him know what they have heard now? What will ‘poor falsely accused Dale’ do then? Maybe he will have to get together again with some students or contact my current landlord who will then let him into my apartment (covertly of course as it is for my own good) because ‘poor Dale’ ‘just wants to help me” as he has worked for Homewood for a long time and ‘knows all about this sort of thing.” What a ‘hero.” But then, that shouldn’t surprise anyone as in the training exercises, even a doctor ( and you know that is someone we all should just automatically believe because they are all so brilliant and right on target all the time) who got ‘trained’ got to the point where he could not decide if his leader was a hero or a devil. (Of course, I think that is part of the point; to show people that they cannot discern between a hero and a psychopath. But that is just what I get out of It.) In any case, wherever the chain reaction lead, I am sure everyone in the chain will just keep right on denying the whole thing, right?

(1) Psychiatric fiction

(2) Assertive (Aggressive) Community Treatment Teams

(3) Prescriptions